幸福大家庭（2015）

What if I just come to you?
我真觉得自己好傻呀
I just feel so stupid.
但有那么一刻
But for a minute,
我就是觉得再有个人陪在身边很好
it felt nice to have somebody to be with again.
就像是你们拥有彼此
You know, the way you guys have each other.
还有你俩
And you guys, too.
- 爱你哦 宝贝儿 - 我们没...
- Love you, baby. - Meh, it...
只是... 有时候一个人真的很孤单
It's just... sometimes it's hard to be alone.
嘿 你不孤单 你还有我啊
Hey, you're not alone, you got me.
还有我
And me, too.
在危机关头的时候
In a pinch.
我还是去那边待着吧
I'll just stand over here.
哦 我还得把她的东西还给她
Ohh, and I still have to give her her stuff back.
我能想到更令人满意的方法去处理这事儿
I can think of something way more satisfying to do with it.
我还真的以为你要建议
I really thought you were gonna suggest
把她的东西给流浪汉呢
giving her stuff to the less fortunate.
这是艾瑞卡在品酒庄园给我买♥♥的遮阳帽
Here's the visor Erica bought me in Wine Country
她说她戴着更好看
that she said looked better on her.
我看还是烧掉最好看
I think it would look better on fire.
艾瑞卡曾经管我叫小矮人
Erica used to call me a munchkin,
这对一个成年女性真心不是种赞美
like that's a compliment to an adult woman.
咱们把这个没镜片的眼镜也烧了吧
Let's burn these glasses without lenses
她戴这个就像个妓♥女♥
she wore like a whore.
利兹 我感觉很糟糕
Lizzy, I feel terribly.
我希望我能为你做些事来弥补你
I wish there was something I could do to make it up to you.
我永远是个爱管闲事的人
I've always been a meddler.
我妈妈过去常说
My mother used to say,
"别管闲事 普鲁登斯 梅丽莎贝斯"
"Stay out of it, Prudence Merlizabeth."
好了...这是最后一件了
Well... this is the last of it.
我想是时候说再见了
Guess this is good-bye.
没必要做这么绝
It doesn't have to be.
真是见鬼 你走路没有声音的吗
Holy crap, you're a quiet walker.
- 等等 这是我的运动衫吗 - 是的
- Wait, is that my sweatshirt? - Yeah.
你伤透了她的心 我们要烧掉你的东西
You break her heart, we burn your stuff...
三年后的报复 在你最意想不到的时候
three years later, when you least expect it.
离这远点 鲁克 这都不关你的事
Stay out of this, Luke, it's none of your business.
这绝对有我的事
Oh, this is totally my business.
她是我最好的朋友...你伤害了她 也伤害了我
She's my best friend... you hurt her, you hurt me.
我们俩就像一体的 拥有同一个心脏
We're like one person with one heart...
两个脑袋 四条腿
two brains, four arms,
一个小♥弟♥弟♥ 一个子♥宫♥ 我猜还会有两排牙齿
a penis, a vagina, and I guess two sets of teeth.
鲁克 我来处理吧
Luke, I got this.
好样的 我已经掌控不住我的谈话方向了
Good, 'cause it was getting away from me.
听好 艾瑞卡
Look, Erica,
去见你不是一个好主意
it was a bad idea to see you.
我应当离你远远的
I should've stayed away.
我不清楚我是不是该说你是个坏人
And I don't know if I'd say you're a bad person...
- 她会说的 - 你就是个坏人
- She'll say it. - You're a bad person.
你的确没有做过什么好事
It's just you don't do a lot of good things.
我知道
I know.
因为你我现在还在看心理医生呢
But I'm in therapy now because of you.
还是完全自掏腰包没有保险受理的呢
And it's 100% out of pocket.
你为我做过很多事
You did a million good things for me.
没有 我可没有
No, I didn't.
比如说呢
Like what?
你爱我 但是我不配
You loved me when I didn't deserve it.
是你发现了我的内在美 无视了我的外在
You saw my inner beauty, past all my outer beauty.
再给我一次机会
Give me another chance.
我的意思是 如果你还有感觉的话
I mean, if you still have feelings.
我觉得 我也不清楚啦
I mean, I don't know if...
- 行了吧 - 长点儿心吧!
- Oh, come on! - Pull it together!
- 我已经向前看了- 是吗 和谁在一起了?
- I've moved on. - Oh, yeah, with who?
和我
With me.
- 哇哦 - 我就知道
- Wow. - I knew it.
天呐 真怀念大学时光
God, I miss college.
我刚走进她的生活 我们都很迷恋对方
I just moved in, and we are crazy about each other.
我们一刻不停地亲吻
And we mouth kiss all the time.
感觉棒极了
And it feels right.
她...就是我的新欢
This... is my new type.
好吧 或许你应该知道 有一天晚上 她来亲我了
Well, then maybe you should know, the other night, she kissed me.
你怎么敢?
How dare you?
我原谅你了
I forgive you.
好吧
Okay.
好吧 接下来
Well, then.
我想要说再见了
I guess this is good-bye.
确实是
Yeah, it is.
你的沙冰配方也逊毙了!
And your smoothie recipe is way off!
看他在睡觉 查理医生
Look at him sleeping, Dr. Charlie.
我们要切开他的喉咙
Let's slit his throat.
我在厨房♥里发现一把刀
I got a knife from the kitchen.
不要问我怎么做到的
Don't ask me how.
够了 我受够了
That's it, I'm done!
- 亲爱的 怎么了? - 他们想要杀了我
- What is it, darling? - They're trying to kill me!
- 谁? - 查理医生和米罗斯拉娃!
- Who? - Dr. Charlie and Miroslava!
他们都计划好了!
They got a whole plan!
你做噩梦了
You were having a nightmare.
我试图爷们儿起来的
Look, I was trying to man up,
但是他们吓破了我的胆 我不想让他们再留在我的房♥间里了
But they scare the crap out of me and I don't want them in my room.
那你为什么不第一时间告诉我?
Why didn't you just say so in the first place?
因为我怕我说了你会看不上我
Because I was afraid you wouldn't be into me anymore,
你懂啦 滚床单方面啦
You know, sexually and whatnot.
再没有谁比一个敢于承认自己是胆小鬼
There's nothing more attractive than a man
的男人更吸引人了
who's not afraid to be vulnerable.
你喜欢胆小鬼吗?
You like vulnerability?
滚床单的时候我可以哭的
I could cry while we do it.
那我就让你哭起来吧
Oh, I'll give something to cry about.
呃 直男直女啊
Uck, straight people.