百万碎片

阳光下的路是黑暗的
That the path in the light is dark.
确实 这里有时候会变黑暗
And, hell, does it get dark in here sometimes.
但是后来我只要看到莱纳德就行
But then I only gotta look at Leonard
不知怎么的 他让一切变得简单
and he makes it seem so simple somehow.
这个老头时不时的有点夸张
The old man can get a little theatrical now and again, but...
但是他的心在正道
he cares about the right stuff.
他让一切显得很容易
He makes it look easy.
我只是想让你们知道
I just want you to know that...
从这里毕业对我很重要
this graduation means something to me.
我知道 对你们也很重要
And I know it does to you guys too.
我疯狂的大家庭
My crazy fucking family.
他和我搞了个大派对
He and I threw this big party
大家一起看重量级拳击赛
where we snuck in the Heavyweight Title fight.
当然 弱者挨打
Of course the underdog gets his ass whipped,
但是有那么一瞬间
but... there was a moment where,
那么一秒
for a second, it was like...
我们忘了自己有多操蛋
we forgot how fucked up we all are.
大伙 开吃吧
Guys? Let's eat!
这让我开始思考
It made me think.
我不知道自己离开这里要做什么 但是
Heck, I don't know what I'm gonna do when I leave here, but...
也许还能有更多这样的日子
maybe there can be more days like that.
你觉得需要寻求帮助吗
Do you think you need help to do that?
那就写一张个人清单 詹姆斯
Then do your personal inventory, James.
这就是它的用处
That's... that's what it's there for.
你得探寻事实 你要承认它
You get to discover the truth. You get to own it.
你把它写下来 认可它 然后放下
You write it down, you acknowledge it, and then you let it go.
发现 探索 摒弃
Uncover, discover, discard..
-摒弃 -是的
- Discard. - Yes.
你可以摆脱它
You get to... get rid of it.
承认它
You know, you acknowledge it.
总是背负着这些耻辱你不难受吗
Aren't you sick of carrying all this shit around? The shame?
你不需要它
You don't need it.
对 我不需要
No, I don't.
这并不容易
It's not easy.
但是你做到了第四步 就进入了第五步
But you do your step four, you move into step five,
你跟大卫神父一起 然后
you work it with Father David, and then--
和大卫神父
With Father David?
为什么要跟神父
Why's it gotta be a fucking priest?
-这里是神父们建立起来的 -当然了
- Priests founded this facility. - Of course they did.
莉莉什么时候能从治疗区出来
When does Lilly get out of the medical unit?
-我不讨论病人 -乔安妮
- I'm not discussing patients. - Joanne.
拜托
Come on.
求你了
Please?
我能过去吗
Can I go?
就一小会儿
Just a minute?
我得从头来过
I gotta start again.
我知道
I know.
你是怎么做到的 你是怎么戒掉的
How do you do it? How do you kick this shit?
我不知道 可能就得努力
I dunno. You just do it, I guess.
一步一步来
One day at a time.
我喜欢这件外套
I like this jacket.
闻着...
It smells...
-特别臭 -是的
- Pretty bad. - Yeah.
是 但我喜欢
Yeah, but I like it.
你当时为什么来找我
Why'd you come get me?
必须去
Had to.
不是的
No, you didn't.
就是
Yeah, I did.
-不 -我也不知道
- No. - I dunno, I guess, uh...
为什么
Why?
因为
Because...
这样吧 下次我们一起坐大巴走
You know what? Let's get the bus together next time.
你想去芝加哥
You wanna go to Chicago?
行啊 为什么不想
Yeah. Sure. Why not?
如果你去的话
I mean, if you're going.
好的
Okay.
我们什么时候走
When do we go?
很快
Soon.
好的
Okay.
我爱你
I love you.
那就坚持下去
Then hold on.
好的
Okay.
好的
Okay.
好的
Okay.
清单
用玩具车碾过一个幼儿园老师
Ran over a nursery-school teacher with a Big Wheel.
我故意的
I did it on purpose.
那时我四岁
I was four.
