攀登梅鲁峰（2015）

而且世界上没几个人能做到这点
And there wasn't too many people who could do that.
这里是涅尔瓦那山
This is Nirvana, what this is.
我们一起来出来，欣赏山峦
So we're gonna hang out, just enjoy the mountains.
你知道，马格斯是导师
[Krakauer] You know, Mugs was the mentor...
但亚历克斯和康拉德差不多平级
but Alex was much more Conrad's equal.
你知道，他们是有史以来 最出色的两个攀登者
These are, you know, two of the most brilliant climbers ever.
大家都为他们感到十分震惊
I mean, people were blown away by 'em.
而且他们相互提高
And they fed off each other!
他们是完美配合，完美搭档
They were this perfect match, the perfect partnership.
我在97年跟亚历克斯和康拉德 一起去了南极洲
I went to Antarctica with both Alex and Conrad in '97...
那是我经历过的最棒的一场旅程 他们都表现的很好
in one of the best trips I've ever done, and they were in rare form.
光看着他们就很棒
Just brilliant to behold.
于是他有了这个新搭档 他们将颠覆这个世界
So he had this new partner, and they were gonna tear up the world.
亚历克斯在平衡家庭方面十分出色
[Conrad] Alex did a remarkable job of balancing family.
而我们都跟流浪汉一样
We were all sort of vagabonds.
然而亚历克斯，他很正统 他结婚了，有几个孩子
And here's Alex. He's, like, legit. He's married, and he's got kids.
我嫁给亚历克斯·洛维18年了
I was married to Alex Lowe for 18 years.
然而，在1999年秋天
And, um, in the autumn of 1999...
他跟康拉德去探险了
uh, he was on an expedition with Conrad.
当时是去的西♥藏♥，希夏邦马峰
It was to Shishapangma, in Tibet.
他们当时去看了一下那山
And, uh, they went up to take a look at the mountain.
那天本该是休息的
[Conrad] It was supposed to be a rest day.
我，大卫·布里吉斯，亚历克斯上了山 准备攀登
David Bridges, Alex and I went up, getting ready to do the climb...
然后大概在早上7点半，8点钟的样子
and we got to this point- it was probably 7:30, 8:00 in the morning.
忽然间，发生一声巨响 我们抬头一看，见鬼
All of a sudden, there was, like, this crack, and we looked up and it was, "Oh, shit."
雪崩了
There was a- a release.
在亚历克斯离开之前，我就有种不好的预感
[Jenni] Before Alex left, I had this weird premonition.
我不想让他攀岩
I didn't want him to go on the climb.
我说，你知道...
I said, you know...
我很担心，你会死于雪崩
I'm worried that you're gonna die in an avalanche.
而亚历克斯说，我从来都会回家啊
And Alex said, "I always come home."
亚历克斯和大卫直接往山下跑 我往斜的方向穿越
[Conrad] Alex and David ran straight downhill. I traversed at an angle.
我当时觉得，在被雪崩掩埋之前 我就会倒下
I was like, "I'm gonna lay down before the avalanche hits."
我往那边看，亚历克斯和大卫 还在上面，他们还在跑
And as I looked over, David and Alex were still upright, and they were still running.
我跌倒又爬起，磨了一身伤，不停翻滚
I was picked up and thrown, battered, tumbled.
一半的身子都被掩埋了
And just kind of half-buried.
然后...一片沉寂
And then... it was silent.
我记得我站起身，四处走动
I remember standing up and walking around...
走去我刚才看见了他们的地方 但那儿什么都没有
and going over to where I had seen them, and there was nothing there.
没有滑雪板，手套什么的从雪里露出来
There was no ski stick or a glove sticking out of the snow or anything like that.
我们的其他队员也上来帮助搜寻了
Our other teammates came up to help with the search...
我们在一天中最美好的时间里搜寻他们
and we searched there for the better part of the day.
我回到了营地 我需要一些药物治疗
I went back down to camp. I needed some medical attention.
