幸福大家庭（2015）

Are you all right?
你是英国人吗?
Are you British?
你怎么猜出来的?
How'd you guess?
我浓重的英国腔吗?
My thick British accent?
美国人喜欢吐槽英国人的一口烂牙
都快掉了的后槽牙?
running parallel to my gums?
我叫普鲁登斯
I'm Prudence.
你真漂亮 普鲁登斯
You're pretty, Prudence.
我叫普鲁克
I'm Pruke.
我是想说鲁克
I mean Luke.
脑震荡无疑了!
I have a concussion!
你还在攥着我的手使劲握呢 鲁克
You're still shaking my hand, Luke.
哦 很抱歉
Uh, I'm sorry.
我又没说要你松开
I didn't say you had to let go.
鲁克去拿我的美酒拿到哪去了?
Uhh, where is Luke with my "Drank"?
- 姐们儿... - 怎么了?
- Sissy... - Hmm?
白葡萄酒可真称不上美酒
If it's white wine, it's not a "Drank."
在那儿呢 身边有个波涛汹涌的女纸
There he is, with that boob-tender.
你想有时间出去玩玩吗?
Do you want to go out sometime?
我周一就要飞回英格兰了
I'm on a plane back to England on Monday.
我不喜欢在同一个地方待太长时间
I tend not to stay in one place for too long.
所以咱现在就玩怎么样? 跳起来吧
So how about right now? Let's dance.
哦 我不跳舞的
Oh, I don't dance.
那算是我的小忌讳了
That's kind of my "Thing."
你的小忌讳是你实际上做不到的事?
Your "Thing" Is a thing you don't actually do?
你之前从没跳到吧台后面过
Well, you'd never jumped over a bar before,
结果你今天完美地完成了呀
and that worked out pretty well for you.
你在跳舞吗?
Are you dancing?
我想是的
I think so.
我想让他尝试跟我跳舞尝试了好久
I've tried to get him to dance with me forever.
我有次带他去黑眼豆豆的演唱会
I once took him to a Black Eyed Peas concert,
他可没有"随之摇摆"呢
and he did not "Get it started" In there.
我看他俩在一起真可爱
I think they look cute together.
说不定"发型哥"
Maybe "Haircut" Over there
终于准备好找个女朋友了
is finally ready for a girlfriend.
别扯了 他才不会再见她第二回的
Please, he'll never see her again.
多么美妙的早晨啊不是吗?
Lovely morning, isn't it?
你要喝点茶吗?
Would you like some tea?
我找到你把茶托放哪儿了
I found your saucers.
刚刚在找大点的杯子(罩杯)
I was just looking for some big cups.
哦 我想你已经找到了
Oh, I think you found them.
对不起 你现在是...
I'm sorry, you are...
彻头彻尾的一♥丝♥不♥挂♥啊
100% nude.
裸的不能再裸了
So naked.
鲁克知道你还在这待着呢吗?
D-Does Luke know that you're still here?
他叫我待在这的呀!
He asked me to stay!
- 不可能! - 大大滴可能!
- No! - Yeah!
我了个去啊 不是吧
What?! Oh, come on.
你又不是第一次见裸体女人了
It's not like you've never seen a naked woman before.
我猜我还是比较习惯自己去追裸女把妹吧
I guess I'm just used to earning it.
或者 下载裸女
Or YouPorning it.
Youporn 著名色♥情♥网♥站♥
你说我要是在拉拉圈子里会抢手吗?
How would I do in the lesbian market?
我还从来没被从这方面评价过呢
I don't think I've ever been appraised.
你很好啊...
You'd do good...
你 你好 你好-好-好得不能再好了
Y-You'd do really, really good.
还是别坐下的好啊!
Uh, maybe don't sit!
我了个槽啊 小妹妹坐在椅子上啦
Whoo hoo, vagina right on the chair.
还是别坐下的好啊!
Uh, maybe don't sit!
我了个槽啊 小妹妹坐在椅子上啦
Whoo hoo, vagina right on the chair.
你总是这么紧张不安吗
Are you always this uptight?
你知道你现在需要什么吗?
Do you know what you need?
我知道你现在需要件浴袍
I know that you need a robe.
或者三片摆放位置得很精准的树叶子
Or maybe three strategically-placed leaves.
- 你该灌次肠 - 神马?!
- You need a colonic. - What?!
- 对的 - 才不要!
- Yes! - No!
它会让你松散下来的!
It will loosen you up!
