动物管制官（2023）

Animal Control S01E03

Part 2 May 6, 2023, 5:25 p.m.

当然。
You bet.
连同我给你带来的400根吸管。
Along with the 400 straws I'm bringing you.
再次,很抱歉。
Again, so sorry.
不,绝对是船长,我听到你的声音响亮而清晰。
No, absolutely Captain, I hear you loud and clear.
我添加了木瓜提取物。
I added the papaya extract boost.
谢谢。
Thank you.
它是一种抗氧化剂。
It's an antioxidant.
我想所有的卡车排气
I figured with all the truck exhaust
和环境毒素...
and environmental toxins...
你知道我读过这个。
You know I read about that.
你知道还有什麽应该是什麽吗...
Do you know what else is supposed to be...
不,绝对。我同意。
No, absolutely. I agree.
这是一个非常非常严重的事件。
It's a very, very serious incident.
...是石榴提取物。
...is pomegranate extract.
我一直在吃,就像,早餐前
I've been taking it, like, before breakfast
我觉得我注意到我的皮肤有所不同。
and I feel like I notice a difference in my skin.
是的。你得到了光芒。
Yeah. You got a glow.
真？
Really?
你在做什麽防晒？
What are you doing for sun protection?
比如,SPF 50,还有一顶大软盘帽子......
Like, SPF 50 and, like, a big floppy hat...
不。。。没错,船长。
No... exactly, Captain.
不,我...我和官员谈过,它不会再发生。
No, I... I spoke to the officers and it won't happen again.
好。超级三重承诺。
Okay. Super triple promise.
我现在要走了。不好意思。
I'm leaving now. Sorry.
哦,等等！我忘了。
Oh wait! I forgot.
我给你买♥♥了这个牵牛花鬆饼。
I got you this morning glory muffin.
疯狂的纤维量。
Crazy amount of fiber.
不是说你需要它。
Not that you need it.
你根本不会便秘。
You don't come off as constipated at all.
你知道我不是邓普顿的粉丝,但来吧,
You know I'm not a fan of Templeton but come on,
你走得太远了。
you went too far.
至少从青铜时代♥开♥始,恶作剧就被採用
Since at least the bronze age, pranks have been employed
作为工作场所正义的必要形式。
as a necessary form of workplace justice.
看。。。我不喜欢浮夸。
Look... I don't like to get grandiose.
哦,你喜欢浮夸。
Oh, you love to get grandiose.
没错,我很擅长。
That's true, I am pretty good at it.
但是,如果像邓普顿这样的溷蛋不受控制,
But if jerks like Templeton go left unchecked,
他们成为弗拉基米尔·普♥京♥。
they become Vladimir Putin.
所以有时光之子
So sometimes the children of light
不得不使用黑暗之子的方法。
have to employ the methods of the children of darkness.
什麽？
What?
我只问一个简单的谢谢。
A simple thank you is all I ask.
现在。。。日安。
And now... good day.
呸。
Ugh.
他实在是忍♥无可忍♥！
He's insufferable!
那个傢伙应该得到一些严重的业♥力♥回♥报♥。
That dude deserves some serious karmic payback.
我真的不相信因果报应。
I don't really believe in karma.
太多不好的事情发生在我身上,当我没有它来的时候。
Too many bad things happen to me when I don't have it coming.
我在回收箱裡找到了这个。
I found this in the recycling bin.
是弗兰克的。
It's Frank's.
好吧,你不知道。
Okay, you don't know that.
这是14码,散发着傲慢的味道。
It's a size 14 and it reeks of arrogance.
你能给我一秒钟吗？
Can you just give me a sec?
切丝的照片是怎麽回事？
What's with the pictures of Shred?
呃,不...无。
Uh, no... nothing.
我曾经是。。。我正在做一些,呃,文书工作,我...
I was... I was doing some, uh, paperwork and I...
“撕碎泰勒阴♥茎♥”？
"Shred Taylor penis"?
不！不,不,不,那不是...不。
No! No, no, no. That's not... no.
你为什麽要谷歌♥搜索？
Why were you Googling that?
不,我...我没有。
No, I... I wasn't.
好吧,我正在查找切丝,因为,
Well, I was looking up Shred because of,
比如,专业的,完全光明正大的原因...
like, professional, totally above-board reasons...
嗯......我想我只是,我点击了错误的按钮。
um... and I think I just, I clicked the wrong button.
你有事要找他吗？
Do you have a thing for him?
