上载新生

宝贝,蜜月登记通知
Oh. Babe?Honeymoon registry alert.
亚丽莎帮我们争取到 两天的海滩升级体验...
Aw. Aleesha got us two days of beach upgrade.
(诺拉-未接来电)
(语♥音♥信箱)
...从戴通纳到泰国
From Daytona to Thailand?
你为什么要骗说奈森被消灭了?
Why did you lie about Nathan being destroyed?
什么样的人会这么做?
That was so sweet of her.
宝贝?
What kind of person does that? We're getting really close, babe.
嗯嗯
Mm-hmm.
宝贝,我忘了跟你讲个八卦
Oh, babe, I forgot to give you the poop and scoop.
其他天使都因为裁员的谣言吓坏了
The other angels are freaking out over layoff rumors.
裁员?
Uh-oh. Layoffs?
你老婆比他们早一步行动
Ah-ah. Your girl is one step ahead.
我已经申请当治疗犬了
I applied to be a therapy dog.
那不是需要咨商心理学博士学位吗?
But don't you need a PhD in counseling for that?
好吧,侦探小天王,不是治疗犬
Okay, Mr. Veronica Mars, no, not a therapy dog.
是生涯教练绒毛鼠
A life coach chinchilla.
那不需要接受任何训练
You don't need any training for that.
就算我搞砸了,谁会在乎? 反正他们已经死了
And if I screw it up, who cares? They're already dead.
无意冒犯 好
No offense. Okay.
不知道,我应该不会有事
But I don't know. I think I'll be good.
我相信你会没事
I know you will.
我也靠着微不足道的工作 尽自己的一份力
And I'm helping in my own little way with my little job.
对,当然了
Yes, you sure are.
我努力工作的老公
My hardworking hubby. Mm.
(上传工人)
我抓到了
Oh, I got one.
先生,没付钱就不能拿袋子
Sir, no bags means no bags.
好吗? 付钱买♥♥袋子,不然就自备环保袋
Okay? Pay a buck or bring a tote.
真不敢相信我是袋子纠察员
Can't believe I'm a bag narc.
但为了蜜月基金,我什么都愿意做
Anything for the honeymoon fund, though.
嘿!那是有机大蒜
Hey. Hey, hey. That garlic is organic,
你却当成普通大蒜结♥帐♥
and you rang it up as regular.
(电击)
抓到你了!
Gotcha.
那五根香蕉也一样,还有五次电击
Sames goes with the five bananas. That's five more zaps.
太糟糕了
This is terrible.
这...实在糟透了
This is-This is terrible.
上传天地
欢迎...感谢各位莅临 虽然你们别无选择
Welcome, welcome. Thank you all for coming, not that you had a choice.
我知道你们在想什么
Now, I know what you're wondering.
“吉坦德拉,JB,有什么重大消息?”
"Jitendra, JB, what is the big news?"
我骄傲地宣布
I am proud to say we have hit
我们的付费上传人已达三亿
300 million paying uploads.
好耶!
Yeah!
现在我们可以开始赚钱了 好
Now we can monetize this bitch.
等等,我们到现在都还没赚到钱?
Wait, we haven't been making money this whole time?
上传工人让我们拥有了 一批受囚禁的劳动力
Workload has given us a captive workforce we actually own.
(上传工人加人工智慧会获利)
先说清楚,他们不是奴隶
To be clear, they're not slaves, though.
好吗?那样的话会...
Okay? That would be...
不太对?
wrong?
现在再加上改良的人工智慧
Combined with improvements in our AI,
我们很快就会解雇多数的天使员工
we will soon lay off most of our living angel staff.
不是开除你们,各位经理
Not you managers.
至少现在还没 我开玩笑的
Yet. I'm just kidding.
我要让你们参与一项
I'm gonna let you in on an exciting
正处于测试阶段的新秘密计划
new secret initiative now in beta testing.
想像一下在不烧坏脑袋的情况下
Imagine...
备份你的大脑
backing up your brain without...
这是一种令人兴奋的
...burning off your head.
新核磁共振技术
It is an exciting, new MRI tech
能让我们向地球上的每个人
that will let us charge every single person on Earth
收取每月的资料储存费 以保存大脑副本
a monthly data storage fee to keep a brain copy.
现在正在人类志愿者身上
It's being safety tested right now on human volunteers...