我接到了电♥话♥，起初我以为是亚历克斯
[Jenni] I got the phone call. I thought it was Alex at first.
接着安德鲁的声音响起了 我瞬间就慌了
And Andrew's voice came on, and I instantly panicked.
安德鲁说，珍妮，雪崩了
Andrew's like, "Jenni, there's been an avalanche."
你知道，然后我的心狂跳不止
You know, and then my heart was racing.
立马，我说，康拉德在吗？
Right away, I said, "Is Conrad there?"
因为，你知道，我以为...
Because, you know, I thought that...
康拉德可能会保护亚历克斯
somehow Conrad would've protected Alex.
你知道，如果康拉德当时和他在一起 他就不会有事了
You know, that it couldn't happen to him if Conrad was there with him.
我记得珍妮说，你还能做些什么吗？
I remember Jenni saying, "Is there anything else you can do?
你能回去找他吗？而我们说 他，他已经走了
Can you go back and look for him?" And we're like, "No. It's just- He's gone."
那是，那是...
And it was- it was-
事已成定局了
There was, um- There was just this finality of it.
在亚历克斯死后，康拉德变化很大
[Krakauer] After Alex died, Conrad went through this transformation.
他...他看起来非常憔悴
He was just- He looked gaunt.
他...他退隐到了某个深处 不肯走出来
He was- He had retreated somewhere deep inside and wasn't comin' out.
他很担心，他在那个边缘 不会再回来了
I worried he was over the edge and wasn't coming back.
我是说，已经失去了重心
[Conrad] It's just- I mean, the wheels were coming off.
我不知道为什么我如此糟糕
And, um, I didn't know why I was so fucked up.
我的一个朋友，吉尔·罗伯茨 他也遇到了类似的情况
Gil Roberts, a friend of mine, who was in a very similar situation.
他的攀岩搭档死的时候，他也在场
He was there when his climbing partner died.
不止一次，他拿起电♥话♥，对我说 嘿，伙计
And more than once, he picked up the phone, and he's like, "Hey, man.
我想和你聊聊 我们应该聚一聚
I've gotta come talk to you. We've gotta get together."
我不知道他为什么要找我
And I didn't know why Gil wanted to get ahold of me.
感觉像...
And it was, like-
我记得他是怎么说的，他说 是的，幸存者的罪恶感难以承受
I remember his line. He's like, "Yep. Survivor's guilt is a bear."
要承受它，真的...
And having to do that. And it was, like-
因为对我来说，这沉重的感觉
Because for me, it's, like, this heavy fucking thing...
我就是无法摆脱
that wouldn't leave me alone.
因为亚历克斯在时刻提醒着我
'Cause Alex had it going on.
他很成功，他有3个孩子 一个美满的婚姻
Here he was, he was successful. He had three kids, a happy married life.
一切都那么美好，而我，住在一辆车里
Everything was cool, and I lived in a van.
关于亚历克斯的死，康拉德充满了懊悔
[Jenni] Conrad was filled with remorse over Alex's death...
他从探险回来后
and he came back from the expedition...
感觉他似乎才是那个该死的人
feeling like he was the one who should've died.
我在努力寻找平衡的安宁
[Conrad] Trying to find balance and peace in that...
但我就是无所适从
I just didn't know where to go.
总是转一圈，又回到了珍妮这
But it always circled back to being with Jenni...
我们会通电♥话♥
and the conversations that we had on the telephone...
一起聚一聚
and being together with each other.
我觉得他好像...
[Jenni] I think he felt like...
想继续当好朋友，他需要帮助我们
to continue being a great friend, he needed to be there for us.
这对我来说，这是和亚历克斯仅有的联♥系♥
It was like a little connection to Alex that was still there for me.
你知道，在这之前... 我们谁也不知道将会发生什么
And then, you know, before we- either of us knew what was happening...
我们相爱了
we were kind of falling in love.
受这悲剧的胁迫，我和珍妮 我们相爱了
[Conrad] The duress of this tragedy- Jenni and I, we fell in love.
