动物管制官（2023）

Animal Control S01E01

Part 1 May 6, 2023, 5:25 p.m.

如果你要让我来接你,
If you're gonna make me pick you up,
我期待咖啡。
I expect coffee.
明天会有一个等着你。
There'll be one waiting for you tomorrow.
还有其他要求吗？
Any other requests?
是的。修好你的车。
Yeah. Get your car fixed.
我会赢得你的,兄弟。它会发生。
I'm gonna win you over, bro. It's gonna happen.
称我为“兄弟”表明瞭你误判的深度。
Calling me "bro" shows the depth of your miscalculation.
卡车 12.
Truck 12.
南肯齐187号♥阁楼上的一隻小动物的报告。
Report of a small animal in the attic at 187 South Kenzie.
卡车12回应。
Truck 12 responding.
四个游戏日期,一个蜘蛛侠生日派对,
Four play dates, a Spiderman birthday party,
两次紧急护理之旅...我的父母在城裡。
two trips to urgent care... and my parents are in town.
让我们继续说他们有意见。
Let's just go ahead and say that they have opinions.
你的週末过得怎么样？
How was your weekend?
你的週末过得怎么样？
How was your weekend?
是的,相当不错。- 嗯。
Yeah, pretty good. - Mmhmm.
我去了一傢俱乐部。肯定有毒品。
I went to a club. There were definitely drugs.
我赤身裸体地在惠特比岛附近的一艘船上醒来。
I woke up naked on some boat near Whitby Island.
船上的其他人呢？
What about the other people on the boat?
也是赤身裸体的,是的。
Also naked, yeah.
对的。
Right.
看,这不是个人的。
Look, it's not personal.
我只是一个独狼类型的人。
I'm just a lone wolf type of guy.
去年我整个一年都没有伴侣,而且...天堂。
All last year I had no partner and it was... heaven.
这要糟糕得多。
And this is so much worse.
所以,我想这是个人的。
So, I guess it is personal.
嘿。- 嗯。
Hey. - Mmhmm.
我想养一隻小狗。
I'm thinking of getting a puppy.
看看她,小梅布尔。
Look at her, Little Mabel.
你为什么要这样做？
Why would you do that?
你拥有世界上所有的自♥由♥。
You have all the freedom in the world.
是的,但有时我很羡慕你。
Yeah, but I envy you sometimes.
我一个人住。
I live alone.
有一隻狗在身边可能会很好。
It might be nice to have a dog around.
好吧,我有两个。你可以有一个。
Well, I have two. You could just have one.
其中一个失禁
One of them's incontinent
因为那种额外的痛苦责任感。
for that extra feeling of agonizing responsibility.
如果这就是你要找的。
If that's what you're looking for.
也许我会得到一隻鸟。
Maybe I'll just get a bird.
得到一隻鸟。得到一隻鸟。
Get a bird. Get a bird.
好。你在这裡等着。
Alright. You wait here.
街区裡有一个不错的咖啡店。
There's a good coffee place up the block.
菜鸟总是付出代价的。
Rookie always pays.
哦。是的。欺凌认可并接受。
Oh. Yeah. Hazing recognized and accepted.
所以我会拿一个卡拉...
So I'll take a cara...
怎么了？
What's up?
你要进来吗？
Are you coming in?
哦,是的,当然。只是...只是一分钟。
Oh yeah, for sure. It's just... just gonna be one minute.
我想我的搭档会马上回来的。
I think my partner will be right back.
我没有一分钟。
I don't have a minute.
这是我的 10 周年纪念日,我用早午餐让我的妻子大吃一惊
It's my 10th anniversary and I surprised my wife with brunch
无论发生什么,都会扼杀情绪。
and whatever's up there is killing the mood.
呼！
Whew!
听着,伙计。这是我的第一周。
Listen, man. It's my first week.
我真的应该等待备份。你知道我的意思？
I should really wait for backup. You know what I mean?
加油。我妻子的非常微妙。
Come on. My wife's libido is very delicate.
説明一个人。
Help a guy out.
是的,所以我的名字是弗雷德,但每个人都叫我切尔德
Yeah, so my name's Fred but everyone calls me Shred
因为我曾经是一名职业单板滑雪运动员,
'cause I used to be a professional snowboarder,
主要是半管,在国民队获得几枚银牌。
mostly half-pipe, a couple silvers at Nationals.
然后我撕裂了我的ACL。
And then I tore my ACL.
这需要多长时间？
How long is this gonna take?
一点也不长。
Not long at all.
