白烂贱客2

来这里接她去兜风
to meet her here for a free ride.
兜风
Free ride?
这身不错
Oh, nice outfit, man.
谢谢 你喜欢吗
Oh, thanks, you like it?
-你看过《炮弹飞车》吗 -没有
- Yeah, did you ever see Cannonball Run? - No.
-听说过伟大的多姆·德路易斯吗 -没有
- The great Dom DeLuise? - No.
聊不下去了
That really fell apart right there.
作为恋童癖 你也太高调了
You're pretty flamboyant for a pedophile.
你这个人♥渣♥恋童癖
You pedophile piece of shit.
你♥他♥妈♥在想什么
What the fuck were you thinking
和这个人一起上车
getting in that van with this guy?
我在想第四步
I was thinking phase four.
泰德·安德希尔把恋童癖揍一顿
Ted Underhill beats up the pedophile
然后我们把车抢过来
and we take the van.
万一我没及时赶到车那里呢
All right. What if I didn't get to the van in time?
你也看到我的曲棍球棒的威力了
You saw what I can do with a hockey stick.
我知道怎么保护自己
I know how to handle myself.
是啊 你在富人区的豪华别♥墅♥里长大
Yeah. You grew up in a big house in a rich kid neighborhood
在私立学校上学
and went to private school.
你不知道人们会有多危险
You have no idea how dangerous people can be.
没错
So true.
在叙利亚 一个男孩摸了我的左乳♥头♥
In Syria, a boy touched my left nipple
然后告诉大家我很熟悉这种事
and told everybody I know about that shit.
我说的是危险 老天
I said dangerous, man.
不是上了二垒的傻♥逼♥混♥蛋♥男生
Not bitch ass boys who got to second base.
我哥哥发现后
When my brother found out,
试图在我睡觉时用枕头闷死我
he tried to smother me in my sleep with a pillow
因为我给家族蒙羞了
for shaming my family.
于是我妈送我来了美国
So my mom sent me to America.
让你哥哥去死吧 好吗
You know what, fuck your brother, all right?
如果那个人♥渣♥想闷死我
If the motherfucker tried to smother me,
我会一脚把他踹到阿斯加德 索尔住的地方
I'd kick his ass to Asgard where Thor lives.
-不 索尔住在我的梦中 -也在我的梦中
- No, Thor lives in my dreams. - Mine too.
我每天晚上睡着后 都要操克里斯·海姆斯沃斯
Every night after I fall asleep, I fuck Chris Hemsworth.
我去 你在哪学的满嘴脏话
Holy fuckhole, where did you get such a damn dirty mouth from?
我愿意用这张说脏话的嘴舔遍海姆斯沃斯
I'd put my damn dirty mouth all over Hemsworth.
没错 而我就会
Yeah, and I'd be like,
"把锤子给我吧 奥丁之子"
"Give me that Hammer, Odin's son."
让我握一下 看我是否有资格
Put it in my hands to see if I'm worthy.
-你们别说了 -完全停不下来
- You guys better stop. - Oh, I'd never stop.
"征服"了克里斯之后我就是雷神了
I'd fuck Chris Hemsworth until I was Thor.
什么
What?
欢迎来到月光下的莫比餐厅
Hi. Welcome to Mooby's by the moonlight.
-六个牛肉汉堡 谢谢 -我们吃素
- Six cow tippers, please. - We're vegan, bro.
那就一个牛肉汉堡 五杯牛奶
I mean one cow tipper, five milks.
我们是纯素食者 老兄
We're vegan, bro.
老天 给我没肉的东西就行了 要命了
Jesus, man, just give me something with no meat, please, fuck!
免下车服务
你能别那么瘆人了吗
Can you stop being so fucking creepy?
安德希尔
Hey, Underhill,
能对我们的贵客放尊重一点吗
how about a little respect for our guest of honor?
山芋是我们做这一切的缘由 安德希尔先生
Shan Yu is the reason we're doing all this, Mr. Underhill.
什么 捕食者转换行动吗
What? Operation Predator Editor?
不 混♥蛋♥ 那个任务完成了
No, jackass, that mission's over.
我们要进行下一项任务了
We're onto the next mission.
让我看看
Oh, let me see.
-不行 -你知道吗
- Uh, no. - You know what,
你真是一个不懂得知恩图报的人
you're pretty ungrateful for someone who needed my help.
谁想让你帮我了
Needed your help?
不好意思 难道你真的认为
I'm sorry, did you seriously think
我们希望遇见两个老头从天而降
we were just hoping for two old men to drop in
然后把我们捎到好莱坞吗
and ferry us to Hollywood?
我们原本计划等我妈一离开就把她的车偷走
No, we were gonna take my mom's car the second she left.
这项任务我们已经计划好几个月了 老兄
We've been planning this mission for months, bro.
