白烂贱客2

我才不要你的素食毁了我的汉堡大餐
I don't want your v-gina touching my burgers.
拜托 就是因此才没女孩和你上♥床♥
Come on, dude. That's why you don't get laid, sir,
因为女人喜欢吃到肉
because women love meat in their mouth,
而你就是个破花椰菜
and you ain't nothing but a broccoli bitch.
所以如果你想点你的健康素食
So, if you wanna order your healthy veggies,
张嘴自己点
open your mouth, do it yourself.
我去上大号♥
I'm gonna go drop a deuce.
你想哞点什么吗
You in the moo-d for anything else?
你不会是要给我看你这个老头的老二吧
You did not just offer me your old man dick.
行吧 甩出来 来啊 甩出来
Okay. Fine. Whip it out. Come on. Just whip it out.
-麦肯基女士 -怎么回事
- Ms. McKenzie! - What the fuck is going on here?
这个老蠢货给我玩茄子哏
This old fool just egg-planted me.
我47岁了 我完全不懂你说的是什么意思
I'm 47 and I have no idea what that means.
这个肮脏的老混♥蛋♥
Now this dirty old assfuck's in here
想给我看他肮脏的老二 麦肯基女士
trying to show us his dirty old-ass dick, Ms. McKenzie,
所以削他
so bust his ass.
好的 先生 请你和我来
Okay, sir. You're gonna have to come with me.
这边走
This way.
恭喜 小飞 这是你应得的
Congratulations, Flappy. You deserve it.
接下来请出的是新闻10台的气象学家
And now with the forecast, here's News 10's meteorologist,
贾斯蒂丝·法尔肯
Justice Falcon.
明天的天气如何
What's the weather going to be tomorrow?
明天有很多降雨
We are gonna get so much rain,
我光想想就觉得湿了
I'm getting wet just thinking about it.
贾斯蒂丝
Justice?
我的天 沉默鲍勃
Holy shit, Silent Bob.
看 是我失散多年的前女友
Look, it's my long-lost ex-girlfriend,
布布猫
Boo Boo Kitty Fuck.
该死 他是中风了吗
Oh, shit. Is he having a stroke?
这位小姐 我以前和这位天气主播
Yo, Mary, I used to knock boots
上过床 好吧
with the weather lady, all right?
所以我要去找她
So I'm gonna go find her
给她一个"暖锋"
and I'm gonna give her a warm front
可能会低至"69" 逗你玩
with a possible low of 69. Snoogans.
午餐要吃汉堡吗
You want a burger for lunch?
不了 谢谢 我刚尝过素食者了
No thanks. I just ate some vegan.
我的天 梅尔金不见了
Holy shit, Merkin's gone.
那个创业的混♥蛋♥
That entrepreneurial fuck.
而你这个蠢货还给了他
And your dumbass gave him
我们仅剩的三支黄金品种里的一支
one of the last three strains of gold we had left.
我们给他个差评
Let's write him a nasty review.
这么评价
Type this shit,
"天杀的 你会遭报应的
"Motherfucker, you're gonna pay.
你才是那个黑子薯球
You are the one who is the Hater Tot.
去你的速冻食品美梦吧
Fuck your frozen food dreams.
你知道梅尔金是什么吗
Do you even know what a merkin is?
就是假阴毛
It is a pube toupee.
所以你就像你的名字一样
So why don't you live up to your name
找个没毛的屌♥粘上去吧"
and go sit on some bald dick."
女士 女士 女士
Lady, lady, lady,
杰伊与沉默鲍勃来到了你家
Jay and Silent Bob are at your hizouse.
我去
Holy shit.
兄弟 她看到我太激动了 都晕倒了
Dude, she's so excited to see me, she fainted.
快看啊
Look at that shit, man.
等她醒来 我就说
When she wakes up, I'll be like,
"来吧 乔艾尔之子 在佐德面前下跪吧"
"Come, son of Jor-El, kneel before Zod."
乔艾尔之子即超人 后者为反派
睡吧 小子 睡吧
Sleep, big boy, sleep.
我靠
Holy fuck!
这是什么鬼
What the fuck is this?
这是什么鬼
What the fuck is this?
你在这里做什么 杰伊
What the fuck are you even doing here, Jay?
我想你了 布布猫
I missed you, Boo Boo Kitty Fuck.
你还记得
You remembered.
-我也想你 -是吗
- I missed you too. - Yeah?
老朋友
Old friend.
