幸福大家庭（2015）

哦 我的天! 猜猜我在17号♥盒子里发现了什么
Oh, my God! Guess what I just found in box 17.
哦 谢谢你的标签了 利兹
Oh, thanks for labeling those, Lizzy.
鲁克 我告诉过你关于那个春天吗?
Luke, did I ever tell you about the spring
当我在布拉格的一家医院做木偶戏时
when I was hospital puppeteer in Prague?
他甚至不知道你的中间名吧
He doesn't even know your middle name.
我知道 是...
I do, it's...
梅...丽莎贝斯?
Mer... lizabeth?
你记得!
You remembered!
好吧 在医院里
Well, at the hospital,
我常常在孩子们面前表演
I used to put on shows for all the children.
好吧 如果是那种
Well, if it's anything like the show
你昨晚做给我看的秀
you gave me last night,
那他们还真是一群幸运儿啊
those are some lucky, lucky kids.
事实上 他们病得挺严重了
Actually, they were quite sick.
但是我经常会给他们加油打气...
But I always used to cheer them up with...
什么...
What...
嚯!
Whoa!
查理医生和米罗斯拉娃!
Dr. Charlie and Miroslava!
这些就像是我的小木头宝贝们
These are like my little wooden babies.
让我试试我还能不能发出他们的声音
Let me see if I can still do their voices.
哦 越来越有趣啦
Oh, this keeps getting better.
干得漂亮 利兹
Well-done, Lizzy,
让那个蕾丝边彻底滚出你的脑海
for washing that lesbian right out of your hair.
振奋起来 将来你会遇见更好的
Chin up, you'll meet someone someday.
耶 多笑笑
Yeah, smile more maybe.
这些木偶人可能还在倒时差呢
The puppets are probably very jetlagged.
我们找个地方让他们好好休息吧
Why don't we find them a nice place to rest?
我会找到一个特别的地方来存放他们
I'll find somewhere really special to put them.
你的小麻烦来啦
And an issue arises for you.
啊...才没有小麻烦呢
Ah... there's no issue.
哦 所以这些牵线木偶不是
Oh, so marionettes are not
一件让你极度崩溃的事吗?
the one thing in life that freaks you out the most?
什么? 才不是呢 我的意思是 也许我小时候还会怕
What? No, I mean, maybe when we were, like, kids.
不过 就在去年
But also, last year,
我记得某人还尿裤子来着吧
I do recall a little peeing of the pants
那次是在农贸市场有个木偶吓了你一跳
when one scared you at the farmers market.
当时是因为完全没料到啊
You don't expect it.
我本来是在找有没有熟透的鳄梨 他们至少应该提醒一下...
I was looking for a ripe avocado, they should warn you...
木偶游♥行♥哦 每周日2点!
puppet parade, Sundays at 2:00!
所以你不会跟你老婆说这件事咯?
So you're not gonna be honest with your wife about this?
不会啦 因为这根本不是事儿
No, because it's fine.
利兹 我想了一下
Lizzy, I've been thinking about it,
你应该当面把艾瑞卡的东西还给她
and you need to return Erica's things to her in person.
不行 不-不-行
Noo, n-n-no.
宝贝儿 艾瑞卡那些年你还不在这里
Baby, you weren't here during the Erica years.
利兹是很坚强 但是这个姑娘就是她的软肋
Lizzy is strong, but this girl's like her kryptonite,
你明白吧 如果软肋这东西可以有着洋洋得意的B罩杯
you know, if kryptonite had perky B-cups.
是么 可是如果她按我的计划执行
Yeah, but if she sticks with my plan,
就能跟艾瑞卡一了百了了
she'll be done with Erica for good.
你应该这么做
Here's what you do.
- 有笔吗? - 没有
- Do you have a pen? - No.
好的 把我说的写下来
Okay, write this down.
你选一个中立场所
You pick a neutral location,
就是那种你们从没一起去过的地方
somewhere you've never been together,
别穿得破破烂烂的
don't dress like a scarecrow,
接着你告诉她 不管是在你的橱柜里还是生活中
and you tell her there's no room for her
都没有她的地儿了
in your closet or your life.
然后你就站起来潇洒的离开
Then you get up and just walk away.
利兹 相信我
Lizzy, trust me.
我的计划能让你彻底了结这段关系
My plan will finally give you closure.
如果你听不进我说的话 我这就去找米罗斯拉娃
If you won't hear it from me, I'll get Miroslava.
别!
No!
利兹 你不能去见艾瑞卡
Lizzy, you can't see Erica.
