人生苦短（2011）

Raise the profile, and if I get a job off the back of it,
还能吸引公众关注 而且如果能借机找个活儿
a good film role or something, then we're home free.
拿到一个好角色什么的 那我们就大功告成了
Well, you know, I'm glad you're still smiling. Got to smile, haven't you?
说真的 我很高兴你还笑得出来 你笑了吧?
If you didn't, you'd hang yourself.
不然的话 你早就上吊去了
Then you wouldn't have all these debts. Mm.
这些债也就一笔勾销了 嗯
Mm. Would you be better off dead, financially? Yes.
呃 那你经济上就宽裕多了吧? 是啊
Don't listen to me, though, I got you into this mess.
听听我都说了些啥 是我害你落到这步田地的
Be difficult for you to hang yourself, cos you
你想上吊可不容易 因为
couldn't reach the rafters to hang a rope up, so...
你够不着房♥梁去挂绳子 所以...
Odd thing to say, isn't it? It's a bit of nono, isn't it?
这太诡异了吧? 根本行不通 是吧?
Definitely. You could put your head in the oven.
当然 你可以把头伸到烤箱里
What? You could get IN the oven, put the gas on, close the door,
啥? 钻进烤箱 打开煤气 关门
nice and cosy.
里面可舒服了
You could do pills. Oh, no, they have those little childproof lids.
你可以服药 噢 不行 那种瓶盖小孩打不开
Take it off for you, the least I can do.
帮你把盖子拿了吧 我力所能及的事
I'd probably balls that up, wouldn't I? Oh dear!
我肯定会搞砸的吧? 哦天哪!
I'm useless, aren't I?
我百无一用 对不对?
Aren't I?! Yup. I'm the one who should kill myself, really.
是吧?! 是 该自杀的是我才对
Tell you what, let us know when you gas yourself,
听着 你自杀时跟我们说一声
I'll come round and get in with you, eh?
我立马赶过去陪你 成吗?
Oh! Mm, I'm actually getting genuinely depressed now.
哦! 呃 我这会儿难过得要死了
Oh, I'm going to be like this for a couple of days, I think.
噢 我觉得会没完没了的
Oh, I hope I'm not like this when I go to the divorce court.
哦 办离婚手续时可千万别这样
I'll probably just go, "Oh, give her the lot, I don't give a shit."
我肯定会说 "东西都给她 我才不在乎呢"
Good. Thanks for this little pep talk(!)
好极了 多谢你给我鼓劲儿
Ricky Gervais.
瑞奇·热维斯
Our host, Sting.
主办人 斯汀
Can I see your invitation, please, sir?
先生 请出示邀请函好吗?
It's Warwick Davis.
我是沃里克·戴维斯
I need to see your letter of invitation.
我得看看您的邀请函
It's Warwick Davis, actor. Can you just check your list, please?
沃里克·戴维斯 演员 核对一下名单好吗?
Jill, is there a Warwick Davis on the list?
吉尔 名单上有沃里克·戴维斯这人吗?
Where's your invitation? I haven't got it, staff have lost it.
您的邀请函呢? 我没有 被员工弄丢了
You need it. I haven't got it, but I have paid ￡300,
您得有这个 我没有 但我付了300英镑
so do you have a record of that? Yes, there's a Warwick Davis
有记录吧? 是 沃里克·戴维斯
on the list, but how do we know that's you?
确实在名单上 但我们怎么知道就是你?
Look at my face.
看我这张脸
What about it? I'm a famous actor.
你的脸怎么了? 我可是个影星
I don't know you from Adam. Do you have ID?
我压根儿不认识你 带身份证了吗?
I don't have ID, didn't know I needed ID.
没带 我不知道还需要身份证
It says on the invite you need ID.
邀请函上写了要带身份证
I haven't got the invite, have I? Put Warwick Davis into Google.
我没有邀请函 谷歌♥一下沃里克·戴维斯
What's the first website that comes up?
第一个弹出来的网页是什么?
"Warwick Davis: Where Is He Now?"
"沃里克·戴维斯: 他身在何方?"
Not that one, that's just some prats.
那不是我 只是某个傻瓜罢了
Look at the Internet Movie Database.
查查网上电影资料库
"I met Warwick Davis and he's a total bell end."
"我看见沃里克·戴维斯了 他就是一傻帽"
Don't go to the forums! Why are you in the forums? I think it's him.
别上论♥坛♥! 你去那儿干嘛? 我觉得就是他
I mean, look at these comments. Who'd pretend to be him?
我是说 瞧瞧这些帖子 谁会想假扮他?
Look at that one. Jesus!
瞧那个 天哪!
I can see what they mean though.
我能理解他们写的什么意思
Yes, the head. Oh, let him in.
是啊 瞧这脑袋 让他进去吧
What's the worst he can do?
他还能怎么着?
Thank you.
多谢
Sophie EllisBextor. Hi, guys.
苏菲 埃丽斯巴斯特 嗨 大家好
Sophie, over here, please. Over here, Sophie.
苏菲 看这里 这边 苏菲
Warwick Davis.
沃里克·戴维斯
Hot in here, innit?
这儿挺热的 是吧?
It is hot, yes. Phew.
是啊 确实很热
OK, guys, got enough?
好了 诸位 拍完了吗?
Yeah.
可以了
Don't get me on the way out. I'll be worse for wear then!
别在我走的时候拍 那样会很土的!
Warwick, thank you so much for your support.