用满满一袋书砸一个男孩 砸断了他的鼻子
Hit a boy with a bag full of books, broke his nose.
他叫弗莱德 那时我六岁
His name was Fred. I was six.
从我朋友克雷的妈妈那里偷了一包薄荷香烟
Stole a pack of menthol cigarettes from my friend Clay's mother.
抽完吐了 又偷了一包 又吐了
Smoked them and threw up. Stole another pack, threw up.
又偷了一包 那时我八岁
Stole another pack. I was eight.
十岁时开始失控
Started to lose control at 10.
从我爸妈那里偷酒的次数多到我记不清
Stole liquor from my parents more times than I can remember.
我经常在橄榄球赛时偷喝几口啤酒
I used to steal sips of beer at football games,
在派对上喝别人剩下的红酒之类的
drank leftover wine at dinner parties, that kind of thing.
我不知道为什么要这样 就是会去做
I don't know why I did it, I just did.
十二岁时 我的生活很模糊
At 12... my life was blurred.
从我朋友埃文的爸爸那里偷了一包大♥麻♥
I stole a bag of pot from my friend Evan's dad.
从埃文的爸爸那里偷了一个烟斗
Stole a pipe from Evan's dad.
从埃文的爸爸那里偷了一瓶药
Stole a bottle of pills from Evan's dad.
我用烟斗抽了大♥麻♥ 吞了所有的药
I smoked the pot in the pipe and took all the pills.
最后我吐了
It made me vomit.
然后再去埃文家的时候我又下手了
And I did it again the next time I was at Evan's house.
十四岁时 我卖♥♥毒品给小孩
At 14, I sold drugs to kids.
大多数时候都是坑他们的钱
Most of the time, I ripped 'em off.
卖♥♥高价 或者用牛至叶滥竽充数
Took too much of their money, or sold them oregano.
他们跟我同龄 却还是小孩
They were my age, but they were still kids.
十五岁时 我开始吸硬毒品
At 15, I started using harder stuff:
可♥卡♥因♥ 迷幻药 冰♥毒♥
coke, acid, crystal meth.
我全都喜欢
I liked all of them.
十六七岁时也差不多
Sixteen, 17 were more of the same.
十八岁时还是一样 但吸得更多
Eighteen, same thing, but more.
十九岁时也一样 但情况更糟糕
Nineteen, same thing, but probably worse.
二十岁时 我开始吸可♥卡♥因♥
At 20, I started to smoke coke.
二十一岁 那一年很糟
Twenty-one, bad year.
我开始吸强效可♥卡♥因♥ 我特别喜欢
I started to smoke crack, which I loved.
有多少我就吸多少 基本上每天都在吸
I smoked it as much as I could, which was basically every day.
我吐♥血♥ 尿血 便血
I was throwing up blood, pissing blood, shitting blood.
每时每刻都很难受
I was sick all the time.
我都不知道我是怎么撑下来的
I don't really know how I managed it.
二十二岁时我一塌糊涂 基本什么都不记得
Twenty-two, I was so fucked up, I barely remember anything.
但有一件事我希望自己可以忘掉
But there's still one thing I wish I could forget.
进来
Come.
你好 孩子 我是大卫神父
Hello, my son. My name's Father David.
无意冒犯 先生 但我不是你的孩子
All due respect, sir, but I'm not your son.
好吧 没关系
Okay. Fair enough.
坐吧 詹姆斯
Have a seat... James.
那么
So...
你来进行第五步
You're here for your fifth step.
我不相信十二步那一套
I don't believe in the steps,
但我是来忏悔的
but I'm here to make a confession, so...
你是天主教♥徒♥吗
Are you Catholic?
不 不是
No. No.
那把这个称之为谈话可以吗
Then would you be comfortable calling this a conversation?
抱歉 这是 这是浪费时间
I'm sorry, this is... this is a waste of time.
我不知道我为什么要这么做
I don't know why I'm doing this.
你去他那儿找罪受是图什么
So why are you choking to death there?
去谈那个清单吗
That little inventory?
显然 只是一场普通的谈话