我才不需要灌肠!
I don't need a colonic!
我一天吃30克的纤维
I eat 30 grams of fiber a day,
到周末和节假日我还会降到25克
and then I knock it down to 25 on weekends and holidays.
我现在松散得很!
I am plenty loose!
抱歉啦 我冒犯了你
I'm sorry. I've offended you.
- 来抱一个吧 - 哦不用了
- Let me give you a hug. - No, that's okay.
- 哦 我要抱你嘛 - 别 请不要靠近我
- Oh, I'm hugging you. - No, please don't come near me.
不要 不要 不要(停(⊙o⊙)…)
I don't, I re...
哇 小妹妹就在我的腿上
Wow, vagina right on my leg.
我开始觉得你不是个很纯的拉拉了
I'm starting to think you're not a very good lesbian.
这里就是"保龄球洞"了
So this is The Bowl Hole.
我爷爷建的
My grandfather built it.
他想把它留给我爸爸的
He wanted to leave it to my father,
但我爸正忙着跟我妈离婚呢
but my father was too busy leaving my mother,
所以现在它归我啦!
so now I own the place!
保龄球在英国火吗?
Is bowling popular in England?
不...但喝醉了到处扔东西很火
No... but getting drunk and rolling stuff is.
我喜欢这地方
I love this place,
但我最爱的是这个
but my real passion is this.
这是我的小说
It's my novel.
讲的是安卓崛起以后
It's about the last remaining humans
的最后一批存活的人类
after the android uprising.
没开玩笑吧!
You're kidding!
我最爱科幻题材了!
I love sci-fi!
我还在身上存着额外的零钱
I even keep extra cash on me
就为了等机器人掌管地球呢
for when the machines take over.
你真是个奇妙的生物
You are a magical creature.
你就是我愿意与之做♥爱♥的独角兽啊
You're like a unicorn I'm allowed to have sex with.
嘿!
Hey!
你在哪呢? 我在颜料店了
Where are you? I'm at the paint store.
哦 抱歉 我忘记(丢失)了时间
Ohh, sorry, I lost track of time.
实际上我没丢
Actually, I didn't lose it.
我记得我把它放哪了
I know where I put it.
但我们可是有颜料之约的啊... 对了
But we had a paint date... ooh!
我还选出来了咱们最爱的强调色
And I picked out our fun accent color.
"遥远灰"
"Distant Grey."
听起来不错啊...我正和普鲁登斯玩儿呢
Sounds fun... but I'm hanging with Prudence,
有点像"鲁克生活的一天"
and kind of doing "A Day in the Life of Luke."
普鲁登斯? 那个裸女?
Prudence? The nudist?
你还和她在一起?
You're still with her?
是啊 我们度过了相当美好的一天呢
Yeah, and we had a pretty amazing day.
我们坐在富兰克林的那家咖啡馆里 众目睽睽之下
We sat at that cafe on Franklin and people-watched.
我们玩了 "基佬或英国人?" 她简直太屌♥了
We played "Gay or British?" And she is really good.
但这是我们之间的小活动啊
But that's our thing.
好吧 这样如何?
All right, how 'bout this?
普鲁登斯和我会早早起床
Prudence and I will wake up,
刷完整面墙 比你
paint the wall before you even get a chance
把早晨的咖啡Po到Instagram上之前还要早
to post your morning coffee on Instagram.
所以她又要在那里过夜?
So she's spending the night again?
听着 利兹 我很抱歉
Listen, Lizzy, I'm sorry,
我想表现得会有点粗鲁
I feel like I'm being rude here.
是的确挺粗鲁
Well, it is kind of rude.
你放了我鸽子 然后又...
I mean, you stood me up and...
不 我是说这样对普鲁登斯太粗鲁 拜拜啦!
No, I meant to Prudence. Bye!
那么选哪个颜色?
So what'll it be?
什么颜色代表" 我正在失去我最好的朋友?"
What color says, "I'm losing my best friend?"
瑞士咖啡色
Swiss Coffee.
普鲁登斯...
Prudence...
这是马库斯 职业投球手
this is Marcus, professional bowler
以及我们街道的机械师
and our lane mechanic.
我以前还从没遇见过职业的运动员呢
I've never met a professional athlete before.
你很有名吗?
Are you quite famous?
我可是投球界的勒布朗
I've been called the LeBron of bowling.
唯一的区别是 勒布朗赚着
The only difference is LeBron makes
一亿美元 开着布加迪