我爸写了小黄书（2019）

-没错 的确 -所以就这一天在路上浪费太多时间了
That's true, actually, yeah. See, it's a long way to go for a day.
-是的 没错 还有回程 -是的 是的
- Yeah. That's true. And back. - Yeah, yeah.
还有回程 十四个小时的车程
And back. Fourteen-hour round trip! And back. Yeah.
他们在那里就呆个十分钟
They're gonna be there for 10 minutes,
快速地打个炮 回到车里 再见了
quick shag, back in the car. Bye!
-“训练大♥师♥ ”-大♥师♥
- "The training guru..." - Guru!
“她 她把整个节目安排得很好
"...she was... she was pinning the whole show on was good.
不 是非常 非常好”
No. Very, very good."
呃 谁想猜一猜这位大♥师♥的名字吗
Um, who wants to guess the name of this guru?
哦 有谁想试试 猜名字
Ooh. Anyone? Name. Yeah.
-维罗妮卡 -不是
Veronica. No.
-依勒克拉 -依勒克拉 认真点吧
Electra. Electra? Behave.
南希 不是
Nancy. No.
我感觉这女人好像刚送走一位叫南希的人
I feel like this woman's just lost someone called Nancy.
南希
Nancy!
南希
Nancy!
你♥他♥妈♥在哪 我们走错片场了
Where the fuck are you? We're at the wrong show!
不 我不是 抱歉 我没听见正确答案
No, I didn't... I'm sorry, guys, but I didn't hear it.
-因为正确答案是 “梅拉尼娅”
- Because... - "Melania was," uh...
-好吧 -我开玩笑的 很显然我是在开玩笑
- No! Okay. - I'm... I'm joking. I'm obviously joking.
嗯 “娜塔莎 拜尔斯”
Um, no. "Natasha Biles..."
这个姓氏选得很有趣不是吗
Okay. That's an interesting choice of surname, isn't it?
-是吧 -因为它并不是
It is, isn't it? Because that's not...
并不是一个和性挂钩的液体吧 它是胆汁
It's not a sexy liquid, is it? Bile.
-不是 就是呕吐前的那种感觉 -是啊
- No, it's kind of like pre-vomit, isn't it? - Yeah.
酸回流本质上是 差不多吧
Acid reflux is essentially... That's basically it. Yeah.
“娜塔莎 拜尔斯是业内最好的
"Natasha Biles was the best in the industry,
她几乎总是能保证取得优异的成绩”
and she almost always guaranteed exceptional results."
“实际上 她有着一头火红的头发”
"In reality, she herself was a fiery redhead."
哦 是爱丽丝吗
Oh. Alice.
-天呐 -罪名成立
Hello. Guilty as charged.
“法国血统 一点不差”
"Of French extraction, not the less."
“实际上 她也是当地的女性救生艇成员”
"As it turned out, she was also the local female lifeboat member."
-我要为这个罚酒了 -我也要
I'm drinking on that. I'm drinking on that, as well.
你懂吧 在看小黄书的时候
You don't really want, you know, to think about drowning people
-你并不会想要去想那些溺水的人 -是啊
when you're reading porn. Yeah. Really. Yeah.
会有一小部分人这样做的
There'll be a small cross section of the community that do.
继续 “实际上 她也是当地的女性救生艇成员 所以
So, "As it turned out, she was also the local female lifeboat member, so,
“她在家也穿着黄色的高筒靴和 油布衣服
"she was equally at home in a pair of yellow Wellingtons and oil skins,
就像在女商人穿制♥服♥一样自在”
as in a team building businesswoman's uniform."
这句话中提到的服装选择
That is a lot of interesting
很是有趣啊
sartorial choices in one sentence.
“贝琳达心情愉快地登记入住了”
"With a light heart, Belinda checked in."
之后 抱歉 我能插一句嘴吗 这他妈的是一整段
And, sorry. Can I just say, that's one fucking paragraph.
看
Look.
就这样 孤单的一句话 简直让人同情
There it is. On its own. It's just so sad.
-太不正统了 只能这么说 -这很重要
It's unorthodox, I'll give you that. It's very important.
“她漫步在铺着精致地毯的宽阔楼梯上
"She strolled down the wide, exquisitely carpeted staircase."
-哦 天呐 我们会烂醉如泥的
- Oh, God. We're gonna be drunker than... - Looks like a drink.
最奇怪的事情能让她解脱 不是吗
The weirdest things get her off, don't they?
是的 她走下楼的时候就像在说 谁把地毯放在那的
Uh, yeah. Yeah. She's, like walking down the stairs going, who laid that?
天呐 它一直延伸到边界诶
Oh, my God, it goes all the way to the edge. Ah!
-要命 -怎么了 那是
Kill! What? That's...
那是你对“铺着精致地毯”的定义吗
That's your definition of "exquisitely carpeted"?
-赋予重任的飞毯 -延伸到边界
- Functional carpet. - To the edge.
把整个房♥间都铺满了
To the edge of the room.
“她那舒适而性感的黑色皮裤套装”
"Her comfortable, yet sexy black leather trouser suit..."
喔哦 又是一副靓丽的外观
Whoa, another great look. Whoa.
是啊 你是说既舒服又性感
Yeah. Did you say it was comfortable, yet sexy?
是的 是的 “既舒服又性感”是的 是的
Yeah, yeah. "Comfortable, yet sexy." Yeah, yeah, yeah.
我猜是因为她穿太多次了 把皮裤都撑大了
I feel like she's worn it a lot, like there's a bit of give in the gusset.
哦 詹姆斯
Oh, James.
