哈啦夏令营（2015）

你是个又胖又丑的猪!
You're a big fat sloppy old pig!
肥猪!
Big pig!
肥猪!
Big pig!
我靠 亲们 你们干嘛呢?
God damn it, guys. What are you guys doing?
你们有病吧?
What is wrong with you people?
莎莉! 莎莉! 等等啊莎莉!
Shari! Shari! Wait, Shari!
石头剪刀布 靠
Rock, paper, scissors, shoot.
好了 大家
Okay, everybody,
这是我们七分钟天堂的游戏规则
here are the rules for seven minutes in heaven.
好了 你们从帽子里抽个名字
Okay, you pick a name out of a hat,
然后跟那人进柜子里待整整7分钟
and then you go in the closet for seven full minutes.
你们想干啥都成
You can do whatever you feel like,
但是至少要么么哒
but at the bare minimum, you must make out.
等等 有人需要计时
Oh, wait a minute, someone has to be the timer.
凯文可以
Oh, Kevin will do it.
他肯定不会跟谁么么哒
He's not gonna make out with anybody anyway.
－我没准啊 －不 你肯定不会的
- I might. - No, you won't.
好了 我要抽名字咯
Okay, so I'm gonna draw a name,
所以那个跟我在柜子里共度7分钟的是凯尔!
and the person I'm going into the closet for seven minutes of heaven is Kyle!
噢噢噢噢!
Ooh!
咱们走吧
Let's go.
开始计时
Start the timer.
- 敬我们! - 嗯
- To us! - Yeah.
干杯吧朋友
Cheers.
那边有空地儿 咱们去占起来吧?
There's an empty room over there. Let's go fill it up, huh?
额...好啊
Uh... Sure.
嘿 嘿 哥们儿 嗨 库佩
Oh, hey, you guys. Hi, Coop.
嗨 盖尔
Hi, Gail.
你们见过我老公杰夫了么? 或者 我是说 我前夫
Have you met my husband Jeff? Or, I mean, my ex-husband.
- 很高兴见到你们 - 我们也很高兴见到你
- Nice to meet you all. - Good to meet you, too.
前 我得习惯说是前夫 我的前任
Ex, I have to get used to saying "ex," my ex.
我们... 我们在这儿做点什么?
What are we... We're going in here?
多久了?
How much longer?
好了 时间到
Okay, that's time.
好吧... 好了 抽下一个
Okay... Yup. Next up.
- 艾米 准备好没? - 好了
- Amy, are you ready? - Okay.
呃...
Um...
- 凯文 - 哦!
- Kevin. - Ooh!
哦 等一下 你作弊 你看了 不行不行
Oh, wait, no, you cheated. You looked at it. No, no, no.
要和你一起进去的是德鲁
The person you're gonna go with is Drew.
太好了! 正中下怀!
Yes! Sweet!
太好了 哥们儿!
Yeah, man!
我♥操♥! 不好意思啊 蓝蛋蛋 对不起
Oh, shit! Sorry, Blue Balls.
我... 算了吧
I... Yeah.
艾米 等一下!
Amy, wait!
怎么?
Yeah?
自从我第一次见到你的时候
Amy, ever since the first moment I saw you,
我就感觉咱们之间有很强的心灵感应
I've felt a strong connection between us.
最开始 我尝试表现得酷一点 好像不在乎
At first, I tried to act like Joe Blow Mr. Cool,
但是随着我更多的了解你
but as I've gotten to know you better,
我对你的感觉也越来越强烈
my affection towards you has only intensified.
我想说的是
I guess what I'm trying to say is
请你 不要跟德鲁一起去天堂七分钟
please don't go in that closet for seven minutes of heaven with Drew.
正相反 你应该跟我一起相处人生的七亿分钟
But instead, spend seven billion minutes of life with me.
我真正真正想说的是 艾米 你能做我女朋友吗
What I'm really trying to say is will you be my girlfriend, Amy?
凯文 对不起 你是一个很好的人 但是...
Oh, sorry. I think you're really sweet, Kevin, but...
我对你的喜欢不是那种喜欢
I don't like you like that.
对不起
I'm sorry.
我现在要进去了
I'm just gonna go in here now.
开始计时吧 煞♥笔♥
Yeah, start timing us, d-bag.
你应该... 嗯
You should time... Yeah.
好嗒 库佩 唐娜 人齐了
Okay, Coop, Donna, here we are.
男人和女人
Man and woman.
嘿 等等! 停!停!停!
Hey, wait! Stop! Stop it!
