我爸写了小黄书（2019）

and followed the outline with her forefinger."
-“绕着圈”-绕着圈
- "Going, going 'round." - Going 'round.
-“一圈” -一圈
- "And 'round." - And 'round.
-“一圈” -一圈
"And round." And round.
-“又一圈”
"And 'round."
“每圈逐渐加重力道”
"But increasing the pressure with each circumnavigation."
好的 你做得真不错 你很享受啊
Okay, you really give it some, and you're enjoying it.
你很享受啊
You're enjoying it.
“娜塔莎深深地呻♥吟♥”
"Natasha moaned deeply."
嗯
Uh...
-“贝琳达低下头” -这样
"Belinda bent her head..." There we go.
“开始探索她潮湿的洞穴”
"...and started to excavate her damp cave."
不 不 不 够了
No, no, no, no, no, no. That's quite enough.
停下音乐 把灯光调回正常的样子吧
Let's stop the music. Let's get the lights back to normal.
我想这足够了 女士们先生们
I think that's quite enough. Ladies and gentlemen,
热烈掌声送给贝琳达和娜塔莎
please give a round of applause for Belinda and Natasha.
鞠个躬 姑娘们 鞠个躬
Take a bow, girls. Take a bow.
谢谢 谢谢你们
Thank you. Thank you.
我想 这是 这是车祸现场吧
I mean, that was... That was a train wreck.
-太过了 -不过 干得漂亮 詹姆斯
- That was a lot. - But, you know, well done, James.
我像看到了阴♥道♥
I saw a vagina.
好了
Okay.
“突然 姑娘们听到了区域销♥售♥经理的
"Suddenly, the girls heard the sound
一些声音”
of the regional sales managers..."
天呐 这才是我们来到这里的理由
Oh, my God. That's why we're here.
我都忘了我们为什么要来这里了
I'd completely forgotten why we were here.
就像是披头士来了一样
It's like the Beatles have arrived.
“区域销♥售♥经理的车停在外面的声音
"...of the regional sales manager's cars parking outside.
“她们迅速地互相穿上衣服
"They quickly dressed one another,
恰赶在她迈着沉重的步子走进房♥间前穿好了”
finishing just as her subordinates plodded into the room."
真是让人冷静的好方法啊 洛奇
Way to kill the energy, Rocky. Thanks.
以下提到的几个人物均出自Belinda Blinked系列
“帕特里克 奥哈姆林”
"Patrick O'Hamlin..."
耶
Yay!
怕你们忘了 我说一下他掌管着两个国家
Yeah, he's in charge of two whole countries, lest we forget.
苏格兰和爱尔兰 大忙人啊
Scotland, and Ireland. Busy man.
“肯 德斯伯里”
"Ken Dewsbury..."
真的吗 他会在他的地下室里拍片子啊
Really? He films women in his cellar.
伙计们 冷静点
Guys, come on.
-你们这些疯子 -“德 马丁”
You guys are sick. "Des Martin..."
他做♥爱♥的时候都在运球吧 天呐 这个
And he dribbles during sex. God, this lot.
“还有戴夫 威尔科克斯”
"And Dave Wilcox..."
哦
Oh.
显然是组里的表演者
The Ringo of the group, clearly.
“瘫倒在一堆椅子里”
"...slumped into the expansive collection of chairs."
所以所有区域销♥售♥经理在公♥司♥的分层中
So, the regional sales managers are kind of all on the same level, right,
都是同一水平吗
within the hierarchy of the company?
是的 可以说他们都在贝琳达的手下
Yeah, they're all under Belinda, so to speak.
说实话 我觉得看一看
I actually, um, thought it'd be useful to see
锅碗瓢盆公♥司♥的结构会很有用
the kind of company structure of Steeles Pots and Pans.
呃 因为这本书里有很多这种思想
Uh, 'cause there's been so much thought put into these books.
嗯 实际上我真写出来了
Um, so I actually have it here. Um...
贝琳达在这 她是一切的中心
So, there's Belinda, the center of it all.
我喜欢把人物关系剖析开
I love that we're supposed to be turned on,
但我们现在却是在看着这样一个
and we're looking at a chart of the company structure
描绘锅碗瓢盆公♥司♥的结构的图表
of a pots and pans company.
是的 这并不是最性感的对吧 也不是那么有用
Yeah, it's not the most sexy, is it? It's also not that useful.
真正有用的是看谁上了谁
What's really important is to see who's fucked who.
-是的 -所以 我们 我们改一下图
Yes! So, let's... let's change that,
看看谁和谁干过什么
and see who's done the dirty with whom.
哦 天啊
Oh, jeez.
是的 你会觉得
Yeah. So, you really kind of, so, you know...
哇哦 那些线代表着什么
Wow. What do all the lines mean?
红线是“裸体调情”
Yeah. So, red is "flirting whilst nude."
嗯 你看 也没有那么多嘛
Um, you know, so not that much
在锅碗瓢盆公♥司♥也没那么多
of that's gone on, actually, at Steeles Pots and Pans.
