未坐监（2023）

我不需要跑
I don't need to run.
随便你 埃德温
Up to you, Edwin.
随便你
Up to you.
这周围打不到车 要载你一程不
Ain't nobody around here. You need a ride?
不不不 不用 你走吧
No, no, no, I'm good. You go"head.
我不知道我他妈在哪儿
I don't know where the fuck I am.
拜托
Come on!
嘿 我今天要当个称职的姑姑
Hi, I'm going full- force aunt today.
你怎么怪怪的 -我给你拿了东西来
Why you being so weird? - I have something for you.
不是吧
No way.
是我爸的专辑吗
Is that my dad's album?
好的那张 是
The good one, yep.
真是没想到 谢谢
Oh, this is crazy, thank you.
嗯 我知道这种感觉
Yeah, well...I know what it's like.
如果我亲生父母有张专辑 我可能也想要一份
If my birth parents had an album, I'd probably want a copy too, so.
但不确定你妈该不该知道这事
But not sure if your mom should know about this,
你自己决定吧
so...I'm leaving it up to you.
嗨
Hi.
嘿
Hey.
然后他在那里 就突然之间 我爸就跟我住一起了
And so, there he was, you know, all of a sudden, my dad living with me.
我没法想象在各个层面上是多么的令人难以承受
I can't even imagine how overwhelming that was, on every level.
是啊 我大脑满是皮质醇和肾上腺素
Yeah, my brain was flooded with the cortisol and adrenaline,
我几乎没法好好思考
and I, I could barely think straight.
这可以写成书呀
I mean, that's a book.
是啊 这就是我要写的书
Yes, that's my book.
对吧 -对
Right? - Yes!
你儿子怎么样
Well, how's your son doing?
他很焦虑
Um, he's anxious...Mm.
但他喜欢家里有我爸在
...but he loves having my dad around.
他们之间有种我理解不了的男性情谊
They have this dude bond that I do not understand.
也许你♥爸♥不总是谈论感受吧
Well, maybe your dad isn't always talking about feelings.
是啊 我还是很喜欢谈
Yes, I am still like that.
应该的 我很高兴
Oh, and you should be, and I'm glad.
是只有我还是我们都觉得现在的情境
Is it just me or are we here in the exact situation
跟你22年前逃跑时一模一样
you ran away from 22 years ago?
不止你这么觉得
It is not just you.
想着你也有同感
I didn't think so.
那这次我要怎么做呢
So what am I gonna do this time?
你要怎么做呢
What are you gonna do?
你知道你让我难以自持
♪You know you're making it hard for me ♪
宝贝 我们贴这么近跳舞
♪Baby, us dancing so close ♪
不是个好主意
♪Ain't a good idea ♪
因为我现在就想要你
♪Cause I'ma want you now and here ♪
你在我身上的舞动的方式
♪The way that you shake it on me ♪
让我性♥欲♥难耐
♪Makes me want you so bad sexually ♪
姑娘
♪ Oh girl...s
怎么样
Well?
能用下你家浴室吗
Would it be okay if I used the bathroom?
当然 -可以吗 -嗯
Sure. Yeah. - You sure?
很快的 -好
Super quick. - Okay.
非常快 我去去就回
Super quick. I'll be right back.
我们真是直女到了尴尬的地步
We are embarrassingly cis- hetero.
但你早知道了
Mm- hm. But you knew that.
她身上有东西让我觉得我有被人看到
There's still something about her that just makes me feel so seen.
你好 有个词就能形容呀
Hello? There's a whole word for that.
什么 -亲密
What? - Intimacy.
亲密 -在你眼中看到我
Intimacy? - Into- Me- You- See.
在你眼中看到我 -是
Like, Into- Me- You- See? - Yeah.
我从没听过这个说法
I've never heard that one.
你当然听过了 我就是你呀
Of course, you have. I'm you.
是哦 -对
· Right. - Yeah.
好吧 那我们的观点是我不想要琪琪
Okay, so, what we're saying is I don't want Kiki.
我想 想的 我想要琪琪 但她得是个男人才行
I mean, I do, I do, I want Kiki, but make it a man.
我想要中间不带口香糖的棒棒糖
Well, I want a Blow Pop without gum in the middle,
但你不能想要既要又要
but you can't have everything you want. -
我觉得我能给你弄一个哎
I feel like I could get that for you.
