过家家（2014）

Ugh, sounds boring.
嗨 亲爱的
Hi, baby.
啊 我忘了买♥♥冻肉
Yeah, I forgot to get the cold cuts.
我很快就可以买♥♥回来
I can do it really soon.
不用优♥惠♥券可以吗
Is it okay if I don't have the coupon?
不 你是对的 是啊 那个
No, you're right. Yeah, that...
那是八折优♥惠♥ 我们应该省那百分之20的钱 对
It's worth the 20%, to save the 20%, yeah.
当然我会去买♥♥无硝酸的肉啊
Of course I'm going to get the nitrate-free ham.
没有啊 我没有用那种语气跟你说话啊 只是
No, it's not a tone, it's just...
好吧 爱你
Okay. Love you.
# 我爱你 #
I love you
- 不要说三道四 - 我可没有
- Don't even start with me! - I'm not.
那就好 不要说就是了
Good, 'cause don't.
因为我和所有人都说 分娩前
Because I tell everyone, before labor,
你的阴♥道♥看起来像一朵
your vagina looks like a new rose
刚刚迎着朝阳开放的初生的玫瑰
just slightly open to the morning sun,
但是分娩后
but after labor...
让我猜猜 像《异形奇花》里那样对不对
Let me guess. Little Shop of Horrors?
异 形 奇 花
Little Shop... of Horrors.
给我看看你的单子
Now let me take a look at that list.
好吧 宽松的T恤 袜子
Okay, loose t-shirts, socks,
几条大一点的内♥裤♥
several pair of large underpants.
你这是要生孩子还是要去嘉年华游轮上玩啊
Are you having a baby or going on a carnival cruise?
不 不要这些 听我的
No, no, take it from me:
你只需要买♥♥烫发卷 一个绸缎眼罩
All you are going to need are hot rollers, a satin eye mask,
还有能买♥♥到的最好的放大镜就可以了
and the best magnifying mirror money can buy.
零食呢
What about snacks?
我觉得我得买♥♥一大堆零食 对不对
I feel like I'm gonna probably need a bunch of snacks, right?
我说 我没有买♥♥零食 因为我不知道要买♥♥哪种零食
I mean, I didn't get snacks, 'cause I didn't know what snacks
但我也许应该去
to get, but I probably should run it
7-11便利店买♥♥零食 对不对
to the 7-Eleven for snacks, right?
比如 买♥♥一大筐零食
Like, just a basket full of snacks
还是一大包零食之类的
or a bag of snacks or something?
宝贝 拿着这个
Here. Take this.
当你需要挣扎着
By the time you struggle to eat
去吃一块三角巧克力的时候
one painful triangle of chocolate,
宝宝就出生了
the baby will be there.
我错了 我真是搞得一团糟
I'm sorry. I'm such a mess.
我只是 我觉得一切都来得太快了
I just... I feel like everything is moving so fast.
我还没准备好
I'm very unprepared.
玛姬 听我的
Maggie, you take it from me.
这些东西其实都不重要
None of this other stuff really even matters.
好吧
Okay.
因为无论你怎么准备你都无法想象到
Because nothing can ever prepare you
生孩子有多恐怖
for the horror that is childbirth
养孩子有多么的费力不讨好
and the thankless task of raising a child.
蓝胶带用完了
I think we're out of this blue tape.
要我去楼下商店买♥♥点吗
Want me to run down to the store to get some more?
如果你可以的话 行啊 好 没问题
Yeah, okay, sure, if you don't mind.
我当然可以呀 但是 嗯 我们有优♥惠♥券吗
No, I don't mind, but, um, do we have a coupon?
我就知道 我就知道
I knew it. I knew it.
我 我说什么来着
Wha... what did I say?
我只是想确定我们可以获得八折优♥惠♥
I just want to make sure we get 20% off...
因为“我爱你”
Because "I love you".
嗯 好吧 你知道吗 没事
Uh-huh, okay, you know what? It's okay.
反正我不指望你能理解
I wouldn't expect you to understand what it's like
一段长♥期♥关系是什么样的感觉
to be in a long-term relationship.
维护长♥期♥关系需要关心以及体贴的语气
It takes a certain care and thoughtfulness of tone.
噢 谢谢提示
Oh, thank you for the tip,
你这已婚人士的心灵鸡汤
chicken soup for the married soul.
话说你最长的一段恋爱谈了多久
And what exactly was your longest relationship?
我不知道 当初我们在一起了多久
I don't know. How long were we together again?
那是你最长的一段恋爱吗
This was your longest relationship?
大二到大四外加半个夏天
Sophomore to senior year and half of a summer?
噢 那可是 你真是害怕承诺啊
Oh, now that's a... that's a fear of commitment.
我可不害怕承诺
I don't have a fear of commitment.
好吧 我向你求婚了 然后你就跳上飞机
Okay, I proposed to you, and then you hopped on a plane
飞到了你能找到的最遥远的地方 待了13年
and flew to the furthest place you could find for 13 years.
