单亲贵族（2020）

我宁愿和你一起待在家里
I really wish I was here with you.
你不喜欢美术展的样子真可爱
Ah, you're very sweet when you hate art shows.
不 我是认真的 你怎么说来就来了
No, I mean it. It's really easy having you here.
随意得有些可疑
Suspiciously easy.
现在不是向你透露我秘密家庭的最佳时机
Yeah, this is probably a bad time to tell you about my secret family.
这就对了 我就说一定有什么不可告人的
Oh, yep, there had to be something.
怕不是一会你的老婆就该来找你了吧
Won't your wife come looking for you soon?
对 是老婆们 不止一个
Wives. Plural. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
情人节我都得轮着过
I have to do Valentine's Day in shifts.
但今晚她们都去教堂了 别担心
But they're at church tonight, don't worry.
那我就放心了
That's a relief.
我真正的家人来镇上了
My genuine family are in town.
我们去和我的父母吃顿晚餐吧
Let's have dinner with my parents.
我已经和他们唠叨了一年
For over a year, I've been telling them
我的加拿大女友
about my Canadian girlfriend.
听上去真的像是我在胡编乱造
It just sounds really made up.
是啊 没错
Yeah, it does.
所以你答应了
So you'll come?
- 是的 - 真的吗
- Yeah. - Really?
但只是为了证明一下我的存在
But just to prove I exist.
也因为你实在太可爱了
And because you're so adorable.
你父母一定都很友善 很正常 对吧
Your parents are really nice and normal, right?
- 没错 绝对正常 - 那就好
- Yeah, definitely normal. - Oh, good.
当然了 一听到"单亲母亲" 这个词
Of course, as soon as you hear the phrase "Single mother,"
你总会往最坏的方面想
you automatically fear the worst.
- DNA检测 测谎仪... - 爸爸
- DNA tests, lie detectors... - Dad.
但当你听到"单亲父亲" 你会想
When you hear "Single father," You think,
"他一定是杀了他的妻子 然后假装成意外"
"He killed his wife and made it look like an accident."
我们确实误解了你 亲爱的
We were certainly wrong about you, dear.
不好意思 那些羊有名字吗
Excuse me. What are the sheep's names?
有一只叫威士忌 还有一只叫啤酒
Well, there's, um, Whiskey and Beer.
我们没有给每一只都取名字
Uh... Oh, we haven't named all of them.
只有我们最爱的几只
Just our favorites.
你一定要来参观一下
Oh, you'll have to come and visit soon,
带上你妈妈和埃文医生一起
with Mummy and Dr. Evan.
给它们都取上好听的名字
Give them all proper names.
妈妈 目前我还只是奥丽芙的牙医
Mum, until recently I was just Olive's dentist,
但我们打算慢慢来
but we're taking things slow.
现在他已经睡在我床上了
And now he sleeps in my bed.
- 这真是太不妥当了 亲爱的 - 不不不
- Oh, that's very inappropriate, darling. - Oh, no, no, no.
埃文睡在她的房♥间里 奥丽芙和我睡
Evan stays in her room and Olive sleeps with me.
真为你高兴 亲爱的
Oh, good for you, pet. Aw.
埃文医生直到十二岁都还我一起睡呢
Dr. Evan slept with me until he was 12.
对不对呀 我的宝贝儿子
Isn't that right, my sweet baby boy?
这就是为什么埃文没有弟弟妹妹
And that... is why Evan has no siblings.
别说了
Oh, hush.
他总是拿这个开玩笑
He's always making that joke!
当然了 家里也不是没有其他房♥间
Obviously, a house has other rooms.
妈妈
Oh, Mum!
怎么了 趁我还搞得动就得多动动
No, I'm not gonna apologize for getting at it when I could.
我们还在你的蹦床上活动过呢
Even outside on your trampoline.
- 你开心就好 - 我们时不时还会溜出去
- Good for you! - We still pop out sometimes
在蹦床上活动活动
for a bit of bouncy-bouncy.
毕竟孩子不是你人生的全部
I mean, children are not your entire life.
他们进入你的人生 然后又会离开
They come into it, then they go out.
你妈妈说得非常对
Your mother is quite right.
我们永远把对方放在第一位
We've always put each other first
这就是我们的婚姻至今幸福美满的秘籍
and that is the key to our success and happiness, even now.
他们三个还真是一见如故啊
Well, those three got on like a house on fire.
我父母几乎都不给她打电♥话♥
My parents hardly even call her.
我妈妈每天都给我打电♥话♥
My mum calls every day.
我想也是
Yeah.
