哈默尼与我（2009）

你的建议就是找一个愿意动动四肢的人？
Find one that can move her arms and legs ?
我知道这是屁话，但这确实是个好建议
I mean it's craps but it's good advice...
你知道的…好建议
You know like... advice.
你母亲的肺应该被宣布为国家级重灾区
Your mother's lungs should be declared a national disaster area.
你们有没有什么肺移植或者…人造肺什么的？
Don't you guys do lung transplants or something... artificial lungs ?
有啊，他们正研究着呢
Yeah, they're working on that...
再过个几百年估计就研究出来了
Should have that down the next couple hundred of years or so...
我不觉得我们能等那么长时间了
I don't think we can wait that long.
出界了！
It's out !
看好这一发，臭鼻子！
Here comes an ace, stink nose !
-等等我啊 -你应该接住的
- Wait for me ! - You're supposed to hit it !
如果要让我写下当前正在发生的两三件事
I don't think it would be a big deal to write down two or three things
应该不难
that were happening around this time.
我日常发生的每一件事情
Events that make up my daily life
都过于戏剧化了
are taylor made for most dramatizations.
不要…
No...
不要在别人正打球的时候闯进来
Don't walk across someone else's court in the middle of a point.
嘿！别对他大喊大叫的！
Hey ! Don't yell at him !
小心我拿烟头戳你眼珠子
I'll put your eye out with this cigarette.
不好意思
Sorry.
老妈真酷
Cool mom.
也许如果你能在我成长过程中多支持支持我的话
Maybe if you'd stuck up for me more when I was growing up
我也不会变成现在这个无可救药的废物
I wouldn't be so hopelessly fucked up.
-你应该感激你所拥有的东西 -感激你所拥有的东西
- You should count your blessings. - Count your blessings.
我只是在说妈妈能为我挺身而出真的很好
I'm just saying it's nice for her to sincerely defend me.
得了…如果她真的一直支持你了
Come on... If she would have stuck up for you,
你肯定又会抱怨说，她保护过度
you would have been complaining that she stuck up too much for you
把你培养成了一个怂货
and made you a pussy.
“怂货”什么时候已经成了一个家庭用语了
When did pussy become part of the vernacular in this family.
怂——货——
Puussyyyy.
-你怎么能允许他这么说话？-我管的住他吗
- Why do you let him talk like that ? - I have no control.
你什么时候决定你管不住他了？
Since when did you decide you had no control ?
-我很早之前就意识到了 -你等我走了之后…
- I realized that a long time ago. - You waited until I was gone.
我和你已经试着管过他了，然后失败了
I tried with you. And then that was the end.
我跟你一起试过了
I tried with you.
那个姑娘在盯着我看
This girl is just locking eyes with me.
我在通过假装忽视她的方式让她紧张
No. I'm making her nervous by not looking at her...
这是我学到的一个小技巧
It's a technique I learned.
别在我还在车上的时候干这种事
Please don't do that while I'm in the car.
-干什么事？ -没错
- Do what ? - Exactly.
不要假装忽视那个一直盯着我的姑娘？
Don't not look at a girl who's trying to stare me in the eyes.
那个消防栓都插到她里面了
She's got that fire hydrant going right up in her.
韦斯里…
Westly...
我十分确信我在成长过程中缺乏心理健康方面的援助
I'm pretty sure I grew up with limited access to mental health.
我哥哥本来应该担任一个人生导师一样的角色
My older brother who was meant to be a kind of mentor
来弥补我们已故的父亲的缺位
in lieu of our deceased father was deficient.
但现在可以说他完全没有做到
Suffice it to say he did not pick up the slack.
你看见放在前门的鞋了吗？
Did you see the shoes by the front door ?
你猜它们为什么会放在那？
What' d you think they were ?
好像规矩都管不着他一样
It's like the rules don't apply to him.
太吵了，你能不能把声音调小点？
That's too loud. Can you turn that down please ?
我只是没习惯而已
I'm just not used to it.
你想成为那种看到大家都把鞋脱了
Do you wanna be the type of person who walks into a house in your shoes
但还是穿着鞋大摇大摆进门的人吗
even though they clearly take them off ?
你是对的，但没啥吧
You're right. It's not a big deal.
你来的刚刚好，快来帮我们做决定
You're just in time to break a tie.
我们正在想是穿浅色西服还是深色西服
We're trying to decide tan suit or dark suit ?
-深色 -参加婚礼吗？
- Dark suit. - For the wedding ?
当然是深色
The dark suit.
-浅色不行吗？ -深色
- Tan suit ? - Dark suit.
谢谢你
Thank you.
但是我刚刚买♥♥了个浅色西服…
Well I just got a tan suit...
基本上就是专门为了婚礼才买♥♥的
Pretty much specifically for this wedding
而且没有人告诉过我婚礼不能穿浅色西服
and nobody told me you can't wear a tan suit to a wedding.
-所有人都知道婚礼要穿深色西服 -我要穿浅色的
- Everyone knows you wear a dark suit. - I'm gonna wear a tan suit.
