白烂贱客2

Throw that trash into the garbage.
密谋开始
Commence collusion.
假的老二打手是真的坏人
So the fake Cock Knockers are the real bad guys.
操 这部电影真难看明白
Fuck, this movie's hard to keep straight.
你在干什么 山芋
What are you doing, Shan Yu?
你们还不明白吗
Is it not as clear as vodka?
我不是中国来的少女
I'm not teenager from China.
我是俄♥罗♥斯♥来的特工
I am secret agent from Russia.
我就知道她们之中有人穿着猫女服
One of them was wearing a cat suit, I fucking knew it.
他散发着美国人的恶臭
He smells American too.
重金属废品场
我们的废品够硬核
俄♥罗♥斯♥渗透了美国银行
Russia's infiltrated American banks,
我们渗透了美国选举
we have infiltrated American elections,
现在 多亏了你们
and now, thanks to you...
我们渗透了美国流行文化展会
we infiltrate American pop culture conventions.
图什么
Why?
把你们的手♥机♥都拿出来
Take out your mobile devices
向全世界广播这一历史性时刻
and broadcast this historic moment to the rest of the world.
如果只有翻盖手♥机♥怎么办
What if you only have a flip phone?
美国的人♥民♥
People of America...
我为和平而来
I come in peace,
但是《泽西女孩》的导演
but director of Jersey Girl...
我的天
Holy fuck!
他马上就要死了
He will soon go to pieces
我要直播处决他
when I execute him live on internet.
这是因为我骄傲地穿着牛短吗
Is this because I'm a proud jorts wearer?
这是因为你是
This because you're standard issue,
美国流行文化标配的被高估的名人
overrated American pop culture celebrity
在艺术上不断重复自我
who repeats himself artistically,
如果你的作品能算得上艺术的话
if what you do can even be called art,
并且绝望地依附于90年代的辉煌
and clings desperately to past glory of 1990s.
你跟我老婆聊过了
You've been talking to my wife.
我不会让你这么做的 山芋
I'm not gonna let you do this, Shan Yu.
但是你帮我这么做的 00后
But you helped me do this, Millennium.
我骗了你和你的朋友
I catfish you and your friends
就是为了利用自♥由♥派人士
so I can harness the liberal sympathies
对脆弱的年轻女性的同情心
of broken young women
你们希望借此填补情感上的空虚 因为...
who hoped to fill the deep emotional void left by...
你哥哥试图杀了你
a sibling who tries to kill you...
或是听不见让你感到寂寞
or the solitude of silence...
或是你抱怨没有爸爸 糟蹋优越的生活
or worsen your privileged life crying about the father
你还没出生他就抛弃你了
who left you before you were even born.
你也太毒舌了 好吧我闭嘴
Sick fucking burn, man. I'll shut up.
也许她爸爸没抛弃她
Maybe her dad didn't leave her.
他说什么
What he say?
也许她爸爸直到前几天
Maybe her dad didn't even know
都不知道自己有个孩子
he had a kid until the other day.
你在说什么
What are you saying?
老天 你上私立学校
Jesus, for a private school girl,
怎么还这么蠢 我就是你♥爸♥爸
you're pretty fucking stupid. I'm your father.
天啊 等等
Oh, God. Wait.
-不可能 这他妈不可能 -这他妈是真的
- No way. No... No fucking way. - Yes fucking way.
我们去芝加哥那天我才发现的
But I only found out the day we came to Chicago
整个旅途中我都想告诉你
and I wanted to tell you the whole trip,
但我向你妈妈承诺了我不会说
but I promised your mom I wouldn't.
但我现在要告诉你 因为有时候
But I'm telling you now, because, sometimes,
违背诺言才是正确的选择 好吗
breaking a promise is the right fucking thing to do, all right?
因为如果我遵守了每一个诺言
Because if I kept every promise I ever made,
那就不会有你
you wouldn't be here,
因为有一次
because this one time,
我向你妈妈承诺不会内♥射♥她
I made a promise to your mom that I wouldn't cum in her.
-你说什么呢 -对不起 好吗
- What the fuck, man! - Look, I'm sorry, all right?
我只是为了拖延时间
I was only stalling so I could get closer
靠近拿枪的大个子 快
to the guy with the big-ass gun, now!
