是，首相（1986）

谈进出口配额问题 连教堂都忘去了
talking about quotas, we forgot to go to the cathedral.
他们发现了吗?
Did they notice?
能没发现嘛 我们都迟到了
They noticed, all right. We got there late.
保安背了黑锅 如今什么都能怪保安人员
Blamed security. You can blame security for anything nowadays.
那这次葬礼可以算首脑峰会了?
So this funeral will be a sort of summit.
对 这是天赐良机
Yes. It's a heaven-sent opportunity.
字面上的 对
Literally. Yes.
比峰会还好 没有既定目标
Better than a summit because there are no expectations.
没人指望领导人从葬礼上搞到
People don't expect leaders to come back with
禁止核试验或者生产限额协定
test-ban agreements or quota reductions,
于是我们就能谈些有意义的东西了
so we can have some meaningful discussions.
峰会只算是公♥关♥大会
A summit is just a public-relations circus.
就没人是来向老朋友致敬的吗?
Isn't anyone coming to pay tribute to a friend?
朋友? 要是只请他的朋友
A friend? If only his friends came to the abbey,
连小礼拜堂都填不满
we wouldn't even fill the vestry.
他这一死为世界做的贡献
He's done much more for the world by dying
比他活着一辈子都大
than he ever did in the whole of his life.
你敲定仪式细节了吗?
Have you agreed the service?
对 一直奏乐 这倒不错
Yeah, lots of music. That's nice.
嗯 有管风琴掩护 就能谈点有用的了
Mm, you can have useful discussions when the organ's playing.
齐声祷告时就不行 布道的时候呢?
Have to shut up for the lesson. What about the sermon?
那是用来倒时差的
That's when you catch up on jet lag.
没错 这葬礼来得正是时候
This funeral's come at the right moment.
有一堆事要谈呢 北约 华沙条约 中东问题
We've all sorts to discuss about NATO, the Warsaw Pact
要是这三天解决不完呢?
And what if you don't sort it all out?
那我们只能盼望
We'll just have to hope that before too long
有别的大人物尽快蹬腿了
somebody else important snuffs it.
对 我跟内政部谈过了
I've spoken to the Home Office.
他们说没理由要求国会为该狗专门立法
there's no grounds to pass an act to for this dog
我知道特许授权法什么都能授权
I know an enabling act can enable anything,
不过首相觉得
but the PM feels it
这只能授权他输掉下次大选
would merely enable him to lose the next election.
伯纳 能不能考虑把整个皇宫
Have you thought of turning Buckingham Palace
变成犬只隔离区? 你说真的?
into a quarantine zone for dogs?
只是个想法罢了
Just a thought.
女王的威尔士矮脚狗呢?
What about the corgis?
稍等 格拉汉 联络皇宫
Hang on. Graham, check with the palace
确认女王没有正式得知礼物的事
that Her Majesty's not been told officially
免得拒收和她扯上关系
this gift then she can't be implicated in refusing it.
对 我们需要同声传译
Yes, we will want simultaneous translators.
不 会见英语国家元首时就免了
not when the PM meets the leaders of English nations.
对 英语国家可以包括美国
Yes, they can be said to include the US...
以显示我们的慷慨大度 我得挂了
...with a certain generosity of spirit. Got to go.
对 10国元首专机今天抵达 特工处快疯了
Yes, 10 PMs are flying in today. Special Branch are crazy.
皇家海军乐队也是 得演奏所有的国歌♥
So is the Royal Marines band who play all the national anthems.
知道了 阿根廷不来了 真走运
I see. Argentina's not coming. A bit of luck.
因为马岛事件?
Because of the Falklands?
不 因为他们的国歌♥有6分钟长
No, because their anthem goes on for about six minutes.
喂 我知道你担心狗的事 我也是
I know you're worried about this dog. So am I.
跟我们驻巴黎大使说说
Talk to our ambassador in Paris.
看他能不能想法灭了它
See if he can think of a way to nobble it.
你知道 下点药什么的
You know, slip it something.
问问保加利亚人
See if the Bulgarians have
还有没有毒伞尖 (乔治马可夫案 1978)
got any spare umbrella tips.
伯纳 还有个办法
If we made the palace an extension
把皇宫并入法国大使♥馆♥ 狗就不算入境了
of the French embassy, the dog would be on foreign territory.
彼得 首相正拼命争取海峡隧♥道♥的主♥权♥
The PM is fighting for the sovereignty of the tunnel.
把皇宫都让出去他会怎么想?
How would he feel about palace sovereignty?
你觉得皇室会怎么想? 喂
How do you think the sovereign would feel?
不 礼堂里不能按字母顺序排位
No, we can't have alphabetical seating in the abbey.
不然伊♥拉♥克♥会挨着伊朗坐
You'd have Iraq and Iran next to each other.
以色列和约旦也坐同一排
Plus Israel and Jordan all sitting in the same pew.
我们会引发第三次世界大战的
We'd be in danger of starting World War III.
我知道爱尔兰也是I开头 可爱尔兰没用
I know Ireland begins with an I, but it doesn't make it any better.
