夜色（2016）

会议室
波姬·小丝
波姬·小丝
波姬·小丝
音效部
餐饮部门
装 卸 货 区
潘妮 听我说 我可能要迟到了
Penny, hi. Listen, I'm gonna be late.
我马上就要吃完我的甘蓝奶昔了
I'm just finishing my kale smoothie.
一会就到
I'll be there soon.
好
Yeah.
喂 那是我的钱! 我要用它糊口的!
Hey, that's my money! I need it to eat!
现在是我的了
It's mine now.
找个正经工作做吧 别再讨饭了
Get a job and stop mooching the system.
打扰一下
Excuse me.
可以帮我拿片餐巾纸吗?
May I please have a napkin?
- 谢谢 - 等一下 等一下
- Thank you. - Excuse me, excuse me.
- 怎么了 - 我是
- Yeah. - I'm juju chang
"在这种情况下你会怎么做"节目的张菊菊
With "What would you do in this instance?"
你刚刚眼睁睁看着那个女人抢了
You just watched that woman steal
那个流浪男孩的钱 还推搡他
from that poor homeless boy and shove him
你却无动于衷
and you did nothing.
为什么?
Why?
这是哪的口音?
What is that accent?
比利时...
Belgium...Ese.
很明显这并不是比利时的口音
That is clearly a fake accent.
另外 你这样是对
And what's more, it's an insult
所有文明的比利时人的侮辱
to all the wonderful people of belgium,
就为了能掩盖你不道德人格
just so you could cover up your lack of moral character.
羞耻
Shame.
我...我不会说英语
I...I don't speak English.
这是一条假消息! 假消息!
Fake news! Fake news!
这里是纽约城中心的9B演播室
From studio 9b in the heart of new york city
欢迎收看"吉米夜色秀"
It's "Nightcap with jimmy."
今晚 我们请到"出乎意料的苏珊"的主演
Tonight, "Suddenly susan" Alum
波姬·小丝!
Brooke Shields!
"绯闻女孩"中的绯闻妈妈
Not a "Gossip girl" but a gossip mom,
凯莉·拉瑟福德!
Kelly Rutherford!
还有吉米的最新热播视频短片系列"亚斯狗"
Jimmy's new viral video series "Yass dog."
现在 让我们热烈欢迎排名第五
And now, number five in the ratings
但在我们心中永远第一的
But number one in our hearts,
吉米!
Here's jimmy!
那个男孩大喊"羞耻!"
And the boy yelled "Shame!"
就好像我是"权力的游戏"里的恶皇后一样
Like I was that evil queen from "Game of thrones."
啥? 不 她比你年轻的多
What? No. She's way younger than you.
表演一下那个口音
Uh... do the accent.
我想听
I wanna hear it.
不要 我不要
No. I am not doing the accent.
但不管张菊菊怎么说
But it was impeccable,
我的口音都很完美
despite what Juju Chang says.
你的所作所为是可耻的
What you did was despicable.
跟梅尔·吉布森共事过的我都这么觉得
And I say that having worked with Mel Gibson.
好了 好了 当时我在想事情
Okay, okay, my head was in the game
你知道我什么意思吗?
you know what I mean?
我当时只是在想这场节目
I was only thinking about the show.
这样来说我还不算是个坏人 对吧?
Doesn't make me a bad person, does it?
呃...
Uh...
- 别! - 你知道吗?
- No! - Well, you know what?
吉米说女人生来就很恶毒 所以...
Jimmy says that women are inherently evil, so...
还不擅长运动
And bad at sports.
嗯 匿名的推特网友已经证明了
Mm. Anonymous tweeters have proven
人之初性本恶
that everyone is inherently evil.
史黛西就不是这样
Not Staci.
那她怎么没有朋友呢?
Then how come she has no friends?
我的朋友就是史黛西的朋友
My friends are Staci's friends,
我们的早午餐聚会永远欢迎她
and she is always welcome to our brunch.
你应该来参加参加的
You should come sometime.
我宁愿选择狗带
Oh, I'd rather kill myself.
不是因为你
uh, not 'cause of you.
因为我讨厌早午餐
I hate brunch.
自从我娶了一个女人之后
Oof. I haven't been to brunch
就再也没吃过早午餐
since I married a woman.
