百万碎片

Well, good. You're doing okay, then.
坚持吧
Just hold on.
是吗 你知道什么 你也是个毒虫
Oh, really? What would you know? You're a fuckin' cokehead.
我当时还小
I was just a kid, y'know?
我在街上流浪了几个月
And I was on the streets for several months,
认识了一个家伙 大鼻子迈克
and I met this guy, Mike the Nose.
好笑吧 大鼻子迈克
How about that? Mike the Nose?
他算是镇上的英雄人物
He was kind of like the town hero.
道上混的 有一辆凯迪拉克 你懂的
He was a gangster, had a Cadillac. You know, the whole deal.
总之 他和他的妻子吉娜收养了我
Anyhow, he and his wife Geena, they adopted me.
收留了我 让我的生活好起来了
Took me in and made my life good.
然后吉娜得了癌症
And then Geena gets cancer and
她以异于常人的速度去世了
she dies way quicker than a human should have to.
当然 迈克倍受打击
Of course, Mike went off the rails.
染上了毒瘾 吃喝嫖赌
Got into coke and whores and, y'know, liquor.
老套的情节
The usual shit, y'know.
然后他...他就消失了
And then he just... just disappeared.
然后...
And...
我失去了所有亲人
I didn't have anybody.
完全迷失了
Completely lost.
所以我迅速染上恶习
So I went after it pretty hard.
大约一年后
About a year later...
有一天晚上 我听到厨房♥里有声音
one night, I heard this noise in my kitchen.
我下楼去 当然拿着枪
So I go downstairs, with a gun, of course,
我差点朝着这个
and I nearly put one in
外表健康正常的家伙
the back of the head of this healthy-looking,
后脑开一枪 他当时抱怨着
put-together guy, y'know, who was bitching
我的冰箱里什么都没有
about how my refrigerator was empty.
原来是迈克
It was fuckin' Mike.
然后...他告诉了我这个地方
And... he told me about this place.
他说
And he said...
"莱尼 我来带你去那里"
"Lenny, I've come to take you there."
他说 "你将会不好受一段时间
He said, "Now, you're gonna have some shitty days,
或许是你这辈子最不好受的日子
probably the shittiest days you ever had in your life,
你的灵魂会受到煎熬
and you're gonna have a pain in your soul
是你从未想过的煎熬
like you never dreamed you'd have.
但你会熬过去
But you'll get through it...
将来会戒干净 自♥由♥地生活"
and you will live sober and you will live free."
他戒干净自♥由♥地生活了吗 还是...
And did he live free and sober, or...?
于是那晚 我们一起出去庆祝
So that night, we went out to celebrate.
过了那么久之后 我们第一次一起吃晚饭
It was our first dinner after all that time, y'know.
我们吃完后
Well, we finish up and
到前门去让泊车员开车过来
we go out front to the valet to get the car,
然后他被一群
and he gets gunned down by a
混♥蛋♥债主开枪打死了
bunch of motherfuckers that he owed money to.
就是这样
And that was it.
你知道我做了什么吗
You know what I did?
你来了这里
You came here.
我找出了那些混♥蛋♥里的每一个人
I went and found every last motherfucking one of those guys
还有他们的老大
and the people they worked for.
然后我来了这里
And then I came here.
我备受我的过去和我做过的坏事的折磨
I'm tortured by who I used to be and all the horrific things I did.
有一些事在我脑海中不断循环
It just runs in a loop in my head, some of it.
可能看起来不像
And it... and it might not look like it...
但我每一天都想一死了结
but I wanna kill myself every fucking day.
但我还是坚持了下来
But I hold on.
因为我想到了迈克
'Cause I think of Mike.
因为我答应了他 我不会食言的
'Cause I made a promise and I don't break a promise.
我会戒干净 活得自♥由♥
And I will live sober. And I will live free.
你可以做到吗
You think you could do that?
你可以坚持下去吗
You think you can hold on?
上帝赐予我平静
God grant me the serenity
接受无法改变之事
to accept the things I cannot change,
赐予我勇气 改变可改变之事
the courage to change the things I can,
赐予我智慧 可分辨这二者
and the wisdom to know the difference.
