实习大叔（2013）

You just... you just got to do it, man.
好吧 那么学习就是我接下来要做的
Well, great. Then study up is what I'm going to do.
我准备要好好学习
I'm going to study up.
我问你 有没有一种通用规则
Let me ask you, is there, like, as a general rule,
万金油般的答案
like, a blanket statement
我可以应对几乎每一种情况的呢
I could say that could apply to literally anything?
然后我就可以把我的产品
And then I'm either going to shove
狠狠砸在他们脸上
product down their face, right,
又或者我可以转他们到其它热♥线♥上
or I'm going to give them another hotline?
你的实际角色是技术支持
What you are exactly is tech support.
如果你把客户转到其他热♥线♥的话
So, if you referred them to another phone number,
结果是你的电♥话♥会再次响起
what would happen is that your phone would ring again,
因为最后还是会回到你这头来
'cause you'd be the number that they were referring to.
我说的是 给我一句空话
What I'm suggesting is give me the blanket thing
让我听起来不是绝对的错 又不是绝对的正确
where I'm not necessarily wrong, I'm not necessarily right,
然后我可以把他们转到其他热♥线♥
and then I'll either hit them with another helpline,
能帮助的热♥线♥ 又或者向他们狠狠地推销产品
a real helpline, or I'll push some product on them.
你想我把产品塞进他们喉咙吗
You want me to shove some product down their throat?
-因为我会这么做 -充分表达:
- 'Cause I'll do it. - Full disclosure:
我觉得你想得太复杂了
I think you're working harder than you have to.
你只要按下按键 然后照读就行了
All you have to do is click the button and read.
我明白了
I got it.
好啦 照读 没问题
Bam. Done. Read it.
搞定了 搞定了
I got it. I'll do it.
-你是我的救星 比利 -好吧
- That's my man, Bill. All right.
-我们能顺利过关的 -你能搞定
- It's going to be fine. - You'll get it.
大家干得怎么样
How's everybody else doing?
我很好 好的
Yeah, I'm good. Okay.
是我的问题
Is it just me,
还是食物实在太正点了
or is this food incredible, right?
你是个骗子
You're a liar.
你什么意思
What do you mean?
你应该是更像个混♥蛋♥
You were supposed to be an asshole.
得了
Come on.
你应该浓缩十年的混♥蛋♥经验
You were supposed to pack a decade worth of jerks
然后把这个晚上的约会彻底毁了
and bad dates into one night.
-是啊 -记得吗
- Yeah. - Remember?
现在我记得了 没错
All right, now I remember. Yes.
目前为止
But so far,
你的表现 还算可以
you've been... totally fine.
还算可以吗
Totally fine?
是的
Yeah.
不 是我丢了球
No, I have dropped the ball.
我向你承诺过 但是没有做好
I did promise that, and I haven't delivered.
这样吧 咱们不如埋单吧
You know what? Can we get the check, please?
不如让你来埋单吧 詹妮弗
May we get the check when you get a chance, Jennifer?
你怎么知道我的
How'd you know my...?
写在了你的项链上呢
Well, it says right here on this little necklace.
我知道你的名字 你可以告诉我你的号♥码吗
And now that I got the name, how about the number?
我只是在开玩笑
I'm just kidding.
又或者 我没开玩笑
Or maybe I'm not kidding.
你太可爱了
You're so cute.
又如此漂亮
So beautiful.
你刚才是在和服务生调情吗
Did you just hit on the waitress?
是啊 没错 没错
I did. Yes, yes.
这位小姐要求约会一个混♥蛋♥
The lady asked for a jerk,
我只是在履行我的承诺
and I am trying to live up to my promise.
我说十年的混♥蛋♥经验
I said ten years of assholes,
所以 你的脸皮肯定不会薄
so, you know, you got some ground to cover.
我觉得你的甜品吃够了
You know what? I think you've had enough dessert.