好 事情是这样的
Okay, here's the thing,
我刚是真的很想吻你 -等
I did really want to kiss you...- w- -
但我不喜欢女人 这点我已经知道了
...but I'm not into women, which I think I already knew,
但我喜欢的是亲密关系
but what I am into is intimacy.
佩吉 这是我丈夫 米格尔
Paige, this is my husband, Miguel.
你
Y...W- Oh.
我不能再帮你了 你明白吗
I can never do that for you again, do you understand?
你让我进退两难
It put me in a terrible spot!
好吧 对不起 但我真的要知道
Okay, I'm sorry, but I needed to know, baby.
我 还有谢谢 -好吧
I- - And I thank you. - Okay.
好消息是萨迪克不打算接受认罪协议
Well, the good news is Sadiiq isn't gonna take a plea bargain.
好的 -不代表以后不会
Okay. - But that doesn't mean that he won't.
是
Right.
是的
Right, right. Right.
那你打算怎么办 -不知道
So what are you gonna do? - I don't know.
一般来说这时候我就该消失了
You know, normally this is right where I disappear,
但我没想好 娜丁
but I don't know, Nadine.
作为一个你消失的受害者
Well, as someone who's been on the receiving end of you disappearing,
我只能说这很伤人
all I'll say is: it hurts.
嘿
Hey.
就是 很容易就想起你
You're just...very miss- able.
女人 没有我你也过得很好
Woman, you did just fine without me.
是 -是 我知道
Yeah, I did. - I- Yeah, I know.
但还是 这世上只有一个你 埃德温
But still...there is only one you, Edwin.
没别人让我愿意 与之交往了
There's no one else I'd rather be in a...situationship with.
嘿 大家好
Hey, everybody.
我有阵子没在社媒上出现了
So, I've been on social media Ozempic for a minute,
我一直在想我做这些视频是因为什么呢
and I've been thinking about why am I making these videos?
是为了我吗 还是为了你们 答案是 都有
Is it for me? Is it for you? And the answer is: yes, both.
因为我认为在公开场合治疗有助于我疗愈
Because I think healing in public helps me heal,
我认为这也能帮你疗愈 不管你在何方
and I think it helps you heal too, wherever you are.
所以 说到疗愈
So, speaking of healing,
这周我从过去得到了意想不到的治疗
this week, I got some unexpected healing from the past
因为过去通过私信联♥系♥到了我
because the past slid into my DMs.
我学到的是
And here's what I learned:
愿意回顾过去
being willing to look at the past
实际上有助于我们理解真正的自己
actually helps us make sense of who we really are.
当我们能看清自己时
And when we can see who we are,
其他人也会开始真正看到你
other people can start to really see you too,
这就是我们都想要的 对吧
and that's what we all want, right?
看到并被最重要的人看见
To see and be seen by the people who matter the most.
嘿 -嘿
Hey. Hey.
我 我爸说他还要一会儿
Oh, my, um, dad said he would be a minute.
艾娃怎么样 -挺好的
How's Ava? - She's good.
我们都挺好的 -挺好
We're good. - Oh! Good.
嗯 -挺好
Yeah, yeah. Mm- hm. - Good.
埃德温跟我讲你们家看心理医生的事了
Edwin told me about family therapy.
我敢说这会带出不少陈年旧事吧
I bet it's bringin' up a lot.
是啊 但这些并不是坏事
Yeah, but it's not a bad"a lot. "
起码有用了 你看起来更开朗 更轻松了
I mean, it's working. You look more open and lighter.
比平常状态还要放松
Oh. - Even more than usual.
真的吗 -嗯
Really? - Mm- hm.
我想我只是在理清些事情
Wow, I guess I'm just figuring shit out.
谢谢 -客气
Thank you. - Yeah.
谢谢你看到我
For seeing me. - Mm.
嘿
口 Hey.
怎么了
What's goin'on?
我只是 感受我错过的一切
I'm just. takin' in everything I missed.
时间真是不留情啊
Time is a bitch. -
爸 -嗯
Dad? - Yeah.
真的很抱歉 之前不该冲你发脾气的
I'm really sorry that I freaked out on you before.
我只是有些神经通路
I just have these well- traveled neural pathways
它们告诉我你有事隐瞒
and...they were telling me that you were up to something.
我想 过去的话 我不会
And I think, in the past, I wouldn't have. ...