实习大叔（2013）

I want you to you know, I've thought about this.
用我的光芒填补下你的空白
I just figure, like, hide your vacancy and let me dazzle.
好 你们还没结束呢
Okay, dazzle. Are you done yet?
只剩下15分钟了
There's a 15 minute limit.
对不住啊
I'm sorry, you know what?
你的大哥哥们还得再用会电脑
The big boys are gonna need the computer a little longer,
我们来个双赢吧
but maybe we can make this a winwin for you.
你先去喝点饮料
Get yourself a soda pop.
给她点钱 对
Give her some money, yeah.
去补充点糖分
Yeah, just go put some sugar in your body.
-好好享受啊 -真可爱的孩子
- Enjoy it. - What a cute kid.
-我不是孩子 但是比利 -好了 他们来了
- I'm no child, but, Billy... - Okay, here they are.
好 当我点这个后 他们就能看见我们 那就开始吧
Now, when I hit this, they'll be able to see us, so come on in,
靠的近一点 我们两个才能同时出现在在镜头里
get in there close so we can be seen on the Webcam.
-这摄像头是有多小啊 -他们能看见我们
- See how small the Webcam is? - They can see us...
不 脸贴脸 尼克 过来 脸贴脸
No, get cheek to cheek. Nick, come here, cheek to cheek.
好的 不过你别挤我 你挤到我了
Okay, but don't crowd me. You're crowding me right now.
尼克 脸贴脸 贴脸
Nick, get cheek to cheek.
-伙计 他们无法看见我们 -我知道 开始吧
- Buddy, they can't see us. - I understand that. Here we go.
-贴脸 就像我刚才说的那样 -我知道 你别对着我吼
- Go cheek to cheek. Just go like I tell you. - Okay. Don't yell in my...
-他妈你把脸贴上啊 -好的 好的 知道了
- Put your fucking cheek next to mine. - Yes, yes, I get it.
我们能看见你们 伙计
We can see you guys.
-恩 不错 -你能看见我们
- Okay, great! - Good! You got us?
我是比利
My name is Billy!
呃 我们也能听得很清楚
Uh, we can hear you fine as well.
-不错 -好的
- Oh, great. - Good.
比利·麦克马洪
Billy McMahon.
尼克·坎贝尔
Nick Campbell.
-本杰明 -艾利森
- I'm Benjamin. - Allison.
我们也渴了
We're thirsty, too.
好 注意点 这儿有摄像头呢
Okay, slow it down there, camper.
我这可不是提款机
I'm not an ATM.
我在这面试呢
I got a job interview here.
-谢谢 -我们会回来的
- Thank you. - We'll be back.
-放松 放松 -你们在图书馆
- Okay, easy. - Are you in a library?
-我们正在搞一个活动 -是的
- You know, we're in a program here called... - We are.
这有一些漂亮可爱的孩子
There's some beautiful little kids here.
是的 孩子 帮助孩子的活动
Yeah, kids. Helping kids program
其中涉及到我们去哪儿找那些浮夸子弟
one of the things we're involved in where we take suburban kids
让他们学会吃苦
and we teach them what it's like to be homeless.
-这项目叫什么了 -叫做
- Oh, what's it called? - Oh, it'sit's called, uh...
-价值观调整 -价值观调整
- Attitude Adjustment. - Attitude Adjustment.
我们正在帮助孩子
And that's where we are today. We're helping the kids.
坦白的讲 之所以在这面试
Andand to be honest with you, we did the interview here
一是因为我们想尽可能的帮助孩子
because we wanted to help out,
二是 我们家的电脑上没有摄像头
and also we don't have Webcams for our computer.
电脑上没有摄像头的话
If you don't have a Webcam on your computer,
你们用哪个型号♥的电脑搞编程
what type of computer do you use for your coding ability?
-编程 -恩 是的
- Coding ability? - Uh, yeah.
在电脑技能那一栏里 你们写得是"C++"
Uh, under computer skills, you put "Cplusplus. "
实际上只是个C+
That's actually a Cplus.
-那是什么 -第二个+
- What's that? - Well, the second plus is
表示了我对C+的立场
to reflect my attitude of how I felt about the Cplus.
它是C+
But it's a Cplus.
是一个教打字的课程
It was a typing class.
你知道的 差不多的理论
You know, same principle,
只是没有什么引擎在孩子体内
just not the engine inside the baby there.
更像是《Quick Boown Fox》
But it was more like "quick brown fox. "
你知道的 把手放键盘上
You know, put your hands in the basin,
像这样不停的敲
and crushing it like that.
这个课程♥真♥的帮了我很多
But that helped me out a lot when I,
在我开始学电脑的时候
as I started my journey into computers
让我知道手该放在什么地方
because I already knew where to put my hands, clearly.
