小学风云（2021）

I know you're not sick in my house.
是这样的 我刚接受了
So, I actually just accepted
学区开出的全职职位
a full- time position at the district.
什么 -什么
What? What? !
她说她要全职在学区工作了
She says she's working full- time at the district.
你们都没听见吗
Y'all can't hear?
价格以3开头还是以5结尾
Carey: ...price starts with a 3 or ends with a 5?
这里就是你的新环境
Welcome to your future!
是的
Yeah.
真好 再也不用低着头看你了
Ooh. I'mma save so much money from the chiropractor
能省我不少按♥摩♥的钱呢
from not having to look down at you.
在正式面试了
Ava: So, after formally interviewing
536名申请人之后
536 applicants,
我找到了替代珍妮的完美人选
I found a perfect replacement for Janine.
她时尚感十足 毕业于宾夕法尼亚州立大学
She has great fashion sense, went to Penn State,
她说她最擅长创造性地忽略问题
and says her best skill is creative problem ignoring.
我等不及要把她介绍给其他员工了
I can't wait to introduce her to the rest of the staff.
你的T- 800也会给你发裸照么
I hope you get a nude from the T- 800!
哦 怎么回事啊
Ooh. What's going on here?
雅各布用聊天机器人回复我的通讯
Jacob responded to my newsletter using a chat bot.
我用那个软件查了下
I ran it through that program,
他本人只写了一个笑话
and the only thing real was some corny joke
你如果给我的头顶来个春季大扫除
about if you spring- cleaned my head,
可能会在里面看到自己的倒影“
you'd probably see your reflection in it.
你怎么搞的 雅各布
What the hell, Jacob? l
我们用AI就得挨你骂
You gave us a hard time for using it,
你自己却用它来回约翰森老师
but then you go and do the same thing to Mr. Johnson!
抱歉 我这周真快忙不过来了
I'm sorry. I've been completely underwater this week.
哈 约翰逊先生
Ha! Mr. Johnson is
凭一人之力保证了学校
single- handedly responsible for keeping
大多数厕所的正常使用
most of the toilets in this joint running some of the time.
可他还能抽出时间
Yet he still found the time
认认真真地亲笔写下那条通讯
to put his heart and soul into that newsletter.
等等 所以你会
Wait. So you authentically
真人回复他的通讯喽
respond to his newsletter, but not mine?
没错 他每个季度只发
Yeah. He sends one e- mail
一封通讯 而且里面充满了
per quarter, and it is usually filled
奇闻轶事和深思 读起来很愉快
with delightful anecdotes and musings.
你一天发10封邮件 而且你知道吗
Mm- hmm. You send 10 e- mails a day. And you know what?
我很少能从中真正了解你
I rarely feel like I'm learning a thing about you.
哦 所以你能从那份时事通讯里
Oh, and you feel like you learn something
了解约翰逊先生吗
about Mr. Johnson from that newsletter?
谁不知道他喜欢打扫
I think we all know he likes to clean!
那篇通讯不光在于春季大扫除
Actually, it's more than about spring cleaning
而在于探索这一概念在伊朗文化中的起源
and explores its origins in the Iranian culture.
在《斯巴达300勇士》对伊朗的歪曲之后
I learned a lot about the Iranian people
我才对他们有了更深的了解
since their problematic depiction in the film"300. "
－你写的很好 -很有见地
Great read. Very insightful.
你要是读过我的通讯就会知道
And you would've known that if you had read my newsletter,
你这个无知的傻瓜
you ignorant fool! Ooh!
你们吵架呢
Y'all fightin'? l
各位 这是梅塞德斯
Ava: Everyone, please meet Mercedes- -
进化版的珍妮
Janine's more evolved replacement.
所以 谁吵赢了
So, who's winning?
10块钱赌刷马桶的赢
Oh, I got 10 on the plumber.
以4结尾 -不 还未结束
Woman: Ends with a 4. Carey: It can't- - It can't end......
我本来让你跟大家一起知道的
I wanted to tell you earlier with everyone else,
但你当时不在 然后你又跟我说了亚历克斯的事 所以
but you weren't there, and then you told me about Alex, so...
呃 这 这也太疯狂了
I mean, it'sit's, uh- it's wild.
不过 我应该恭喜你吧
But, um, congrats?
谢谢
Thanks.
