人生苦短（2011）

So what was the figure you agreed on?
那你最后协商到多少?
￡250,000.
25万英镑
That's what they wanted to start with!
这不就是他们最开始要的数么!
Yes, but...
是的 不过...
That's not negotiating! You just agreed with them!
这叫哪门子协商! 你直接答应他们的要求好了!
But they are the tax people. They do know what they're talking about.
但是他们是税务员 他们知道自己在讨论什么
They understand your accounts better than me, to be honest.
说老实话 他们比我还了解你的账目
I'm not going to argue with them.
我才不会去和他们争论
You're supposed to argue! And piss off the Inland Revenue?
你应该去跟他们理论! 然后在税务局闹事?
I've got other clients to think of, better clients.
我还要考虑我其他的客户吧 更好的客户
I don't want them tarred by your bloody mistakes.
我才不会为了你的过失和他们闹僵
That you made. Yeah, exactly!
你犯的错误 好 对!
'I've known Eric for about 25 years now.'
'我认识埃里克25年了'
He wanted to be a top accountant. I wanted to be a Hollywood star.
他想成为高级会计师 我想成为好莱坞明星
I have to earn ￡250,000 by January?
到一月份我要挣到25万英镑?
More actually,
实际上更多
cos you have to pay 40% tax on what you earn, so...
因为你必须从缴纳40%的收入税 所以...
I never realised, back then, what a poor accountant he would become.
以前我从没有意识到 他会是个多么差劲的会计师
Hang on, I'm confused, sorry.
等一下 我有点困惑 抱歉
Am I being thick? No, no, it is confusing,
是不是我比较迟钝? 不 不 有点乱现在
tax, percentages and everything,
税啊 百分比啊 什么的
I always get stuff wrong. I get letters!
我总是弄错 我懂你意思!
And the smell makes it hard to concentrate, to be honest.
这股馊味儿让人很难集中注意力 说实在的
He really is shit at it.
他在这方面真是太差劲了
How much do I need to earn?
那我到底需要赚多少钱?
Let's have a look. 250,000
我看一下 25万英镑
times...
乘以
Oop! Er, times...
哎呀! 呃 乘以...
Does this do percentages?
这个要算百分比么?
It should do. Where is it? Ah, there.
应该要 在哪儿? 啊 在这儿
Now, do I press times percentage?
现在 我可以按百分比键了么?
'If he wasn't a mate,
'如果他不是我的老朋友
'I'd have fired him 24 years ago, but...'
'我早在24年前就把他开除了 但是...'
250,000...
25万...
'He is a mate, and I can't fire him.'
'他是我的老朋友 我不能开除他'
Is 0.4 the same?
还是0.4的比率么?
Isn't that like saying 40% of something?
难道不应该是某项的百分之四十?
'In fact, he's more like a stray dog than a mate'
'事实上 比起老朋友 他更像一只流浪狗'
cos I've been feeding him for so long,
因为这么长时间以来 一直都是我在养他
you know, I can't stop now,
你知道 我现在停不下来了
cos if I do, I know he'll just sit outside
要是我开除了他 他只能坐在外面
waiting, and... and starve to death.
傻等着... 直到饿死
Pounds.
英镑
Then pay the tax on that.
那就用英镑缴税
Um... pay off the 250 grand,
嗯...除了缴税的250英镑
and you'll be left with... ￡20,000.
你应该还能剩下... 两万英镑
I'd have 20 grand? I can live on that,
还能剩下两万英镑? 我能靠这个支持一阵子
that's not so bad... Hang on.
还不算太坏...等一下
Didn't higher rate tax go up from 40% to 50% in the UK recently?
最近英国的税率不是从40%提高到50%了么?
Gee, ohh...
天啊...
Ohhh...
噢...
Can I ask you something, Warwick?
沃里克 我能问你件事吗?
How do you keep getting into this office?
你怎么总是能进到这间办公室呢?
'The great thing about being friends with influential people
'和有影响力的人交朋友的最大好处是
'is that through them, you get to meet other influential people.'
'你能通过他们 认识更多有影响力 重要的人物'
I mean if either of you,or both, could come along,
我的意思是 如果你们其中一个 或者你们两个都来的话
it'd really help. -I can't...
对这件事会有很大的帮助 -我不能...
'That's how this business operates. It's all about networking.'
'这就是这个行业的运行规则 最重要的是人脉关系'
You'd really enjoy it. I wouldn't, trust me.
你一定会喜欢的 我不会的 相信我
Warwick, you've got to go. Sorry
沃里克你得离开了 抱歉
Hello? 'It's Liam Neeson.'
哪位? '我是利亚姆·尼森'
Come in. I've worked with him.
