救援高手（2013）

我叫Nathan Fielder
My name is Nathan Fielder,
毕业于加拿大最顶尖的商学院之一
and I graduated from one of Canada's top business schools
并且成绩优异
with really good grades.
如今 我运用我的学识
Now I'm using my knowledge
来帮助挣扎求生的小企业主
to help struggling small business owners
在这个竞争激烈的世界里获得成功
make it in this competitive world.
这
This...
就是救援高手
is "Nathan for You."
没有什么事比骑在体型比你大的动物身上
There's nothing more fun than sitting on an animal
到处跑更有意思了
that's bigger than you and riding it around,
所以加州马里布公园广场养马场的Joy Lazarus
which is why Joy Lazarus of Park Place Stable in Malibu, California,
做的就是让人付钱骑马的生意
has made a business out of charging people to do just that,
当然 除非你超重了
unless, of course, you're overweight.
我们不想伤害我们的马
We don't want to injure our horses,
说白了就是这个原因
and that's what it really comes down to,
所以 我们不会允许一个180公斤的人来骑马
so, you know, we're not gonna allow a 400-pound person to ride.
但和Joy不同 我认为每个人该有机会骑马
But unlike Joy, I believe that everyone should be able to mount a horse,
于是我拜访了她 并提供了一个建议
so I paid her a visit with a way to help.
你能为了马儿着想是挺好的
You know, it's nice to think about your horses and all,
但人类也有感情
but humans have feelings too.
我不想拒绝任何人
I don't want to reject anybody,
但是 你懂的 这件事我无能为力
but there's--you know, there's-- there's nothing I can do.
现在 一匹马能负担的最大重量是100公斤
Right now, the heaviest load a horse can carry is 220 pounds,
如果Joy允许超重的人骑马
and if Joy allowed riders above that weight to mount a horse,
那马很有可能会被压倒
there's a big risk the animal will buckle
并受到巨大 甚至是致命的伤害
and suffer severe or even fatal injuries.
但如果能给大体型顾客绑上气象氢气球
But if plus-sized customers could have their weight offset
从而抵消掉他们的体重
by being tied to helium-filled weather balloons,
Joy就能把她的顾客群扩大到整个市场了
Joy would be able to expand her customer base to a totally unserved market.
计划是用气球来帮助超重的人骑马
The plan: Use balloons to help the overweight ride horses.
所以 呃 你是想把气球系在人身上吗
So, um, you want to put balloons on a person?
没错 - 好吧
Correct. - Okay.
有时候这并不是 只为了赚钱
Sometimes it's not about, you know, only making money.
这是为了做正确的事
It's about doing what's right.
想象一下 如果你这儿是唯一
Imagine if you were the only place that
能让病态肥胖的人骑马的地方
could provide horsey rides for the, uh, morbidly obese.
但我不想
But I don't, I mean--
我不想你最后发现在这件事上自己站错队了
I don't want you to end up on the wrong side of history with this one.
好吧
Okay.
Joy同意了 于是第二天早上
Joy was in, so the next morning,
我在网上订购了一些气象气球
I ordered some weather balloons online
并储备了大量氢气
and amassed a stockpile of helium
来进行一次初步的重量测试
to conduct a preliminary weight test.
我发现系在我身上的一个氢气球
I discovered that each helium-filled balloon I attached to me
能够减少我9公斤的体重
would reduce my weight by 20 pounds,
那么只要简单地加上更多气球
so it was a simple matter of adding more
直到顾客不超过限制体重就行了
until each customer was below the weight limit,
但我还需要考虑到路上的恶劣条件
but I still had to factor in the harsh conditions of the trail.
当Joy之前带我走骑乘路线的时候
You see, when Joy took me along the route earlier,
我发现有两样东西
I noticed there were two things
会让气球的效果大打折扣
that could compromise the balloons,
那就是在骑马道上方尖锐的树枝
the sharp branches that hung over the trails
以及空中有着锋利鸟喙的飞鸟
and the razor-beaked birds that were in the sky.
如果其中任何一种碰到了我们的气球
If either one of them came in contact with our balloons,
结果将是灾难性的
the result would be disastrous.
这关系到一匹马的性命
With a horse's life at stake,
我不会冒任何风险
I wasn't gonna take any chances,
于是我想出了一个主意
so I came up with the idea
用两个披萨托盘一样的树枝挡板
of having two pizza-paddle-like branch blockers
就能够防止气球被戳破了
that would protect the balloons from any punctures.
真棒
Nice.
这能很好地挡住树枝
This would work well for the trees,
但和树枝不同 鸟是会飞的
but unlike branches, birds are a moving target
还需要一个更精密的方法
that would require a more precise approach.
