人生苦短（2011）

Oh, I can't believe you're meeting Johnny Depp.
哦 我简直不敢相信 你要去见约翰尼·德普
He is my favourite film star.
他可是我最喜欢的影星
He's one of the handsomest men on earth, and he's intelligent,
他是这世上最帅的男人之一 才华横溢
and brilliant at acting, and rich.
演技一流 又有钱
Probably wouldn't go out with me, though, would he? Probably not.
但是 他不可能和我约会的 对吧? 应该不会
Course, he's married, isn't he?
当然了 他结婚了 对吧?
He is sadly, otherwise you'd be straight in there.
真不巧 他结婚了 不然你就能去了
Not bad, is it? Being a muse to one of the biggest movie stars of all time.
挺不错 是吧? 为有史以来最有名的电影明星提供灵感
I'm not going to tell him how to say his lines, no.
我才不会告诉他要怎么说他的台词呢 不
I'm not going to tell him how to play a dwarf.
我才不告诉他要怎么扮演一个矮人呢
I'm going to tell him how to be a dwarf,
我要告诉他如何像矮人一样生活
how to think like a dwarf, how to feel like a dwarf.
如何像矮人一样思考 如何像矮人一样感觉
Then they'll use special effects to make him small like a dwarf.
然后他们会用特效把他变小 变成矮人的样子
Team effort.
团队共同努力
Hello. Oh, hoho, wow!
你好 哦 吼吼 哇!
That's perfect. OK. It's perfect. Yeah you just, just move...
太棒了 好 真棒 你就往前走...
Just go and do whatever you would normally do.
往前走 做你平时做的就好
Crazy little walk. Where do you sit?
疯狂的小碎步 你坐哪儿?
On like a chair, sofa? Or like, er, on the floor, cross-legged?
是在椅子上 沙发上? 还是 盘腿坐在地上?
Can you actually, can you do cross-legged?
事实上你能 你能盘腿坐吗?
Not really, I just normally sit in a chair. Really? Yeah. Shall we, shall I sit down?
没有啦 我通常坐在椅子上 真的吗? 对啊 我能 我能坐下吗?
Yeah, yeah, please, please.
可以 可以 请坐 请坐
Wow...! He hopped on the chair.
哇唔...! 他一下子跳到了椅子上
It's, it's great. Cool.
真是 太棒了 不错
He's kind of like a grub coming out of an apple,
他有点像从苹果里钻出来的小虫
seeing the world for the first time.
第一次看见这个世界
All right.
好的
So may I ask you a question? Mmhm. If you were struck by lightning,
所以 我能问你问题吗? 嗯 如果你被闪电击中
bolt of lightning, bam!
一道闪电 梆!
Right? Yeah. What do you do?
行吗? 行 你会怎么样?
Dead! Maybe not. OK.
死了 也许没死 好吧
Can I just see you out of that chair,
你可以从椅子上下来
on that floor?
站在地上吗?
Standing here like this? Yeah.
像这样站着? 对
Just you and me. Yeah. We're standing here talking.
只有你和我 好的 我们这样站着聊天
Bangbang, bangbang, bangbang, bam! Ba!
梆梆 梆梆 梆梆 梆! 叭!
A bolt of lightning is going to knock you down. OK.
一道闪电把你击倒了 好吧
Bam! Ah! Oh! Stand up.
梆! 啊! 喔! 站起来
Fucking stand up. That's great.
他妈的站起来 好极了
Ah! That noise! Yeah. Noise is fantastic. Let's do the noise again.
啊!那叫声! 是啊 叫声太棒了! 把那个叫声再来一遍
Cool, right.
好吧
Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh!
啊! 啊! 啊! 啊!
Agh! Aghhhh! That's fantastic! Oh, God that's great! Yeah, cool. That's really great.
啊! 啊啊啊啊啊!真是绝了! 天呐 真不错! 是啊 不错 真是太好了
It's like a... it's like a weird baby crow that's been left by its mother,
就像是...像是被妈妈抛弃的小怪牛
and the little legs started flailing.
小腿开始乱甩
Did they? And, er... Yeah, they did. Sorry, I'm just making notes.
有吗? 还有... 呃 不好意思 我只是在做记录
Have you heard of, erm... Michael Flatley?
你听说过 呃...迈克·弗莱利吗?(爱尔兰踢踏舞王)
Er, yeah. Yes, hmm.
呃 听过 是的
The Lord Of The Dance. Oh, yeah.
舞蹈之王 哦 是的
Right. Here we go, you and me. Yeah. What are we going to do? The Lord Of The Dance.
那么 我们开始吧 你和我 嗯 干什么? 舞蹈之王嘛
Faster.
快点
Fucking give me passion.
给点他妈的激♥情♥
No, come on!
不行 快点
That's not Michael Flatley.
那算哪门子的迈克·弗莱利
Lord Of The Dance! Yeah. Lord Of The Dance! Yeah.
舞蹈之王啊! 是 舞蹈之王啊! 是
Faster. Faster. More, more!
快点 快点 再快点 再来!
So, there's one scene,
呃 有一个场景
er... that I need to see,
呃...我需要看一下
cos at one point
因为在一个场景里面
Rumpelstiltskin climbs up through the sewers...
侏儒怪从下水道里爬上来...
Right... to escape the villagers.
好的...为了躲避村民的追击
OK. OK? Yeah. Yeah.
好的 嗯? 嗯 好
How do you want to do that?
你想让我怎么做?
Oh, boy! Oh, boy!
哦 好家伙! 哦 好家伙!
Oh, God! It's far too much.
