幸福大家庭（2015）

它们真的会笑
They actually laugh.
伙计 快点
Dude, come on.
宝贝 我们走
Babe, let's go.
- 卢克! - 亲爱的!
- Luke! - Honey!
所以 这就是我的生活现状啦
So, this is my life now.
我夹在两个女人之间
I'm stuck between two women,
而且这不是像那些业余电影人拍的
and it's not the romp some amateur filmmakers
那种电影里想让你相信的那样
would have you believe.
我要跟你说的话和
I'm gonna tell you the same thing
我上周告诉我表弟的话一样
I told my cousin Chuck last week.
你的问题在于你有俩老婆
Your problem is you got two wives.
马库斯 利兹不是我老婆
Marcus, Lizzy is not my wife.
那就发短♥信♥告诉她你不回家吃晚饭了
Text her you're not coming home for dinner.
我不能那么做...不回家吃饭得5点之前就告诉她
Can't do that... would've needed to call her before 5:00.
你看 一个月前
Look, a month ago,
你只需要考虑怎么
you only had to worry about
让利兹开心就行了
keeping Lizzy happy.
现在呢 你有了普鲁登斯
And now, you have Prudence,
一个我猜测能以拉拉做不到的方式
who I'm guessing makes you happy
让你爽歪歪的人
in a way a lesbian friend can't.
从技术上来讲 拉拉做得到...
Technically, lesbians can...
她们只是不想这样做
they just don't want to.
我的意思是普鲁登斯想尝试新事物
I'm just saying Prudence wants to try new things,
所以你或许需要跟上她的步伐
so you might wanna get on board with her
在她觉得你无聊之前
before she gets bored with you.
你觉得她会觉得我无聊
You think she's gonna get bored with me?
我都觉得你无聊
I'm bored with you.
我们什么事情也不干!
We never do anything!
只有工作 工作 工作
It's just work, work, work.
因为我们就是在这里工作啊
Because this is where we work.
我的意思是...
My point is...
时不时的 给人家点惊喜
one of these days, surprise me.
晚饭请假的事真是任重道远啊
Dinner goes a long way.
总而言之
To sum it up,
如果普鲁登斯不那么痴迷于寻找刺♥激♥
if Prudence wasn't so obsessed with her thrill-seeking,
我和鲁克就会度过一个经典的"嗨翻天的星期天"
Luke and I would've had a classic Sunday Funday,
我就不用一直吃商店卖♥♥的廉价小胡萝卜
and I wouldn't be stuck eating store-bought baby carrots
像个普通的小婊砸一样
like a common whore.
嘿 一条育儿小贴士
Hey, a little parenting tip:
你如果要哄小孩睡觉
if you ever need to put that baby to sleep,
就给他讲这个农贸市场的故事吧
tell this farmers' market story.
好了 我把小公主城♥堡♥从车上拿下来了
Okay, I dropped off the princess castle
放在后院 下次你照看乔吉
in the backyard for the next time
就可以用了
you babysit Georgie.
那儿风有点大
And it's kinda windy out there,
我还没有合适的工具 所以...
and I didn't have the proper tools, so...
城♥堡♥整个塌了也不用太惊讶
wouldn't be surprised if the whole thing fell apart.
等一下 老姐 你们为啥把城♥堡♥玩具放在这？
Wait, Sissy, why are you guys leaving a play castle here?
你们自己家都没有
You don't even have one for her at your place.
我们希望她在你家玩的开心
We want your house to be fun for her.
特别是今年夏天我们去火人节的时候
Especially this summer when we go to Burning Man.
哦 顺便告诉你 这个夏天
Oh, by the way, you're watching her
我们去火人节的时候你得照顾她
this summer when we go to Burning Man.
当然
Of course.
我希望我没错过农贸市场故事
I hope I didn't miss the rest of that
的剩下部分
great farmers' market story.
- 她还没说完 - 见鬼
- She's still going. - Damn.
还有一件事
And the other thing is,
是他把农贸市场介绍给我
he introduced me to this farmers' market.
我可是一直住在影视城这片市区的哎!
I was all Studio City, all the time!
放松 老妹儿 你不会失去鲁克的
Relax, Sissy. You're not losing Luke.
我确信这只是他一时没想清楚
I'm sure his judgment's all clouded.
英国人在床上做一些很前卫的事
British people do some funky things in bed.
我只是听说过
I've heard.
别担心
Don't worry about it.
鲁克不会变成另一个人
Luke's not gonna turn into a different person.
