幸福大家庭（2015）

你六岁我就看出了你的拉拉潜质
I knew you were gay when you were six
你从来都不摆弄你的芭比梦幻屋
and you never used your Barbie dream house
因为芭比和她的女伴总是在野战
'cause Barbie and her lady friend were always camping.
好啦 凯特来啦
Well, here comes Kate,
我们来玩最爱的游戏 "百合与否"
so let's play everybody's favorite game "Gay or nay".
哦 她长得真可爱
Oh, she looks really cute.
拉拉
Gay.
但她的夹克是蓬松肩线风格
But that jacket has a puffy shoulder.
小直女
Nay.
- 但是她穿了法兰绒 - 那就是拉拉咯
- But we've got flannel. - That's gay.
就没有人注意到她的体感温度有点奇葩咩?
Is anyone else concerned about her body temperature?
- 嘿 - 嘿
- Hey. - Hey.
- 嗨 - 嗨
- Hi. - Hi.
我-我 游戏我没有迟到吧
I-I hope I'm not too late for the game.
哦 游戏已经开始了
Oh, the game's already started.
好的 那我在哪个队?
Great. Whose team am I on?
正是
Exactly.
额 我能加入你们队伍吗?
Uh, can I be on your team?
啊 我想 嗯...
Um, I would, uh...
我会非常非常乐意
really, really like that.
那么 凯特 你喜欢保龄球
So, Kate, do you like bowling
还有一般的运动吗?
and sports in general?
并不太喜欢
Not really.
但人家高中是足球运动员哦
But I did play soccer in high school.
啊!
Ah!
但人家技术很烂
But I was terrible.
但人家最擅长网球哦
Gotta say my sport is tennis.
呵呵
Huh.
你开斯巴鲁傲虎么?
Do you drive a Subaru Outback?
拉字至上 美国著名女同电视剧
当你自♥慰♥的时候你会想起谁?
Who do you think about when you have a bit of a diddle?
同志们!
Guys!
对于我小伙伴们的行为感到很抱歉
I am so sorry about my friends.
-不 - 他们真是大坏蛋
- No. - They are terrible people.
没事儿
It's okay.
他们只是想搞清楚我是不是拉拉
They're just trying to figure out if I'm gay.
- 哪有 - 有一点点吧
- No. - Kind of, pretty much.
随便问一下, 那答案是什么?
By the way, how would that conversation end?
当我承认是个拉拉时 话题就结束了
It would end with me being totally gay.
是的呢!
Yes!
我是说 我想...
I mean, I thought...
这难道不是约会吗?
maybe this was a date?
我是说 除非你不是...
I mean, unless you're not...
- 哦 我是 -那就妥了
- Oh, I am. - It is.
我是说 如果你想的话 因为我想来一场约会
I mean, if you want it to be. 'Cause I want it to be.
不 是的 我也想
No. Yeah, me, too.
我暗恋你几个月了
I've had a crush on you for months.
就像 老实说 不能在健身馆见到你
You know, to be honest, it kind of ruins my day
能毁了我一整天
when you're not at the gym.
嗯~
Aw.
那些日子的相思之苦人家感同身受啦
I know how much the days mean to you.
散伙 散伙 拉拉的晚餐时间!
Winner, winner, lesbian dinner!
你能拿一下么?
Can you hold this for a second?
哈哈! 你拿着我的尿
Ha ha! You're holding my pee.
哈哈! 你要生小孩了
Ha ha! You have to give birth.
看看你 预约了全市最好的妇科医师
Look at you, at the best ob-gyn in the city,
多亏了全市第二好的牙医
thanks to the second best orthodontist in the city.
上帝啊 我感觉太爽啦
God, I feel good.
好像所有的好事都来到了利兹身边
It's like everything is coming up Lizzy.
我想我会生一个小孩 和一个人共度一生
I guess I can be pregnant and have someone in my life...
她不知道我怀孕了
Who doesn't know that I'm pregnant,
不过这都得是第二次约会时候的闲聊了
but that's more a second-date chitchat.
啊 或许没有我想象中的复杂呢
Ah. Maybe it's not as complicated as I thought.
