白烂贱客2

便利店 烟鬼鸡店
烟鬼鸡店
烤鸡三明治
见鬼 这是怎么回事
Oh, shit. Hey. Hey. What's... What's this all about?
是因为兰道尔对不对
This is about Randall, isn't it?
兰道尔·格雷夫斯 我能带你们去找他
Randall Graves? I could take you to him.
我真的可以
Seriously, I can.
伙计们 本来今天该来的都不是我
Listen, guys, I'm not even supposed to be here today.
有情况 有情况
One out of twelve. One out of twelve.
特警队
-拿枪 -待命
- Gun. - Stand-by,
嫌犯在烤鸡三明治店内
suspects operating illegal marijuana dispensary
从事非法大♥麻♥贩卖♥♥活动
inside baked chicken sandwich store.
我喜欢这个
I love this shit.
总算能逮捕这些混账了
I finally get to arrest these motherfuckers.
烟鬼鸡店
烤鸡三明治
好了 混账玩意
All right, you motherfuckers.
我知道你们在里面 马上滚出来
I know you're in there. Come out right now.
对
Yeah.
我们是莱昂纳多警方
This is the Leonardo Police Department.
你们因涉嫌
You're under arrest
贩毒被捕了
for suspicion of drug trafficking.
立刻把草放下
Drop your plants now.
我说立刻把草放下
I said drop the motherfucking plants!
我是老大 他按我说的做了
I'm the boss. He did what the fuck I said.
什么...我让你把草放下 不是脱裤子
What the... I said plants, not pants.
-什么都没有 兄弟 -这是个白佬
- There's nothing there, man. - That is a white dude.
-你指望看见什么 -什么都没有
- What the fuck do you expect? - There's nothing there!
怎么回事 警官
What the fuck, Sarge?
那个贱♥人♥没有小♥弟♥弟♥
This son of a bitch doesn't have a dick.
他有小♥弟♥弟♥ 只是掖进去了
He's got a fucking dick. He just got it tucked in.
好了 水牛比尔
All right, Buffalo Bill.
你的兄弟在哪里 沉默羔羊先生呢
Where's your buddy? Mr. Silence of the Lambs.
自报姓名 混账
Identify yourselves, motherfuckers!
我是杰伊 这是我的直男人生伴侣 沉默鲍勃
I'm Jay and this is my hetero lifemate, Silent Bob.
白烂贱客2
回家真好 对吗
Home sweet home, right?
大家一起说 "是杰伊和沉默鲍勃"
Everyone say, "Yay, it's Jay and Silent Bob."
看看你们两个
Well, just look at you two.
你是什么玩意
Who the fuck are you?
我是你们的律师 就是这么个玩意
I'm your lawyer. That's who the fuck I am.
有人告诉过你们法♥院♥是怎么运转的吗
Did anybody ever tell you how a courtroom works?
好 在刑事诉讼中
Okay. In the criminal justice system,
人们由两个彼此独♥立♥
the people are represented by two separate
又彼此平等的团体代表
yet equally important groups.
老兄 我们看过《法律与秩序》全集
Dude, we've seen all the Law & Orders.
迪克·沃尔夫是《法律与秩序》电视剧的制片人
我也是 迪克·沃尔夫是个天才
Oh, me too. Dick Wolf is a genius.
他的片子我都特别喜欢
I just love all of his shows so much.
实际上我的基达用户名就是迪克·沃尔夫尔 记好
In fact, my Grindr name is Dick Wolfer. Remember that.
差点忘了 在我代理你们之前
Oh, I almost forgot. Before I represent you,
你们得签订这些法律文件
I'm gonna need you to sign these legal documents.
什么 先看一遍
What? Read it first?
拜托 谁在乎上面都写了什么
I mean, come on. Who cares what that shit says?
直接签吧
Just sign it.
对
Yeah.
不敢相信这居然能行 完美
I can't believe that worked. Well, perfection.
我希望你们都准备好了今天回家
I hope you're both prepared to go home today,
因为我是娱乐圈最好的律师
because I am the best lawyer in showbiz.
真的 我就像是迪克·沃尔夫
Seriously, I'm like the Dick Wolf
用我的嘴就能把人"弄出来"
of getting guys off with my mouth.
所以你们才雇了我 对不对 我说错了吗
But that's why you hired me, am I right? Or am I wrong?
但我们没有雇你
But we didn't hire you.
-客套话而已 -全体起立
- Small formality. - All rise.
尊敬的杰瑞·N·执行官
谢谢 入座
Thank you. Be seated.
第37号♥案件 人♥民♥诉杰伊和沉默鲍勃
Docket number 37, People v. Jay and Silent Bob.
