哈啦夏令营（2015）

那么答案就是...
And the answer is...
是的!是的!我确定一定以及肯定的告诉你们 是的!
Yes! Yes! A thousand times yes!
非常非常是
A resounding a-yes.
她是不是特别棒?
Ain't she something?
哦 刚刚发生了什么?
Oh, what did I just do there?
哦 我猜我刚刚一瞬间变成了南方绅士
Oh, I guess I just turned into a southern gentleman.
哦 米莉 我的薄荷朱利酒在哪呢?
Oh, Milly, where's my mint julep?
每年夏令营的第一天
Every year, on the first day of camp,
老师们都会表演一出百老汇音乐剧
the counselors perform a Broadway musicale.
今年 我们隆重献上
And this year, we're presenting
百老汇火爆剧目 电气都市!
the explosive Broadway hit, Electro-City!
电气都市讲述了这样一个故事
Electro-City is the story of
一个从乡村来到城市的年轻人
a young man who moves from the country to the city
梦想成为一个百老汇明星
to become a Broadway star
突然因为一桩他没有犯过的罪
and is immediately sent to the electric chair
而被送上电椅
for a crime he did not commit.
但他真的是被冤枉的吗?
Or did he?
还有一点!
And one more thing!
为了增加真实感 我们排练了一整周
To add a taste of authenticity, we have been rehearsing all week
和我们的特邀导演 克劳德 迪梅先生
with a special guest director, Mr. Claude Dumet.
迪梅先生 在电气都市的首轮巡演中
Mr. Dumet played town crier slash Uncle Pete slash background cop
饰演街头公告员 皮特叔叔和路人警♥察♥
in the first original touring company of Electro-City,
所以他知道所有的编舞
so he knows all the choreography
因为他每天晚上都会在前台或者后台表演这些片段
because he either did it on or backstage every night.
还有一点很重要 同志们
This is a big deal, you guys.
他是一名演员协会的
He is a card-carrying member...
持卡会员
of Actors' Equity.
各位先生演员和小姐演员们
Ladies and gentle-actors,
我很荣幸的想你们介绍 举世无双
I am so honored to introduce you to the one, the only,
无人能比的克劳德 迪梅先生
the incomparable Monsieur Claude Dumet.
妈了个蛋!
Son of a bitch!
你没事吧?
Are you okay?
什么?
What?
真是天才
Genius.
我是克劳德 迪梅
The name is Claude Dumet.
刚刚那一手可能看起来像雕虫小技
And that may have seemed like just light entertainment,
但这就是我们演艺圈中
but in the business we call show,
众人皆知的掩膜作品
that is what's known as mask work.
哦 天哪 太棒了!
Oh, my God, that was so amazing!
超级酷炫
That was awesome.
下一个!
Next!
欧西 欧什曼 二号♥床位
Oshy Oceanman, Bunk Two.
嘿 尼尔 我们打个赌吧 第一个获得性福的人赢
Hey, Neil, let's make a bet. First one to get laid wins.
你一定是在开玩笑
You're joking, right?
- 你什么意思? - 我是说 你已经...
- What do you mean? - I mean, you've already...
你早就破处了 怎么也搞过有一万次了 对吧?
you've already made love, like, 10,000 times, right?
当然了 尼尔
'Course I have, Neil.
嘿 托尼 波里格纳T 七号♥床位 好吧
Hey, Tony Balogna, Bunk Seven. Okay.
我承认 我就是性♥爱♥机器
Okay? I'm a fuck machine.
你看什么看?
What are you looking at?
听着 尼尔 如果我这么说就太蠢了
Listen, Neil, it'd be too clunky if I said,
咱们打赌看是谁能先破万次大关 肯定是我赢
"A bet to see who got laid for the millionth time, me,
或者赌 谁先破处 肯定你赢
and/or who loses their virginity for the first time, you."
对吧?我只是想言简意赅 哥们
Okay? I'm just trying to be economical with my word choice, man.
你到底想不想打赌?
You want to make a bet or not?
- 好 好 没问题 我们打赌- 九号♥床位
- Yeah. Yeah, no, I'm in. I'm in. - Nine.
莎莉今晚要来 我觉得胜利在望了
Shari's coming tonight, so I mean, I think I have a shot.
哦 三号♥铺 这个不错 厕所能用
Oh, Bunk Three. It's a good one. Toilets work.
谁先破了处
Who loses their virginity first,
或者谁能先共寝够一百万次
or gets laid for the millionth time.
好的
Okay.
- 准备好了么? 我们开始啦! - 我们开始演啦!
- Are you ready? Let's do this! - Let's do this!
鼓声敲起来
Drumroll, please.
