白烂贱客2

It's fucking Finger-Cuffs.
天啊
Oh, my God.
有什么好笑的
Wait, what's so funny?
还记得《猜·情·寻》吗 我凭借《直率人和慢性人》
Remember Chasing Amy, the classy book I did
获奖无数之后 创作的那本经典漫画
after Bluntman and Chronic that won me all the awards?
艾莉莎要把它改编成奈飞剧
Anyway, Alyssa's turning that book into a series for Netflix.
从男同或者女性的角度
It was always a story that should have been told
总能发掘出不同的故事
from a queer perspective or a woman's perspective
其实只要不是顺性别白男角度就好
or any perspective other than a cis white man's.
我们觉得好笑是因为奈飞
Anyway we're laughing because Netflix wants
想取一个比《猜·情·寻》更抓眼球的名字
an edgier title than Chasing Amy,
他们给的提议之一就是《双飞女》
one of their suggestions was Finger-Cuffs.
你应该拍张照片
You should text them a picture
告诉他们这两个呆瓜喜欢那名字
of these two juggle heads, and say they love your title.
他们是谁 哈罗德和卡玛吗
Who are they? Harold and Kumar?
《寻堡奇遇》主角
什么 不是 他们是真正的杰伊和沉默鲍勃
What? No. This is the actual Jay and Silent Bob.
-真的假的 -真的
- What? - Yeah.
班奇和我以前在便利店找他们买♥♥大♥麻♥
Me and Banky used to buy weed off these guys at Quik Stop.
《直率人和慢性人》灵感就是来自于他们
That's where I got the idea for Bluntman and Chronic.
不说话的那个让我想到了《猜·情·寻》的名字
Then the quiet one gave me the title idea for Chasing Amy.
现在想想 你们两个混♥蛋♥
Come to think of it, you motherfuckers
像老虎机一样赚钱
pay off like slot machines.
留些新点子给我借鉴
Save some new shit for me to steal.
你在这里啊
There you are.
亲爱的
Hey, hon.
霍登 座谈很不错
Hey, Holden. Great panel.
她又在找你了
She's looking for you, again.
-这么快 -是的
- Already? - Yes.
-我要去释放巨妖了 -不好意思
- I'm off to release the Kraken. - Sorry.
"释放巨妖" 那是什么意思
"Release the Kraken," What is that,
已婚人士之间的性暗号♥吗
a sex thing between married people?
你们对《猜·情·寻》的情节一点都不熟悉吗
Are you even remotely familiar with the story of Chasing Amy?
你们俩也在电影里 我知道台词很多 但不至于吧
You're in it. I know it's a lot of words, but fuck.
不 她是同性恋
No, she's gay, bro.
艾莉莎和我显然不是夫妻
Okay, obviously Alyssa and I aren't married,
夫妻不喜欢对方 我们是共同抚养孩子
married people don't like each other. We're co-parents.
-等等 你们有孩子 -是的
- Wait a second, you have a kid? - Yeah.
艾莉莎和她的伴侣想要一个孩子
Alyssa and her partner wanted to have a baby
而我们又互相知根知底 更重要的是
and since we've known each other and, more importantly,
20年来一直互相欣赏 所以她们拜托我捐精
liked each other for 20 years, they asked me to be the father.
那你又好好爽了一把 对吧
Yes, you got to hit that shit again, son?
我能看出来 你成熟了许多
I can see you've matured well.
不 我是在医生办公室完成的
No, I got to hit the doctor's office
射进杯子里
where I filled a cup.
我们做的试管婴儿 科学懂吗
We went in-vitro. Science, bro.
一年之后 那个爱我的小女孩出生了
You know, a year later I met a girl who loves me.
爱我的小女孩
Who loves me.
她想知道爸爸在和谁聊天
She wants to know who Daddy's talking to.
小甜心 你好
Hi, little pink sugar heart.
跟爸爸的朋友们打个招呼
Say hi to Daddy's friends.
爸爸从小就认识他们了
Daddy's known these boys since he was little.
这是我们的女儿 艾米
Boys, this is our daughter, Amy.
跟你讲的那个故事一模一样
Dude, just like that story you tell.
跟杰伊和沉默鲍勃打个招呼
Say hello to Jay and Silent Bob.
杰伊和沉默鲍勃 你们好
Hi, Jay and Silent Bob.
你好
Hi.
你来照顾她 我们去抽根烟
So you got her? We're gonna go grab a smoke
然后去看看角色扮演
and check out the cosplay.
玩得开心 多谢刚刚的采访
Okay. Have fun, thanks for the interview.
你们觉得怎么样
So what do you think, kiddo?
你们喜欢这些老家伙吗
Do you like these stinky old fools?