你知道她会怎么对你的
You know what she does to you.
她老是不停的说好话 让你陷进去
She plies you with compliments, sucks you in,
然后你就忘了她是个人肉粪兜这回事儿了
you forget the fact that she's a human bag of turds.
你说得对 说得对
You're right, you're right.
嗯 普鲁登斯 你的计划听起来还是挺诱人的
And, Prudence, your plan was kind of enticing
如果不是那么侮辱人的话
when it wasn't super insulting.
不过鲁克的确更了解我 我绝对不会去见艾瑞卡的
But Luke does know me better, and I'm not going to see Erica.
因为那么做真是太傻蛋了
'Cause that'd be really stupid.
超傻蛋的
So stupid.
艾瑞卡 嗨
Erica, hi.
谢谢你能来这个中立场所见我
Thank you for meeting me at this neutral location.
我们第一次相互表白就是在这里啊
This is where we first said we loved each other.
该死的!
Damn it!
我知道是空调吹的你们动来动去的
I know that's just the air conditioning making you move.
我没事儿 我没事儿 我没事儿 我没事儿 我没事儿
I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay.
听我说 艾瑞卡 事情是这样的
So listen, Erica, here's the plan.
你的东西都在我车后备箱里 我来就是要把它们还给你
I got your stuff in my trunk and I'm here to return it to you
因为我已经不再在那条"怒"上挣扎了
because I am on a different "pahth."
路 路
Path. Path.
实话说 你刚刚说的我一句也没听进去
Honestly, I didn't hear anything you just said.
你难道变得更美了吗?
Is it possible you got more beautiful?
我觉得是有这个可能吧...哼
I guess it is possible... heh.
但是 不行! 不 不 不
But, no! No, no, no.
我知道你这是在唱哪一出 我不会...
I know what you're doing and I'm not...
别使这眼神 小菇凉
No, Missy.
好吧 我只是想说 你看上去...真美
Okay, I'm just saying, you look... really good.
我看起来还行吗?
Do I look all right?
是啊 你看起来挺好的 看上去真的真的好
Yeah, you look good, you look really, really good.
我们这是干嘛呢?
What are we doing?
咱们还是回我哪儿吧
Let's just go back to my place.
我给你准备了你很喜欢的夏敦埃酒
I got you that chardonnay you really like.
就是商标上有个穿燕尾服的小猪的那种
The one with the little pig in the tuxedo on the label.
我确实喜欢系西装革履的小猪
I do love black-tie pig.
但是 哎...
But look...
我...我现在情况不同了 好吗?
I'm... I'm in a different place, okay?
发生了些重大的变化...
Some big changes.
其实我吃麸质没问题
Turns out gluten wasn't the problem.
是吃乳制品才会(放屁)
It was dairy.
可能更大的新闻
And possibly a bigger headline
是我和鲁克要一起生一个宝宝了
is that Luke and I are having a baby.
你怀孕了?
You're pregnant?
我最大的新闻只是个新的冰沙配方
My biggest headline was my new smoothie recipe.
天呐 小宝宝啊
Wow, a baby.
我为你感到高兴
I'm happy for you.
我们以前老是讨论一起养育一个小宝宝呢
That was always something we talked about doing together.
哎 是啊 如果两个人都不在一起
Yeah, well, it's kinda hard to do it together
要一起做什么事儿还是挺有难度的
when you're not together.
再说 我都放下了
And I've moved on.
那你来这儿干嘛呢?
Then what are you doing here?
我...
I...
- 来把你的东西还给你啊 - 哦
- came to return your stuff. - Ohh.
还有 告诉你关于乳制品的事儿
And tell you about the whole dairy thing.
至于现在...
And now I am...
我正站起来 然后要走出去
standing up... and I am walking away.
好啊
Okay.
再见
Good-bye.
你说你昨天晚上去见了艾瑞卡是什么意思?
What do you mean you saw Erica last night?
我们说过了去见她是一件很蠢蛋的事情 蠢蛋!
We said it would be stupid to see her again, stupid!
我知道
I know!
可是我去了 我们就聊了聊
But then I did and we got to talking,
你懂得 我们是蕾丝儿嘛
and, you know, we're lesbians.
就算分了手 我们也能聊不停啊
Even in a breakup, we're chatty.
不过这不重要
But it wasn't a big deal.
利兹 我太为你骄傲了
Lizzy, I'm so proud of you!
你执行了我的计划 还彻底了结了心病
You followed my plan and
now you've got closure.
你脖子是被虫咬了么?
Is that a bug bite on your neck?
不是吧