准备好了么? 来了啊
Ready? Here we go.
- 不错! - 击个掌!
- Nice! - High five!
太好了 哥们儿!
Yes, man!
新来的 想试试么?
New kid, wanna give it a shot?
我不知道
I don't know.
什么? 声音大点 含糊公主
What? Speak up, Mumble Princess.
你听起来就像是在遭遇了车祸后说话
You sound like you were in a car accident.
我不知道怎么玩
I don't know how to play.
你不知道...
You don't...
只有挤屌♥人才不知道怎么玩!
Only dick squeezes don't know how to play!
他叫你挤屌♥人
He called you dick squeeze.
你看到这个毛茸茸的小玩意了么?
You see this little fuzzy thing?
你捡起来 再扔出去
You pick it up and you throw it.
懂了么?
Got it?
目的是什么?
What's the objective?
目的就是让你闭上你的臭嘴
The objective is to shut your pie-hole
然后照做 大屌♥脸 好么?
and do it, penis face, okay?
大屌♥脸
Penis face.
你扔得就像一条小母蛇
You throw like a girl snake.
这是逊上加逊
Which is a double suck,
因为它不光是母的 还没有胳膊!
because it's a girl and it doesn't have arms!
而且它还用舌头来嗅
And it smells with its tongue.
闭嘴吧 凯尔!
Shut up, Kyle!
你就是个娘们 爱普布莱特
You're a pussy, Appleblatt.
你要哭了? 我觉得他要哭了
You gonna cry? I think he's gonna cry.
- 他要哭了! - 你的尿布在哪呢 你这个小混♥蛋♥?
- He's gonna cry! - Where's your diaper, you little asshole?
- 我真♥他♥妈♥讨厌你! - 好啊! 跑吧 废柴!
- I fucking hate you! - Yeah! Run, loser!
- 跑啊! - 娘们!
- Run! - Pussy!
- 废柴! 跑啊! - 垃圾一个!
- Loser! Run! - Piece of shnit!
Kevin怎么了?
What's wrong with Kevin?
他跑到树林里了 因为他是垃圾一个
He ran in the woods 'cause he's a piece of shnit.
- 德鲁! - 怎么?
- Drew! - What?
- 你为什么非得-- - 因为我想啊!
- Why do you have to-- - Because I want to!
怎样? 我就是喜欢做这种事!
What? I like doing stuff like that!
凯文 凯文
Kevin. Kevin.
别这样 别这样 哥们儿
Come on. Come on, man.
天啊 凯文!
Jesus. Kevin!
凯文 别跑了 凯文!
Kevin. Stop running, Kevin!
凯文
Kevin.
凯文 停下! 快停下! 你跑什么啊?
Kevin, stop! Just stop! What are you running from?
我不想在这儿!
I don't want to be here!
所以就是因为这个了
So that's what this is about.
我来给你讲个故事吧 凯文
Let me tell you a little story, Kevin.
八年前的今天 是我来这儿参加的第一个夏令营
Eight years ago today was my first summer here at camp.
猜猜怎么样?
And guess what?
你的铺位上也有个恶霸?
You also had a bully in your bunk?
说对了 再猜猜?
Exactly. And guess what?
你不得不揍他一顿来赢得他的尊重?
You had to beat him in a fight to earn his respect?
没错 所以你知道我做了什么?
Exactly. So you know what I did?
你和他挑衅了?
You challenged him to a fight?
是的 但不是打架
Exactly. But not just any fight.
- 打嗝比赛? - 没错
- A burp fight? - Exactly.
所以 我来给你个建议吧?
So, can I give you a piece of advice?
我应该在打嗝比赛挑战Drew
I should challenge Drew to a burp fight
如果我赢了她就会尊重我么?
and if I win he'll respect me?
对的 现在去做吧!
Exactly. Now, go on!
去啊! 去啊!
Go! Go!
去吧 男子汉
Go on, boy.
好吧 如果这儿真有个营地广播室
Well, if ever there was a camp radio station,
那就是这个了
this was it.
它有点破旧 不过还能用
It's a little threadbare, but it'll do.
很明显 我要自己做早间节目
Obviously, I'll handle the morning show myself.
我们要把握好在不敬的前沿
We'll walk that fine line between cutting-edge irreverence
和与联邦通信委员会产生问题之间的分寸
and trouble with the Federal Communications Commission.
哈 我不太担心联♥通♥委那边
Yeah, I'm not particularly worried about the FCC.
好了 该中午吃午餐了 别被电死
All right. Lunch is at noon. Don't get electrocuted.
安提 所罗门在此 别名 养蜂人
Arty Solomon here, alias the Beekeeper.