夜色（2016）

摊上大事吧!
To you!
你在干嘛
What are you doing?
摔门就走…
Storming out...
但这鞋子也太高了
but these shoes are so high.
那也要走
Still stormin'!
- 我是灯塔 - 我是灯塔
- I'm the lighthouse. I'm the lighthouse.
人心合一 人心合一
Be the harmony. Be the harmony
我的朋友 那正是战争的转折点
And that, my friend, was the turning point in the war.
我得去
You know what? I have to go
和导演谈谈
talk to the director,
我待会再回来
so I'll catch up with you in a second.
- 好吗 迈克尔 - 听起来不错
- All right, Michael? - Hm. Sounds good.
你想知道最疯狂的是什么吗 是吧?
But you wanna know one thing? Really crazy, okay?
最疯狂的就是它了 英国广播公♥司♥...
Craziest story of all. The BBC...
他们声称在实际发生之前
they announced the taking Goose Green on the radio
就播放过鹅绿湾的报告 你觉得呢?
before it actually happened. How do you do that?
是骄傲自大吗? 还是...
Is it hubris? Or...
你有内部消息来源吗?
do you have an inside source?
人心合一...
I am the harmony
- 辩论引起了... - 闭嘴!
- The debate rages on... - Shut up!
你♥他♥妈♥闭嘴!
Shut the fuck up!
够了! 我再也不想听到阿根廷
Enough about Argentina
和英国还有那些个岛的破烂事儿了!
and England and the fucking islands!
闭嘴! 马岛战争?
Shut up! The Falklands War?
- 蠢死了 - 马岛战争才不蠢
- It's dumb! - The Falklands War is not dumb!
- 你才是蠢 - 对了
- You're dumb! - Oh, and by the way,
你根本不应该接受2001或者2003年的最佳防守球员奖
you didn't deserve NFC Defenseman Player of the Year
因为你太逊了
in 2001 or 2003 because you suck!
凯尔特人队万岁
Go Pats! Whoo!
巴什卡 你声音好可怕
Boshka, your voice is scary.
怎... 怎么了 我的
Wha...What is it... my...bright child of...
- 灯塔 - 我的天
- the lighthouse. - Oh, my God.
好吧
Okay, um...
这是个邪教
This is a cult.
我陷进了邪教
Yeah, I fell for a fucking cult!
不不不 我带给你人心合一
No, no, no, no, how could this be a cult
怎么能说是邪教呢
if I bring you so much harmony?
我他妈看起来和谐吗?
Do I look motherfucking harmonious?
向你的灯塔前行...
Go...to your lighthouse.
你的灯塔
Your lighthouse. Go to your light...
去你妹的灯塔 巴什卡
You go to your fucking lighthouse, Boshka!
我的天 他差点就说服我离开《摩登家庭》了
Oh, my God, he almost convinced me to leave "Modern Family."
- 什么? - 放弃你的
- What? - Giving up your
物质欲念…
material possessions...
这样才会获得思想上的升华
will lead you to enlightenment.
好吧 所以我给"教堂"
Uh-huh! Yeah, okay, so the Lamborghini
买♥♥的兰博基尼
that I bought the "Church..."
也是物质欲念?
was that a material possession?
杰西 我在汽车经销店里已经跟你解释过了
Jesse, I explained to you at the dealership
兰博基尼是带你去灯塔的载体
that the Lamborghini is the vehicle to the lighthouse.
简直不敢相信我居然信了这屁话
Okay, I can't believe I fucking fell for this.
你这个疯子 别再想
You're a crazy person and you can think twice
让我在玛莎葡萄园
about me investing that yurt colony
里投一大笔钱了
in Martha's Vineyard.
那个保证金是不退还的
That deposit is, uh, non-refundable.
滚你妈蛋的
Motherfucker.
菲尔 我男朋友...
Phil, my boyfriend...
罗斯·马修斯正在来的路上了
Ross Matthews is on his way.
你能让他去赴约吗?
Can you please send him up for our date?
你知道他是基佬吧?
You know he's gay, right?
- 天啊 杰西 嗨 - 嗨
- Oh, my God, Jesse, hi. - Hey.
- 你还好吗? - 还好 我刚刚才发现
- Are you okay? - Uh, yeah, I just realized
过去的一年里我都深陷邪教
I've been in a cult for the past year,
破了一大笔财
I gave away a huge chunk of my money,
几乎毁掉了我的娱乐生涯
and I almost ruined my entire entertainment career.
- 所以 但是... - 太惨了
- So, but... - Bummer.
- 是的 - 说点高兴的事儿
- Yeah. - Uh, on a happier note.
能来参加节目真的很开心
I'm really excited to be on the show.
能请到你来做节目我们也很开心
Oh, we're so excited to have you on the show.
我准备了很多索菲娅·维加拉的故事
Yeah, I've got a great Sofia Vergara story.
天啊 你会模仿她的口音吗?
Oh, my gosh, will you do the accent?
- 会啊 - 很有意思
- Yes. - That's exciting.
好的 我来做预采访
All right, I'll come in and preinterview you.
我的天 我得躲起来
Oh, my God hide me!
他走了 戴维斯
He's gone, Davis.
他走之前我都会躲在办公室里
Cool, I'll just hide in my office till he leaves.
潘妮 潘妮 我们得谈谈
Oh, Penny, Penny, we need to talk.
你是真要这么做还是假装的啊 宝贝
You ready to do this or just pretend to do it, babe?
我刚才和杰西·泰勒·弗格森聊了一下
I was just with Jesse Tyler Ferguson
我在想 加入个邪教好像
and I'm thinking that being in a cult
比当一个泛性恋者更容易火
right now is way hotter than being pan.
你在说什么呢?
What are you saying?
我打算加入一个邪教 再戏剧化的退出
I'm gonna join a cult and then dramatically escape.
凯蒂·霍尔姆斯的风格
Katie Holmes style.
挺好的 是吧?
It's good, right?
- 挺好的? - 但是...
- It's good? - But...
但是你... 你很讨人喜欢
But you... you are a delight.
谢谢 非常感谢
Thank you. Thank you so much, okay?
这打扮... 挺好的
And this is... This is good.
好像《一锤定音》的礼仪小姐
This is very "Deal or No Deal" Suitcase girl.
我喜欢
I likee.
巴什卡 等等
Oh, Boshka! Wait up.
潘妮 潘妮 潘妮 潘妮 潘妮
Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny, Penny.
- 非常抱歉 - 没关系
- I’m so sorry. - That's okay.
不 有关系
No, it's not okay.
这是罗斯的损失
It's Ross' loss, but there are plenty
但是世界上还有很多的基佬需要同妻
of other gay men pretending to be pansexual in the sea.
- 不会的 - 我也觉得不会
- I don't think that's true. - No, I don't think so, either.
但是谢谢你愿意安慰我
But I thank you for trying.
这个摸起来好像马尾巴啊
Oh! This feels like pony.
没想打击你
I hate to break it to you,
但是这个真的很像墨西哥驴子
but this is straight up Mexican donkey.
还有点像牦牛
And a little bit of Yak.