小学风云（2021）

早上好 早啊
Good morninq. Good morninq.
早上好
Good morning.
早上好 霍华德老师
Good morning, Mrs. Howard.
塔里克 -恩
Tariq. Huh?
你来这儿做什么
What are you doing here?
珍妮现在去学区（特区）工作了
Janine's down at the district now.
见鬼 她搬去华盛顿了
Danq, she moved to D. C. ?
你那手是不是没洗啊 别放我学生身上
And take your presumablv sticky hands off of my student.
我的手肯定没洗啊 就放我儿子身上
You mean take my definitelv sticky hands off of my son.
借用莫里·波维奇的话 你不是孩子的父亲
To quote Maury Povich, vou are not the father.
借用嘻哈传奇人物沙奎尔·奥尼尔的话
And to quote the hip- hop leqend Shaquille O'Neal,
孩子爹的基因根本不值一提
his biological didn't bother.
我和他妈妈约会都七周了
See, I've been dating his mama for like seven weeks
所以严格来说 我现在是他继父
so technically, I'm a stepdaddy right now.
对吧 小塔里克
Ain't that right, Tariq Jr. ?
他不叫这个名字
That is not his name.
在学校过得愉快 TJ
Hey, have a qood day at school, TJ.
我爱你 儿子
I love you, son.
他就是喜欢我
He just like me.
四舍五入一下 你现在应该是
I quess this technically makes you, like,
是我的继老师了吧
my stepteacher now, right?
挺好 挺好
That's cool. That's cool.
塔里克
Tariq
橡皮泥交出来
Play- Doh.
我在学区的项目进展不错
My fellowship at the school district is qoing great.
我仍在熟悉情况
I'm still qetting the lay of the land.
我刚协助我们团队搞定了
I just finished helping out with our team's
应急发电机计划 这正合我意
emerqency qenerator plans, which was right up my alley
因为我害怕各种自然灾害
because I'm afraid of all natural disasters.
虽然我们每人一生中都会遇到不少
Of which there will be scores in our lifetime.
我也喜欢在饮水机旁溜达
I also love to hanq out by the water cooler.
暂时没听到什么八卦 但我补了不少水
Uh, no qossip yet, but I'm super hvdrated
那啥 咱们能不能先别录了
and actuallv need to wrap this up
我想在演讲前尿个尿 所以
so that I can pee before my big presentation, so...
这就是为什么我提议用专项基金
And this is why Im proposing an educational interpreter
为雅培小学的一名听障学生
for a hard- of- hearing student at Abbott Elementary
提供翻译服务
using the Specialized Services Fund.
这个情况是阿伯特小学的
This was brought to my attention by Mr. Jacob Hill,
雅各布·希尔老师向我反馈的
a teacher over at Abbott.
希尔老师是我们的老熟人了
We're well aware of Mr. Hill.
他提交过好几次简历
He's submitted his resume several times
虽然我们并没有在招人
at the behest of no one.
他的学生 伊玛尼在勉强支撑
His student her name is Imani is making do.
希尔老师懂一些手语
You know, Mr. Hill knows some sign languaqe,
但我们可以做更多
but we could be doing more.
所以这只是针对一个孩子的项目
So this project is for iust one kid?
是的 -好吧
Mm- hmm. All right.
根据指导方针 准了
Follow the guidelines, and it's approved.
谢谢大家
Thank you.
我天啊
Oh, my God!
你觉得手语翻译多快能招到
How fast do you think we can qet an interpreter down here?
好消息是 这取决于你
The qood news is, that's completely up to you.
天 我选明天 不 我选今天
Oh, mv God. I pick tomorrow. No, I pick today.
嘿 还真是激进呢
Simon: Whoa, that's ambitious.
友善提醒 因为只有一个孩子
Just a heads up, since it is onlv for one kid
所以审批和文书包括招聘工作
you qotta do all the approvals and paperwork
都要你自己来做
and hirinq yourself.
可不好办哈 祝你好运喽
It won't be easy, so, uh...qood luck.
这是《飓风营救》里的台词吧
叮aken, "right?
没想到你能听出来
I didn't think you'd get that
那电影好有趣啊
What a fun movie.
珍妮不需要运气 她有特殊技能傍身
Well, Janine doesn't need luck. She has a special set of skills.
路 我们要去的地方不需要路
Roads? Where we're qoing, we don't need roads.
这不是《飓风营救》的台词 -我知道
That's not from"Taken. "No, I know.
我以为只要模仿电影台词就可以了
I thought we were just doing lines from movies.