性♥爱♥抚就很普遍了
Heavy petting is rife.
随处可见
A lot of that's been going on.
用蓝线标出来了
That's the blue line.
然后是全套性♥爱♥
Then you've got all the sex,
绿线标出来的那个
which is the green one,
同样 在这公♥司♥里并不是很多
So again, not that much going on at Steeles.
让我们扩大范围
So let's widen it out,
看一看每个
and have a look at the context
出现在眨眼的贝琳达宇宙中的人物
with every character that's ever graced
-的故事 -天啊
- the Belinda Blinked universe. - Oh, my God.
-我的天哪 -看看这图表
- Oh, my God. - Look at it.
简直像伦敦地下铁一般复杂 看看它
It's like the London Underground. Look at it.
-我很喜欢每条线都和贝琳达相连 -是的 是的
- I love that all lines lead to Belinda, as well. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
虽然 最令人伤心的一点是 看这 吉姆 汤普森 什么都没有
Although, and this is so sad, look, Jim Thompson. Nothing!
一根线都没有
Not a sausage, literally.
-可怜的吉姆 -可怜的吉姆
- Poor Jim! - Poor Jim!
“会议还是开始了”
"But the session had begun."
开始了
Yes, it had.
“娜塔莎将三枚骰子放在了桌上”
"Natasha placed three dice onto the table."
-骰子 -骰子
- Dice? - Dice.
-好吧 -“并让每个人都扔一次”
Okay. "And asked each person to take a throw."
“帕特里克 奥哈姆林 他第一个掷出骰子”好的
"Patrick O'Hamlin. He went first." Oh, yeah.
“他嘴角带着一丝嘲讽的笑意
"And with a hint of a tease,
掷出了三个 6 ”
he scored three... sixes!"
哦 那真不错
Oh, that's good!
那是三个骰子能掷出的最好的结果了
That is the best you can do with three dice.
抱歉 我们在搞什么
I'm sorry. What are we playing?
-呃 我们在玩掷骰子 -掷骰子 没错 他说了
Uh, we're playing dice. Dice. Yeah, he did say that.
虽然不是游戏 但还挺好的
Not a game, but cool.
-“其他人一齐哀叹”-我们哀叹吧
- "Everyone else groaned..." - Oh, let's groan.
“咒骂着爱尔兰人的运气”
"...swearing at the luck of the Irish..."
混♥蛋♥
Bastards.
“其余区域销♥售♥经理们也都掷了骰子”
"...the rest of the RSMs took their throws.
“德 马丁掷出了很好 很扎实的10”
"Des Martin scored a good, solid ten..."
-挺好的 -“分别是3 5 和2”
That's decent. "...from a three, a five, and a two."
“戴夫 威尔科克斯掷出了12
"Dave Wilcox scored a 12...
“分别是5 6 和1”
"...from a five, a six, and a one."
我喜欢他凑字数
I love that he's just filling pages.
“肯 德斯伯里
"And Ken Dewsbury...
-“区区7”-哦
- "...a measly seven." - Ooh.
哦 让我猜猜 分别是1 4 和2
Oh, let me guess. A one, a four, a two.
-“分别是2 3 和2”-哦
"From a two, a three, and a two." Oh.
“娜塔莎拾起骰子”
"Natasha picked up the dice."
哦 还有骰子 都是骰子
Oh, there's more dice, more dice.
“递给了贝琳达”
"And she passed them on to Belinda."
-好多骰子管理者啊 -是啊
- It's a lot of dice admin. - Yeah.
“贝琳达笑了 但
"Belinda smiled, but...
“她没有眨眼”
"she didn't wink."
-那就别写下来啊 -知道这点真好 谢谢你 老爸
Then don't write it. Yeah. Good to know. Thanks, Dad.
你不用把没发生的事业记录下来
You don't need to document it if it didn't happen.
“她快速而随意地一扔 ”
"Her quick but casual throw..."
不知道它们落在哪里 我也不关心
Don't know where they went. Do not care.
“她快速而随意地一扔 结果是
"Her quick but casual throw resulted...
-总共”-哦 我们要击鼓吗 营造一种紧张的氛围
in a score..." Oh, can we drumroll? Can we do a little...?
“是”
"...of..."
“4”
"...four..."
-哦 天哪 -“ 分别是1 2”
Oh, God. "...from a one, a two...
以及另一个不幸的1”
and another wretched one."
真叫人失望
That's disappointing.
“娜塔莎 拜尔斯目光锐利地盯着她”
"Natasha Biles looked daggers at her..."
“在一片死寂中说出了事实”
"...as a stunned silence said everything there was to say on the matter.
“贝琳达目光下移 想着”
"Belinda lowered her eyes and thought...
“我他妈的
"Fuck me.
“我 我毁了她的活动
"I've... I've ruined her exercise.
她现在会对我做什么呢”
What's she gonna do to me now?"