僵尸情人节（2017）

Do you really have the tenacity to sit there and deny
中国和俄♥罗♥斯♥正以惊人的速度叫停
that China and Russia are calling foul
相关产业这一事实呢？
at a furious rate?
我们虽没有证据
We do not have proof,
但在这些国家中确实有几起病例
but there is a contagion in those countries
与此同时 他们也在尽力
and the same countries are doing their best
-来降低损失… -陷阱 官话
- to counter casuality-- - Pitfall, gobbledygook.
让我向我们的普通观众解释一下
Let me explain to our average viewer
教授刚才说的
what the good professor just said.
中国和俄♥罗♥斯♥正在捕杀鸟类
China and Russia are killing birds
阻止一个新的 可怕的
to stop a new, frightening version
亚洲禽流感
of the Asian bird flu.
你这么讲不正确
That's not fair.
不只是中国和俄♥罗♥斯♥
It's not just China and Russia.
流感已经扩散到其他国家了吗？
There are other countries where this has spread?
哪些国家 教授？
Which countries, professor?
为什么 究竟为什么
You know, why oh why
一位像你这样身材发了福的医生
would a doctor of your emanant stature
会出现在我的“怪物狂热”的节目上面？
appear on my "Monster Mania" show?
我...我要走了
I-- I'm leaving.
怪物在哪里 医生？
Where are the monsters, Doctor?
祝你好运
Good luck.
你没告诉我们什么？
What aren't you telling us?
更重要的是 你为什么不告诉我们？
And more importantly, why aren't you telling us?
澳大利亚内地
哇 谁会想到一个大金属盒子
Wow. Who woulda thought a big metal box
能看起来如此美丽？
could look so beautiful?
我本不想告诉你们这个坏消息的
Well, I hate to be the bearer bad news,
但是...他们想要见面
but they wanna meet.
-他们还想要更多 -更多？真的吗？
- They want more. - More? Really?
他们觉得30%的股份不够
They don't think their 30 percent is enough.
不 不 不 我不能减少我的股份
No, no, no, I'm taking my share
而且我还要去墨西哥 享受那里的太阳 沙滩 美酒
and I'm going to Mexico, sun, sand, marguerites,
还有美女
and senoritas.
-这可是一个男人的终级梦想啊
- What more could a guy want?
你是个聪明人
You're a smart man.
他们会跟着我们去墨西哥的
You know they're gonna follow us to Mexico,
-不是吗？-是的
- don't you? - Oh yeah.
所以你和我要去和他们见个面 戴尔
That's why you and I will meet them, Dale.
然而以赛亚却可以拿着他的股份去墨西哥快活？
While Isaiah takes his share to Mexico?
嗯
Mm-hmm.
-这不公平 麦克斯 -嗯 这不公平 戴尔
- That's not fair, Max. - No, it's not fare, Dale.
不
Oh.
再想想 我们为什么不都去墨西哥呢？
On second thought, why don't we all go to Mexico?
-就是啊 -别废话 安排一下和他们的见面
- Damn right. - Set a meet.
我对此事有不好的预感
Oh, I've got a bad feeling about this, Max.
安排
Set a meet, Dale.
真的有不祥的预感
A really bad feeling.
爸爸
Daddy.
爸爸
Daddy!
爸爸
Daddy!
爸爸
Daddy.
麦克斯
Max!
我想要那个
I want that one.
你能买♥♥给我吗？
Would you buy it for me?
如果你高兴的话
If it'll make you happy.
-你会买♥♥的吧？ -嗯
- You would, wouldn't you? - Mm-hmm.
其实我也可以自己买♥♥ 你知道吗
I can buy it myself, you know?
我当然知道
Oh, I know.
你还能为我做什么？
What else would you do for me?
你能像童话故事里那样拯救我吗？
Would you save me like in the fairy tales?
你愿意成为我的骑士吗？
Would you be my knight in shining armor?
我不是穿着闪亮盔甲的骑士
I'm no knight in shining armor.
-但是 -但是我会为你而战
- But... - But I would fight for you.
我会拼上一切为你而战
I would fight very hard for you.