你想说就说吧
Go on.
我知道你要说 她亲我嘴唇这件事了
I know you wanna mention her kissing me on the mouth.
是吗
Oh? Did she?
餐厅里没人注意到这一点呢
The entire restaurant hardly noticed that,
也没人注意到她帮你把食物都切好
or when she cut your food up
或是她问你要不要一起去嘘嘘
or when she asked if you wanted to come for a wee.
她的意思只是陪她走去洗手间
She just meant for company on the walk.
她会帮你握着吗
Does she hold it for you?
她是有点过分了
She's a bit much.
她棒呆了
Oh, she's amazing.
餐厅里的人绝对都在打赌
The restaurant were definitely
你和她到底是什么关系
taking bets on the nature of your relationship.
她还管你叫埃文医生
And she calls you Dr. Evan.
这些你都不介意吗
You don't mind all that stuff?
这他妈太诡异了 我就喜欢
Oh, it's super fucking weird. I love it.
而且他们一点都不讨厌我
And they didn't even hate me!
他们很爱你
Hey, they loved you.
就像我也很爱你
Like I love you.
我也爱你 这真是一场灾难
I love you, too. It's a disaster.
有一次 她给我们做了母子水手服
You know, once, she, uh, she made us matching sailor suits.
这是什么神仙女子
What a woman.
这就是我爱你的原因之一
Hey, that's one thing I love about you.
你不会让我感到窒息
You don't smother me.
是啊 我当然不会
No, I certainly do not.
妈咪 埃文医生 快 快来看这辆豪车
Mummy, Dr. Evan, hurry, come look at the posh car!
好的
Okay.
快点 亲爱的
Hurry up, sweetie.
快去吧 埃文医生
Come on, Dr. Evan!
你妈妈要把你绑在安全座椅上呢
Your mum will want to strap you in your booster seat.
现在不了
Not now. Hey!
这车不错吧
Nice car, eh?
我知道你精疲力尽了
I know you're knackered.
我也很累 汤姆
I know. I'm tired too, Tom.
有人在敲门
All right, the door's going.
宝贝 你感觉怎么样
Hi, my love. How are you feeling?
我好极了 亲爱的
Ah, I'm perfectly fine, darlin'.
原来不论在何时何地
Turns out a blood clot can
都有可能突然发生血栓
strike out of the blue, anytime, anywhere,
即使是我这么年轻的人
even at my young age.
太可怕了
Terrifying.
要不你和凯瑟琳来我的普拉提小组
Maybe you and Katherine join my Pilates group,
一起锻炼锻炼
keep it all moving.
真不错 但我们已经在游泳了
Oh, that's kind, but we already swim.
你们在哪里游泳
Oh, where do you do that?
我们在一起游泳
We do it together.
听上去很有趣
Oh, that sounds like fun.
我们这周一起做些什么别的 怎么样
Um, well, let's do something else this week, shall we?
乐意之至 但我们真的没空
I'd love to, but we're really up against it.
我们忙着准备一场大型活动
We're behind on prep for a big event.
活动 我爱活动
Event? I love events.
我做过女生代表 舞会委员会 戒酒会主席
Head girl, prom committee, Celebrate Sobriety Convention chair.
需要我做些什么吗
What needs doing?
你有车吗
I mean, have you got a car?
我有两辆车 和一辆货车
I've got two cars. And a van.
好吧 不如你帮我搬一些重货去会场吧
Okay. Uh, why don't you help me take some of the heavier shit down to the venue?
这是关于身体积极性的活动
It's a body positivity thing,
其中存在很大的商机
so it's a big opportunity for the business.
很好 这是我的号♥码 我随时待机
Great. Take my number, my phone is always on,
我会重新安排一下
and I will rearrange some
看看能否加入你们一起去游泳
stuff and see if I can join you for swimming!
好了 我要继续工作了
Okay, I've got to get back to work,
简 我们会场见 好吗宝贝
Jane, but we'll see you there, babe, all right?
- 好了 再见 - 你们是在附近游泳吗
- Okay, bye. - Do you swim locally?
女士们 欢迎来到"身体积极性"对谈
Ladies, welcome to Ardour Live body positivity headline talk.
- 我相信... - 这些该死的手术切口
- Now I trust... - These bloody incisions.
你把压力衣脱了真的没问题吗
Should you even be out of your compression suit?
别傻了 脂肪移植手术我少说也做过五六次了
Don't be silly. I've had fat grafting, what, half a dozen times?
多缠两天绷带也无伤大雅
Wouldn't hurt to keep the bandages on an extra few days.