哦 天呐 太逼真了
It's an evil toilet dwarf.
真是个邪恶的马桶矮人
Yeah.
是的
Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! OK.
呃啊!呃啊!呃啊! 好吧
Ugh! Ooo-ugh!
呃啊! 喔-呃啊!
How do you feel?
你感觉怎么样?
Erm, feet are a bit wet, to be honest.
呃 老实说 脚有点潮
So what is a typical day for you?
那么你平常一般都做点什么?
Um. I want to see what you do, I want to see what you do. How you do it.
呃 我想知道你做点什么 我想看你做什么 怎么做的
What you do? Same as you probably, really.
你做些什么? 其实和你所做的一样
Um, just sort of having important meetings, doing some brilliant acting.
呃 就是开点重要的会 做做表演
Um, hanging out with famous people, sort of thing.
还有就是和名人一起混混 之类的
Like, who like?
比如谁呢?
Other dwarves, like tiny men?
其他的矮人 小矮人?
Sometimes. Er, yeah. But, I mean, today,
有时会 呃 但是 今天的话
I'm going to cruise down and meet a couple of good friends of mine...
我准备四处转转 然后见见几个好朋友...
Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant.
瑞奇·热维斯 和 斯戴芬·莫昌特
Ricky Gervais?
瑞奇·热维斯?
Mm hm.
嗯嗯
Can I come with you?
我能跟你一起去么?
Sure, yeah. Yeah.
当然 行啊 行
Good. Let's do it, yeah? Yeah.
不错 那我们一起去吧? 好
There they are, the lads.
就是这两位 我的好朋友
Hi. Hello, lads. So, yeah, I pop in here, what, every other day to see you guys, don't I?
嗨 你们好 我基本上每隔一天就来见你们一次 对吧?
Seems like it, yeah. Have you, er, have you met before? Johnny this is Stephen.
基本上是吧 你们 你们之前见过吗? 约翰尼 这是斯戴芬
Hello, pleased to meet you. No.
你好 见到你很高兴 我不高兴
And Ricky there. I actually remember him from the Golden Globes.
这位是瑞奇 事实上我记得在金球奖上见过他
Hi. Yeah. How's it going?
你好 是啊 最近还好吗?
I'm fine. Just doing another film that's going to make loads of money...
我很好 就是拍点能赚大钱的电影而已...
probably a lot more money than any film you've ever... ahem... made.
能赚的也许比你...哼...做过的任何电影 都要多
Good.
不错
And you?
你呢?
Er, yeah just, just writing, I write and direct all my own stuff.
就只是 只是写剧本而已 我自编自导自己的东西
How great for you.
真是不错啊
That must be so great. I'm working with a great director - Tim Burton.
一定是很不错 我最近在和一个很有名的导演合作 蒂姆·波顿
Have you ever heard of him?
你听说过他吗?
Of course. Yeah.
当然
And the film itself is really brilliant and I'm playing a very interesting character.
这部电影非常棒 我在里面扮演一个很有意思的角色
Do you have any idea who my leading lady is on this film?
你知道这部电影的女主角是谁吗?
Erm, in the Tim Burton film? Um, yeah.
呃 蒂姆·波顿的电影? 嗯 是的
Helena Bonham Carter?
海伦娜·博纳姆·卡特?
How d'you know? Stab in the dark.
你怎么知道? 随便猜的
She thinks you're an idiot. Sorry, have I done something to offend you?
她觉得你是个白♥痴♥ 抱歉 我是哪里冒犯到你了么?
What do you mean, like,
你指什么呢 比方说
trashing me in front of 200 million people at the Golden Globes?
在金球奖上当着2亿观众的面吐槽我?
That was a while ago, they were jokes, Johnny...
那是很久以前了 只是玩笑而已 约翰尼...
Oh, they were jokes? Yeah. You like jokes? Yes.
哦 只是开玩笑? 是的 你喜欢开玩笑? 是的
Good, cos I got together with a few pals, after the awards,
很好 因为颁奖礼之后 我和几个朋友一起
and we wrote some jokes...
我们也写了几个笑话...
about you.
关于你的
And I want you to know this, I want you to carry this with you for the rest of your days.
我要你记着 你给我从今往后都记着
No-one makes fun of Tim Allen on my watch...
任何被我看到嘲笑蒂姆·艾伦(美国最著名的喜剧演员之一)的人...
and gets away with it.
都不会有好日子过的
Don't say anything, just keep that in you, OK?
什么都别说 就给我记着 懂吗?
Here are my jokes.
下面我来讲笑话
What is nastier than Ricky Gervais's jokes?
什么比瑞奇·热维斯的笑话更无♥耻♥?
His teeth!
他的牙齿!
Why do people instantly dislike Ricky Gervais? Because it saves time!
为什么人们经常讨厌瑞奇·热维斯? 因为那样更省时间!
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
哈 哈 哈 哈!
Why did Ricky Gervais do a series of audio books?
为什么瑞奇·热维斯要出一系列有声书?
So that the blind could hate him as well.
因为那样的话 盲人也可以恨他了
Now, this is from Angelina.
下面这条是安吉丽娜说的
"Tell Ricky Gervais that me and Brad have a picture of him on our mantelpiece,
"告诉瑞奇·热维斯 我和布拉德在我们家壁炉上放了张他的照片"
"because it keeps the kids away from the fire."
"因为孩子们看到了它 就不会去玩火了"
And why isn't Ricky Gervais circumcised?
还有 为什么瑞奇·热维斯 没割过包皮?
Because there's no end to that prick.
因为他的那玩意儿永无止境