夜色（2016）

所以 你现在激动么?
So are you excited?
因为晨会?
For my morning meeting?
不 为你和罗斯·马修斯共进午餐而激动
No, for your lunch with Ross Matthews.
你知道 我挺激动的 我想着能有个
You know, I am. I think it'll be great
节目以外的朋友挺好的
to have a friend outside of the show.
你确定他想跟你做朋友?
Well, are you sure he wants to be your friend?
也许他想让你投资他新开♥发♥的碱性水
Maybe he wants you to invest in his new alkaline water
- 输送系统 - 不 我觉得他想
- delivery system. - No, I think he wants
- 做我的朋友 - 或者他想让你
- to be my friend. - Or maybe he wants you to be
跟他搭伙办龙猫农场
a partner for his chinchilla farm.
或者他是想开♥发♥一款婴儿用溜冰鞋
Or he wants to start a line of ice skates for babies.
你脑子里一天到晚的全是故事接龙吗
Are there just Mad Libs going on in your brain all the time?
有点吧
Kinda.
我想做四指击掌
I wanna do a high-four
而不总是五指
instead of a high-five sometimes.
- 外星人? - 大家好
- Aliens? - Hey, guys.
我很激动地告诉各位 今晚的节目棒极了
I'm very excited to say we have a great show tonight.
《摩登家庭》的杰西·泰勒·弗格森会来
Jesse Tyler Ferguson from "Modern Family"
还有马莉克的一个老客户今晚也会来
and one of Malik's old clients is here tonight.
他非常棒 非常现实
He is so great. So down to Earth.
那剧里的那个大胸拉丁人总是能逗我笑
The busty Latin one on that show makes me laugh.
- 索菲娅·维加拉吗? - 是那个演Manny的吧?
- Sofia Vergara? - Is that who plays Manny?
还有迈克尔·斯特拉罕 他回来了
We also have Michael Strahan. He's back.
这也非常棒
So that's super exciting.
斯特拉罕有什么问题么? 他挺棒的呀
What's wrong with Strahan? He seems awesome.
是啊 他非常棒 让人迫不及待想开录了呢
Yeah, he's awesome. Can't wait to produce that.
好了 各位 让我们录个好节目吧
Oh, all right, guys, let's have a fun show.
行么? 拜拜
Okay? Bye-bye.
史黛西?
Staci?
你知道... 不像你 我总是可以
You know how...unlike you, I play it pretty cool
- 在名人面前非常镇定吧? - 你说过好几次了
- in front of the celebrities? - So you've been telling me.
好吧 我得说 我是迈克尔·斯特拉罕的超级迷弟
Well, I have to say, I'm a huge Michael Strahan fan.
可能听起来有点疯狂 但我想
This might sound crazy, but I think
- 他和我能成为朋友 - 我也觉得可以
- he and I could be friends. - I think you could, too.
事实上 戴维斯 你为啥不来录这个部分呢?
In fact, Davis, why don't you produce his segment?
我本来是想自荐的
I was gonna push for that,
但是不想跟你抢活干
but didn't want to step on your toes.
没事啦 你来吧
Oh, by all means. It's yours.
谢了 史黛西
Thank you, Staci.
我知道我俩不总是意见一致...
I know you and I don't always see eye-to-eye...
- 是的 - 确实
- No, we don't. - True.
但是 我欠你一个人情
But, um, this is a classy move and it doesn't go unnoticed.
没准他会给我签他的新秀卡
Maybe he'll sign his rookie card for me.
我的天
Oh, my God.
- 也许吧 - 但是 史黛西 迈克尔·斯特拉罕他...
- Maybe. - But, Staci, Michael Strahan...
你是什么鬼 肯达尔·詹娜么?
Ugh. Who are you, Kylie Jenner?
那可不是在夸你
That's not a compliment.
在纽约城中心的9B演播厅为大家带来
From Studio 9B in the heart of New York City,
"吉米夜色秀"
it's "Nightcap with Jimmy."
今晚 唯一一个你妈妈想要与之共度良夜的男人
Tonight, the only man your mom wants to wake up to,
迈克尔·斯特拉罕
Michael Strahan.
他有三个名字但他不是连环杀手
He has three names and isn't a serial killer,
杰西·泰勒·弗格森
It's Jesse Tyler Ferguson.
他会用喜剧表演再次征服你
He's back to nail you with comedy,
工具陶德
Todd the Tool.
现在 收视榜上排名第五
And now, number five in the ratings,
但在我们心里排第一的
but number one in our hearts,
吉米来了
here's Jimmy.
所以我说... 我说
So I said...I go,
"马蒂 我想再来一杯卡本莱"
"Matty, I'll have another glass of 'Cabaret'"
"卡贝莱" 是说卡本内吗[红酒品种]?
