夜色（2016）

但是如果你用心去听他的声音 他会带你去
with your...with your heart, he's gonna get you
你要去的地方
where you need to be.
之前戴维斯说他觉得这是邪教
You know, before Davis said he thought this was a cult.
什么?
What?
不 不不不不
No. No. No, no.
我是个主流的 是实实在在的
I'm a mainstream, down-to-earth,
可靠的电视人
relatable television personality.
我觉得我... 我觉得我足以聪明
So I think I'm... I think I'd be smart enough
能辨别我是不是身处邪教 你懂吗?
to know if I was in a cult, you know?
那当然 那当然
Totally. Totally.
我真的觉得这个有用
Hey, I think I can actually feel it working.
就是这样 就是这样
Right here. Right here.
你们正在把石头放在额头上玩吗?
you guys are hanging out with rocks on your forehead?
- 我能玩吗? - 呃 实际上 我们...
- Can I play? - Uh, actually, we...
我们没有地方躺了 所以...
we don't have anymore floor space, so...
- 我不介意站着 - 不行
- I don't mind standing. - No.
- 我可以... - 我们也需要上面的空间
- I can... - We need the airspace as well.
不行
No.
噢天啊 你要把我赶出这个邪教吗?
Oh, my God, are you kicking me out of the cult?
这不是邪...
It's not a cu...
这就像是我十八岁生日派对的
This is just like my eighth birthday party
情景重现
all over again.
我们在韦科度假[美国史上最大的邪教]
We were on vacation in Waco.
那些是什么?
Hey, what are those?
罗斯送来的花
Flowers from Ross.
是"别难过"的花吗?
Are those "No hard feelings" Flowers?
天啊 他真基真有品位!
God, he's so gay and classy!
实际上 这是给我的
Actually, they're for me.
你能相信吗?
Can you believe it?
我不能相信
I can't believe it.
为什么是给你的?
Why are they for you?
他想让我做他的假女友 好玩吧?
He wants me to be his beard. Isn't that so fun?
- 真好玩! - 这有一张卡
- So fun! - Ooh, there's a card.
"亲爱的潘妮
"Dear Penny, au bon pain?
还是说我们是...泛性恋!"
"More like we be pan...
天啊
sexual!" Oh, my God,
这还写着"搂搂抱抱"
there's an "XOXO."
史黛西 你不能接受这个吗?
Staci, are you not okay with this?
我完全没意见
I'm totally fine with it.
是我给他灵感的
I'm the one who gave him the boot.
如果你觉得不能接受 我不会做这个的
Because if you're not okay with this, I won't do it.
这就会像那次乔治·克鲁尼在的时候
It'll be just like that time you told me to pretend to be deaf
你让我假装聋子
when George Clooney was around so that you would be
让他在办公室里只能和你一个女的说话
the only woman in the office to talk to.
潘妮 是我自己不想跟他在一起的 好吗?
Penny, I'm the one that wanted out of this, okay?
- 所以别多想 去跟他假约会吧 - 真的吗?
- So go ahead and fake date him. - Really?
是的! 去跟他假约会 去跟他假亲热
Yes! Go fake date him. Go fake make out.
去假做♥爱♥ 假结婚 假假假假假什么都是假的
Go fake make love. Fake marry. Fake fake fake fake fake.
天啊! 谢谢你!
Oh, my God! Thank you!
帮我个忙 把这些花拿出去
Do me a favor, get the flowers out of here.
- 你知道的 我过敏 - 天啊 当然了
- You know, my allergies. - Oh, my God, of course.
天啊 潘妮 等等
Oh, my God, Penny, wait,
这太可怕了 卡自己撕碎了
this is so terrible. Something happened to the card.
这很好
That's good.
我知道你在想什么
I know what you're thinking.
你在想这荒唐极了 对吗?
You're thinking this is ridiculous, right?
我的天 我真高兴你说了
Oh, my gosh, I'm so glad you said that
因为我穿成这样 对吧?
because what am I wearing, right?
- 这太糟了 - 糟透了!
- It's terrible. - Terrible!
谁会相信你是
How's anybody supposed to believe
莱奥波尔多·加尔铁里中将呢
that you're Lieutenant General Leopoldo Galtieri
你领子上可足足缺了两个图章呢 兄弟
if you're missing two signets on your lapel, man?
是啊 当然了
Yeah, totally.
你知道吗? 就像我说的那样
You know what? Now as I was saying,
两个国家都没有宣战 他们只是
neither country declared war, what they did do,
建立了红十字会组织
they established The Red Cross Box.
