幸福大家庭（2015）

我的亲娘四舅老爷啊
Oh, my God.
不知怎么的这话对你这身打扮都是夸赞了
And somehow that's flattering on you.
他会好起来吗?
Is he gonna be all right?
这个嘛 他有些轻微脑震荡
Well, he has a slight concussion,
肩膀脱臼
he dislocated his shoulder,
我们不得不打麻药才给他把肩膀弄回去
and we had to put him under to reset it.
其实...也不是不得不
Well... we didn't have to,
但是这么大个汉子哭起来真是不忍♥直视
but it's hard to watch a grown man cry.
我还需要知道他的一些信息
I'm gonna need some more information from him.
哦! 好的
Oh! Yes...
这是他的保险卡
Here is his insurance card,
还有他之前医生的电♥话♥
and a number to his primary doctor,
还有他还是个小可爱时候的萌照
and an adorable picture of him as a baby.
你好呀 小可爱
Oh, hello...
你是他妻子咯?
So, you're the wife?
不 我才是哈
Oh, no, I'm his wife.
我是他的"拉"蜜啦
Yeah, I'm his lesbian best friend.
而且还怀着他的宝宝
She's having his baby.
我们住一起的
We all live together.
我现在算明白他为什么想自杀了
Now I can see why he tried to kill himself.
生日是什么时候呢
Okay, uh, date of birth.
呃 我觉得他应该是冬天出生的
Um... I believe he was a winter baby.
是六月十九号♥好吗
It's June 19th.
在澳大利亚这就是冬天
That's winter in Australia.
他对什么东西过敏吗?
Does he have any allergies?
他喝了龙舌兰就会变得毛手毛脚的
He gets a little "handsy" on tequila.
他不能用青霉素 不能吃蘑菇
He can't have penicillin, and he can't eat mushrooms,
不过只是他自己声称过敏啦
which he says is an allergy,
其实只是不喜欢而已
but he just doesn't like them.
你造吗 其实我只是假装在写
You know what, I'm just gonna move my pen around,
好让你们以为我把最后一句记下来了
make you think I wrote that last part down.
听着 普鲁登斯 这里交给我吧
Look, Prudence, I've got this
如果你想回家去
if you wanna go home and change
把你的热气球装换下来
out of your hot air balloon.
不 不用 我觉得
No, that's all right, I think Luke would
鲁克醒来的时候一定很想见到我
want to see his wife when he wakes up.
看 他在表示赞同哎
See? He agrees with me.
才不是 他在痛的时候才会发出这种声音
No, that's the noise he makes when he's in pain.
他感觉不舒服了 得把他摇起来坐
He's uncomfortable. He needs to be propped up.
我才是每晚和他睡一起的人
Well, I sleep with him every night,
他喜欢平躺着睡
and he prefers to be flat on his back.
可能只是因为你是谁在他上面呢
Maybe if you're on top of him.
他会侧卧睡来清干喉咙
But I know that he's prone to dry throat
因为春假时他做急性腺体切除手术时我是在场的
because I was there for his emergency adenoid surgery
我还费了老大劲才找到一个
during spring break, and try finding a doctor
除了隆胸就什么都不会的医生
who does anything but breast implants in Tampa.
你可能是比我认识他久一点
Well, you may have known him longer,
但是根据在内华达州的时候
but according to the state of Nevada
那个给我们证婚的前妓♥女♥
and the former prostitute who married us,
我才是她的合法妻子
I'm legally his wife.
呵呵 一个都不知道丈夫生日的妻子!
Yeah, a wife who doesn't know her husband's birthday!
但我知道他最喜欢的一集"星球大战"是
Well, I know his favorite "Star Wars"
"帝国反击战"
is "Empire Strikes Back."
得了吧 所有人都最喜欢这集
Oh, that's everybody's favorite!
利兹 把遥控器给我
Lizzy, give it to me!
不 给我
No, you give it to me!
利兹 有些时候
Lizzy, you've got to hand over the reins
你该要把选择权交给卢克
to Luke at some point!
照顾他如今是我的职责了好吗!
It's my job to look after him now.
噢真的吗 你可照顾得真好啊
Oh, really? Well, great job looking after him, Prudence,
要不是因为你
because, if it wasn't for you,
他也不会神志不清地躺在医院里
he wouldn't be lying unconscious in a hospital bed,
就为了取悦你
trying to impress you!
这不是真的
That's not true.
这就是事实
Yes, it is!
他以前从来没穿过滑翔服
He doesn't wingsuit,
也没有跳过伞或者潜过水
and he's never skydived or dove or "doven"
不像你过去那样搞空中飞人的把戏
or however you skydive in the past!