好
Yes!
受死吧
Here comes...
这玩意儿是假的 老兄
This fucker's fake, dude.
怎么可能是真的呢
Why would it be real?
不
No!
你们这些角色扮演的混♥蛋♥就没有真枪吗
Don't any of you cosplaying cocks have some real fucking guns?
-搞什么 -我看见他了 就在这边
- What the... - I sees him, he's right there.
-放了他 -不行
- Let him go! - Nyet.
-在我们处决凯文·史密斯之前 -操
- Before we execute Kevin Smith... - Fuck.
我们要先处决这个老变♥态♥
first, we execute this old degenerate.
-不 -谁是老头 你去死
- No! - Old? Man, fuck you!
我给爸爸一点时间 跟他新认识的女儿
I give big daddy a moment to offer his newfound daughter
说几句由衷的遗言
any last heartfelt words
然后就干掉他
before we stop his heart.
孩子 我死而无憾了
Kid, I'm okay with dying right now,
因为我知道我的一小部分会在你体内活下去
because I know a small piece of me is gonna live on in you.
除非他们把我也杀了 你个蠢货
Not if they fucking kill me too, you idiot.
我去 你说得对 谁来救救我
Holy shit, you're right. Somebody save me!
那是怎么回事
What was that?
你惹怒他了 他发怒了
You made him mad, he's mad now!
那是怎么回事 泰德·安德希尔
What is that, Ted Underhill?
我不是泰德·安德希尔
I am not Ted Underhill.
操 他有个秘密身份
Fuck. He's got a secret identity.
请容我自我介绍一下
Allow me to introduce myself.
我是杰伊
I'm Jay
那是我的直男人生伴侣
and this is my hetero-lifemate...
钢铁鲍勃
Iron Bob!
-那是小罗伯特·唐尼 -什么
- It's Robert Downey, Jr. - What?
漫威要告我们侵权了
Marvel gonna sue somebody.
开枪打铁罐人
Shoot the tin man.
开枪 继续开枪
Shoot! Keep shooting!
永别了
Dasvidaniya!
厉害 钢铁鲍勃
Yeah, Iron Bob!
为了祖国俄♥罗♥斯♥
For Mother Russia!
我们认识那家伙
We know that guy.
天啊 等不及看他们推出他的摇头公仔了
Holy fuck! I can't wait until they make him a Funko Pop.
无垢者
杀了那些主人
杀了那些士兵
杀了每一个拳头超大的家伙
天啊 他刚刚说的是瓦雷利亚语
Oh, my God, he just spoke fucking Valyrian!
我要干翻一切会动的东西
I'll fuck anything that moves!
射你
Eject!
我去 这他妈太疯狂了
Holy shit, this shit's fucking bananas!
上啊 波动拳
Go! Hadouken!
老兄 我他妈闻到上好的大♥麻♥了
Man, I smell some fucking good weed,
是那种高级货
that's some of that dank-ass shit,
一闻就倒 就像那样
knock a motherfucker out just like that. Like I said...
逗你玩
该死 我被迷晕了
Shit. I've been drugged.
真够强力的
That's strong shit.
小姑娘 我能跟你买♥♥点大♥麻♥吗
Little girl. Can I buy some weed from you?
我正在忙
I'm busy.
我宝贵的播客耳朵
My precious podcasting ears!
-操 -很痛苦 对吧
- Fuck! - It hurts, Yes?
因为这不是播客的录音装置
That's because this is not a podcast recording device.
这是克格勃的声波干♥扰♥器♥
It is KGB sonic disrupter.
你真贱
You suck!
听力根本没那么重要
牛逼
Fuck, yeah!
我们动手吧 姑娘们
Let's get aggressive, girls.
操
Fuck.
你给我的那支大♥麻♥烟派上用场了
That joint you gave me really came in handy.
不论如何 都不要告诉你妈我给了你大♥麻♥
Whatever you do, don't tell your mom I gave you weed.
天啊 我爱死这部重制版了
Oh, my God, I fucking love this reboot. Shit.
好了 现在我们差不多
All right. So right about now,
完成了整个故事的三幕
man, we finished up all three acts of the story,
所有主要角色都就位了
all the main characters are where they need to be...
剩下的就是感人的结局
all that's left is the emotional denouement.
为了达成这一点