是啊 恭喜恭喜 -谢谢你
Yeah. Congrats. Congrats. Thank you.
我还在这儿呢
Alex: Hello?
对 对 是哦
Right. Okay. Yeah. Oh. Right.
亚历克斯
Um, Alex...
我不在学校
Just because I'm not there doesn't mean
不代表学校里没有好老师
that the school isn't filled with great teachers.
你要是有什么需要
A- And Mr. Eddie is right next door
可以去隔壁找埃迪老师啊
in case you ever need anything.
对吧
Right?
是的 你有什么需要都可以来找我
Yeah. I'll be right there if you ever need me.
我不知道
I don't know.
亚历克斯 你长大后想干什么
Alex, what do you want to be when you grow up?
我想上《价格竞猜》
I want to be on"The Price Is Right. "
好吧 嗯哼
Okay. Mm- hmm.
那你就得把数学学好
Well, then you need to learn math
这样才能猜对价格啊
in order to make your guesses.
更别提沟通技巧 嗯哼
Not to mention communication skills...Mm- hmm.
批判性思维和对社会经济通胀的
...critical thinking, and understanding
的思考了
of socioeconomic inflation.
你还得上体育课
And you have to take P. E.
这样才能转动那个有趣的大轮子
to spin the big wheel, which is fun.
是的 也包括这个 对吧
Yeah. That, too. Right?
而这些东西只能在学校里学到
And you have to learn all that stuff in school.
听着
Look.
在你的一生中 某个老师是个过客
Teachers are gonna come and go in your life.
见鬼 其实人也是
Heck, people, for that matter.
就算德鲁·凯里不当主持人了
You'd still play Plinko
你也还会玩价格大转盘的
even if Drew Carey wasn't the host, right?
我是会玩的
I'd still play.
好吧 所以明天你能来上学吗
Okay. So...can we expect you at school tomorrow?
500美元 所以你得到了1500美元
Carey: $500, so you got$1, 500...
好吧
Okay.
好 好的 好吧
Good. Okay. Okay.
那么某天 你也能参加游戏节目
And maybe, one day, you can go on a game show
为你奶奶赢一台新冰箱
and win a new refrigerator for your grandma.
这小子至少得给我赢辆起亚
That boy better at least win me a Kia!
祝你好运 好运 来吧
Carey: Good luck! Good luck! Come on! Ugh!
我们怎么保证他每天都来上学呢
So, how do we make sure he actually shows up every day?
你知道的
Gregory: Um, you know,
也许花♥园♥小呆能帮忙盯着他
maybe the Goofballs can help keep an eye on him.
我提案中也写了 这个项目的作用之一
Part of my proposal is about keeping the students
就是让成员互相鼓励出现在学校
accountable for each other while in the program.
这个主意真的很棒
That's a really good idea.
期待能在学区会上看到你的提案
I look forward to seeing the proposal at the district.
恭喜你接受了这份工作
Congratulations on taking the job.
没有人比你更值得
No one deserves it more.
谢谢 我还是不相信这是真的
Thanks. Still hasn't really hit me yet.
是啊 我也有同感
Yeah, I don't think it's hit me yet, either.
考虑到这一点 我只想问一个问题
"And with that in mind, I ask but one question- -
我们真的有人完全干净吗
Are any of us clean? "
写的太好了 约翰逊先生
It's breathtaking, Mr. Johnson.
我真心向你道歉
I apologize, truly.
我接受
I accept.
二十元或是
twenties or gift cards
等值的礼品卡
of the same value.
在自我反省之后
Upon self- reflection,
我觉得邮件的事 是我过分了
perhaps I did overdo it with my e- mails.
很抱歉生你们俩的气
I am so sorry for getting so upset with you both.
没关系
It is okay.
我们不该利用科技的力量
We shouldn't have used technology
让你误以为我们很在乎你
to mislead you into thinking that we care.
从现在开始 我们会像别人一样
Yeah, from now on, we'll just delete your e- mails
直接把你的邮件删掉
like normal people do.
我对此非常感激
I am so grateful for that.
谢谢你们选择了人性
Thank you for your humanity.
嘿 格里戈里
Hey, Gregory.
嘿 我就是想告诉你亚历克斯回学校了
Hey. I'm just calling to let you know that Alex is back in school.
他还早到了
He's even early.
哦 真棒 真是个好消息
Ohh. Good. That's great news.
是啊 没错