他只是想向你证明他是爱冒险的
He was just trying to prove to you that he's adventurous.
他确实是呀
But he is adventurous.
我是说 在床上 我们...
I mean, sexually, we do...
偏题了好吗!
That's not what I'm talking about!
听着 他就是在拼命迎合你的喜好
Look, he just was going along with what you wanted to do
因为他害怕你会觉得他无聊
because he was scared that you were gonna get bored with him.
搭把手啊
You coming?
成功的时候总是没人看见
Of course, when no one's here.
我现在都能独自去浴室了
So, I just completed my first solo trip
我猜我们大家
to the bathroom, so I guess we're all
都对此深感欣慰
pretty happy about that.
既然你都好差不多了 我想我可以说了
Now that you're okay, I think I can say
我们都从这次经历中收获了点啥
we both got something out of this.
你开始学飞 而我是对的
You got to fly, and I got to be right...
这对我来说 和飞一样爽
which, for me, is like flying.
卢克 我给你做了我妈出了名的秘制蔬菜汤
Luke, I made you my mum's famous vegetable soup recipe.
其实就是水和胡萝卜
It's just water and a carrot.
我们没种出别的来
We didn't have much growing up.
不过这里面可是满满的爱呦
But there's plenty of love in there.
虽然主要的原料还是水
But the main ingredient is water.
你是谁?
Who are you?
我是普鲁登斯啊
I'm Prudence.
我是你老婆
I'm your wife.
我开玩笑的!
I'm kidding!
一个关于脑震荡后的小幽默啦
A little post-concussion humor.
你应该看看 利兹提到宝宝
You should've been there when Lizzy mentioned the baby,
然后我说 "我们做过了?" 以后她的表情
and I said, "We went through with that?"
是啊 不过还是他幽你一默的时候更搞笑
Yeah, but it's so much funnier when he does it to you.
好吧 我在想我的肋骨一长好...
Anyway, I was thinking, once my ribs fuse back...
我们就能继续去完成你清单上的项目了
we can start checking stuff off your list again.
或者 我们可以试一个别的清单
Or we could try another list.
看这个...
Look at this...
"全城十大最适宜静♥坐♥的地方"
"Ten Best Places to Sit Quietly Around the City."
这样看来 市中心有一片干草坪
Apparently, there's a dry patch of grass downtown
是必去的胜地啊
that's a must-try.
你干嘛读《美国退休者协会杂♥志♥》?
Why are you reading "AARP" magazine?
嘿 那是我的
Hey, that's mine.
这期的封面故事可是莉莉 汤普琳(美国演员)
There was a Lily Tomlin cover story.
我没明白 "一片干草坪?"
I'm sorry, "a dry patch of grass?"
- 这到底怎么回事儿? - 没事儿啊
- What's going on? - Nothing.
只不过是我已经有过了很多次的冒险经历
It's just that I've had plenty of adventure.
也许是时候静下心来了
Maybe it's time to calm things down.
学学做数独啦...或者看看"海军罪案调查处"
Learn Sudoku... or watch "NCIS."
可是这不是你风格啊
But that's not you.
嗯 事实证明滑翔也不是你的风格
Well, it turns out wingsuiting isn't really you.
你到底想说什么啊?
What are you talking about?
我意思是 没错 我是出了点小事故
I mean, sure, I had a little accident,
而且在呼吸 说话和嘘嘘的时候会有点疼
and it hurts when I breathe, talk, and pee...
但这不代表我不会再尝试新鲜事物啊
but it doesn't mean I wanna stop trying new things.
好吧 那你为什么要担心我会觉得你无聊啊?
Well, then why are you worried that I'm gonna get bored with you?
谁说我担心你会觉得我无聊啊?
Who said I was worried about you getting bored with me?
你告诉她了?
You told her that?
因为你告诉她了
Because you told her that.
问题是 你为什么不告诉我
And the question is, why couldn't you tell me?
不是这样 普鲁登斯 等一下 听我解释啊!
No, Prudence, wait. Let me explain!
看看你都干什么好事了?!
What did you do?!
普鲁登斯!
Prudence!
我真是难以置信你居然告诉了普鲁登斯
I can't believe you told Prudence
我担心她会觉得我无聊的事
I was scared she was gonna get bored with me.
你是不是还给她看了那张有个夏天
Did you also show her pictures of me from the summer
我又胖又满身是糖霜的照片?
I was fat and had frosted tips?
没有! 还没聊到那么久远呢
No! There's no coming back from that.