他们没有宣战却做了所有这些
All this while they did not declare war,
但你可以看到 他们接受了战争
but you could see, they acknowledged war.
- 你同意这个吗? - 我同意这个
- You agree with that? - I do agree with that.
你知道吗 迈克尔 我实在太喜欢这个
You know, Michael, I'm loving this history
以史明鉴的东西了
as strategy thing so much,
我觉得我们不能不告诉别人
I don't think we should keep it to ourselves.
- 是吗? - 我认识一个人
- Really? - I know someone
他是最好的聆听者
who's an excellent listener.
心人合一 心人合一
Be the harmony. Be the harmony.
心人合一
Be the harmony.
巴什卡 允许我向你介绍迈克尔·斯特拉罕
Boshka, I'd like to introduce you Michael Strahan.
嗨 巴什卡 你好吗?
Hey, Boshka, how are you?
你这个班很酷嘛
It's a really cool class you got going on here.
- 非常酷 - 人心合一
- Really cool. - Be the harmony.
你知道还有什么很酷吗? 马岛战争战争
You know what else is cool? The Falkland War.
你知道 在马岛战争战争期间
You know, during the Falklands War,
阿根廷政♥府♥... 他们禁止了所有英国音乐
Argentinean government... they banned all English music,
但你知道结果是什么吗?
but you know what that did?
这让本地摇滚乐队崛起了
It gave rise to local rock bands.
一个不经意 但十分激动人心的结果
An unintended, but very exciting consequence.
人心合一
Be the harmony.
噢 我的老天
Oh, my God.
- 你看起来像卡戴珊家族的一员 - 谢谢你
- You look like a Kardashian. - Thank you.
我在和罗斯·马修斯约会之前
I went to Marcus for a little lip gloss
找马库斯要了一点唇彩
before my big coffee date with Ross Matthews
不过他帮我做了这个
and instead he did this.
是吗 我一直在这工作
Well, I've been here working.
- 这些是什么? - 这是这个节目历史上所有的编剧
- What is all of this? - Well, it is all the writers
我需要你把这些输入到硬盘上
from the history of the show and I need you to put them
存作档案
all on a hard drive for the archives.
可你说过我们不再需要做这个了
But you said we didn't have to do this anymore.
我说过吗? 现在你要了
Did I? Well, you do.
但是半个小时之后 我就要和Ross在咖啡厅约会了
But I have my coffee date with Ross in half an hour.
那么 看来你得打电♥话♥跟他说
Well, you're gonna have to call him
你要迟到很久了
and tell him you're gonna be very late.
你是为了不让我接近罗斯吗?
Are you trying to keep me from Ross?
- 当然不是了 - 因为你说了
- Of course not. - Because you said
你不介意我们俩约会的
you were okay with us dating.
我不介意你约会
I am okay with you dating.
你只要完成你的工作就行了
You just have to finish your job.
- 我不会取消和罗斯约会的 - 那是因为你
- I'm not cancelling on Ross. - Oh, why because you
很爱他吗?
love him so much?
因为你不想错过你的假约会
Because you don't wanna miss your fake date
不想错过拍一个假性♥爱♥短片
where you're gonna make a fake sex tape
成为一个假的基万富翁
and become a fake gazillionaire?
如果我愿意呢? 为什么你这么在意
What if I want that? Why would you care?
我不在意 我一点也不在意
I don't care. I don't care at all.
但是美国所有的基佬里
But of all the gay men in America,
- 你一定要我的那个吗? - 看 我就知道你疯的不轻
- you had to beard mine? - See! I knew you were mad!
该死的直女 我就是疯了
Damn straight I was mad!
我之前问你的时候你怎么不这么说
Well, why didn't you say so when I asked you earlier,
- "史黛西 你疯了吗" - 因为...
- "Staci, are you mad?" - Because...
我没告诉你 你也应该知道我疯了
you should know I'm mad without me having to tell you.
你在之前就应该考虑我的感受
You should be able to think my thoughts before I'm able to.
对 没错 甚至于你搞砸了
Oh, great. Right. So even when you mess up,
还是我的错了?
it's still somehow my fault?
行了 现在你终于知道
Well now you're finally understanding
- 自己在这场戏里的位置了 - 是吗?
- your position at the show! - Yeah?
- 是的! - 是吗?
- Yeah! - Yeah?
- 是的! - 是的 我知道了!
- Yeah! - Yeah, I get it!
只有责备 没有尊重
All of the blame, none of the respect!
如果你觉得你要终结
And if you think you are gonna break up
这段美好的假装泛性恋的关系
this beautiful, fake pansexual relationship,
然后你就等着
then you have got another thing coming!