过家家（2014）

- Emma! Stop. - What? What?
噢 我的天 马克
Oh, my God. Mark.
你好 艾玛
Hello, Emma.
嘿
Hey.
你们俩是在停车标志这里做什么羞羞的事情吗
You guys just feeling each other up here at the stop sign?
噢 不 我们 我只是把马吉的波波当成麦克风在用
Oh, no, we... I was just using Maggie's boob as a microphone.
是啊 像你的风格
Sure, like you do.
噢 小玛 蒂娜身体不太舒服
Oh, Mags, Tina's not feeling well,
所以宝宝派对她去不成了
so she's not gonna make it to the shower.
- 没关系 我会给她留一个纸杯蛋糕的 - 谢了
- Okay, I'll save her a cupcake. - Thanks.
- 蒂娜是谁 - 我老婆
- Who's Tina? - My wife.
- 噢 你结婚啦 - 是的
- Oh, you're married? - Yeah.
噢 天啊 好吧
Oh, God. Okay.
这事你怎么没跟我说
This one didn't tell me.
我不知道 天 那真是 祝你们百年好合啊
So I just... God, that's... Congrats and mazels to you guys.
但不是操典队里的那个蒂娜·斯坦格曼 是吧
It's not Tina Steigerman from the drill team, is it?
她经常是 “噢 人家又把手臂摔断了啦
Who was just like, "oh, I broke my arm again
因为人家的骨头跟小鸟一样” 啪叽
'cause I got the bones of a bird," snap!
还记得吗 我们叫她“鸟骨女”
Remember? We called her "bird bones."
太扯淡了
It's so...
噢 天 就是 就是那个蒂娜吗
Oh, God, it is. It's that same Tina.
好吧 嗯 恭喜你们
All right, well, congratulations.
她人很好的
She was so nice.
- 好吧 嗯 - 她人真的很
- Okay, well... - She is nice.
我想她还是
I'm assuming she's still...
- 是 - 跟以前一样
- Yeah. - With us.
她还是跟以前一样
She's with us.
嗯 很高兴见到你 小艾
Well, it's good to see you, Em.
是啊 祝你有好的一天
Yes, and a good day to you, sir.
保重
Take care.
啊 我不知道我为啥做这个
So... I don't know why.
- 我走了 - 好的
- I'm gonna go. - Okay.
嗯 聊得还不错吧
Well, I think that went great.
真的么
Really?
我刚刚冲着我献出第一次的男人
I just tipped an invisible cap
做了个看不见帽子的点帽礼
to the man I lost my virginity to.
你直接把我送回家行吗
So why don't you drive me on home?
好的 女士
Yes, ma'am.
玛姬 这房♥子看起来没变啊
Mags, the house looks just the same.
这是你♥爸♥爸做的那个秋千吗
Is that the porch swing your dad built?
是啊 我们把它摆到前门了
Yeah, we brought it around to the front.
噢 爱死它了
Oh, I love it.
- 嘿 上海妹 - 布鲁斯
- Hey, Shanghai. - Bruce!
- 快过来 - 噢 天
- Get over here. - Oh, man.
我想你给我来个你的招牌熊抱
Oh, I want one of your bear hugs.
- 等一等 等一等 - 怎么了
- Wait a second. Wait a second. - What?
在中国他们不给你饭吃吗 你都快瘦成一道闪电了
Are they not feeding you in China, you Skinny Marink?
好吧 你知道是怎么回事吗
Okay, you know what it is?
他们压榨我啊 真的 快榨干了
They are working me, literally, to the bone.
是因为那边吃的酱不一样 那边的酱是不一样的
It's the different sauces. They got different sauces there,
会把你排泄系统搞得一团糟的
and it wreaks havoc on the plumbing.
- 噢 宝贝 我们能别 - 没事 这没什么的
- Oh, babe, can we not... - No, it really doesn't.
- 还有老实跟我说 - 嗯
- And be honest with me. - Yeah.
吃完那些酱是不是立马就跑厕所了
Did those sauces take your butt by storm?
- 亲爱的 - 不 我这么说吧
- Babe. - No, can I just say?
确实是吃完就想去上厕所
They actually did take my butt by storm.
- 我就知道 - 这是真的
- I knew it. - It's real.
我不知道它们叫啥名字 也不知道该怎么形容 但是
I didn't have the words, I didn't have that phrase, but...
- 我跟你说那是什么吧 - 事情是这样的
- I'm gonna tell you what it is. - That's what was happening.
他们都搞不清楚那种酱到底是
They haven't defined whether or not
甜的还是酸的 好吧
these are sweet sauces or sour sauces, okay?
- 对 然后你把它们混在一起 - 把它们混一起
- Right, and you're mixing 'em. - You're mixing 'em up.
- 这变得有点像 - 突然之间
- And it becomes like a... - All of a sudden...
- 发现新世界一样 - 你知道我什么意思吧
- Mr. Wizard situation. - You know what I'm saying?
