夜色（2016）

我猜一下...
Let me guess...
是吉米想要把你的脂肪注射进他的小手吧
Jimmy wants to inject your fat into his tiny hands.
可恶 科尔小姐
Damn, Miss Cleo.
为什么他不要我的脂肪? 我的肌肤牛奶般实话 一颗痣也没有
Why didn't he want my fat? I have milky skin, no moles.
说实话 那天在浴缸里的时候
Actually, I did notice something on your back
- 我注意到了你背上有东西 - 什么?
- in the tub the other day. - What?
嘿 "闪亮"双胞胎 我要脂肪最多的食物
Hey, "Shining" Twins, I need the fattening food.
如果你想吃点好的
Well, if you want the good stuff,
明星的化妆间里有
it's in the stars dressing rooms.
他们喜欢看着食物回忆碳水化合物的味道
They like to look at it and reminisce about carbs.
嘿 你好吗?
Hey, how you doing?
我是托德 吉米最好的朋友
I'm Todd. I'm Jimmy's best friend.
我来拿你点吃的
I'm gonna grab some of your food here.
吼吼 中头奖了
h-ho, jackpot.
你真粗鲁 难道你住在谷仓里吗?
You're a rude one. What, do you live in a barn?
不 我在一个... 正常的房♥子里长大
No, I was raised in a... standard house.
你最好慢点吃
You better slow down.
最好现在就吃慢点 不然你会被噎死的
Slow down right now, or you're gonna choke to death.
你会让自己难受的
You're gonna make yourself sick.
我必须增加体重
I have to gain weight
因为我要把自己的脂肪给吉米
'cause I'm giving my fat to Jimmy.
他的手很小
He's got small hands.
嗯 我知道另一个人也有
Well, I do know someone else
一双很小的手 神奇先生
with small hands... Mr. Wonderful.
你把唐纳德·特朗普叫做"神奇先生"?
You call Donald Trump "Mr. Wonderful"?
不 你这个傻子 是《鲨鱼坦克》里面的神奇先
No, you moron. Mr. Wonderful from "Shark Tank."
顺便一提 我觉得他很性感
By the way, I find him very sexy.
你当然会觉得他很性感
Well, of course you would find him sexy.
你就是那种人
You're just the type.
你有什么回报呢?
What are you getting in return?
你把你的脂肪给了他
You're giving him your fat.
那你能从这个人身上拿回些什么呢?
What are you getting in return from this guy?
你在说什么? 什么都没有啊
What do you mean? Nothing.
那可不是一笔好买♥♥卖♥♥ 你是傻子吗?
That's not good negotiating. What, are you a moron?
- 他就是个傻子 是吗? - 是的
- He's a moron, I guess, right? - Yeah.
吉米说下次我们去
Mm-mm. Jimmy said that next time we go
他汉普顿的海边别♥墅♥的时候
up to his Hamptons beach house,
我就可以骑他的摩托艇了
I can finally use the Jet Ski.
骑摩托艇? 你刚才是这么说的吗?
Use the Jet Ski? Is that what you said?
他应该把摩托艇送给你
He should be giving you the Jet Ski.
你有他想要的东西
You've got something he wants.
这可是卖♥♥方市场 价格随你说
That's a sellers' market. Name your price.
你什么毛病?
What's wrong with you?
等等 你是对的
Wait a second. You're right.
我当然是对的 我可是芭芭拉·科克兰
Of course I'm right. I'm Barbara Corcoran.
这是我成为大家最喜欢的鲨鱼嘉宾的原因之一
That's one of the many reasons I'm everyone's favorite shark.
呃...大家都喜欢鲨鱼好吧
Ah...people like Jaws.
该走了 把食物留下来
Time to get out of here, and leave that food behind.
等下 把蛋糕留在这里
Wait a minute. Leave that cake right here.
把蛋糕留下来
Leave that cake right here.
喂喂 潘妮
Oh, hey, Penny.
你不是给我拿了一个泰迪熊过来吧
Oh, you didn't get me a teddy bear.
难道我还是五岁小孩吗?
What, am I five years old?
不 是朱丽安给的
Oh, no, it's from Julianne.
- 她走了吗? - 可以这么说吧
- Is she gone? - Kind of.
她觉得她在这里的时候
She felt that her presence
会影响你的自然发挥
was affecting your ability to act naturally.
去她的
Oh, screw her.
所以她送来了这只保姆监视熊来监视你的一举一动
So she sent this nanny cam bear to monitor your every move.
我的天 红发的人真聪明
Oh, my God. Redheads are brilliant.
谢谢你考虑如此周到 朱丽安
Thank you for being so considerate, Julianne.
- 嘿 - 嘿 嘿 嘿 亲爱的
- Hey. - Hey, hey...hey, girlfriend.