杰伊和沉默鲍勃又回来了
Jay and Silent Bob are back?
罪名是贩毒
Charges are drug trafficking
并且经营一家伪装成鸡肉三明治店铺的
and running an illegal drug dispensary
非法毒品店 店名是...
disguised as a chicken sandwich shop called...
烟鬼鸡店
Cock Smoker.
你好 小子们
Hello, boys.
你们俩来了 那肯定是工作日
If you two are here, it must be a weekday,
但那个人不是公派律师
but this isn't a court appointed attorney.
是那种要花钱的律师
I spy one of those lawyers you have to pay.
你的委托人要怎么辩护 律师
How do your clients plead, Counselor?
无罪 法官阁下
Not guilty, Your Honor.
我猜大♥麻♥是自己长出来的
I guess the weed grew itself.
公诉人
People on bail?
杰瑞
Hey, Jerry.
-你好吗 -我们检方希望
- How you doing? - So we the people would hope
法官阁下能还押被告
that Your Highness would remand custody.
行吗
Cool?
我猜你的看法截然不同 律师
And I imagine you see it all differently, Counselor?
烟鬼鸡店既不是餐馆也不是药房♥ 大人
The Cock Smoker was neither eatery nor dispensary, Your Honor.
那只是一家营销快闪店
It was merely a promotional pop-up shop.
这份证词来自一家好莱坞电影公♥司♥
This affidavit is from a Hollywood motion picture company
证明了我的委托人只不过是在进行
and this proves that my clients were nothing more
实实在在的有偿营销表演
than paid performers for a real world promotional stunt
以宣传一部即将上映的影片
in support of a forthcoming movie.
-我们是吗 -是
- We are? - Yes.
我们是
We are.
我请求撤销一切指控
So I ask that all charges be dropped since my clients
-因为我的委托人显然是无辜的 -先别急
- are so obviously innocent. - Easy.
他们显然很无知
They may be obvious but one thing
但我可不会说他们无辜
I would not call these two is innocent.
但起码今天 他们是无罪的
But for today, at least, they are not guilty.
杰伊和沉默鲍勃 你们被无罪释放了
Jay and Silent Bob, you're free to go.
结案
Case dismissed.
见鬼 刚刚发生了什么
Holy shit. What the fuck just happened?
我依约给了你们自♥由♥ 小傻瓜
I set you free, butterflies, as promised.
记得基达上的迪克·沃尔夫尔
Remember Dick Wolfer on Grindr.
第38号♥案件
Docket number 38,
好莱坞电影公♥司♥诉杰伊和沉默鲍勃
Hollywood motion picture company v. Jay and Silent Bob.
谁代表好莱坞公♥司♥
Who's here representing Hollywood?
我 法官阁下
I am, Your Honor.
你在做什么
What are you doing?
这才是我今天第二个案件
This is only my second case of the day
说实话 原原本本的实话
and to tell you the truth, the whole truth,
再老实不过的实话
and nothing but the truth...
我已经等不及想喝一杯了 老天
I already need a fucking drink. Jesus.
我们能开始了吗 律师
Can we get this going, Counselor?
如你们所见 我今天还有
As you can see, I have a ton of cases
一大堆案件要审理
that we need to get through today.
当然 法官阁下
Absolutely, Your Honor.
法官阁下 我的委托人萨班影业
Your Honor, my client, Saban Films,
请求因注册商标
is seeking an injunction against the defendants
杰伊和沉默鲍勃的知识产权的
for copyright infringement
著作权侵权行为对被告下达禁止令
of the trademarked intellectual property Jay and Silent Bob.
这家伙撒谎 法官阁下
Yo, this guy's lying, Your Honor.
此处把知识产权错误理解为聪明与房♥地♥产♥
我和沉默鲍勃没有任何房♥地♥产♥
Me and Silent Bob don't own any property.
我们从来就没聪明过
We've never been intellectual about anything.
把嘴闭上吧
Have your mouth take a knee.
萨班影业
Saban Films.
他们是不是拍了《恐龙战队》
Didn't they make the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers?
老天 你看了红衣战士变成
Oh, man. You ever see the one where the red ranger
金色战士那集了吗
turns into the gold ranger?
-牛逼 -那是好多年前了 大人
- Dope. - That was years ago, Your Honor.
现在他们更类似多媒体公♥司♥
Now they're more of a multimedia company.
《恐龙战队》里面
五架恐龙佐德可以组合成大机器人超级佐德
多媒体能组合成巨型佐德媒体吗
Does the multimedia combine into a giant Megazord?
犀利
Oh, shit.