不好意思 打断一下你们的脑洞大开
Sorry to, like, interrupt this reverie...
好 好
Yeah, yeah.
我让你改造的婴儿床弄好了吗
But did you finish the crib like I asked?
干 我忘了这回事
Damn it! I forgot to do it.
- 是啊 好吧 - 是啊 这样吧
- Yeah, all right. - Yeah. You know what?
我马上去我的男人避世所
I'm gonna go down in my man cave,
立刻就把它完成 而你应该进去看看
I'm gonna finish it up right now, and you should go inside
你脑子被驴踢的弟弟把这地方搞成啥样了
and see what your weird brother did to the place.
- 好的 小伙伴 - 好了 欢迎回家
- All right, buddy. - Okay, welcome home!
见到你太好了
It's so good to see you.
- 好的 谢啦 - 我行的 我能行的
- Okay, thank you. - I got it. I got it.
- 多大点事 - 谢谢你
- Come on. - Thank you.
好了
All right.
左边转 小姐
To the left, my lady.
噢 天啊
Oh, my God.
这片林间仙境是怎么回事
What is this woodland wonderland?
你喜欢吗
Do you like it?
我喜 这是刺猬杯子蛋糕吗
Do I... Is this a hedgehog cupcake?
我现在真想冲你脸来一下
I'm gonna punch you in the face right now.
- 这都是扎克的功劳 - 多谢
- It was all Zach. - Thank you.
我思考问题的时候都会去树林里
I take walks in the forest when I need to think,
这个点子就是这么被启发的
and that's where I got my inspiration.
要不是你高中的时候
If you hadn't sexually harassed me
整天性骚扰我的话
all through high school...
我会把你当成一个高冷的同志
I would assume you were a stone-cold gay man.
我权且把这当作称赞了
I'm gonna take that as a compliment.
- 等下 - 怎么了
- Hold on. - What is wrong?
没什么 只是工作上的事情
Nothing. It's just work.
- 我得要 - 呃
- I got to... - Uh-huh.
我有一个很重要的会议提前了
I have a big presentation that just got moved up,
所以我今晚必须得参加 但
so I got to do it tonight, but...
不行 这是三年以来 你请的唯一的
No, this is the only weekend you've asked off for
周末假期
in three years.
我知道 我会以快到你察觉不到的速度搞定的
I know, but you're not even gonna notice.
- 我现在就察觉到了 - 不会的 当你像个虫虫蜷缩
- I'm noticing right now. - No, because you know what
在毯子里孕育着这个孩子的时候
I'm gonna do it at night when you're snuggled up
你不知道我晚上会干啥的
like a bug in a rug growing this human.
- 行不 - 好吧
- All right? - Okay.
做我最爱吃的花生酱面包 好不
Will you make me a fluffernutter, please?
- 好 - 么么哒
- Yes. - Thank you.
- 嘿 - 屁屁的手感也不错啊
- Hey. - It's good from behind too.
嘿 “潘神的迷宫” 从凳子上下来
Hey, Pan's Labyrinth, get down off that step stool.
- 我得跟你聊一会儿 - 当然
- I got to talk to you. - Sure.
我只是要问你一个问题
I just need to ask you one question.
什么
What?
- 注意到我有什么变化吗 - 没有
- Do you notice anything? - No.
自上次见面后 我增重了15磅
I gained 15 pounds since last we met.
嗯 看不太出来
Well, it doesn't show.
因为都长到大腿上了
Well, that's because it's all in my thighs.
就是顺便说下 女生长肉都从那长起来的
That's where a woman gains weight, just FYI.
我也顺便说下 我也是从那儿开始长的
Well, just FYI, that's where I gain weight too.
能跟我说说 那个视频进度怎么样了吗
Could you just tell me what's going on with the video?
很棒 加个特技duang一下就行
Yeah. I just gotta Ken burns it.
什么特技 还有两个小时派对就开始了
Ken bur... what? The shower's in two hours.
嘿 他们有苹果电视
Hey, they have Apple TV.
我只需要把我电脑连上他们的无线
All I do is connect my laptop to their wi-fi,
当然如果我们能商量一个暗号♥
although I would feel more comfortable
告诉对方什么时候开始就更好了
if we had a code word for when to start.
好 行吧 你想的暗号♥是什么
Okay, fine, what do you want the code word to be?
- 龙♥卷♥风♥ - 呃 我真是
- Tornado. - Ugh. I can't...
- 我感觉她踢了一下 - 哇哦
- I just felt a kick. - Aww!
小玛 布鲁斯的妈妈来了
Mags, Bruce's mom is here.
- 把酒藏起来 - 噢
- Hide the booze! - Oh!
你们面前摆着的是沾上了
In front of you, you'll see diapers loaded
化了的巧克力的尿布 来当作便便
with melted chocolate, simulating poop.
你能闻 能舔
You can sniff it, you can lick it.
然后抢答里面的巧克力是哪种