如果我不得不猜测...
If I had to guess...
可能只是一个可爱的小傢伙...
it's probably just a sweet little guy who...
我的眼睛！你的对讲机进了我的眼睛！
My eye! Your walkie went into my eye!
对不起,只是...
I'm sorry, it's just...
牙齿,就像一个小小的...毛茸茸的吸血鬼。
The teeth, it's like a tiny... furry vampire.
我低估了...
I underestimated...
下。。。在奥斯曼帝国之下。
Under... under the ottoman.
好。每个人都保持冷静。
Okay. Everyone stay calm.
我明白了。
I got this.
没关係,黄鼠狼...或者不管你是什么。
It's okay weasel... or whatever you are.
我们将带您前往城市中最酷的公园
We're gonna take you to the coolest park in the city
这些人要庆祝。
and these people are gonna celebrate.
纨绔子弟！纨绔子弟！
Dude! Dude!
糟糕的选择。
Bad choice.
我们该怎么办？
What do we do?
哦,小伙伴。
Oh, little buddy.
我明白了。
I got this.
哦！-哦！
Oh! - Oh!
拜託！
Oh, come on!
走,走！就在这儿！
Go, go! Right here!
我们没有在这裡休息。
We're not catching a break here.
哦！它在毛绒沙发下面！
Ohhhh! It's under the stuffed couch!
你一定是在跟我开玩笑。
You gotta be kidding me.
好。不用担心。我明白了。知道了。
Okay. Don't worry. I got this. I got it.
在 1 到 10 的范围内,
On a scale of 1 to 10,
您如何评价我们今天的服务？
how would you rate our service today?
我做了鬆饼。
I made muffins.
呃呃。你想要一些东西。
Uh-oh. You want something.
什么？不。你们认为我这样做吗？
What? No. Do you guys think I do that?
就像我只在想要东西时才烘烤？
Like I only bake when I want something?
噢,这些马夫是刚出炉的。
Aw, these muffs are fresh out of the oven.
这将是可怕的。
This is gonna be horrible.
不！
No!
是的,我感觉很糟糕,但我需要志愿者
Yeah, I feel bad but I need volunteers
本週末清洁狗窝。
to clean the kennels this weekend.
贾第鞭毛虫有九隻狗。
There are nine dogs at Giardia.
无论谁这样做,都需要其中一位辅♥导♥员。
Whoever does it's gonna need one of those counselors
他们送往大规模枪击现场。
they send to mass shooting scenes.
鉴于黄鼠狼的崩溃,我提名弗兰克。
I nominate Frank given the weasel debacle.
他是高级军官。
He's the senior officer.
是的。弗兰克,我刚刚从主管那裡得到了一个耳朵。
Yeah. Frank, I just got an earful from the superintendent.
我正在喝咖啡。
I was getting coffee.
我犯的是疏忽,而不是无能。
I'm guilty of negligence, not incompetence.
这是一个较低的犯罪。
It's a lower crime.
来幸灾乐祸地谈论黄鼠狼烧烤。
Came to gloat about the weasel barbecue.
你在这裡享受我的不幸,
You're here to enjoy my misfortune,
这是嘲讽,而不是幸灾乐祸。
which is a taunt, not a gloat.
当你和弗兰克交谈时,总是一种教育。
Always an education when you talk to Frank.
你是个红宝石。你知道那是什么吗？
You're a rube. Do you know what that is?
谣言是,夫妻提起投诉
Rumor is, couple filed a complaint
这需要损害控制。
that'll require damage control.
我正在提供我的服务,艾米丽,因为我知道你得到
I'm offering my services, Emily, 'cause I know you get
在高压力情况下有点紧张和出汗。
a little nervous and sweaty in high-stress situations.
呃,不,不。
Uh, no, no.
我掌控一切,邓普顿。
I have everything under control, Templeton.
好吧,当你不这样做时,我会回来幸灾乐祸。
Well, when you don't, I'll come back to gloat.
我说得对吗,弗兰克？
Did I get that right, Frank?
不,这是一种威胁。
No, that was a threat.
啊。。。无论什么。字。
Ah... whatever. Word nerd.
好。
Okay.
我要去换一件衬衫
I'm gonna go change into a shirt
那黑到足以掩盖我紧张的坑渍。
that's dark enough to hide my nervous pit stains.
马上我要继续道歉
And right away I'm gonna go ahead and apologize
用于共用该资讯。
for sharing that information.
鬆饼。。。都在这裡。
Muffins... are over here.
为什么那傢伙对艾米丽这么刻薄？
Why's that guy so mean to Emily?
他在一个竞争对手的分局工作,他正在为她的工作开枪。
He works at a rival precinct, and he's gunning for her job.