我们还是聊聊节目吧
Let's talk about the show.
今晚我们请来了两位超棒的女演员
We have two amazing actresses on tonight.
是凯莉·詹娜和肯达尔·詹娜吗?
Is it Kylie Jenner and Kendall Jenner?
- 不是的 菲尔 - 是凯莉·库柯
- No, Phil. - Is it Kaley Cuoco
- 和爱莉安娜·格兰德吗? - 不 菲尔
- and Ariana Grande? - No, Phil.
那是伯纳德塔·彼特斯和曼迪·帕汀金吗?
Is it Bernadette Peters and Mandy Patinkin?
不 菲尔
No, Phil.
是凯莉·拉瑟福德
It's Kelly Rutherford
和波姬·小丝
and Brooke Shields.
太棒了
Awesome.
孩子们肯定喜欢看这些名人的
Yo, the kids are gonna love to meet some famous people.
今天没有儿童环节
There's no children scheduled today.
孩子们身上细菌超多的
Kids are very germy.
不 今天是"带吉米的孩子去工作日"
No, it's "Bring jimmy's kids to work day."
全部吗?
All of them?
我了解到他好像有12个孩子
I read he has, like, 12.
是32个
32.
今年春天还会再添6个
And 6 more due this spring.
这怎么可能?
How is that possible?
吉米不给慈善机构捐款
Uh, Jimmy doesn't donate to charity.
他捐精
He donates his sperm
给想要名人宝宝的女人
to help needy women have a celebrity baby.
好恶心... 呃
Gross... Ugh.
- 但很适合他 - 没错 每年
- But on brand. - Yeah, every year,
他会从他的幸运精♥子♥小孩里选四个
he invites four of his lucky sperm kids
请他们来到演播厅见他 和他合照
to the studio for a picture and to meet him.
但是你知道 他整天忙的团团转
But, you know, he's tanning all day,
所以我要来照顾他们
so I get to take care of them.
托德 你人可真好
Todd, that's so sweet of you.
是啊 史黛西
Yeah. Uh, Staci,
托德是个好人
Todd's a good person.
或许你应该花些时间和他处处
Maybe you should spend time with him,
这样你就能变成一个好人了
And then you could be a good person.
我的天哪 菲尔!
Oh, my god, Phil!
坏人的腔调又来了
Oh, there's that bad person tone again.
别逼我打给菊菊
Don't make me call Juju.
你好! 史黛西·科尔!
Hi! Staci cole!
天哪 你记得我的名字
Oh, my gosh, you remember my name.
- 是啊 - 吉米都经常不记得
- Yeah. - Jimmy rarely does.
好多名人
Oh, well, most celebrities
都有一点以自我为中心
can be a little full of themselves.
把这句话告诉张菊菊好了
well, tell that to Juju Chang.
我来这儿是想确认一下你有没有被安排妥当
Anyway, I'm just making sure you're settled in.
一切都好?
You have everything you need?
你人真好 一切都很好 谢谢
Aren't you nice? Yes, thank you.
好 好
Okay. Yeah.
- 我人好... - 没错
- I am nice... - Yeah.
- 事实上 - 嗯
- As a matter of fact. - Yes.
你应该告诉张菊菊
Tell that to Juju Chang.
- 抱歉 - 听我说 不管怎样
- I'm sorry. - Oh, listen, some people
有些人就是不喜欢你
Just won't like you, no matter what.
讨厌你的人不管怎样都会讨厌你
Haters always gonna hate.
作假的人总是会做假
Well, and fakers always gonna fake.
你真逗
You're hilarious.
你待在这儿吧 我们一起玩
Hey, you should stay. Hang out.
- 天哪 - 好 我...
- Oh, my gosh. - Yeah, I, uh...
我今天早上在一个小礼物袋里找到了这瓶红酒
I got this wine in a little gift bag this morning.
哇哦 我们要干坏事吗?
Wow. Shall we be naughty?
- 我... - 来吧 史黛丝
- Well, I, uh... - Come on, Stace.
- 我真的不应该... - 别让我一个人喝闷酒
- I really shouldn't... - Don't make me drink alone.
嗯... 好吧
Um... Okay.
来吧! 我在和好莱坞大明星