搜索救援队（2014）

Yes, I'm fucking sure!
你能看见自己的丁丁啥的？ 能！
You can see your penis and everything? Yes!
你怎么会全♥裸♥的
Why are you naked?
我穿着我爷爷的礼服嘛
I was wearing my grandfather's tux,
你知道的那套意式礼服
you know, the Italian one?
他们也劫走了
They took that, too.
所以你不只被劫车还被劫礼服
So, you got carjacked, and then you got tuxedojacked?
爷一♥丝♥不♥挂♥
I am naked!
你懂伐 离被劫人也不远了
Okay? They're gonna get me!
我们都看过《飓风营救》
We've all seen the movie Taken.
放松 不会变成《飓风营救》的
Okay, relax. They're not gonna Taken you.
墨西哥不会发生那种事
That doesn't happen down there.
你知道墨西哥偶尔会发生什么事吗
You know what they do do sometimes?
他们会杀了你然后借尸藏♥毒♥
They kill you and then they hide drugs in your corpse
把你的尸身邮给你奶奶
and they ship your corpse to your grandmother
然后突然出现把你奶奶杀了
and then somebody shows up and kills your grandma
再取走毒品
and takes the drugs.
其实不只是偶尔发生
That actually happens a lot.
你是认真的吗
Is that... Are you serious?
你爷爷的没开玩笑？ 奶奶啊！
Are you fucking serious? Grammy!
不要啊！
No way! No, no, no, no! Listen.
就当我没说吧
Forget I said that. Forget I said that. God!
我要死在这了 Jason
I am going to die here, Jason!
我本该结好婚在蜜月旅行了
I should be married and on my honeymoon,
但是因为你和你脑袋里的屎
but because of you and your shit,
害我需要被《飓风营救》
I am going to fucking get Taken!
Nardo 听我说
Nardo. Nardo, listen to me.
一切都会好起来的 重复一遍
Everything is gonna be okay. Say it.
一切都会好起来的
Everything is gonna be okay.
没人需要被《飓风营救》
No one is Taken-ing anyone.
没人需要被《飓风营救》
No one is Taken-ing anybody.
擦 什么鬼
Shit! What the fuck?
什么声音 刚才是什么声音
What's that sound? What's that noise?
老天爷啊 这地方有蛇吗 哦 有的是
Oh, my God! Are there snakes here? Oh, yeah.
有响尾蛇 有毒蛇
There's rattlers, there's serpents,
还有一种叫cobrinha的小眼镜蛇
there's cobrinhas, which are tiny little cobras.
艹 好吧 不是蛇
Fuck, no! Okay, no,
只是一块标牌在风中作响
it's just a sign that was blowing in the wind.
虽说是个糟糕的事例 但这地方疯得没边儿了哥们
That was a bad example. But shit is fucking crazy out here, man.
四周观望一下 你在哪个城区
Look around. What town are you in?
城区？
Town?
呃… 擦 我不知道
Um... Shit, I don't know. I don't know.
呃…
Uh...
好吧 这有个牌子
Okay, there's a sign.
上面写着…“墨西哥” 就写着墨西哥
It says... It says "Mexico" on it. Mexico.
你在墨西哥墨西哥？
You're in Mexico, Mexico?
墨西哥墨西哥？ 哪有这种破地名
Mexico, Mexico? Is that even a fucking place?
怎么可能存在
（墨西哥的首都就叫墨西哥城啦= =）
Does that exist?
等下
Hold on.
另一块牌子上写了些东西
The sign has something written on it. It says,
圣哈辛托27号♥公路
"27, San Jacinto."
好的 圣哈辛托27号♥公路
Okay, 27, San Jacinto.
呆在那别动
Stay where you are.
不会离洛杉矶太远的
That can't be that far from L.A.
快快快快他爹过来
Hurry, hurry, hurry! Hurry the fuck up!
我两、三个小时后就能接到你
I'll see you in two to three hours.
神马
What?
紧身裤耶
Tights!
嘿 兄弟
Hey, man!
Hey.
想吃块蛋糕吗
Do you want a piece of cake?
我带来了 就在车后座上 可好吃了
I brought it. It's in the backseat. It's very good.
什么情况 我怎么在车里
What's happening? Why am I in the car?
Nardo搁浅了 我们去墨西哥打捞他
Nardo's stranded. We're going to Mexico.
我说真的
I'm serious. What?
我试过叫醒你
I tried to wake you.