我也很喜欢《飓风营救》的
Cause I love"Taken, "right?
天 他们把我女儿抓走了
"Aw, man, they took my dauqhter! "
我其实还没看过 但我得先去忙了
I haven't seen it, but I should work on this.
加油加油 -谢谢
Go qet 'em. Thanks.
哟 埃迪老师正吃午饭呢
Yo, my man Mr. Eddie eating his lunch.
老哥在吃沙拉呢
Bro be eating salad.
嘿 埃迪老师
Yo, Mr. Eddie
吃蔬菜能帮你泡妞吗
does eating veqetables help you get the ladies?
必须能啊 能泡一堆妞呢
It's qot to. You be qetting mad females
菜吃得越多 妞泡得越多 绝对的
More veqetables more females. Bet.
你是想告诉我们这个道理吧 埃迪老师
That's what you tellin'us, Mr. Eddie?
我什么都没说
I've literally said nothing.
哟 这家伙还真低调呢
Nah, bro that's low- key qenius.
菜吃的越多
More qreens.
妞泡得越多
Toqether...more girls!
一开始只是偶尔一两个人过来
First, it was one or two of them coming in every once in a while.
现在其他孩子也会加入 而且天天如此
Now others have joined, and it's every dav.
原来 最近莫顿老师会在午餐时
I found out Mr. Morton's been using his classroom
占用教室做情侣治疗
for lunchtime couples therapy,
所以他们没处可去
so they have nowhere else to hanq.
真希望莫顿两口子能考虑下
I wish the Mortons understood the collateral damaqe
他俩的关系造成的附带伤害
their relationship is causing.
埃迪老师 你觉得金莺队
Mr. Eddie, do you think the Orioles- -
这是事情经过 亲爱的
Well, that's what happens hon.
嘿 看看是谁来了
Hev. Look who it is.
我忘了说了 塔里克现在成了我班上
I forgot to mention that Tariq is now the father
一个学生的父亲了
of one of the students in my class.
知道吗 我太习惯于护士珍妮
You know, Iqot so qood at ignorinq Janine,
从没注意到她怀孕了
I never noticed she was pregnant.
那孩子没生孩子
That child does not have a child.
塔里克只是在和我学生的妈妈约会
Tariq is iust dating the student's mother.
啊 -你好 霍华德老师
Ah. Tariq: Hey, Mrs. Howard. Hi.
你好 刻薄的意大利女人
Hey, mean Italian lady.
塔里克 你不能总这么不请白来
Tariq, vou cannot keep showing up here unannounced.
我知道 但这是紧急情况
Okay, but it's an emergency.
我不小心把我的午餐装给他了
I accidentallv took TJ's lunch and I qave him mine,
我这不赶紧来换一下吗
so Immaiust switch these out real quick
这个我拿走了 花♥花♥公♥子♥
Take that from you, Plavboy.
谢谢你 我马上就|澈
Thank you. And Im out of your hair.
这是速食午餐
That is a Lunchable.
而且还很好吃呢
And it is delicious.
好吧一天愉快小詹姆斯
AII riqht, have a good day Junior.
你才不是我爸
You're not my dad!
这孩子真搞笑
That boy hilarious.
肯定是遗传了我 各位拜拜
And he qet that from me. Bye, y'all.
所以 要想找到一位手语翻译
So, I figured out how to make this ASL interpreter happen.
我只需找几个合格的候选人
AlI I need to do is find some qualified candidates,
给他们面试 填些文件
interview them, fill out this paperwork,
做个背景调查
then do a backqround check,
然后开张就业证明
followed by an employment verification
通过匹配性检查
and then a compatibility check.
跟会计部谈话
And right after I talk to accountinq
然后提交人力资源部就行
and run it through HR.
并在这个过程中保证其他工作的正常运行 所以
And not fall behind on any of my other work, so...
你找的是应付账款部门
You're looking for accounts pavable.
我们是会计部 你得下到三楼去
We're accounting. You need to qo down to the third floor.
我的错
My B.
汶些还没有公♥证♥
These aren't notarized,
你需要完成背景调查
and you're qonna need to qet a background check completed
得到人力部的批准后 然后我们才能签字
and approved bv HR before we can sign off.
没问题 谢谢你
Not a problem. Thank you.
错了 这个还没有公♥证♥
Uh, unh- unh. This isn't notarized yet.
是这样的 公♥证♥人出去吃午饭了
Well, see, the notarv went out to lunch,
所以我想着先来找你
so I figured I'd just come to vou first.
好吧 你得先去艾米丽那边