沃里克 非常感谢你的支持
Nice to see you.
很高兴见到你
I know you probably do loads for charity already.
我知道你已经捐过很多钱了
Yeah, hell of a lot. I don't want to miss this opportunity
是啊 一大笔钱 我想借此机会
of asking someone like you, with your showbiz millions, for a favour.
请你这样在业界身价颇高的人帮个忙
Yeah? What are the chances of me getting you to sponsor a child in India?
什么事? 你能资助一名印度儿童吗?
Yeah. Yeah, not a problem.
行啊 可以 没问题
This is Kalindi.
这孩子是卡琳蒂
Great. Yeah. What, what's the usual donation?
很好 可以 一般要捐多少钱?
Five pounds a month. Five pounds? Yeah, sure
每月5英磅 5英镑? 行 没问题
I would think, with your money, ￡30 a month would be more appropriate.
我觉得 你这么有钱 每月30英镑更合适
Thirty pounds? Warwick, ￡30, we spend that on daily pedicures!
30? 沃里克 才30 修趾甲的钱而已
Definitely. Yeah. Well, sometimes when we earn big money,
是啊 没错 当我们赚了大钱
we have to give a little back.
就得捐出去一点儿
Quite a lot back, let's be honest, thirty quid a month.
说真的 每月30英镑 可是一大笔钱呢
I just fill that in here, do I? Right here, yeah. Ah, yes, I see.
签这儿就行吧? 没错 我知道了
Let's see...
那么...
Just filling it in...
填表就行了...
How long would you sponsor a child like this for?
需要资助这些孩子多久?
Usually till they're eighteen. Eighteen?
通常要到他们十八岁 十八岁?
How old is she now? She's seven.
她现在多大? 七岁
Seven? Wow! A lot of them don't live till they're eighteen, do they?
七岁? 哇! 他们大都活不到十八岁吧?
That IS the tragedy.
这确实很不幸
Mm. So she might not last till she's, I don't know, twelve?
呃 那她也许活不到 我想想 十二岁?
Well, with your help, she will. Will she? Mmhmm.
有你资助 她就能 是吗? 嗯哼
Good. That's good, isn't it?
很好 棒极了 对吧?
OK.
好了
Um, what are the big killers out there?
呃 那里的致命疾病是什么来着?
Dysentery. Dysentery.
痢疾 是痢疾啊
So, you know, she could get dysentery any time and,
好吧 要知道 她随时都可能得痢疾
and that's... -Well, again, not with your money.
那么... -有您的资助就不会得了
Really?
真的?
We can supply her with clean water. Good.
我们可以让她用干净的水 好极了
So she's not going to die, which is obviously good news for her,
那么她就不会死 这对她来说可是好消息
and I'm going to end up giving some kid I've never even met ￡30
而我每月要给一个素未谋面的孩子捐30英镑
a month till she's eighteen,
一直到她十八岁
so four grand down plus the ￡300 I spent on a bit of beef.
那就是4000再加这顿饭的300
It's another good day for me(!) Where do I sign, Stingbo?
真是个好日子啊 签哪儿 斯汀?
Just there.
那儿就行
Ladies and gentlemen, please
女士们 先生们
welcome Ricky Gervais. Thank you, thank you.
欢迎瑞奇·热维斯上台 谢谢 谢谢
Yes, thank you very much and welcome to this charity auction,
非常感谢大家来到这场慈善拍卖♥♥会
which basically means that anything you bid for
这基本意味着你竞拍的任何物品
you'll pay about five times as much as it's worth.
都要为之支付约五倍于它本身价值的钱
That's all that that means. Right, let's get on with it.
这就是我们在这的目的 好了 让我们开始吧
OK, this is a big, slimy purple thing.
这是个又大又黏糊的紫色手袋
Is it Charlie Sheen's liver?
不会是查理·辛的肝脏吧?
Start the bidding at ￡100. ￡100.
从一百英镑起拍 一百英镑
Thank you. Anyone two hundred?
谢谢 有人出200英磅吗?
Thank you. It'll look good on you.
谢谢 手袋很适合你
What I am bid? Six hundred.
我竞拍了什么? 六百
Seven hundred.
七百
Yes, a thousand pounds from the lady at the back.
好的 后面那位女士出了一千英镑
Thank you so much.
非常感谢
Next up, here's a nice one.
接下来又是一个不错的东东
Eleven thousand pounds!
一万一千英镑!
Gentleman at the back there, thank you, sir.
那位坐在后面的先生 谢谢你
This is the last lot.
下面是最后一样
This is a meal for ten people at a top,
梅菲尔区顶级米其林星级餐厅
Michelin-starred restaurant in Mayfair.
所提供的十人晚宴
Yes. OK, so anyone who hasn't bid yet?
好了 还有要竞拍的吗?
This little fellow hasn't bid yet. What's your name?
这小家伙还没竞拍过呢 你叫什么来着?
Warwick Davis. We've met earlier.
沃里克·戴维斯 我们之前才见过
Warwick hasn't bid yet.
沃里克还没竞拍呢
Sting, grassing me up. You're not actually in the police, you know.
斯汀 出♥卖♥♥♥我啊 这又不是在警♥察♥局
Start at five hundred?
从五百英镑起拍?
￡50, surely, to start with?
当然我要拍了 五十英镑?
You know, work our way up. Five hundred. One thousand.
你懂得 水涨船高 有人出了五百英镑 我出一千英镑