我整晚都在看你一个在吃
I've been watching you eat all night.
让我来操心这个
Okay, let me take care of this,
因为你要小心你的指数
because you've got to watch your figure.
你现在临近你的边界线
And you're right on the borderline.
你知道有句话这样说:
You know what they say:
"晚上尝一口 脂肪不会走"对吗
"A moment on the lips, forever on the hips," right?
真是人间美味啊
Mmm, this is divine.
你不知道你还错过了什么好东西
Oh, you do not know what you are missing.
-难以置信的美味 -你真好 真好
- It's incredible. - That's nice. That's nice.
但是结账的事情你是躲不了的
But here's something you aren't missing this check.
因为我打了车 所以这个算你的
Because I got the cab, so there you go.
詹妮弗
Jennifer.
-开玩笑吧 -真的
- Bullshit! - Right?
行行好心好吧
Wow, a little heart and everything.
不如剩下的等你来搞定
Now, why don't you take care of that?
因为时间尚早
Because the night is still young.
我要带你去看斗狗比赛
I'm taking you to see some dog-fighting.
我说真的
Yes, I am.
动起来 我觉得你只用了一半功力
Rock and roll. I think we're up to five years.
是啊
Yeah.
好吧
All right.
噢 等我来
yeah, let me get this.
哇 真是棒极了
Oh, that's amazing.
好吧
Okay...
"Gmail中"错误请求"信息表示"
"In Gmail, a 'bad request' message shows if... "
表示
Shows if...
"用户的网络崩溃了"
"Your Internet is down. "
狗♥娘♥养♥的
Son of a bitch.
-表示 -上帝
- It shows... - Jesus Christ!
你把我吓出翔来了
You scared the shit out of me!
是表示你的浏览器存在过期的Cookie
if your browser has a bad or outdated cookie.
等下 你可以怎么做来着
Wait, you could... with...?
是的
Yes.
我什么都能听到
I can hear everything.
我不是刻意听任何东西
I'm not actually listening to anything.
这样我可以做真的我
This allows me to be with myself.
我不擅长和人类打交道
I'm not very good with other humans.
好吧 我也不擅长跟Gmail技术支持打交道
Well, I'm not very good with Gmail Support.
其实不然
No, actually,
你也相当不错
you're quite horrible.
你可以做到的
You can do this.
你可以学会
This can be learned.
但是那些孩子就不
But those kids,
他们看你的角度 你有跟人相处的方法
the way that they look at you you have a way with people.
这是失传的艺术
That's a lost art.
再来 再来
Go again. Go again.
"Chrome浏览器"
"In Chrome... "
对你来说 就像
For you, this is like
教一个小孩子字母表 对吗
teaching a little kid the alphabet, right?
不是的 应该是像教一个字母
No, actually, it's like teaching a kid a letter.
-就一个字母 -是的
- Just one letter. - Yeah.
好吧 我终于明白你的长处
Yeah, you're not... your strong point
并不是和人类交流了
would not be communicating to humans.
我知道
I know.
好吧 这就是你 好吧
All right, that was my guy. All right.
你说话直接 我喜欢
Give it to me straight. I like it.
-别逼我 -我们过得很快乐
- No chaser. - We're having fun.
我是的 希望你也是
I am. I hope you are.
好的 谢谢
Well, thank you.
真的 非常厉害
That was, uh, really awful.
你客气了
Oh, you're welcome.
我是故意奉承的
I aim to please.
我说到做到
I told you I was going to deliver
作为一个十年的混♥蛋♥
on ten years of assholes,
我觉得我♥干♥的还算不错
and I think I did a pretty good job.
我觉得不止一次你是本色发挥了
It was almost a little bit too convincing at times.
真的吗
Was it?
我没有惊讶
That doesn't surprise me.
如果你像我一样
When you've been out there
经历过江湖的风风雨雨
running and gunning for as long as I have,
你就懂得游戏的规则