我的天
Holy shit,
你们这几个姑娘是国际钻石大盗 对吧
you girls are international diamond thieves, aren't youse?
抱歉 你说钻石大盗吗
I'm sorry, uh, diamond thieves?
是的 我遇见你妈妈时
Yeah. When I met your mom,
她告诉我她和朋友们都是动物权益保护者
she told me her and her friends were animal rights activists
然后她们摇身一变成为了
and then they wound up being international diamond thieves
身穿猫女服的国际钻石大盗
who wore cat suits under their clothes.
你们几个有谁穿了猫女服吗
Any one of you girls wearing cat suits under your clothes?
好吧 你说的这事我完全不知道
Um, okay. I don't know anything about that,
但我很肯定的是我跟我妈妈完全不一样
but I do know that I'm nothing like my mother.
拉倒吧 你就是很像 你就像重制版贾斯蒂丝
Holy shit, yes, you are. You're like a rebooted Justice.
我觉得他想说的是翻拍版
I believe he means to say remake.
不 我想说的就是重制版 好吗
No, I mean to say reboot, all right?
有人提取了你妈妈身上所有吸引我的特点
Someone took all the things I like about your mom,
改造成了我正好会付钱买♥♥票的程度
changed them just enough to make me pay for them all over again,
加了年轻元素和多样性进去
and added youth and diversity to it.
所以除非你告诉我你为什么这么想去好莱坞
So this van is not moving until you tell me
不然我就不开车了
why you wanna go to Hollywood so bad.
好吧
Fine.
山芋的签证有效期只剩一周了
Shan Yu only has a week left on her visa
时间一到她妈妈就会永远把她带回中国
before her mom takes her back to China forever.
-所以呢 -所以 你给我听好了
- So? - So, you genital cuff...
这世上她最爱的就是
her favorite thing in the world
老版的《直率人和慢性人》电影
is that old Bluntman and Chronic movie.
直率人
Bluntman.
多年来
And for years now,
她一直很想去慢展
she's been wanting to go to Chronic-Con.
正因为如此 这个任务才如此重要
So that's why this mission is so important.
有重要到让一个尖子生
Important enough for a straight A student
惹上一堆麻烦 毁掉自己的人生吗
to get in a shitload of trouble and blow up her future?
老天 你听上去真像我妈
God, you sound like my mother.
可能是因为我...
Maybe that's because I'm...
可能是因为我觉得你妈说得对 好吗
Maybe that's because I think your mom's right, okay?
我年轻时做过不少蠢事
I've done a bunch of stupid shit when I was younger,
不过我是和这位沉默...这位坦特先生一起做的
but I did it with Si... Mr. Taint here.
而不是和一群我不认识的人
Not with a bunch of people I don't know.
-我认识这些姑娘们 -怎么认识的
- Oh, I know these girls. - How?
你是怎么认识一个聋女
How did you meet a deaf girl,
一个差点被哥哥杀死的穆♥斯♥林♥
a Muslim who's brother tried to kill her,
还有一个我都不知道是从哪来的中国女孩
and a Chinese girl that I don't even know where she's from,
但她很可疑
but she's suspect.
你是这群人中最正常的一个
And you're the only normal one of the bunch.
去你的 你压根不了解我
Fuck you, you don't know me.
我见识过你的生活 孩子
Uh, I've seen your life, kid,
你有两个爱你的妈妈 在豪华别♥墅♥长大
you got two moms who love you and you grew up in a big house,
你不像这些姑娘们这么惨
you're not fucked up like these girls.
我认识这些姑娘就只是因为我和她们一样惨
I only know these girls because I'm fucked up just like them.
怎样 你怎么惨了
How? How are you fucked up?
我们是在一个网上互助小组认识的
We met in an online support group.
什么小组
For what?
都是没见过父亲的姑娘们
For girls who have never met their fathers.
我们不知道自己的爸爸是谁
We don't know who our dads are.
他们都在我们出生前就离开了
They all left before we were born.
听我说 去他妈的爸爸 懂吗
You know... You know what, well, fuck that, all right?
你们不需要父亲 我从小就没有爸爸
You don't need a father, I didn't grow up with a dad
-你们看 我现在还行 -并不是
- and look, I turned out okay. - No, you didn't.
如果你从未有过爸爸 你就会知道
And if you never really had a dad then you would know
根本没有还行这码事
that there is no such thing as okay...
从来没有
ever...
因为你永远被一个问题困扰着
because you will always be haunted by a question
而且你无法回答
that you can't answer.
为什么你对我的爱不够让你留在我身边
Why didn't you love me enough to stick around?
我知道你♥爸♥的一些事
Well, I knew your dad a little bit
你知道吗 没有他你过得更好
and, you know what, you're better off without him.
那人就是混♥蛋♥
Guy's a piece of shit.
见鬼了 车顶上有人
Holy shit, someone's on the roof.
梅尔金 你♥他♥妈♥的在干什么