过家家（2014）

Car accident. He was actually in the sidecar.
撞车了 喔喔
Collision, uh-huh.
- 边车? - 是阿
- Sidecar? - Yeah.
- 然后我们就成为了朋友... - 两位 我差点就来不成了
- And then we became friends... - Guys, I almost didn't make it.
- 噢 你在这真是太好了 - 噢
- Oh, thank God you're here. - Oh.
哇喔 嗯 我让你们聚聚吧
Wow, well, I will let you guys catch up.
你表亲对这两位的贡献实在太伟大了
It's amazing what your cousin did for these two.
我很抱歉他就这样意外地走了
I'm sorry for his untimely passing.
好的
Okay.
等等 东尼表哥怎么了
Wait, what happened to cousin Tony?
就闭嘴 闭嘴 闭嘴
Just shut up, shut up. Just shut up.
- 东尼·乔斯死了? - 不 不 不 不
- Tony Joes is dead? - No, no, no, no.
- 闭嘴 闭嘴 闭嘴 - 噢 天哪
- Shut up, shut up, shut up. - Oh, my God.
- 别这样 停下来 - 噢 天哪
- No, no, stop. - Oh, my God.
我的天哪 我的天哪
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
我的天哪
Oh, my God.
我的天哪
Oh, my God.
我们在练习弓箭步
We're just lunging it out,
- 就像红粉佳人一样 - 噢 天哪
- Pink style. - Oh, my God.
所以我是捐精者
So I'm the sperm donor.
不 不 不 你是捐精者的表亲
No, no, no, you're the cousin of the sperm donor.
他死于一场严重车祸
He died in a fiery crash.
但东尼·乔斯沒事吧
But Tony Joes is okay?
- 噢 天哪 - 东尼·乔斯好好的
- Oh, my God. - Yes, Tony Joes is okay.
感谢老天 我喜欢那傢伙
Thank God. I love that guy.
- 好啦 知道啦 - 再说一次为什麽我们得做这种事
- Ah, I know. - Why are we doing this again?
因为我们搞砸啦
because we messed up
而且我们告诉J医生我们是同性恋
and we told Dr. J that we were lesbians,
但我们不能告诉她真♥相♥
but we can't tell her that it's a lie
因为一切会变得很怪
because then it would be really weird
当她帮我们接生孩子时
when we need her to deliver the baby.
是阿 而且她邀请我们去布洛克岛
Yeah, plus, she invited us to Block Island,
- 我梦想中的度假之地 你懂的- 拜託
- which is like a dream of mine, you know that.- Come on.
我是捐精者的兄弟
I'm the sperm donor's brother.
老天 你是他表亲 表亲
Oh, my God, you're the cousin. You're the cousin.
表亲 该死的 我什么都做不好
Cousin. God damn it! I can't do anything right.
我差点错过今天
I almost missed this thing.
我在一场嘉年华活动待了七个小时
It's the one seven-hour stretch that I'm at a carnival,
你懂吗 然后你在生孩子
you know, and then you go into labor.
真是太好了
It's perfect.
你在嘉年华会
What were you doing at a carnival
待七个小时做什么 布鲁斯
for seven hours, Bruce?
因为我想给你这个
'Cause I was winning you this.
那是什么
What is that?
是隻海豚 玛姬
It's a dolphin, Maggie.
你为什麽这样盯着我看
Why are you staring at me like that?
是海豚阿
It's a dolphin.
抱歉 我...我不...
I'm sorry. I'm not... I don't...
我不懂...我不...
I'm not following, and I don't...
记得吗
Remember?
我们在基西米度的蜜月
We took our honeymoon in Kissimmee.
我们当时想跟海豚共游...
We wanted to go swimming with dolphins...
嗯哼 嗯哼
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
但我们当时没办法 因为里头有隻鼠海豚
But we couldn't because they accidentally mixed in a porpoise
牠突然变得很凶勐 而且把一个孩子的
and it got really aggressive with one of the toddlers and...
- 脚趾头咬掉了 - 是阿
- Took a toe off. - Yeah.
所以我们一整天都待在丹尼餐厅
And we had to spend the whole day at a Denny's,
你当时好难过
and you were so sad.
是阿 因为我们本来打算游泳的池子
Yeah, because the pool that we were gonna swim in
被血染红了
was filled with blood.
这就是你想让我想起的事吗
That's what you want to remind me of?
不 我想说的是...
No, I wanted to say...
这支海豚给你
Here's your dolphin.
你现在可以和牠一起游泳了
You can swim with it now.