于是我来到了当地一家枪♥支♥商店
So I paid a visit to a local gun shop
看看有没有能阻止飞鸟但又不致命的方法
to see if there were any nonlethal ways to incapacitate a bird.
我想要一种
I'm looking for a gun that will, like,
能打晕鸟 但不杀死它的枪
stun a bird but not kill it.
不存在
Doesn't exist.
你很可能会杀死它或者让它残废
Odds are, you're gonna kill it or cripple it.
我不想把鸟弄死
I didn't want to kill a bird,
于是我向店员解释了整个计划
so I explained my entire plan to the clerk
看他还有没有别的主意
to see if he had any other ideas,
但就在这时他变脸了
but that's when his mood soured.
你想要用氢气球把人提起来
You want to suspend people with helium balloons
从而减轻他们压在马背上的体重
so that it alleviates the weight of them on the back of a horse.
是的
Yes.
我不相信这个
I do not believe in this
你所说的这个"拥抱全世界"的理想
in this "Hug the world" scenario that you're describing
每个人只要愿意 就有权利做任何事
where everybody has a right to do everything just because they want to.
我不同意
I disagree.
我觉得任何人都该有权做任何事
I think anyone should be able to do anything.
我对这个世界没有"泡泡糖加阳光"的美好想象
I do not have a "Bubble gum and sunshine" view of the world.
如果人们不为自己的愚蠢付出代价
If people don't suffer for their own stupidity,
没人能吸取教训 - 那是什么声音
nobody learns. - What was that sound?
抱歉 那是我的 - 噢
Sorry, that was my... - Oh.
手♥机♥收到了一条短♥信♥
Cell phone telling me there's a message.
我来设置一下 我忘了设置静音了
Let me put that on, forgot to put that on silent.
它每次都会发出"啊哦"的声音吗
It says "Uh-oh" like that every time?
每次我收到短♥信♥的时候就会
Every time I get a message.
你能选择提示的音效吗
Do you have an option of what it says?
能啊
Yeah.
然后你选了那个音效吗 - 对啊
And you chose that? - Yep.
很明显这家伙不能帮我
It was clear this guy wasn't gonna help me
想办法让气球免受鸟类破坏
find a way to protect my balloons from birds,
但正在这时我意识到
but that's when it occurred to me
我也许能在空中利用一种
that I might be able to adapt a tool
农民多年来用在土地上的道具
that farmers had been using on the ground for years to the sky.
一个飞翔的稻草人
A flying scarecrow.
这就是我要找的非暴♥力♥解决方案
It was the nonviolent solution I was looking for.
于是 万事俱备
So, with everything I needed,
现在我可以回到公园广场养马场
I could now head back to Park Place Stable
来测试我的方案了
to put my idea to the test.
我找到了一个超重的人 名叫Heath
I had found an overweight man named Heath
他愿意试试我的想法
who was willing to try out my concept.
经过正式的体重测试
And after doing an official weigh-in...
125公斤
275.
我算出利用刚好三个气球
I calculated it would take exactly three balloons
能让他不超过体重限制
to bring him under the weight limit.
但当他正在系上气球时
But as he started getting strapped in,
我发现另外两个同样预约了骑马的顾客
I noticed that two other customers who had been booked for the same ride
正看着Heath 偷偷窃笑
were looking at Heath and snickering.
我已经向他们解释过
I had already explained to them
我们要接待一位超重的顾客
that we were accommodating an overweight customer,
所以他们的行为非常没有礼貌
so this behavior was completely inappropriate.
于是在出发前 我决定和他们谈一谈
So, before we headed out, I decided to give them a talk.
我能问一下我们做的事哪里好笑了吗
Can I ask what's funny about what we're doing here?
有三个巨大的气球系在一个男人身上
There's three massive balloons ha--attached to a man.
就在那儿
Right there.
只有这样他才能有机会骑马
I mean, this is the only way he can ride a horse.
你会嘲笑一辆轮椅吗
Would you laugh at a wheelchair?
他戴的是一种医疗设备
I mean, that's a medical device he's wearing.
好吧 你说的全对
Okay. You're 100% right.
行
Right.
仅仅因为他体型大了点儿
Just because he's a larger man
又系在巨大的氢气球上
and hooked up to giant helium balloons...
这并不代表
It doesn't mean--
您干嘛呢 - 这一点儿也不好笑
Excuse me? - It's not funny at all.
那就好
Right.
从现在开始 如果我看到你们任何一人嘲笑他
'Cause if I see either of you so much as smirk from this point forward,