我知道 你是对的
I know, you're right.
天了噜 你是谁?
Oh, my God. Who are you?
看起来像基版超级英雄
Kinda looks like a gay superhero.
真理 正义 还有美国式的"嘿!"
Truth, justice, and the American "Heeey!"
告诉我你不是从飞机上跳下来的
Please tell me you're not jumping out of an airplane.
飞机多危险
Planes are dangerous.
我要从悬崖上跳下来
I'm jumping off a cliff.
我要做普鲁登斯那个清单上
I'm doing that wingsuiting thing
的滑翔挑战
from Prudence's list.
有降落伞吗?
Is there a parachute?
- 我估摸着有吧 - 你怎么着陆?
- I think so. - How do you land?
不清楚
Not sure.
好吧 那准没好下场
Well, that's not gonna end well.
我目睹过你看个奥♥运♥会
I've seen you sprain your ankle
都能崴脚的经历
watching the Olympics.
放轻松 我还得等好几个礼拜
Relax, I don't actually soar off a cliff
才会从悬崖上跳下去呢
for a couple weeks.
这个真是太危险了 他们都让你先
It's so dangerous they make you practice
在一个墙壁有软垫的风洞里练习
in a wind tunnel with padded walls.
你有没有照过镜子啊?
Have you looked at yourself?
你这德性可以跳过前面直接到有软垫的墙壁就行了
'Cause you could skip right to the padded walls.
咱们走吧...乔治在车里等着呢
Let's go... Georgie's waiting in the car
而且还开着空调
with the air conditioning on.
放轻松 美帝人♥民♥
Relax, America.
哥们 你绝对会死翘翘的哟
Dude, you're gonna die.
哦 我的天呐 我都不敢相信
Oh, my God, I can't believe
你竟然会考虑要做这个
you're even considering doing this,
尤其是 你就要做爸爸了
especially since you're about to be a father.
是啊 不过我也是普鲁登斯的丈夫呀
Yeah, but I'm also a husband to Prudence.
我结婚誓词上说过的 "直到死亡将我们分开"
I made a vow: "Till death do us part."
那也不是今天就要死啊!
That doesn't mean today!
好吧 如果普鲁登斯从桥上跳下去 你也跳?
Okay, if Prudence jumped off a bridge, would you?
其实我们下周正要做这个
We're actually doing that next week.
- 你到底有啥毛病啊?! - 我没毛病啊!
- What's wrong with you?! - Nothing!
我...就是想稍稍改变一下现状
I... just wanna change things up a little.
我这一辈子都在保龄球馆上班
I've worked at a bowling alley my whole life.
做过最有异国范儿的事就是
The most exotic thing I've ever done
在夫勒斯♥诺♥的时候和一个1/2亚洲血统的妹子啪啪啪
was sleep with a half-Asian girl in Fresno.
你和张明 罗宾逊啪啪啪了?
You slept with Chang Ming Robinson?
这不是重点 不过 是的 两次呢
Not important, but, yes, twice.
听着 鲁克 开阔视野
Listen, Luke, there are other ways
还有其他办法的 不是吗?
to expand your horizons, okay?
你的图书馆借书卡就在抽屉里呀
Your library card is just sitting in your drawer.
告诉你个消息哦...
I got news for you...
去图书馆 不在清单上
going to the library, not on the list.
市中心那个都不在吗?
Not even the one downtown?
要进那个图书馆得经过金属探测器安检呢
You have to go through a metal detector.
听着 你已经娶了普鲁登斯了
Look, you already got Prudence to marry you.
你还在试图证明什么呢?
What are you trying to prove?
我在试图留住她
I'm trying to keep her.
- 啥? - 呃...
- What? - Uhh...
我只是不想让她觉得我无聊
I just don't want her to get bored with me.
觉得你无聊?
Bored with you?
是啊 你也看到她过得是什么样的日子了
Yeah. You've seen the life she's lived.
她啥都做过了 哪都去过了
She's done everything, and she's been everywhere.
你知道她什么时候会真的觉得你无聊么?
You know when she's really gonna get bored?
当你挂了的时候!
When you're dead!
哦 别那么大惊小怪的
Oh, don't be so dramatic!
你真的要去做?
Are you seriously gonna do this?
是的! 今天我参加培训
Yeah! Today I train,
明天 我漫步云端
tomorrow, I taste the clouds.
是时候展翅高飞了 亲爱的!
It's time to fly, baby!
鲁克! 利兹!
Luke! Lizzy!
哦 我的天呐!
Oh, my God!