我爸写了小黄书（2019）

我们能得到一些提示吗
Can we get a tiny bit of perspective?
“娜塔莎说”
"Natasha said..."
“‘掷骰子到此为止
"'That's the end of dice class.
“‘贝琳达 既然你垫底
"'Belinda, seeing as you came bottom,
“‘在下午剩余的时间中
"'you must spend the rest of the afternoon...
“‘你都要露出你的胸’”
"'topless.'"
“娜塔莎抓住贝琳达的胳膊肘
"Natasha took Belinda by the elbow...
将她带到房♥间的边缘 舔了舔她的脸”
...guided her to the edge of the room and licked her face."
哦 天
Oh, God.
-就是这样 -为什么
- As you do. - Why?
我真不知道这本书里会发生什么
I literally have no idea what's going on in this fucking book.
“她悄悄地拿出一盒汉弗莱斯骰子和老鼠
"Secretly, she pulled out a box of Humphries Dice and Mice
就业中心的骰子”
joke shop dice."
是我喜欢的牌子
My preferred brand.
“悄声说”
"And whispered..."
-“‘正如你所见’” -悄声
- "'As you can see...'" - MORTON: Whispered.
“‘正如你所见
"'As you can see,
“‘我的骰子盒是汉弗莱斯
"'my box of dice are from Humphries
“‘骰子和老鼠就业中心的
"'Dice and Mice joke shop.
“‘供应商是皇家’”
"'Suppliers to royalty.'"
真好
It's very good.
真的 真的很好
It's very, very good.
“‘为什么 为什么你 你 你 为什么 你”
"'Why, why you... you, you... why, you..."
不会那样写的吧
That does not say that.
-你看 -哦 还真是那样写的
Look. Oh, it does say that.
来 来 把这句打上来
Get up, get up. Get this line up.
“‘为什么 为什么你 你 你
"'Why, why you... you, you...
“‘为什么你 你 你 为什么你
"'why you, you... you, why you.
你在轮到我的时候换了骰子
You switched the dice when it was my turn.'"
这是诗吧 写得太好了
That is poetry. That is beautiful.
“‘娜塔莎说”
"'Natasha declared..."
“‘你指望什么呢 我可是大♥师♥啊’”
"'What do you expect? I am a guru.'"
“对性的渴望和对职业的尊重充斥她的身体”
"Lust and professional respect pulsed through her body."
两种截然不同的情绪一起
Two very different emotions all at...
“娜塔莎仿佛能从她的呼吸中嗅出来”
"It was as if Natasha could taste it on her breath."
她的呼吸 你们闻过饱含对性的渴望和对职业尊重的呼吸吗
Oh. Her breath? Have you eaten lust and professional respect?
哦 还真是浓烈呢
Ooh, it's very strong.
会反复持续吗 像洋葱那样
Does it repeat? Is it like onions?
“娜塔莎仿佛能从她的呼吸中嗅出来
"It was as if Natasha could taste it on her breath,
“因为她缓慢地掀起裙子
"because she slowly pulled up her skirt...
露出了她的宫颈”
and flashed her cervix."
好吧
Now...
他不止一次这么写过
He has done this before.
老爸不知道宫颈是什么
Dad doesn't know what a cervix is.
他以为这只是阴♥道♥的另一种说法
He thinks it's just another word for vagina.
我 爱丽丝
And, I... Alice.
这是你很讨厌的地方吧
This is a specific pet peeve of yours.
我觉得所有人都应该很讨厌吧
It should be a specific pet peeve of all of ours.
是的 没错 但我觉得你尤其讨厌这样的
And it is, absolutely. But, I think particularly, it's a bee in your bonnet.
是吧 他真把女性的所有部位
Yeah. Well, he does just think that all of the lady bits
都混为一谈 他想用哪个就用哪个
are sort of jumbled up in a bag, and they can kind of go anywhere.
感觉现在不说就没机会说清楚了
It feels like this would be a missed opportunity to not clear it up once and for all,
-所以我能耽误两分钟吗 -请说
- so can I take two minutes of your time? - Please.
-请说吧 爱丽丝 你说上四分钟都没关系 -谢谢 好的
Please. Alice, you can take four. Thanks. Okay.
你要是听说我们在演出前做了些准备 你会感到惊讶的 我懂
So it will surprise you to hear that we do do some preparation before the show. I know.
我们读的这个是洛奇的研究 他真的努力想要搞清楚
And we were reading this study, because Rocky does really struggle...
是的 他对女性解剖做了研究
Yeah, he does. ...with female anatomy.
但事实上 你们很多人也一样
But it turns out, so do a lot of you.
半数千禧一代的女性
Because 50 percent of millennial women
不知道她们的阴♥道♥在哪里
don't know where their vagina is.
-这是真的 不是开玩笑 -是真的 真的
- That's real. That's not a joke. - It's true. It's a true fact.
这不是一个笑话 好吧
This is not a laughing matter. Okay?
我不是说她们会说“是在这里吗”
I don't mean they're like, "Is it here?"
我是说她们不知道哪是哪 所以
I mean, they, like, don't know which bit's which. So...
你们觉得最上面那个标的是什么
What do you think that top label is?