爱尔兰在任何事上都不起作用
Ireland doesn't make anything any better.
对了 传达所有人
If the papal envoy says,
要是教皇特使说"本座要净手"
"We desire to wash our hands",
就是说他要上厕所
it means he wants a pee.
对 "本座"是尊称 坐的是皇家宝厕(同花顺)
Yes, a royal "we", followed by a royal flush.
小心提防南非人
Watch out for the South Africans.
人♥权♥问题? 不 他们想倾销柚子
human rights? No, they're trying to unload grapefruit.
伯纳 皇宫问红毡铺地会不会有问题
The palace wants to know about the red carpets.
女王担心象牙海岸(非洲)总统
The Ivory Coast wishes to award Her Majesty
想向女王赠送大象勋章
with the Order of the Elephant.
别挂 格拉汉 不能再扯进什么动物了
Hang on. We can't have another animal,
尤其是大象
especially an elephant.
白厅 内政部 外♥交♥部♥和卫♥生♥部♥
Whitehall, the Home Office, Foreign Office, the DHSS,
都为一条小狗头疼一周了
have been tied up with one puppy for nearly a week!
政♥府♥都瘫痪了 不许要大象
No elephants!
不 塞浦路斯大主教不叫至圣宗座
The mode of address to a Cypriot archbishop is not Your Ecstasy,
叫至福圣座
it's Your Beatitude.
老天爷 又搞什么...
For God's sake, what is it...
哦 抱歉 首相 我马上来
Oh, sorry, Prime Minister. I'll come in straight away.
这是什么 伯纳? 海峡隧♥道♥的档案 首相
What on earth is that? The Channel Tunnel file.
不 那一本呢? 小狗的档案
No, no, the other one. That's the puppy file.
大致怎么说? 重量是3.5磅
Where have we got to? It weighed in at three and a half pounds.
小狗? 不 档案
The puppy? No, the file.
怎么回事? 眼下我们已照会法国
What's happening? We've told the French
说机场保安不得不
that airport security will have to
把狗留在机场检疫
keep the puppy in quarantine.
他们怎么说? 还没回复
What do they say? No reply yet.
我们还指出
It is on the route
机场在皇宫去温莎城♥堡♥途中
from the palace to Windsor,
女王可以顺便去看看它
so the Queen could visit it.
隔离中的狗能看吗? 如果不行
Can you visit quarantined dogs? Well, if she can't,
她可以从车上朝它挥挥手吧
she can sort of wave to it.
你说他们会作何反应?
What do you think they'll do?
我想他们会威胁爆给媒体
Threaten to publish the story
除非我们在海峡隧♥道♥上让步
if we don't give in on the tunnel.
首相 我有紧急消息 希望是好消息
I have urgent news. I hope it's good news.
是也不是 警方在法国使♥馆♥区发现了炸♥弹♥
Yes and no. The police found a bomb in the French embassy grounds.
什么? 谁放的? 还不知道
What?! Who put it there? We don't know yet.
很多人都有动机 我就算一个
Lots of people could have a motive. Me, for a start.
幸好被我们找到了...是好事吧
It's a good thing we found it... I suppose.
另一条消息更糟 法国总统不飞过来了
The President is not flying in for the funeral.
太好了 他不坐飞机 改坐车了 秘密入境
That's marvellous! He's not flying, he's driving! Secretly!
拿专机作安全掩护 好主意
The plane is just going to be a decoy. Good idea.
绝妙的主意 他可以带狗进来了 不行
A brilliant idea! He can bring the puppy! No!
首相 您要授权把总统专车拦下搜查吗?
give permission for his car to be stopped and searched?
您难道要侵犯他们的外交豁免权
Will you violate their diplomatic immunity and
搜查外交邮袋?
search the diplomatic bag?
他们总不能把狗藏袋子里吧
Even they wouldn't put a puppy in a bag.
会变成狗食袋(餐馆打包袋)
It'd be a doggy bag.
要是真搜出来 那可捅马蜂窝了
If we found it, that'd put the cat among the pigeons.
纵狗出袋了
Let the dog out of the bag.
对 可是首相 万一车里没有狗呢?
But just suppose it wasn't there?
对 我不能冒这个险
Yeah. I can't take the risk.
可如果狗在里面
If it was there,
他们就可以开进法国大使♥馆♥
they'll drive into the French embassy
狗就进入了法国领土 在伦敦正中♥央♥
and that puppy will be on French territory here
悬在我们头顶上 希望它懂规矩吧
Hanging over our heads. Better pray it's house-trained.
首相 真抱歉 能失陪一下吗?
I'm so sorry, would you excuse the Prime Minister?
首相 我们有麻烦了
We have a problem.
您跟法国总统说上话了吗?
Have you spoken to the French President yet?
就说了几句套话 具体是什么?
A couple of well-chosen words. What, precisely?
就是"您好"(法语)
Bonsoir, actually.
首相 您不能不理他
You can't put it off.
不然他又多一个被冒犯的借口了
It'll be one more thing for him to take offence at.
他没这么容易被冒犯吧?
He can't be that easily offended, can he?
当然没有 不过据我们所知
No, but in exchange