老兄 你这个画漫画的
Dude, how did something so amazing
是怎么生出这么个小天使的
come from your funny book making balls?
我也想不通这个
Well, it's a mystery to me, too, G.
我特别喜欢这孩子
I'm a huge fan of the kid.
《直率人和慢性人》电影要重制了
Bluntman's getting a reboot,
奈飞要拍《猜·情·寻》
Netflix is making Amy.
人们如此憎恶当下
People hate the present so much,
好像都想退回过去
it's like they wanna retreat into the past.
突然之间所有我的破事都回来了
All of a sudden all my old bullshit is back.
而有些破事在最初的时候
And some of that old bullshit meant the world to me
对我非常重要
when I was starting out.
但现在我所有童年的梦想
But now that all my childhood dreams
都在逐渐实现
are starting to come true,
别误会 这很棒
I mean, it's nice, don't get me wrong...
我只是更喜欢这孩子
that kid is just way more interesting to me.
我曾经以为生活是以自己为中心的
I used to think life was all about me,
我是自己故事的主角
I was the hero of my own story.
可以说是终身发行的《侦探漫画》里的布鲁斯·韦恩
A Bruce Wayne of one life-long issue of Detective Comics, so to speak.
然后这孩子出现了 突然你就意识到
And then that kid came along and suddenly you realize...
你不再是布鲁斯·韦恩了
you're not Bruce Wayne anymore.
你是托马斯·韦恩
You're Thomas Wayne
或是布鲁斯·韦恩的妈妈 记不起她的名字了
or Bruce Wayne's mom, whose name escapes me.
总而言之 我只是想开始真实的生活
Anyway, I'm just here to set the real story in motion.
因为一旦成为父母
Because once you become a parent,
你就不是明星了 你是舞台
you're not the star anymore. You're the stage.
我只是来支撑我的孩子 让她能够
I'm just here to prop up my kid so she can put on
上演自己的人生 就像我的父母
the show of her life, like my parents did for me,
还有我父母的父母一样
like theirs did before them.
如果你有幸有了孩子
And if you're lucky enough to have a kid,
付出的代价就是你故事的第三幕
the tradeoff is you don't really get a third act to your story,
因为故事变了
because the story changes.
突然间 在你以自我为中心的人生中
All of a sudden it's not about you anymore...
你头一次不是故事的主角了
for the first time in your self-involved life...
不过没关系
that's okay.
孩子就像我们的重制版
Kids are like our reboots,
又一个重新演绎老故事的机会
another chance to tell a brand-new version of the same old story.
我知道我应该教导艾米
I know I'm supposed to be teaching Amy stuff,
但是感觉我每天都在向她学习
but it's like I'm learning from her every day.
我每天都活在《猜·情·寻》中
So, spend my days chasing Amy...
可以这么说吧
so to speak.
我知道我带我俩来好莱坞
Look. I know I dragged us all the way to Hollywood
是为了阻止重制版的拍摄
to stop this fucking reboot from happening,
但米莉出生后
but I haven't been there for Milly
我一直没陪过她 沉默鲍勃
her whole fucking life, Silent Bob.
等等 谁是米莉
Sorry. Who's Milly?
我们是来夺回自己的名字的
And we came to get our names back,
但我有个新名字了 沉默鲍勃
but I have a new fucking name, Silent Bob,
这名字就是爸爸 好吗
and it's fucking Dad, okay?
我这辈子只要这个名字就够了
And that will be the only name I ever need again.
直率小子 你能带我们去会厅的
Yo, Bluntboy, you think you can get us in the reboot shoot
重制版拍摄现场吗
in the ballroom?
我是贵宾 兄弟
I'm guest of honor, bro.
谢了 兄弟
Thanks, bro.
-她们走了 女儿 -去哪了
- They're gone, girl. - Where?
他们去找乐子了 只有咱俩
They're on the town. It's just us.
我们是咱俩联盟
We're the Just Us League.
你干嘛这样看着我
What are you looking at me like that for?
你想说 "去你♥妈♥的♥"
You're like, "Oh, go fuck yourself."
好了 山芋 我们到了
Okay, Shan Yu. This is it.
你的梦想就要成真了
Your dream is about to come true.
贵宾 让开 让开
VIP, out of the way, out of the way.
注意你的胡子 伙计
Watch your beard, man.
好了 所有人 听好了
Okay, everybody. Everybody, listen up.
临时演员已经招满了
We can't take any more extras.
你们都走吧
Get out of here.
不 下一个就是我们了
No. We're... We're next.
不是你们 好吗 报名结束了
You... No, you're not. Okay? Sign in is done.
我还没结束呢 混♥蛋♥
Well, I'm not done, motherfucker.
你没听到我说的吗 赶紧走
Did you not hear that? Get out of here.