好 我们开始下一个话题 你们最近正在接受
Okay, if we could focus on this now you are currently
菲尼克斯大学的网上教育
enrolled at the University of Phoenix online?
-是的 是的 -非常正确
- Indeed, yes, we are. - Damn right we are.
非常正确
Damn right we are.
它是最古老的网上院校之一
It's, uh, the oldest institution of its kind, and as such,
许多人将他们和哈佛网络学校相提并论
many people refer to it as the Harvard of Internet colleges.
我没有听说过
I hadn't heard that actually.
我也没听过
I... No.
这边还没这么有名
That has not made it out here, that reputation.
我们是菲尼克斯的骄傲
Well, we're Phoenix proud.
我们是菲尼克斯的骄傲
We're Phoenix proud.
恩 好
Well, that's fine.
我们要问几个问题
Um, we're gonna ask you a few questions
让许多应聘者感觉很奇怪的问题
that some of our candidates find a little bit odd.
让我们开始吧
Let's get weird!
没问题 问吧
No judgment. Shoot.
你们缩小到硬币大小
You're shrunken down to the size of nickels
然后掉进了一个榨汁机的底部
and dropped to the bottom of a blender.
你们会怎么做
What do you do?
榨汁机里有别的东西没
Is there anything else in the blender?
额 我不知道
Uh, I don't know.
那可就不好说了
Well, that's gonna make a difference.
有没有冰块什么的 可以让我们爬
Are there ice cubes to climb on?
难道要我们在里面和鸡尾酒做同事
Are we working with a daiquiri here?
放点少量的朗姆酒
Are we throwing a little rum in?
-我们要做思慕雪 -那可需要一整周的时间
- Are we making a smoothie? - It's been a long week.
或许我们是想让这些小人活的轻松点
Maybe we want to let these little guys live a little.
为了减少各种猜测 假设搅拌机是空的
Okay, for the sake of the argument, let's say it's empty.
-是的 -这样的话就简单多了
- Sure. - Well, in that case, it's easy, then.
-为什么 -什么
- Why? - I'm sorry?
如果我们变成硬币大小
If we're shrunk down to the size of a nickel
而且搅拌机里什么也没有的话
and there's no liquid in the blender,
我们就会贴在上面
we go ahead and put it on our backs.
就像这样 贴在搅拌机内侧
So you take her flat on your back like this.
对 对 欣赏它们的转动
Right, right, right. You just lay back, enjoy that breeze.
-纹丝不动的盯着 轻如羽毛 -就当他是风扇
- Lay stiff as a board, light as a feather. - Pretend it's a fan.
好的 一旦
Okay, once is...
看着刀片在眼前嗖嗖划过
And let those blades just whip all around you like this.
就像做核磁共振样 非常帅气
It's like getting an MRI. Dazzle, dazzle.
一旦开始之后 榨汁机就永不停下
Once this blender's on, it's on forever.
一直开着
It's on. Forever.
我有点不同意
Respectfully, I got to disagree.
我们卖♥♥过搅拌机
We sold blenders,
即使是世界上最好的
and even the best model in the world
也只能不停旋转 多少了 比利
is only gonna run nonstop for, what, Billy?
即使是德国制♥造♥
Even the Germans, the Germans could never...
对 即使是德国产
Yeah. Even the German model.
即使是德国博朗也只能不间断转动11小时左右
Even one of those Braun ones, they're only gonna run nonstop maybe ten or 11 hours.
那个时候我们就能出来了
So we're getting out,
到时我们就会变得更好了
and when we do, we're better off for it,
你知道的 大难不死 必有后福
because whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
我们继续吧
But let's just go ahead
再重新回顾下这问题
and bigpicture this for a second, if I can.
就像谷歌♥的创使人
Just like the founders of Google.
伟大的谷歌♥文化
Big picture Googling.
关键的不是专注于怎么从搅拌机里出来
It's not so much getting out of the blender,
而是下一步要做什么
it's what happens next.
这是问题的核心
That's the question.
现在两个硬币大小的人就在你们眼前
You've got two nickelsized men free in the world.
考虑下吧
Think of the possibilities.
我这刚冒着生命危险到这
I off the top of my head, and I'm just spitballing here.
-脑袋现在还晕乎乎 -墨镜也坏了
- My head's swimming. - Sunglass repair?
-是的 是的 -我们对那些小零件是相当有杀伤力的
- Yeah, yeah... - We'd be hell on those little screws.
或者把我们放进有种胶囊里面
Or maybe you stick us in those submarines
送入人体去抵抗疾病
that they put in people's bodies to fight diseases.
我们就是那无坚不摧的刀刃
That's cuttingedge right there.
好了 那些都只是假设
Okay, That's not a real thing,
-胶囊 -不