好吧 你知道的 你所谓的“求婚”
All right, just so you know, your "proposal"...
别给我的求婚加引号♥ 我那是真的向你求婚
Don't air quotes my proposal. That was a real proposal.
才不呢 我知道你是认真的 但是 我的意思是 咱们实话实说
No, I know you meant it, but, I mean, let's get honest.
你不是真的想娶我
You didn't want to really marry me.
你只是想结婚而已
You just wanted to get married.
- 你是那么想的吗 - 是啊
- Is that what you think? - Yeah.
你知道吗 都是那所谓的马克·罗德里格斯宏伟计划的一部分
It's all part of the Mark Rodriguez grand plan, you know?
23岁结婚 25岁面临要孩子的压力
Married by 23, on the force by 25,
然后粉刷 擦拭 弄整齐 粉刷 弄整齐
paint, wipe, trim, paint, trim...
是擦拭 粘贴 填补 弄整齐 然后再粉刷
It's wipe, tape, prime, trim, and then paint!
好吧 好吧 跟你说吧 我就直接粉刷 知道吗
All right, well, you know what, I just paint, okay?
我不需要那些其他的乱七八糟的
I don't need any of that other business!
好吧 那咱们就按你的方法来啊
Okay, then let's just do it your way then!
- 棒极了 太好了 - 按你的方法来啊
- Great! That'd be great. - Let's just do it your way.
直接从这开始粉刷
We'll just start painting here.
噢 看到没 看起来还是很不错的
Oh, see? That looks really good.
- 然后再刷这儿 - 我能帮忙吗
- And then we'll just paint here. - Can I help?
噢 要啊 快来帮忙
Oh, by all means, please help!
好啊 这样如何 这样可以吗
Yeah, how about that? Does that work?
就从这儿开始吧 对 我们就这么刷
Let's just go here! Yeah, we're just painting away.
- 对啊 - 随便刷
- Yeah! - Painting away!
什么情况
What?
噢 这特么的
Oh, shit...
- 玛姬 玛姬 我们在 - 玛姬
- Maggie, Maggie, we're... - Maggie.
停 停 停 你们都给我闭嘴
No, no, no, no no words from you!
我们刚刚在
We were just...
一声都别吭
Not a peep!
- 我只是 - 你知道我讨厌什么吗
- I just... - You know what I'm sick of?
就是你们叽里咕噜叽里咕噜个没完没了 知道吗
Is all your jabber-jabber, okay?
你们俩早就应该把这些都处理好
Both of you need to get over it already!
赶紧处理好 根本就没人关心那些破事
Make up! Nobody cares!
好吧 好吧
Okay, all right.
你们要是不赶快的话
I don't know how you're gonna get this whole house painted
- 多久才能粉刷完整栋房♥子啊 - 等等 整栋房♥子
- if you don't do that! - Wait, the whole house?
一个周末 有点太多了吧 就算维拉也很难做到呀
In one weekend? That's too much, even for Vila!
反正我不在乎 知道吗
Well, I don't care, okay?
你们必须做到 因为宝宝快要出生了
You have to, 'cause this baby is coming,
如果房♥间里有油漆味那她就不能待在这里
and she can't be in this house if there's paint fumes,
我需要和我的宝宝住在一起
and I need to live in the house where my baby lives!
我想让我的宝宝和我一起住在这间房♥子里
I want my baby to here with me in my house, where I live!
好吧 玛姬 我们会粉刷整栋房♥子的
Okay, Maggie, we're going to paint the whole house.
绝对会
Absolutely.
是啊 我期待这个挑战
Yeah, I look forward to the challenge.
好吧 那就赶紧开动啊
Well, get on the gets!
收拾完屋子 清理了工作区之后
And after packing the room and clearing the work area,
不要忘记那五个步骤
so to speak, let's not forget the five-step process
擦拭 粘贴 填补
of wipe, tape, prime,
弄整齐 然后再
trim, and then...
不好意思 什么 对不起
Sorry, what? I'm sorry.
保持整洁就好
Let's just keep it tidy.
- 我能说几句吗 - 可以啊
- Can I say a few words? - Yeah.
我只想感谢大家来帮忙 因为
I just want to thank everybody for being here, 'cause it...
- 好啦好啦 - 对不起
- Okay. - I'm sorry.
怎么哭了呀
Why are we crying?
只是我的梦想真的要实现了
It's just my dream is really coming true right now,
- 大家都来了呢 - 我懂的
- 'cause everybody's coming together. - I know.
她在说什么鬼
What the hell is she saying?
和梦想有关的什么事情 然后需要一个村庄来
Something about dreams, and that it takes a village...
对宝宝的爱
For the love of the baby.
- 对宝宝的爱 - 真的
- For the love of the baby... - It really...
对你意味着很多 我懂 我懂的
It means a lot to you, I know, I know.
好了 那么大家都明白了吗
Okay, so did we get that, everyone?
好啦 谢谢 村庄 好啦