我还得把你扛上车
I had to carry you. Oh! Oh, no, no, no...
我是不知道你吃的什么安♥眠♥药♥
I don't know what sleeping pills you're taking,
不过药效强劲啊
but they are heavy duty.
不不不不不不…
No, no. No, no, no...
我不…我不…我不能去啊
I can't... I can't... I can't have this happen.
我现在不能去墨西哥
I can't go to Mexico right now.
抱歉 不过我开你公♥司♥配车的时候
I'm sorry, but I can't use the company car
你人必须在旁边嘛
without you here to supervise.
你定的规矩 你说得可清楚了
That's your rule. You made that very clear.
所以你就绑♥架♥我
So, you just kidnapped me?
我别无选择 Nardo全♥裸♥呢
I had no choice. Nardo's naked.
他全♥裸♥？
He's naked?
嗯 赤♥裸♥裸
Yeah. Nude.
在墨西哥？
In Mexico?
现在什么时候了 半夜
What time is it? Midnight.
我就操了 Jason
Oh, fuck, Jason!
行了 先别激动
All right, before you get really worked up,
我已经计划好了
I've already thought this through.
你看GPS
Look at the GPS.
我们在这 朝洛杉矶南部前进
We're here, heading south of Los Angeles.
现在Nardo在这 墨西哥边境以南14英里 明白了？
Now, Nardo is here, 14 miles south of the Mexican border. Okay?
两个半小时的车程过去 2:30将Nardo装车
Two and half hours down, that puts Nardo in the car at 2:30 a.m.
然后三小时的车程回来洛杉矶
Then three hours back up to Los Angeles,
到达洛杉矶时是5:30
that puts us in L.A. at 5:30 a.m.
你的会是8点开吧？ 是
Your meeting's at 8:00, right? Yeah.
咱还有两个半小时的弹性时间呢
Okay? Then we have two and a half hours of flex time.
你至少该给我带件衣服穿啊
You could have at least brought me something to wear.
带了
I did.
我带了你干洗好的衣服 你的钱包和牙刷
I brought your dry cleaning, your wallet and your toothbrush.
你可以直接去开会 都准备好了
You're all set for your meeting. Off you go.
这不是我的衣服
This is not my dry cleaning.
干洗店给我拿错了 我今天本来要还回去的
They gave me this by mistake, I was supposed to bring it back today.
那这是啥
What is it?
这是套女士职业套装
It's a woman's pant suit.
有时生活就是需要你穿着女士职业装开车去墨西哥
Well, sometimes life wants you to put on a pant suit and drive to Mexico.
我去也是为了Nardo而去
If I do this, I am doing it for Nardo.
我们到了墨西哥就开回来 直来直往
We are driving to Mexico and then we are driving right back.
不做额外逗留
No extra stops.
没有临时站 没有
No other stops? No other stops.
这站之后就没有了
None after this one.
等等等等一下
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait!
我们这是去哪
Oh, where are we going?
还记得我丢了钱包吗
Remember when I lost my wallet?
我记得你把钱包塞进后裤兜然后跳进泳池
I remember when you jumped in a pool with it in your back pocket.
我还记得你把它遗忘在夕阳下
And I remember when you left it out in the sun to dry.
这些部分都记得
I remember all those things.
你该办什么事儿就去办吧
You go do whatever you have to do.
我留在车里
I'm just gonna stay in the car.
不行不行
No, no, no, no.
这家伙不是一般人 我需要你帮忙
This guy's kind of hardcore. I need your help.
我不觉得我能帮上啥忙 看我这怂样
I don't know how much help I'm gonna be. Look at me.
你看起来棒棒哒
You look great.
我像《黄金女郎》之一
（85年以四个老奶奶为主角的喜剧）
I look like a Golden Girl.
最好的黄金女郎
The best Golden Girl!
真的好吗 我感觉我有骆驼趾
（女生裤子太紧导致胯下尴尬 具体画面请自行搜索）
I don't know, I feel like I have a camel toe.
咱们到底来这干啥
Remind me why we're here again?
刚说完我钱包丢了你又忘了
Well, remember when I lost my wallet?
没有身份证不能出国
Well, you can't leave the country without an ID,
所以得找这家伙做一个
so this guy's gonna make me one.
嘘 闭嘴 让不让人睡觉了
Shh! Shut up. People are trying to sleep.
他11岁
He's 11.
给 钱都在这了
Here. It's all there.
像样
Good.
在你们吵醒我妈前给爷滚进来