老朋友 不是
Old friend? No, bro.
我可是你的超好朋友 好吧
I'm like a super friend, all right?
一位想要重回贾斯蒂丝"圣殿"的
A super friend who wants to get back
超好朋友 没错
inside the hall of Justice, yeah.
好吧 坐下
Okay. Sit down.
好吧
Okay.
我结婚了 杰伊
I'm married, Jay.
你♥他♥妈♥结婚了
You're fucking married?
-是的 -那我们怎么办
- Yeah. - What about us?
我们
Us?
我已经18年没你的消息了 杰伊
I haven't heard from you in 18 years, Jay.
连我在监狱里你都没来看过我
I mean, you never even came to see me when I was in jail.
那是因为他们不允许我们搞
That's because they wouldn't let us fuck.
这就是你从不来探视的原因吗
Is that why you never visited?
老天 一直以来
Oh, my gosh. And all this time,
我以为你在生我的气
I just thought you were mad at me.
我为什么要生你的气 布布猫
Why would I be mad at you, Boo Boo Kitty Fuck?
因为我从未告诉你我有孩子了
Because I never told you I had a baby.
你♥他♥妈♥现在当妈了
You're someone's fucking mom now?
是啊 你个大笨蛋
Yes, you big goof.
而且 我想如果你知道了孩子的父亲是谁
And, uh, I thought you'd be upset if you ever found out
会很生气
who the father is.
为什么 谁是孩子他爸 是沉默鲍勃吗
Wait, why? Who's the father? Is it Silent Bob?
不是 杰伊
No, Jay.
是你
It's you.
我他妈有个孩子
I have a fucking kid?
是我们俩有个孩子 一个女儿
We have a kid. A daughter.
我有个女的女儿
I have a girl daughter?
你♥他♥妈♥为什么不告诉我
Why the fuck didn't you tell me, man?
我们本可以成为一家人
We could've been a family this whole time.
一家人
A family?
杰伊 你是个很棒的人
Jay, you're a great guy
你有一颗特别纯真的心
and you have a million-dollar heart.
虽然蠢蠢的 但是很纯真
A nickel head, but a million-dollar heart.
你生命里所需要的 仅仅是沉默鲍勃
All you ever needed in life was Silent Bob and...
和一大袋子大♥麻♥
a good bag of weed.
但是一个婴儿需要一个家和安稳的环境
But a baby needs a home and stability.
我就跟一张桌子一样稳定
I'm stable as a table.
才怪 你到底来芝加哥干嘛
Yeah. Right. What... What are you doing in Chicago anyway?
我和沉默鲍勃要去好莱坞
Me and Silent Bob are going to Hollywood
阻止那些混♥蛋♥拍一部有关于我俩的电影
to stop these fuckers from making a movie about us.
听起来似曾相识
Sounds familiar.
杰伊 你人特别好 和你相处非常愉快
Jay, you're a nice guy and you're a lot of fun.
但要我说实话
But if I'm being honest here...
我真的不认为你是当父亲的料
I really don't think you're dad material.
但既然你来了 也许你应该见见
But you're here now, so maybe you should meet
这个把你打晕了绑起来的小女孩
the little girl who knocked you out and tied you up.
我一直告诉她 她爸爸在她出生前就离开了
I've always said her dad took off before she was born,
所以她不知道你俩是父女
so she'll have no idea you two are related.
我希望保持这样
And I want it to stay that way,
所以你不能告诉她你的真实身份 好吗
so you can never tell her who you really are, okay?
你得跟我保证你不会告诉她
You gotta promise me you won't say anything.
你跟我说这话干嘛
What are you telling me for?
他才是那个管不住自己嘴巴的家伙
He's the one with the big mouth.
准备好了 你将要见到我们的私生子了
Brace yourself. You're about to meet our love child.
我想做个亲子鉴定
I think I'm gonna need to see a blood test.
谁啊
Hello.
妈 我跟你说了在警♥察♥来之前
Mom, I told you to leave these meth heads
别给这些瘾君子松绑
tied up until the cops got here.
好吧
Okay.
我没打电♥话♥报♥警♥
I didn't call the cops
他们也不是瘾君子
and these guys are not meth heads, okay?
他们看起来像瘾君子是因为他们来自新泽西
They only look like meth heads because they're from New Jersey.
小伙子们 这是我女儿 米莉妮恩·法尔肯
Boys, this is my daughter, Millennium Faulken.
就像星战里的千年隼号♥