白烂贱客2

Dude, like Star Wars.
米莉 他们是我多年前的朋友
Milly, these are friends of mine from a long time ago,
多年以前 在一个遥远的星系里
a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.
我差点把那个老家伙杀了
I almost killed the older one.
老家伙
Older one?
你俩叫什么名字
So you guys got names or what?
我叫杰伊 我是说
I'm Jay and... I mean...
我叫泰德·安德希尔 这是我的直男人生伴侣
I'm Ted Underhill and this is my hetero-lifemate,
坦特先生
Mr. Taint.
是吗 我也有一个直女人生伴侣
Hetero-lifemate, I got one of those.
这是我最好的朋友 泡泡皮娅
This is my best friend, Soapy Pia.
你好啊 泡泡老二
Como estas, Soapy Penis?
我去 她叫泡泡皮娅
Holy shit. It's Soapy Pia.
跟我妈妈的不尊重文化的
Say hi to my mom's
超烂的朋友打个招呼吧
culturally insensitive, horrible friends.
米莉妮恩
Millennium.
他们看起来就他妈像瘾君子
老兄 这就像是在看你最喜欢的电影
Dude, this is like watching your favorite movie,
《寂静之地》
The Quiet Place.
抱歉 像是在看你第二喜欢的电影
Sorry, it's like watching your second favorite movie,
《水形物语》 是我不好
The Shape of Water. My bad.
你怎么能让这些蠢人进我们家
How could you let people this stupid into our house,
还进我的房♥间
let alone my room?
能让他们离开了吗
Can they leave now?
泰德和坦特先生只是想见见你 米莉
Ted and Mr. Taint just wanted to meet you, Milly.
文凭 证书 最佳球员
他们是在去往加州的路上
They're just passing through town
途径我们这里
on their way to California.
三等奖
等等 加州
Wait. California?
瘾君子
Yo, meth heads.
你们要去加州哪里
Where are you going in California?
我们要去好莱坞的一个傻♥逼♥展会
We're going to this stupid convention in Hollywood.
我靠 你们说的是慢展吗
Holy fuck. Are you talking about Chronic-Con?
-没错 -不许说脏话
- Yeah. - Language.
天呐 芮姬来了
Oh, my God, Reggie's here.
-芮姬是谁 -我的另一半
- Who the fuck is Reggie? - My better half.
好了 我爱你
Okay. I love you.
我们一到马丘比丘就打给你
We'll call you soon as we land in Machu Picchu, okay?
我在冰箱里给你留了两百美元
And I left you $200 in the fridge.
和安德希尔先生道别吧
Now, say goodbye to Mr. Underhill.
永别了 毒瘾马文
Goodbye forever, Methy Marvin.
能见到你简直太酷了
It was so cool to meet you.
好了 我得走了
Okay. Um, I gotta go.
我们走吧 我得走了
Let's go. I... I got to go.
-我爱你 -我也爱你
- I love you. - Love you.
我得见自己的孩子已经够操蛋了
It's fucked up enough I had to meet my kid,
现在我还得见你的丈夫吗
now I got to meet your husband?
你要见的不是我的丈夫
You're not meeting my husband.
杰茜
Jessie.
我们该走了
Let's go.
你知道我痛恨奥黑尔机场
You know I hate O'Hare.
走之前 我
But first, I...
这俩家伙是谁
Who the fuck are these guys?
小伙子们 这是芮姬·法尔肯
Boys, this is Reggie Faulken...
我的妻子
my wife.
妻子 我靠 你和一位女士结婚了
Wife? Holy shit, you married a lady?
女士 我喜欢他 很有礼貌
Ooh, a lady. I like him. He's proper.
芮姬 他是杰伊 杰伊和沉默鲍勃里那个
Reggie, this is Jay of Jay and Silent Bob fame.
-我的老天 就是他 -是的
- Oh, my God. This is him? - Yes.
他就是秒射口红男
This is Mr. Cum Quick Thumb Dick?
-嘘 -我的天啊
- Shh. - Oh, my God.
我从没想过会有机会见到你
I never ever thought I'd get the chance to meet you.
你就是个活生生的传说
You're like a living legend.
-为什么 -都是些不好的原因 老兄
- For what? - All the wrong reasons, bro.
你们从好莱坞回家的路上再来坐坐
Stop by on your way home from Hollywood.
也许你回新泽西之前
Maybe you and Milly can spend some time together
能和米莉再多相处一些时间
before you head back to Jersey.