- 怎么? - 我的意思是 你太过了
- What? - I mean, you're crossing a line.
闹啥啊 库佩? 因为她是你的"女朋友"?
What is it, Coop? Because she is your girlfriend?
对啊 没错 她就是我的女朋友
Yes, exactly. She's my girlfriend.
-那你去亲她 - 不 我不会那样做的
- Then you kiss her. - No, I'm not gonna do that.
库佩 没关系的
Coop, it's okay.
好吧
Fine.
不 库佩 库佩 你亲她的时候 必须亲的有激♥情♥
No, Coop, Coop, when you kiss her, you must kiss her with passion.
当你亲唐娜的时候 你必须在腰上抱着她开始亲好吗
When you kiss Donna, you must kiss her from the waist.
好吗? 所以 是...
Okay? So it's, it's...
停! 你们两个 这是闹啥呢!
Stop! Both of you. What's going on here?
你为什么这么不高兴啊 库佩?
Why the discomfort, Coop?
我们活着 所以我们一定要珍惜生命 及时享乐
We are living, so we should be alive.
- 这是我们的故事 -这 是我们的肉体
- These are our stories. - These are our bodies.
舌吻可以代表很多事情
The tongue in the mouth can mean so many things.
-可以是你好 -可以是再见
- It can mean hello. - Or, it can mean goodbye.
- 可以代表和平 - 和平
- It can mean peace. - Peace.
库佩
Coop.
啥?
What?
这才是集体社区 是集体的 是卡希拉
This is the true meaning of kibbutz, of community,
真正的意义
of kehillah.
现在 亲唐娜
Now, kiss Donna.
对
Yeah.
够了吧 好么?
Enough of this, okay?
- 停下 我现在不想做这个了 - 库佩 别走啊!
- Stop! I don't want to do this anymore! - Wait, Coop!
库佩 等等!
Coop, wait!
- 呃 - 怎么了啊?
- Ugh. - What's wrong?
你知道 我一整年都为能再见到你而那么兴奋
You know, I was so excited to see you again, all year,
但是现在我都不知道你是谁了
but it's like I don't even know who you are anymore.
我想说 你抽烟 你还想让我参加奇葩的3P
I mean, you smoke, you tried to get me to be in some weird threesome.
好像你想让我当什么别的人 我受够了!
It's like you want me to be someone else! I'm sick of it!
我看起来也特别滑稽 谁会穿这种衣服啊?
And I look ridiculous. It's like, who wears this stuff?
我觉得你看起来很棒啊
I think you look rad.
唐娜 你要来吗?
Donna, are you coming?
我可不能一直硬的 尽管我很想试试
I cannot stay hard for much longer. Although I'm happy to try.
- 去吧 - 库佩 不要这样
- Go. - Coop, don't be like that.
给你
Here.
拿上这个
Take this.
本来在你身上就更好看
It looks better on you anyway.
好
Okay.
你有套套不?
You got protection?
嗯... 当然! 当然啦!
Uh... Oh, yes! Yes. Yes!
- 快点啊 - 就是...
- Come on! - Just gonna...
- 好了 好了 - 你怎么把这个弄上来
- All right. All right. - How do ya get it out?
- 这个就像鲁比克魔方一样 -好吧
- This is like a Rubik's Cube. - All right.
-你怎么... -好吧
- How do ya... - Okay.
- 嗯当然 好啦 - 嗯 这不是好啦
- Oh, sure, sure. Yeah, there we go! - There you go.
这是...
This is...
- 就撕一下那个开口 - 好嗒
- Just break that open. - All right.
马上...
And... Here we...
- 就... - 好啦
- Just... - All right. Here we...
卧♥槽♥
Oh...
- 那个不咋好 - 我不知道
- All right, that one's not good.- I don't know.
哦 靠
Ow! Shit.
好的 那个上面有点线头
Okay. Oh, I got a little lint on that one.
好啦
Okay, I got it.
- 你还好不 - 好 不好 不不不 我很好
- You all right? - Yeah, no, no, I'm good.
我很好 我真的很好 我就是...
I'm fine. I'm totally fine. I just got...
我真的很好 真的真的 好吧?
I'm super fine, as a matter of fact, okay?
让我读一下...
Let me just read the...
让我读一下说明吧 为了保险
Let me read the instructions here, just double-check.
这样啊 这样啊
Okay. Okay.
好的 好的
Okay. Okay.
好的 懂了
Okay, got it.
我懂了
Oh, I see.
你是个处
You're a virgin.
啥? 当然不 你在说啥
What? No! What're you talking about?