然后我们最终结了婚 我领养了这几个孩子
And then eventually we married, and I have adopted the boys.
我不是一副由我选的样子，说，好吧
[Jenni] I wasn't like I chose and said, "Okay.
我又要爱上一个攀登者了 但也就是发生了
I'm gonna fall in love with another climber." It just kind of happened.
我依然觉得我嫁个牛仔 或许会更好一些
I still think I might have been better off with a cowboy.
康拉德意识到
[Krakauer] Conrad has this side to him that realizes...
我现在肩负着重任
I got some heavy responsibilities here.
这是康拉德的秘诀 这是一种永恒的辩证法
it's the key to Conrad. There's this constant dialectic.
他需要攀登山峰，但感觉像 我是不是太冒险了？
He needs the mountains to climb, but it's like, "Am I taking too many chances?
我能控制风险吗？ 你当然无法控制风险
Can I control the risk?" Of course you can't control the risk.
那我为什么还要这么做？ 因为我必须这么做，不然我会疯掉的
Well, why am I doing this? Because I have to do it or I go fucking crazy.
最终，吉米和康拉德 将这个决定留给了我
[Renan] In the end, Jimmy and Conrad left the decision up to me.
即使距离那场事故才过去了5个月
Even though it'd only been five months since the accident...
我决定，我想尝试一下
I decided I wanted to give it a go.
经过了2008年的考验之后 我们变得亲密无间
[Conrad] We had become so close after the 2008 ordeal...
我们不会给他这个机会...
that to not give him the opportunity-
这不是庆祝我们一起攀登的团队合作
it wasn't celebrating the teamwork that we came into the climb with.
这就是我们的决定
That was the decision. - [Exhales]
那个，在这件事上 其实我并没有给出选择
[Amee] Well, I wasn't really given a choice... in the matter.
实际上雷南决定去梅鲁峰
Renan actually decided to go to Meru...
买♥♥了张机票，甚至都没告诉我
and bought a plane ticket and didn't even tell me.
那就像一记耳光，但
It was kind of a slap in the face, but...
更多的是担心他的安危
the bigger concern was his safety.
他知道我们承受的压力
[Jimmy] He knew the heat that we were taking...
他也知道，我们必须信任他，让他去
and he knew that we had to trust him to let him go.
而我们就是这么做的，我们相信他
And that's what we did. We trusted him.
也许这对大多数人来说，这样的冒险
[Krakauer] Maybe that's way over the heads of most people...
这样的信任表达方式，太疯狂了
that kind of risk and that kind of expression of trust.
但当康拉德还是毛头小子的时候 马格斯就在教他
But when Conrad was a young buck, and Mugs was teaching him...
他们去过真正险峻的峰顶 非常危险，你负担不起掉下去的后果
they'd be at a really sketchy pitch- dangerous, you can't afford to fall.
马格斯会说，好吧，康拉德 我们都知道，我可以领路
Mugs would be like, "Okay, Conrad, we all know that I can lead this.
现在看看你是否能领路 你准备好了吗？
Now let's see if you can lead it. Are you ready?"
几十年过去了，现在是康拉德
So many decades later, it was Conrad...
对吉米和雷南说，好 你们已经经历了艰难的青春期
saying to Jimmy, Renan, "Okay, you guys had a rough spring.
但你们可以做到的，我相信你们 我们即将行动
But you can do this. I trust you, and we're gonna do this."
整个徒步过程很紧张
[Jimmy] The entire hike in was intense.
毫无疑问，我的心情很沉重
There's no doubt that I had a heavy heart going into it.
感觉担负了太多的...
It felt just like so much...
压力
pressure.
你知道，感觉就像我们正要上绞刑架
You know, it felt a little bit like we were heading to the gallows. You know?
15000英尺，康拉德！
[Renan] Fifteen feet, Conrad!
老家伙又扯断了
[Conrad] The old geek ripped.
所以你才来的吗？ - 是啊
is That What sent ya? - Yeah.