靠 上次我们来芝加哥
Fuck, man. Last time we were in Chicago,
我们找不到伊利诺伊州佘曼村
we couldn't find Sherman, Illinois.
而这次 我没能打炮
This time, I didn't get laid
因为我的前女友有了个老婆
because my fucking ex-girlfriend has a wife.
去他妈的风城 我们走
This Windy City can blow me. Let's go.
你们好啊
Hello.
我知道我们刚刚才认识
I know we only just met,
但我真的感觉已经了解你了
but I really feel like I know you...
至少足够请你帮忙
at least enough to ask you a favor.
-你要请我帮忙 -是的
- You wanna ask me a favor? - Mm-hmm.
等等
Hold on a sec.
我靠 兄弟 这是我头一次
Holy fuck, man. This is my first chance
有机会当个爸爸 沉默鲍勃
to act like a real dad, Silent Bob.
好吧 帮什么忙
Okay. What's the favor?
你能带我们一起去好莱坞吗
Can you take us to Hollywood with you?
当然不行
Fuck, no, man!
我不能带私立学校的女孩们去"怪莱坞"
I can't be bringing private school girls to Hollyweird.
那可是个不太平地方
It's a tough-ass neighborhood.
他拒绝了
He said no.
那我们就来硬的了 呆子
Okay. Let's do this the hard way, butt plug.
要么你俩带我们去好莱坞
Either you take us to Hollywood
要么我就在自家门前的草坪上捅死你俩
or I stab you both to death on my own front fucking lawn!
等警♥察♥来了
And when the cops come,
我就告诉他们是正当防卫
I'll tell them it was an act of self-defense
因为你俩想闯进我家
after you tried to break into my house.
芝加哥深受喜爱的天气预报女同性恋的家
The home of Chicago's beloved lesbian weather lady.
我会全身而退
I'll get off like a porn star,
而你俩会死的很惨
and you two will be dead as dodos.
所以我建议你拿出手♥机♥
So I suggest you take out your phone,
打开拼车应用
open your little fucking app,
马上给我们叫一辆去好莱坞的车
and order us a car to Hollywood right now!
你不能就这样随意威胁他人
You can't just go around threatening people.
别告诉我该怎么做 你又不是我爸
Don't tell me what to do. You're not my father.
我搞不懂
I don't get it.
为什么一个聋孩子能选歌♥ 而我不行
Why does the deaf kid get to DJ instead of me?
因为泡泡的音乐品味超棒
Because Soapy has great taste in music
而你就是个大傻屌♥
and you're a fucking dildo.
什么 她可能连假老二是什么都不知道
What? She doesn't even know what a dildo is probably.
我有两个假老二 还有一个穿戴假老二
I have two dildos and a strap-on, so, yeah,
-所以我知道 -你疯了吗
- I do. - What are you, nuts?
你不能在公共场合说穿戴假老二这个词
You can't say strap-on in public.
老天 你还是个孩子
Man, you're just a kid.
你一路上都要这么烦人吗
Are you gonna be this fucking annoying the entire trip?
如果那样的话
Because if so...
-抽点这玩意 -我靠 那是大♥麻♥
- smoke some of this shit. - Holy shit, that's weed.
-没错 -你从哪搞到的
- That's right. - Where'd you get it?
-她给我的 -她又是从哪搞到的
- From her. - Where'd she get it?
泡泡住在俄勒冈州的一个社区里
Soapy lives on a commune in Oregon
那里的聋哑人种植出了整个西部最棒的大♥麻♥
where deaf people grow the best weed in the West.
聋哑人还知道怎么种大♥麻♥
Deaf people know how to grow weed?
拜托 你几岁了
I'm sorry, how old are you?
-去你的 你几岁了 -我18
- Fuck you. How old are you? - I'm 18.
18岁不能抽大♥麻♥
You can't be smoking no weed at 18.
我当然能抽 瞧好了
I can. Watch me.
别 你要把我胳膊掰断了
Don't... You're gonna break it.
别碰我的大♥麻♥
Fuck off my flower.
听好了
You know what?
这是我叫的车我付的钱 小姑娘
This is my ride and I'm paying for it, girlie.
所以你要是不把大♥麻♥收起来
So if you don't put that weed away,
我就要把你个小丫头片子扔到马路边
I'm gonna kick your narrow ass to the curb.
-行 -这样就好多了
- Fine. - See? That's better.
你还是个孩子
All right? You're just a kid.
你何不吃点糖果什么的
Why don't you eat some candy or something?
好啊
Okay.