大家今天做得不错
Good work today, guys.
你做得很好 孩子
You did good, kid.
你要记住 这家伙是个警长
And you gotta remember, this fucking guy is a sheriff,
所以记住了 好吧
so keep that in mind, right?
他长得就像杰基·格里森
Well, he looks exactly like Jackie Gleason.
你要去哪 不继续听了吗
Where you going? You're gonna learn something here.
操 抱歉
Oh, fuck. I'm sorry.
总之 他把车停在了前院里
Anyways, what he would do is, he'd pull up in the front yard.
他没下车 按了按喇叭
He didn't get out of the car. He honked the horn.
于是我们都摇摇晃晃走到门廊
So we all stagger out on the fuckin' porch,
神志不清的...
all fucked up and everything...
我记不清了 但我没想到他活到了四十四岁
I can't remember, but I was surprised he lived to 44, y'know.
间皮瘤还是什么病来着 但当时...
Mesothelioma, or whatever they call it now, but back then...
下午四点小屋见
造成灾难的元凶
A recipe for disaster is what it was.
我只知道这个
That's all I know.
欢迎
Welcome.
我猜你有女友
So I suppose you have a girlfriend.
你为什么会这么想
Why would you assume that?
因为你上过大学 大学里的所有人
'Cause you went to college and everybody in college
都忙着约会 上♥床♥ 破处
is dating or fucking or losing their virginity.
-你为什么觉得我上过大学 -你上过吗
- What makes you think I went to college? - Did you?
上过
Yeah.
那你是怎么破处的
So how'd you lose your virginity?
我是怎么破处的
How'd I lose my virginity?
你不会想知道的
You... you don't wanna know.
我想知道 可以说明你是个怎样的人
Yeah, I do. It says a lot about a person.
我当时十六岁
I was 16.
挺...挺晚的吧
That's pretty... pretty late, right?
是的 不是 我是说
You know, it is. No, I mean,
我朋友们都比我早两三年
my friends had lost theirs two or three years before.
所以我当时 很有压力
So I was, uh... feeling the pressure, you know?
那天是毕业舞会
And, uh... it was prom night.
-很浪漫 -并不是
- That's romantic. - Well, mm... no.
我其实没有女伴
I didn't actually have a date, and, uh...
是和一个妓♥女♥在我妈的车后座上做的
It was with a whore in the back of my mom's car.
她恶心得要命
She was fucking disgusting.
她身上有臭味
And she smelled bad.
还用下流的假声和我说话
And she just talked to me in this fake dirty voice.
很快就完事了 完全...
It was over in seconds. It was...
不浪漫
not at all romantic.
然后我回家 说我玩得很开心
And so I went home and said I had a good evening and...
喝了半瓶野火鸡威士忌 哭着睡着了
drank half a bottle of Wild Turkey and cried myself to sleep.
很可悲吧
It's pretty pathetic, I know.
很可悲
It's pathetic, huh?
不
No.
没有攻击一棵小树苗可悲
It's not as pathetic as attacking a baby tree.
去你的
Fuck you.
我之前从未告诉过别人
I never told anyone that before.
如果我告诉你
What if I told you...
我破处是卖♥♥身 而不是卖♥♥春呢
that I lost my virginity as a whore instead of with one?
那我会说我很遗憾
I would say I'm sorry.
我很遗憾
I'm sorry.
你是怎么找到这个地方的
How'd you find this fucking place? It's, uh...
我们这么做可能会被赶出去的
You know we could get thrown out for doing this?
片刻的自♥由♥值得被束缚一辈子
A second of freedom is worth more than a lifetime of bondage.
这是谁说的
Who said that?
我
I did.
我奶奶
My grandma.
你很爱她吧
You really love her, huh?
胜过一切
More than anything.
我们应该定个暗号♥
We should have a secret code.
-比如呢 什么样的 -不知道 比如...
- Like... like what? Like how? - I don't know, like, uh...
你午餐时拿了几个盘子
the amount of plates on your tray at lunch
就代表我们之后几点见面
could mean the time that we meet up later.
好 这个可以 挺简单的
Yeah, I could do that. It's... it's pretty easy.