进行安全测试 天啊
Holy shit. ...and when it comes online, we are gonna
等到上线时,我们就能击败奥斯卡梅尔资讯公♥司♥那些笨蛋了
eat the lunch of those meatheads at Oscar Mayer Intel.
嘘死他们!他们烂透了!
Boo. Boo. They suck.
他们烂透了!去他们的!
They suck. Fuck them.
可以不要这样吗?
Can you not?
嘿
Oh. Hey.
今晚别加班,因为我要煮炖牛肉
No working late tonight because I am going to be making goulash
作为全民基本收入规定要培养的嗜好
for my universal basic income mandated hobby
我需要你在镜头前试吃
and I need you to try it on camera.
不然我就付不出房♥租了
Or else I don't make rent.
8点吃晚餐,别迟到
So, dinner date, don't be late.
你会做菜吗?
Do you even know how to cook?
这才是重点
That's-That's the whole point.
他们不会付钱让我做 我平常就一直在做的事
They're not gonna pay me to do something that I already do all the time,
比如打手♥枪♥ 打手♥枪♥
like jerking off. Jerk off?
我抢先,你欠我一罐可乐
Jinx. You owe me a Coke.
你找到奈森了吗?
Hey, have you found Nathan yet?
亲爱的,你得忘了他
Honey, you have to get over him.
如果他死了,我就得忘掉他
If he was dead, I would have to get over him.
但他没死 他在跟我说话
But he's not dead, he's talking to me.
他有说你得放下过去吗?
Well, is he saying that you need to move on?
没有 他问我佛罗里达的首府在哪里
No. He asked me what the capital of Florida was.
真奇怪 没错,这种东西我怎么可能编出来?
Random. Exactly. How could I make that up?
迈阿密
Miami.
是塔拉哈西
Tallahassee. Oh.
两位,我的爱人被强行关在某个地方
Guys, my lover is being held somewhere against his will.
他还活着,他需要我
Okay? He's still alive and he needs me.
如果他人在湖景,我一定会知道
If he were in Lakeview, I would know.
讲得好像他们没办法掩盖非法行为
Like they don't have ways of hiding illegal shit.
拜托,亚丽莎
Come on, Aleesha.
重新雇用我,我自己去找
Get me rehired, and I'll look for myself.
多加个“请”字又不用钱
You know, the word "please" is still free.
闭嘴 闭嘴
Shut up. Shut up.
听着,我不能增加员工人数 公♥司♥要裁员了
Look, I can't add headcount, okay? Layoffs are coming.
我帮你洗衣服一个月
I-I'll do your laundry for a month.
先洗洗你自己的衣服吧
Do your own laundry. Once.
求求你
Please.
亚丽莎,拜托了
Aleesha, please.
好吧...
Uh-Fine, fine.
晚点来办公室 我会想办法让你溜进去
Come by the office later and I will figure out a way to sneak you in.
谢谢
Thank you.
谢谢
Thank you.
那女孩简直活在幻想中
That girl is delulu.
嘿,宝贝
Oh, hey, mami.
看起来不错,我爱你
Looking good. I love you.
好吧,看来我们还在吵架
Okay, no, I guess we're still fighting, then.
我爱你
我一直爱着你
I love you. I've always loved you.
你愿意让我成为
Would you do me the honor
地球上最快乐的人吗?
of making me the happiest man on Earth?
我爱你 不
I love you.
但我爱啊
嘿
No. But I-But I do.
不准跟客人谈恋爱
Hey. No romance with the guests.
你自己不是亲了路克吗?
Didn't you kiss Luke? Wh--?
大家都知道这件事吗?
Does everybody know?
那只是一次失误而已
That was a one-time thing.
但对你来说不是 这违反人资规定
But not for you. That is against HR.
但我不是人资...
But I'm not... H.
噗 噗 噗！
Hup-bup-bup!
我不知道你能这么做
I did not know you could do that.
我也不知道
I didn't, either.
是我疯了吗?你们两个看起来好速配
Am I crazy? You two are cute.
算是吧
Kind of.
天啊,你也有
Oh, my God. You have these, too.
我要走了
I'm gonna go.
重大消息 猜猜谁赚的钱 够我们在蜜月时喝个痛快?
Big news. Guess who made enough money to cover our drinks on our honeymoon.
苹果湾海滩小心了
Look out, Apple Cove.
坎纳曼布朗夫妇要来了
The Kannerman-Browns are coming to the beach.