-很舒服的 -宽松的裆部 才不要呢
It's comfy. A baggy crotch. No.
“她那舒适而性感的黑色皮裤套装吱吱作响
"Her comfortable, yet sexy, black leather trouser suit squeaked...
-当她”-所以她走起路来就是这样的
as she..." So she's literally like...
太有灵魂了
Mental.
“她昂首阔步地走过铺着瓷砖的长廊 走进会议室”
"...as she strutted along the long, tiled hallway into the conference room."
我想说一点 前戏好像越来越长
I would argue that surfaces are getting a lot of airtime,
-没有 没有什么情♥色♥内容 到目前为止 -是的 是的
- and not... not much sex, thus far. - Yeah. Oh, yeah.
是没有
No.
“娜塔莎站了起来 迅捷地将她颤动的舌头
"Natasha stood up and immediately pushed her throbbing tongue
-伸进了贝琳达紫红的嘴中” -好的
- into Belinda's purple mouth." - Okay.
哇哦
Wow.
-这就开始了 -一秒打脸啊
Now we've started. I spoke too soon. Okay.
-我们现在就在贝琳达的嘴里 -是的
- We're literally in Belinda's mouth. - Yes.
嗯 娜塔莎在她嘴里
Yeah, well, Natasha is.
可以干很多事
There's a lot of activity there.
-发生了很多事 -很可爱的问候 不是吗
- There's quite a lot going on. - Lovely greeting, isn't it?
你想拆开它吗
Yeah. Do you want to break it down?
-怎么 对半分吗 -是 我想
Oh, what, go fifty-fifty? Yeah. I'll, uh...
是说什么来着 紫红的嘴 我要这个紫红的嘴
What was it, purple mouth? I'll take the purple mouth.
那我就是颤动的舌头
And I will take throbbing tongue.
-好的 -虽说我不会要颤动的舌头啦
Okay. Good. I won't take throbbing tongue, although...
我们等着瞧吧 毕竟
We'll see. There's some...
-夜还早 -房♥间里有着有资格的单身汉呢
The night is young. ...eligible bachelors in the room, yeah.
呃 那什么 紫红的嘴 她是快死了吗
Uh, yeah. Purple mouth. Uh, is she dying?
-才没有 没有 没有 她好着呢 好着呢 -没有窒息吗
- No! No. No, no, she's fine. She's fine. - No. Choking?
-生病了 -没有 她很好
- Ill? - No, no, no. She's fine.
-好吧 行吧 -好的 我的问题是前面提到的
- Okay, fine. - Okay. My question is about the aforementioned,
-呃 颤动的舌头 -嗯 爱丽丝 怎么了吗
uh, throbbing tongue. Yes, Alice. Yes?
呃 我就是想知道是不是这样的感觉
Um, I just wanted to know is that this kind of motion, like a...
是的
Yeah.
是的 我猜想就像是 呃 脉动一样
Yeah. I imagine it's kind of like, yeah, like, like, pulsing.
就好像你能感受到你的血脉喷张
Like, you can feel the blood, like...
哦 抱歉 你们也这么想吗
Oh, I'm sorry. Is that your line?
因为这本书其他部分也会同样让你们感觉匪夷所思
'Cause you are literally fucked for the rest of this book, like...
-哦 抱歉 我还有个问题 -你说
- Oh, sorry. One more question, actually. - Yes?
嗯 她们之前见过面吗
Um, have they ever met?
-有趣的问题 她们 -你可真是会假正经
Interesting question. They have... You're such a prude.
- 从没见过 一次 也没有 -从未谋面
- ...never met. No. - Never met.
好吧 好吧 连招呼都没打过吗 就像这样
Okay. Good. Not even a hello? Just a...
很高兴见到你
Nice to meet you. Uh...
啊 伙计们 伙计们
Um, guys, guys, guys.
“眨眼的贝琳达”
"Belinda blinked."
-干杯 干杯 -嗯
- Cheers, cheers. - Mm.
-敬你和你的家人 -敬你和你的家人
- To you and yours. To you and yours. - To you and yours.
好了
Right.
哦
Oh!
-怎么了 -你知道你发出了一些噪音吗
You all right? Do you know you're making a noise?
-知道 -有些 有些
Yes. There's something, there's something...
你呼气的声音
You're exhaling audibly.
呃
Um... a...
你们他妈就不能让我喘口气吗
Would you just give me a fucking second!
你很紧张 我们很担心
You're deflating. We're concerned.
我不知道发生了什么 但总该有个头吧
I don't know what's happening, but can it last forever?
“我 我是 啊 娜塔莎
"I-I'm, ah... Natasha.
“我是这的主管哇
"And I'm in charge naah.
嗯 嗯 ”
Yeah? Yeah?"
-不 肯定是 “我是这的主管哇”-是吧
- No, definitely. "I'm in charge naah." - Yeah?
“主管哇”
"Charge naah."
-这是不是 法语 -这就是法语
Was that supposed to be... French? That was French.
挺好的 我觉得 不 不 我觉得你这是仇恨犯罪
It's very good, I thought. No, no. I-I think that was a hate crime.
好吧 好吧
Oh, okay, okay.
-我为他们抱不平 -好吧
- I'm offended for them. - Okay, fine.
呃 今晚有法国人来到我们现场了吗
Uh, is anyone in the room French tonight?
或者随便谁觉得他发音比我好的都行
Or at least thinks they can do a better accent than I.
-哦 -好
- Ooh. - Yes.
呃 你愿不愿意
Um, are you willing to play
在剩下的部分里扮演娜塔莎 拜尔斯
Natasha Biles for the rest of the show?
愿意吗
Yeah?