它们是
They are the...?
我和后台的小伙子们说 我透过幕布悄悄看了一眼
I said to the boys backstage, I had a little peek through the curtain,
我说“这一屋子都是法尔图的粉丝”
I was like, "We have a room full of FalTu fans."
是的 输卵管 很好
Yes. Fallopian tubes. Okay.
真棒 好的 下面一个 它们是什么
Brilliant. Okay. Next one down. What are they?
卵巢
Ovaries!
好的 这答案几乎完全统一 除了一个小子
Okay, that was almost unanimous, apart from a chap...
我不会看你的 先生 因为我不想让谁尴尬
I'm not gonna look at you, sir, 'cause I don't want to embarrass anybody,
但是在这一区域 绝对有个人说那是肺 不过的确
but in this zone, who definitely said lungs, but yes, that is...
算是生殖系统的肺吧 如果你非要这么说的话
the... the lungs of the reproductive system, if you like.
这里是卵巢
That is the ovaries.
先生 请小心一点 你可能会把人害死
Sir, please be careful. You are gonna kill someone.
嗯 下一个
Um... next one down.
我给你们一些小提示
I'll give you a little clue.
有关团队精神 单词里有“我们”[us]
It's the team player. You can't spell this without "us."
是的 是子♥宫♥[uterus] 对了
Yes, it's the uterus. You betcha.
好的 右下角 先生 不叫那个的
Um, okay, bottom right, sir, that's not what it's called.
右下角是什么
What is the bottom right one?
刚刚是不是有人说是香蕉吗
Did someone say banana?
比我想的还糟呢 看来不知道这些结构的人超过半数了
It's worse than I thought. It's higher than 50 percent.
那就是阴♥道♥ 好的 最后一个
That is the vagina. Okay. So the last one...
让我们先保持一秒沉默
Let's just have just complete silence for a second.
呃 我想数到三 大家都能说出来
Um, and I think on the count of three, we could all do this together.
因为我猜今晚在伦敦其他任何地方
Because I am gonna have a little guess that this is not happening
都不会发生这样的事
anywhere else in London tonight.
好的 倒数三个数 大声地
Okay. So on the count of three, as loudly...
先生 你可能会说从肺的顶部开始
At the top of your lungs, you might say, sir...
集中精神 好了
Mind blown. Okay.
3 2 1
Three, two, one...
宫颈
Cervix!
真不可思议 我
That was magical. I...
是啊
Yeah.
为你们鼓掌吧 是的
Yeah. Applaud yourselves. Yeah.
因为你们让我高♥潮♥了 谢谢你们
Because you just made me come, so thank you.
非常感谢 谢谢
Thank you so much. Thank you.
爱丽丝 莱文 真♥他♥妈♥令人尊重啊
Alice Levine. Fucking respect.
-干的漂亮 -谢谢
- That was good. - Thanks.
“整个团队都不敢相信他们的好运
"The team couldn't believe their luck,
“只见娜塔莎和贝琳达解开上衣的扣子
"as Natasha and Belinda unbuttoned their blouses,
“卸下她们的胸罩
"unhooked their brassieres,
让她们各自的乳♥房♥♥露在外面”
and let their respective tits hang out."
是的
Yes.
各自的乳♥房♥♥
Respective tits?
这是我的奶♥子♥ 那是你的奶♥子♥
These are my tits. Those are your tits.
“几秒之内 脸就有些泛红了 ”
"Within seconds, a somewhat flushed-ish..."
哦
Oh!
你这 虽然很蠢 但很棒啊 “泛红”
That's, although stupid, quite nice, "flushed-ish."
-哦 这么说真好 -泛红
- Oh, it's ever so nice to say. - Flushed-ish.
“几秒之内 脸就有些泛红了
"Within seconds, a somewhat flushed-ish
“帕特里克 奥哈姆林站起来说
"Patrick O'Hamlin stood up and said...
“嘿 ”
"'Hey!"
“‘嘿 听我说 我掷了三个6
"'Hey, listen to me. I got the straight sixes.
-“‘我也要脱衣服’”-哦
"'I'm strippin' off, too.'" COOPER: Oh.
“突然 肯 德斯伯里尖声说道
"Suddenly, Ken Dewsbury piped up.
“‘去他妈的’”
"'Fuck it.'"
“‘去他妈的 我还不如女人呢
"'Fuck it. I did no better than ladies.
-“我想我也该脱♥光♥衣服”-脱♥光♥衣服吗
- "'I reckon I should be balled naked, too.'" - LEVINE: Balled naked?
“然后 让人难以置信的是
"Then, unbelievably,
“他真的按他说的
"keeping true to his word,
肯 德斯伯里脱掉了他所有的衣服”
Ken Dewsbury removed all of his clothes."
-我不想看到那样的场景 -“他细致地全部折好”
I don't want to see it. "He folded them carefully."
喝酒
Drink.
虽说我觉得那既性感又表示了尊重
Although, I think that's sexy and respectful.
“他细致地全部折好 放在一把机翼一般的椅子上”
"He folded them carefully on one of the wing-backed chairs..."
-是的 -又要喝酒了对吧
- Yes. - That's another drink, isn't it?