你现在可以和牠一起游泳了
You can swim with it now.
发生什么事了 为什么她瞪着我看
What's happening? Why is she staring at me?
她的子♥宫♥在收缩阿
She's having a contraction.
- 子♥宫♥收缩吗? - 是的
- This is a contraction? - Okay, yes.
要出来啦 我可以帮忙
It's coming right now. I can get it.
- 不 不 - 我可以帮上忙吗
- No, no. - Can I help get it out?
不 不 不 不 我不需要这个
No, no, no, no. I don't need this.
好的 可以请大家出去吗
Okay, can everyone get out, please?
嘿 我是你情感的联繫
Hey, I am your emotional liaison.
- 我不知道 - 布鲁斯 走吧
- I don't know. - Bruce, let's go.
你怎麽有办法吃着果冻
How are you eating that Jell-O
又同时哭得那麽大声
and crying this hard at the same time?
我吸气时把果冻吃下去
I eat on an inhale.
我的老天
Oh, my God.
果冻好像进我气管里了
I just got Jell-O lodged in my trachea.
- 你被果冻噎着了? - 我被果冻噎着了
- You just choked on Jell-O? - I just choked on Jell-O.
好吧 你知道吗
Okay, well, you know what?
这种情况没有记载在助产指南里
This isn't in the doula handbook,
但我得扇你两巴掌
but I'm gonna slap you across the face.
- 你觉得会有用吗 - 有用的
- Do you think it'll help? - I do.
呃 好吧
Huh. Okay.
呃 所以 可能
Uh, so maybe, like,
要打时数几声让我准备准备 懂吗?
kind of count me in, you know what I mean?
像是一...
Like a one...
- 你死了吗 - 没
- Are you dead? - No.
其实感觉很好 耶
That was really good. Yeah.
感觉好极了 好极了
That felt great. That felt great.
好的 不客气
Okay, you're welcome.
所以 你到底怎么回事儿
Now, what's going on?
我不想把当爹这件事搞砸
I don't want to screw up being a dad
就像我搞砸我自己的婚姻一样
the same way that I screwed up my marriage.
我不想把孩子的事也弄得一团糟
I don't want to mess up for this baby
因为我真的很爱她
'cause I love her already,
她甚至还没出生呢
and she's not even out of Maggie yet.
听着 布鲁斯 你的确搞砸了你跟玛姬的事儿
Look, Bruce, you did mess up with Maggie, okay?
但你还没能搞砸孩子的事儿
But you haven't messed up with this baby yet.
现在你和她就像张白纸
You have a clean slate.
这是你证明
This is your chance to prove
你能做个好爸爸的机会
that you are gonna be a good dad.
我的确想证明我可以
I do want to prove it.
很好 所以当我们回去那间病房♥时
Good, so when we go back into that room,
你要怎么做
what are you gonna do?
- 我要坚强起来 - 没错
- I'm gonna keep it together. - That's right.
我完全不会提到
I'm not even gonna mention
我被布丁噎着的事
that I almost choked on this Jell-O.
我希望你什么
I want you to literally tell her nothing
- 都别说 好吗 - 好的
- about yourself, okay? - Okay.
你可以再帮我一个忙吗
Can you do me one more favor?
可以再揍我的脸一次吗
Can you hit me in the face one more time?
阿!
Aah!
好啦
All right, okay.
我要你想想
I want you to think about the cool waves
布洛克岛沁凉的海浪 好吗
at Block Island, okay?
好的 好的 我的脚趾在沙滩上
Okay, okay. My toes are in the sand.
是阿 J医生来了 然后...
Yeah, and there's Dr. J, and...
泰瑞拿出了
And Teri's just brought out
一些蛤蜊来烤
some fresh clams for a clam bake.
老天 放在手绘的托盘上
oh, my God, on a hand-painted tray.
- 好耶 嗯 嗯 - 谢谢你 泰瑞
- Yeah, mm-hmm. - Thank you, Teri.
- 她不必这么做的 对吧 - 是阿
- She shouldn't have, right? - No.
然后他们给了我们喀什米尔披肩
And then they're passing out cashmere pashminas
- 让我们带回家留念 - 什么
- that we can take home. - What?
- 纪念品是喀什米尔披肩? - 是阿
- The take-home is cashmere? - Yep.
- 我的天啊 泰瑞 - 泰瑞
- Oh, my God, Teri! - Teri!
噢
Oh.
- 噢 老天 - 好吧
- Oh, God. - Okay.
好了 你好多了