这是我听过的最浪漫的情话
That's the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me.
你是一个诗人 麦克斯
You're a poet, Max.
你是个诗人 你自己甚至都不知道
You're a poet and didn't even know it.
让我们偷偷上船吧 来吧 麦克斯
Let's go sneak aboard. Come on, Max.
在你的生命中第一次做一些违法的事情
do something illegal for the first time in your life.
-你怎么知道？ -知道什么？
- How do you know? - What?
知道你没有做过违法的事吗？
That you haven't done anything illegal?
你太紧张啦 麦克斯
Come on. You're uptight, Max.
不是说这不好
I mean, not in a bad way.
我只是说你很紧张
I'm just I'm just saying you're uptight.
真的太紧绷了
Really, really uptight.
也许你应该养一只狗或一只猫
Maybe you should get a dog or a cat
或者是其他什么让你放松的东西
or something to loosen you up.
我以前有过一只狗 她是我最好的朋友
I did have a dog. She was my best friend.
她怎么了？
What happened to her?
她死了
She died.
我很抱歉
I'm so sorry.
没关系
That's all right.
她活了很久了
She lived a good long life.
来吧
Come aboard.
你的船在等着你
Your vessel awaits.
来吧 麦克斯
Come on, Max.
你可以把它当做你的船 你可以做船长
It can be your ship. You can be the captain.
-来啊 -我不觉得
- Come on. - I don't think so.
-来吧 麦克斯 -别了
- Come on, Max. - No, I don't think so.
-你可以的 -好吧
- Yes. - Please.
他昨天才跟我说他会来派对的
那他什么时候到？
大概11点或者12点吧 或许会更早 我不怎么关心
怎么了？
你不能从那走
为什么不？这里走最快了 来吧
因为你不知道里面有些什么
牵着我的手 没事的
我听到了什么动静
什么都没有 你想太多了
是真的 我听到了
真的什么都没有 你看
有人吗 有人吗？ 你看 我都说没东西了
你真的好胆小 走吧
我看不见你
怎么会？哎算了 我先进去 证明给你看你只是想太多 快过来吧
别这样 这不好笑 别拿这个开玩笑
车坏了是我的错？
My fault the car broke down?
怎么会是我的错？
How could it be my fault?
下一次 开你自己的车去约会吧
Next time, bring your own car on a date.
嘿 我在这里 我在这里
Hey, I'm walkin' here. I walkin' here!
尽管他们说这只是一种流感病毒
Although they say it's just a flu-like virus,
我的资料则显示完全不是这么回事
my sources indicate something else entirely.
在短短几天内
In just a matter of days,
就已经在
this virus has made the jump
牛犊 马
to cattle, horses,
甚至是猪身上发现了病毒
and an even swine.
数百万的动物 是的 你没听错
Millions, yes, you heard correctly,
数以百万计的动物正被屠♥杀♥
millions of these animals are being slaughtered
就在此时此刻
as I speak.
而且这不仅仅局限于亚洲和俄♥罗♥斯♥
And this is not limited to just Asia and Russia.
我的资料表明在这些地方均有病例：
My sources are indicating this is happening in parts of
欧洲 南非
Europe, South Africa,
还有南美
and South America.
早上好 Z教授
Good morning, Professor Z.
你是公认的
You are widely recognized
著名的僵尸研究专家
as the renowned expert on zombies.
我以前甚至不知道有人研究僵尸呢
I didn't even know there was an expert on zombies.
你能给我们无知的观众解释一下吗
Can you explain to our less educated viewers
什么是僵尸？
what a zombie is?
我很高兴你问我
I am delighted you asked.
僵尸有各种各样的名字
Zombies go by various names,
活死人 亡灵 行尸走肉
the living dead, the undead, the walking dead,
没有灵魂的尸体
soulless corpses.
僵尸是通过人类尸体的复活
A zombie is a being created
被创造出来的
through the reanimation of a human corpse.
有一个牌子的朗姆酒也叫僵尸哈哈哈
It's also a pretty mean rum drink.
呃 我跑题了
Uh, uh, but, I, uh, I digress.
那你见过僵尸吗 教授？