请进 我和他一起工作过
OK, but you've got to go. Sorry, guys.
是么 但是你必须得离开了 伙计 抱歉了
I could just...
我可以...
There is he. Hello!
他来了 你好!
Hi. That's Warwick, he's just going.
你好 这位是沃里克 他马上就走了
Hiya. We worked together on Star Wars, Phantom Menace.
你好 我们在星球大战系列中合作过的《魅影危机》
Oh yeah? We had a scene together.
哦 是么? 我们在一场戏中合作过
It was cut, though. Remember? OK.
不幸的是那段被剪了 记得吗? 哦
Thanks for seeing me.
感谢你们抽空见我
I'm here because, I'm thinking of, uh,
我今天来 是因为我想 呃
I'm thinking of doing some comedy.
我想尝试一些喜剧方面的表演
Oh, right like a comedy movie?
哦 喜剧电影之类的么?
No, on stage.
不 舞台上的
Stand-up comedy, live comedy of some kind.
脱口秀 现场戏剧表演那一类
Wow!
哇!
I'm a funny guy -aren't I?
我是个很风趣的人 不是吗?
I'm funny, right?
我很有趣 是吧?
Yeah.
嗯
Definitely.
是的
Here's some of the stuff I'd like to work on.
这是一些我想要尝试的表演形式
Improv, stand-up comedy,
即兴演出 脱口秀
funny monologues,
有趣的个人独白
crazy characters, sketches,
疯狂的角色 情节
slapstick, anecdotes, parody, yeah?
闹剧 奇闻异事 诙谐的改编诗文 怎么样?
Yeah.
嗯
You notice this list, huh? I'm always making lists.
你注意到这个清单了么? 我一直喜欢列清单
Oh, right.
哦 是么
In fact, that's probably why Steven Spielberg cast me
事实上 这可能是史蒂芬·斯皮尔伯格选中我
as Oskar Schindler in Schindler's List.
在《辛德勒名单》里出演奥斯卡·辛德勒的原因吧
I said, "Steven,I make lists all the time."
我说 "史蒂芬 我一直都有列清单的习惯"
And he said, "That's exactly what I'm looking for."
然后他说 "这正是我要找的"
What? What's funny?
怎么了? 有什么好笑的吗?
Sorry, I thought you were joking
抱歉 我以为你在开玩笑
about being cast as Schindler cos you made lists.
因为你喜欢列清单所以才会出演辛德勒
No.
不是
As an actor, you need stuff to draw on,
作为一名演员 你得有自己感兴趣的事
and I drew on that.
而我喜欢列清单
OK. Wow.
好的 哇
OK, let's do some improvisational comedy.
好 我们现在做一些即兴的喜剧表演
I can't now, Liam. It's a bad time...
现在不行 利亚姆 时间不合适...
Let's do some improvisational comedy, now.
我们做一些即兴的喜剧表演吧 就现在
OK...
好吧...
Give us a scenario, Warwick.
给我们一个情节 沃里克
Um, right, OK, er...
嗯 好的 呃...
You're a hypochondriac and Ricky's a doctor.
你是一个忧郁症患者 瑞奇是医生
Excellent.
好极了
OK.
可以
Come in.
请进
Hello. Oh no, not you again!
你好 哦 不是吧 怎么又是你!
I've never been here before.
我以前从没来过这
Sorry, I thought...
抱歉 我以为...
cos you're a hypochondriac, you'd have been to the doctor before.
既然你是一个忧郁症患者 那么以前肯定去咨♥询♥过医生
Don't presume. That's a backstory we didn't agree on beforehand.
别擅自推断 这个背景我们之前可没有商量过
No, I know,
嗯 我知道
but that's improv, you go with the flow.
可是既然是即兴表演 就是要临时发挥啊
I don't take notes.
我不做笔记
OK.
好
Can we go again, because you ruined that?
我们能重新开始吗 因为你已经把刚才那个毁了
Sorry.
对不起
Come in.
请进
Hi. Hi, how's it going? What seems to be the problem?
你好 你好 最近怎么样? 有什么问题吗?
I've contracted AIDS.
我感染了艾滋病
How did you get that? From an African prostitute.
你怎么感染上的? 从一个非洲妓♥女♥那里
I'm... I'm riddled with it.
我... 我得好好想想
The prostitute's from an African country that's,
这个妓♥女♥来自一个非洲国家 那里
that's ravaged by starvation, so...
饱受饥饿摧残 所以...
so selling her body was the only financial recourse she had left.
出♥卖♥♥♥身体是她唯一的收入来源
Do you mind if I interject? Go on.
你介意我打断一下吗? 说吧
I think it's getting quite heavy, this sketch,
我觉得这个情节走向太沉重了