你会看起来像个白♥痴♥一样
You're gonna look like an idiot.
你基本上一直都看起来像个白♥痴♥
You look like an idiot pretty much all the time.
-你这卖♥♥运动服吗？ -不卖♥♥
- Do you sell sport coats ? - No.
-真的？ -嗯
- Really ? - Yeah.
-为什么不卖♥♥？ -因为没人买♥♥
- Why not ? - Because nobody buys them.
你知道吗…我不怪你
You know... I don't blame you.
我要是有你这个身材
I mean if I had your physique,
我估计也要把我的衬衫剪成这样
I would probably cut up all my shirts, too.
我女朋友剪的。你有女朋友吗？
My girlfriend done this. Do you have a girlfriend ?
没有
Nope.
嗨
Hi.
嗨
Hi.
拜拜
Bye.
我不知道你看上她啥了…
I don't know what you see in that girl...
-詹妮弗？ -杰西卡
- Jennifer ?- Jessica.
那女孩太无聊了，无聊透了
That girl was dull. Dull. Dull. Dull.
-她还挺好玩的 -无聊
- She's actually pretty funny. - Dull.
我第一次见到她的时候她说…
When I first met her she started telling about...
无聊！
Duuuull !
那你至少得承认她长得挺好看
You probably have to at least admit she's good looking.
这我也不承认
No, I don't have to admit that.
你还在操她吗？
Are you still fucking her ?
听着，如果我们要讨论这种东西
Look if we're going to have a discussion about this,
我会马上走人
I want to leave that discussion.
我不需要你发表什么乱七八糟的评论
I don't want random scattered remarks from you.
这么说吧，我还没忘掉她呢
And I'm not over her... per-say.
你知道你有多幸运吗？
You know how lucky you are ?
你要知道…你一旦插♥进♥过那个地方了，那属于你了
And you know that's... Once you've been there, that's yours...
来击个掌
Give me one of these. Seriously.
我在击掌这方面有非常严苛的原则
Okay, I have a pretty strict policy about high fives...
-你能把手放开吗… -我不放
- Can you take this off me... - No. No. I'm not. No. I'm not.
希腊的男人曾经一起洗澡
Men in Greece used to take baths together
互相拥抱
and hug together.
我才将将把我的胳膊…
I merely have my arm...
-放松 -这是个人边界的问题
- Relax. - It's a personal space issue.
才不是，这是个文化问题
No it's not. It's a cultural issue.
你真是一团糟。木讷
You're a mess. Rigid.
还敏感
Intense, too.
-你是觉得这会让我性奋吗？ -不是，这就是个个人边界的问题
- I mean... You think this turns me on ? - No. It's a personal space issue.
所以你让一个漂亮姑娘进入你的边界
So you're gonna let a pretty girl in that space,
但你不让我进入…这也太肤浅了
but you're not going to let me into that space... That's shallow.
你不才是那种把电♥话♥号♥码发放给所有女孩的人吗？
Aren't you one of those guys that gives every girl a number ?
那是已经给过了，而且不是我给的
It's already been given. I'm not the giver...
杰西卡很明显是八分那种
Yeah. Jessica was clearly an eight.
-杰西卡当然是九分… -九分太稀有了！
- Jessica was clearly a nine... - Nine's are SO rare !
你基本上得离开这个国家
You have to basically leave the country.
在黎巴嫩，哥伦比亚，巴西…才能找到那种，而不是在这
Find them in Lebanon, Columbia, Brazil, of course... Not around here.
十分的在整个世界都屈指可数。我有一次在纽约的火车上看见过一个
10s is like a handful in this world. I saw one once on a train in New York.
你是不可能见到十分的。她顶天八分
You are not going to see a ten. She's an eight.
但这也很牛逼了。你知道你有多幸运吗？
But that's really badass. Do you know how lucky you are ?
你好像不知道
'Cause it doesn't look like you do.
我没感觉很幸运
I don't feel lucky.
我们的朋友现在处于一种停滞状态
Our friend here has a sort of an acute form of a stasis.
行动迟缓
There's kind of a lack of movement.
就像一个池塘…
It's like a pond...
那种小小的脏水池子
It's kind of small... kind of a dirty pond.
那种低洼的，脏水池子…
Kind of a low lying dirty pond...
我感觉…
I think the...
池子里盛着酸雨，还飘着烂树叶
I think it was some acid rain... Dead leaves.
他就像没有获得新鲜的活水源
It's like he's not getting a fresh supply of spring water.
真是个复杂的比喻
It's a very complicated metaphor.
不是这样的…
It's not that... It's a pond.
-我并不明白你说池塘是什么意思 -我们需要一点运动，一点流动性
- I don't necessarily got a pond. - We need some movement. Some fluidity.
新的活力，新的水源，我们需要翻个篇
New energy, new flow. We need to kind of turn the page.
如果有人把你甩了你应该吃什么药？
What would you take if someone broke up with you ?