不。
No.
不！不。他是我的员工。
No! No. He's my employee.
他有女朋友。
And he has a girlfriend.
不管怎样,它...不。
And regardless of that it's... no.
他的阴♥茎♥被冻住了？
His penis is frozen?
是的。是的。
Yeah. Yeah.
是还是曾经,我不知道。目前还不清楚。
Is or was, I don't know. It's unclear.
你是怎麽找到的？
How did you even find that?
这是弹出的第三件事。好？
It's the third thing that pops up. Okay?
那是「切碎泰勒」。。“切碎泰勒半管。”
It was "Shred Taylor." "Shred Taylor Half-pipe."
“撕碎泰勒冷冻阴♥茎♥。”
"Shred Taylor Frozen Penis."
你完全有东西要给他。
You totally have a thing for him.
不！
No!
我们刚刚拼车很多,而且...
We've just been carpooling a lot and...
我们喜欢同样俗气的音乐,
and we like the same cheesy music,
我永远不会採取行动,但是,就像...是的。
and I would never act on it, but, like... yeah.
我抬头看了看他,结果是,
I looked him up and it turns out,
当他在斜坡上受伤时,
when he was injured on the slopes,
他的,嗯...四肢受到寒冷的影响。
his, um... extremities were impacted by the cold.
这就像是影响夏尔巴人的现实生活条件
It's, like, a real-life condition that affects Sherpas
以及冰上渔民和单板滑雪者。
and ice fisherman and snowboarders.
井。。。
Well...
嗯什麽？
Well what?
行得通吗？
Does it work?
好。德洛丽丝。。。
Okay. Dolores...
没有一篇文章对此有所说明
None of the articles say anything about that
这太疯狂了,因为这是任何人都想知道的。
which is crazy 'cause it's all anyone wants to know.
这可能没问题,但你应该停止研究它,
It's probably fine but you should stop researching it,
这隻会让你的暗恋变得更糟。
it's just gonna make your crush worse.
我不希望它没事。
I don't want it to be fine.
这就是整个事情,如果是...如果它坏了
That's the whole thing, if it's... if it's broken
或者,如果它,比如,在一个奇怪的角度,
or if it's, like, at a weird angle,
或者如果它只是,就像,直接消失了
or if it's just, like, straight-up gone
那我就放手了。
then I can just let this go.
我去拿我的笔记型电脑。我们将深入瞭解这一点。
I'll go get my laptop. We'll get to the bottom of this.
这将是非常有趣的！-天啊。
This is gonna be so much fun! - Oh, boy.
哦,废话,它还在。
Oh crap, it's still on.
什麽？
What?
玛雅聘请了一名摄影师
Maya hired a photographer
今晚拍摄我们的圣诞贺卡。
to shoot our Christmas card tonight.
我有胸部。
And I've got boobs.
哦,不,你没有。
Oh, no you don't.
我打算在拍摄前减掉10磅。
I was gonna lose 10 pounds before the shoot.
但是你知道发生了什麽吗？我没有。
But then you know what happened? I didn't.
她为全家人买♥♥了配套的白缎衬衫。
She got matching white satin shirts for the whole family.
白缎,维多利亚。
White satin, Victoria.
你老婆疯了。推迟吧。
Your wife's insane. Postpone it.
无论如何,我觉得这麽早做很奇怪。
I think it's weird to be doing it this early anyway.
这是和她姐姐的比赛。
It's a competition thing with her sister.
我们永远不会赢。
And we're never gonna win.
他们是一个更有吸引力的家庭。
They're a much more attractive family.
哦,是的,你给我看了一张照片。
Oh yeah, you showed me a photo.
它们很漂亮。
They're gorgeous.
嘿！
Hey!
有人想在週六为我的疫苗接种诊所做志愿者吗？
Anyone wanna volunteer for my vaccination clinic Saturday?
哦,我会喜欢的。- 是的,我很乐意。
Oh, I would love that. - Yeah, I would love to.
听起来很棒！-是的！绝对。
That sounds great! - Yes! Absolutely.
太好了,谢谢。
Great, thanks.
我的博士后居民Serge将为我打掩护。
My post-doc resident, Serge, will be covering for me.
哦... - 你说这个星期六吗？
Ooh... - Did you say this Saturday?
哦,我实际上有一个孩子的足球比赛。
Ooh, I've got a kid's soccer game actually.
其实,我是自♥由♥的。
Actually, I'm free.
真？
Really?
是的。完全。
Yeah. Totally.
你是我的英雄。
You're my hero.
你知道吗,我能做到。
You know what, I can do it.