好了
Right.
好了 听着 我知道你告诉过我很多次
Okay, listen, I know you told me, like, a million times
你不希望我帮你安排约会对象
that you didn't want me to set you up on a date.
我从来没说过这种话 我喜欢约会
Oh, I never said that. I love dating.
你讨厌约会
You hate dating.
你和我说过你宁愿待在家里
You told me that you'd rather stay home
吃着棉花糖享受颈部按♥摩♥
with a bag of marshmallows and your neck massager.
嗯哼 我是说过
Okay, well, that's true.
但是我有一个新的 积极的人生观了
But I have a new, positive outlook on life,
所以我会喜欢约会的
and I would love to date.
我非常期待能在生命中迎接爱情
I would love to welcome love into my life.
真的? 因为上次我问你
You do? Because when I asked you
想不想去相亲的时候
if wanted to be set up on a date,
你告诉我让我管好他妈的自己的工作
you told me to mind my own fucking business.
我没有说"他妈的"
I didn't say "Fucking."
我说的是"不要去管自己的工作"
I said, "Don't mind your business."
你漏听了"不要"
You left out the "Don't mind."
所以你今天下午要去赴约咯?
So you're gonna go on this date this afternoon?
天哪 几点? 我真是太忙了
Oh, Jesus, what time? I'm swamped.
只是喝一杯咖啡而已 史黛西
It's just coffee, Staci.
史黛西喜欢咖啡... 还有约会
Hey, Staci loves coffee... and dating.
是的 我会去的
I do. I'm in.
谢谢你想到了我 马莉克
Thank you so much for thinking about me, Malik.
好了
Okay. Oh...
够了 够了
Okay. Okay!
够了
Okay.
好姐妹!
Sista!
我认为保安的最佳形式是...
Okay, I think the best form of security is...
一条护城河
a moat.
如果我们在这栋大楼周围弄上够多的水
If we just put a lot of water around our building,
57大道上就没有人可以进来了
nobody from 57th Street can even get in,
因为他们不想打湿自己的衣服
'cause they won't want to get their clothes wet.
我们可以在河里养短吻鳄
And we can fill it with alligators
还有食人鱼
and those flesh-eating fish.
我本来想的是
I was thinking more in terms
类似于摄像头或者金属探测器之类的东西
of some security cameras or a metal detector.
- 我可以搞把枪 - 不 你不会有枪的
- I could get a gun. - No. You are not getting a gun.
你不放心我拿枪?
You don't trust me with a gun?
我连让你拿对讲机都不放心
I don't trust you with a walkie-talkie.
我只是从房♥顶上掉了一部对讲机下去
I just dropped one walkie-talkie off of the rafters
给一个人造成了一点脑震荡而已
and gave one person one tiny concussion.
那可不是个一般人 是个幼童啊
It wasn't just a person. It was a toddler.
正是 所以只是小的脑震荡
Well, exactly. It was a tiny concussion.
那好吧
Okay. Fine.
我会给你做预期持枪者的背景调查
I'll give you the background test for prospective gun owners,
咱们就看看结果怎么样吧
and we'll see how great you do on that one.
你认为我需要用2号♥铅笔考试吗?
Do you think I need a number-two pencil for that?
唐尼·道依茨 这真是太棒了
Well, Donny Deutsch, this has been really great.
我想我该回办公室了
I think I should get back to the office.
不不 别急 我知道可能你在担心我
No, no, no rush. I know you're probably worried about me,
因为你知道 我是个广♥告♥界名人 肯定会有电视界人士的个性
because you think, you know, big-time ad guy, TV personality.
但我为你挤出了时间
I carved out some time for you,
所以不你不用担心那些
so you don't have to worry about it.
- 好吧 - 嗯 这会很好玩的
- Okay. - Yeah. No, this is kind of fun.
你知道 我一般不喜欢谈论自己的财产
You know, I don't usually like to talk about my money,
但是 嗯 人们想的是
but, um, people think sometimes
当你有钱的时候 一切肯定很难
that, you know, when you're rich, it's hard,
嗯 嗯 天 呃...
and, oh, my God, and...
并不是
No.
真是奇怪 这对我来说太简单了
It's so weird. It's so easy for me.
我只用摸些东西
I just touch things,
- 然后钱就滚滚而来 - 哇
- and the money pours in. - Wow.
有时候我都不用把东西摸到底
Sometimes I don't even have to touch them all the way.
只用把尖端稍微放进去一点就行
I just kind of have to put the tip in a little bit.
好了 我要去拿账单付账了
Okay. All right. I'm gonna get the check.
哦别 别拿账单
Oh, no, don't get the check. No, no.
- 你不会相信这个的 - 哦
This is gonna blow you away. - Oh.
我59岁了
嗯 你59岁了