"Cabaret" Instead of Cabernet?
是的!
Yes!
我知道你会喜欢这个 我就知道
I knew you would love that. I knew it.
考伯沙拉 豆培根 调味汁放边上
Cobb salad, sub soy bacon, dressing on the side.
- 是我的 - 所以
- That's me. - So you must be...
打包盒包装的炸鸡和华夫饼肯定是你的
fried chicken and waffles already in a to-go box?
是的
Yes.
无论怎样 如果潘妮打电♥话♥来...
Anyway, that way if Penny calls...
你知道 会简单一点
You know, it's just easier.
我懂 你是个勤奋工作的女孩
I get that. You're a working girl.
- 我尊重你 - 谢谢
- I can respect that. - Thank you.
好的 女王陛下
Yas, queen.
- 对么? - 我不知道
- Right? - I don't know.
我不知道 这个手势我做得对么?
I don't know. Am I even doing that right?
我不知道
I don't know.
就好像直到一件东西过时之后
It's like I don't know what's cool or what's what
我才意识到它的好用 像聚友网 不流行了
until it's already dead. Like, MySpace, dead.
- 短视频网 也没人气了 - 莎莎嘉宝 也没了
- Vine, dead. - Zsa Zsa Gabor, dead.
我... 好吧 我不太能懂这个梗
I...Okay, I don't quite get that one,
但 好吧 好的
but, yeah, sure.
讲真的 史黛西 我以前觉得作为同性恋
Seriously, though, Staci, I felt like being gay
可高端可牛批了
used to be so cutting edge.
你知道 我以前像是个边缘人物
You know, I was like on the outskirts.
我很叛逆
I was a rebel, you know?
我曾是个坏男孩
I was a bad boy.
但现在做一个基佬...
But now being gay is just...
像是老气过时了 对吧?
it's like old hat, right?
所以我该讲讲这次午餐的目的了
Which brings me to the whole purpose of this lunch.
我觉得我们应该交往
I think we should be in a relationship.
像是真正的恋爱关系
Like a real relationship.
其实是假交往...
A fake relationship...
一段似真似假的恋爱关系
but a real fake relationship.
但我是... 而你...
But I'm...and you're...
我和我的好莱坞经纪人们谈了一下
I was having a conversation with
他们给我提了一点建议
my Hollywood agents, you know and they were sort of
如果我被大众认为是泛性恋
advising me that it would be beneficial for my career
这样对我的事业更有益
if I was perceived as pansexual.
所以是交假女友装假泛性恋的...
Like fake girlfriend to fake pansexual...
同性恋男人?
homosexual man?
而你很完美
And you're perfect.
你非常适合!
You are perfect for it!
- 是的 你太适合了 - 我又不是年轻女明星
- No, you are. - I mean, I'm no starlet.
- 我不懂你为什么选我 - 你头发好看
- I don't know why you'd pick me. - You got good hair.
即使在你这个年纪
Even at your age,
你看起来还... 你知道 你看起来... 看起来...
you still look... You know, you look...you look...
还挺好
pretty good.
人们会愿意相信你
And people would believe that you would be
足够绝望会跟我这样的人约会
desperate enough to date someone me.
我想我可以试试 我是说 我...
I guess I could try. I mean, I just...
- 我就知道你是我的天命之女! - 天命之女
- I knew you were my girl! - Your girl.
让我像是回到了高中
Ooh, makes me feel like high school.
他也是同性恋 但我那时不知道
He was gay then, too, but I didn't know that.
噢 完美！完美！你就是我的天命之女
Oh, perfect! Perfect! You're my girl.
我不想让你太早强迫你什么 好吧?
I don't wanna rush you into anything too soon, okay?
好吧?
All right?
但我叫了狗仔队过来
Um, but I did call the paparazzi.
伙计们
Fellas.
亲爱的 从一个直女那里得到一个假的吻
Honey, is a fake kiss from a straight lady
对一个基佬来说会不会要求太多?
too much for this homo to hope for?
- 没问题! 行的! 好吧 - 可以? 好的
- Sure! Yes! Okay. All right. - Okay? Okay.
好 所以你为什么不... 我看看...
All right, so why don't you... Let's see...
你把手放这里
You place your hand right here
- 放在我肩上 - 好的
- on my shoulder. - Okay.
- 好 轻轻地 亲爱的... - 不好意思
- Okay, but lightly, dear... - Oh, I'm sorry.
你不是要逮捕我
You're not arresting me.
我会把我的手放在这里
And then I'm going to place my hand here.
我们就
And then we'll just sort of
往这移♥动♥一点... 别伸舌头
move in here a little... Okay, no tongue.
好了
Okay.
好了吗?
Okay?