好的 现在我们需要填一下信息
Okay, we just need some information...
凯特?
Kate?
利兹?
Lizzy?
你是这的护士?
You're a nurse?
你们俩有孩子了?
You two are having a baby?
是的 但是需要说明的是
Yeah, but just to be clear,
我们没有上♥床♥
we did not have sex.
我怎么才能像个成年人一样表述一下呢?
How do I say this like a grown-up?
这片区域我的小♥弟♥弟♥是没有碰过的
This is a no-wiener zone.
但是他是孩子的爸爸
But he is the dad,
我们一起抚养这个孩子
and we're raising the baby together.
不过他娶的是普鲁登斯
But he's married to Prudence.
你知道的 那个英国人有着...
You know, the Brit with the...
啊 我知道了 真有福气
Oh. Yeah. Well done.
多谢 逍遥似神仙啊
Thanks. They're a good time.
好的 我们来看一下你的身体特征
Okay, so, let me get a few of your vitals.
金发
Hair. Blonde.
眼睛 是我见过最漂亮的
Eyes. Best I've ever seen.
现在我得量下你的体重
Now I just need to get your weight.
真的吗?
Really?
我说 你就不能直接写上
I mean, you can't just write down
"看起来不错"吗?
"Looking good?"
事实上 在怀孕期间记录体重的增长
It's actually important to keep track
是很重要的事情
of your weight during pregnancy.
- 女人不会说自己的体重的 - 那还是让秤来说吧
- A lady never tells. - But a scale will.
不要!
No!
你不用挪最大的那个吧
Okay, you don't have to move the big one.
好了 好了
Okay, there we go.
180磅?
180 pounds?
鲁克 从秤上滚下去!
Luke, get off the scale!
知道啦
Okay.
好了 在医生来之前
All right. So, just a few more questions
- 你还需要回答几个问题 - 好的
- before the doctor comes in. - Sure.
身上有长斑吗 有分泌液体吗
Are you having any spotting or discharge?
- 过 - 这不是游戏节目
- Pass. - Not a game show.
乳♥房♥♥有发胀吗?
Any breast tenderness or swelling?
额 他们一直都非常胀!
Well, they've always been pretty swell!
还有你怎样形容你的...排便情况?
And how would you describe your... bowel movements?
额...
Um...
一泻如注?
Sexy?
我怎么能没把这些录下来?
How am I not recording this?
好的 我去请医生过来
Okay, so I'll go get the doctor.
我现在要做的就是...拿着你的尿样
I just need to... grab your urine sample.
哦 你不用拿着它
Oh, you don't have to grab that.
是啊 我也不想但是我必须拿着
No, I don't want to, but I have to.
哦 请不要这样做
Oh, just please don't.
啊 天哪
Oh, my God.
你的护士鞋
Your keds.
这个我录下来了
Now that I got.
哇 老妹儿
Wow, Sissy.
第二次约会这样可不太顺利啊
That is not a good second date.
是啊 看来那些尿瓶的盖
Yeah, turns out the lids on those pee jars,
不像你想的那么紧啊
not as tight as you want them to be.
从好的方面来说
On the bright side,
如果以狗的观点看
if you look at it from a dog's point of view,
她现在就属于你了
she's your territory now.
你总是这么乐观得能看到半杯水
Is your glass always half-full
是因为你的胸大得也得露一半嘛
'cause your cups are so big?
有点帮助啦
It helps.
你看 利兹 这确实是个尴尬的情况
Look, Lizzy, it's an awkward situation.
你要给凯特一些时间接受这件事
You gotta give Kate a chance to be cool with it.
我的意思是很难说结果会怎样 看看普鲁登斯
I mean, you never know. Look at Prudence.
谁能想到她会接受
Who would have thought she'd be cool with me
我拥有一个与她完全隔绝的家庭呢?
having a whole other family separate from her?
我从没那么想过
I hadn't thought of it in that way.
事实就是这样 对吧?
Well, that's the way it is, right?
别自欺欺人了
Give yourself some credit.
这个女人走进了一个疯狂的世界