人生苦短（2011）

and I just wonder if perhaps, just for the sake of comedy,
我在想 也许 仅仅从喜剧的角度考虑
you might not want to have contracted AIDs
你可能并不想从一个非洲妓♥女♥那里
from an African prostitute. Just...
染上艾滋病 就是...
OK.
好的
All right.
好
Come in.
请进
Hi. Hi, what seems to be the problem?
你好 你好 你遇到了什么问题?
As I said before, I've got fullblown AIDS. Right.
就像我之前说的 我得了艾滋病 好吧
Do you want to know how I got it? Sure.
你想知道我是怎么感染上的吗? 说吧
From a well known homosexual actor.
从一个有名的同性恋演员那里
Wow. OK.
哇哦 好吧
It was...
是...
I wouldn't say the name, cos of...
不要说出名字 因为...
I got it from an unspecific actor.
我是从一个演员那里得来的
Does he know he has AIDS? Who?
他知道自己得了艾滋么? 谁?
Again, sorry, I just wouldn't name them. And also, I just think
再说一遍 抱歉 不要说出他们的名字 而且 我觉得
AIDS is, as I've said before,
艾滋 就像我刚才提到的
just a really heavy subject for comedy.
对于喜剧来说 这个话题太沉重了
Ah. OK.
啊 好吧
Hmm.
嗯
I could have bowel cancer.
我也可以是患了肠癌
Yeah,
恩
cancer though, and AIDS, and famine,
但是癌症 艾滋 还有饥荒
aren't really subjects for comedy.
喜剧一般不选这些主题
How does he get away with it, then?
可是他又有什么理由不这样做呢?
We don't know.
我们不知道
We shouldn't have a doctor in the sketch
我们在情节里就不应该有医生
if I can't talk about AIDS. OK.
要是我不能谈论艾滋 好
Any suggestions?
有什么建议吗?
Oh, um... you're a greengrocer
哦 呃... 你是一个蔬菜水果商
and Ricky comes in to complain.
瑞奇来向你投诉
I've played Rob Roy MacGregor,
我演过罗布·罗伊·麦格雷戈
Michael Collins, Oskar Schindler,
迈克尔·柯林斯 奥斯卡·辛德勒
Zeus, for God's sake.
宙斯 拜托
No-one will believe me as a grocer.
没有人会相信我是一个蔬菜水果商
Well, you could change your accent.
你可以改一下口音
Lots of actors do it.
好多演员都这样做过
He doesn't. How does he get away with it?
他没有 他怎么不这样做呢?
Again, we don't know.
还是那句 我们不知道
Let's just do our own accents
我们还是保持自己原有的口音
and get this done, shall we?
做完这个即兴表演 行么?
OK, greengrocer.
好吧 蔬菜水果商
We're closed.
我们已经关门了
I think the shop has to be open for us to do the sketch. OK. Sorry.
我觉得在剧本中商店应该是开门的 好吧 抱歉
Yes?
有事么?
I'd like to make a complaint.
我要投诉
I bought some fruit yesterday.
昨天我从你这里买♥♥了水果
When I got home, some of it was rotten.
可是等我到家的时候 其中一些已经坏掉了
That's not my fault.
这又不是我的错
Well, it's your shop and it was sold on your premises, so...
可这是你的商店 而且你卖♥♥的时候也保证过 所以...
Uh-uh. I wasn't here.
嗯哼 我当时不在
Doesn't matter, you've got to... I was at the doctor's.
这无所谓 你必须... 我当时在看医生
OK.
好吧
I've got AIDS. Thought you might have.
我患有艾滋 我也觉得你有
Yeah. You're going to storm it, boy.
嗯 你会掀起一场风暴的 兄弟
OK, brilliant, good luck with that. Well done.
好的 祝你好运 做的不错
Don't forget your little list. Yeah.
别忘了你的小单子
You're off as well, aren't you, Warwick?
沃里克 你是不是也该走了?
Oh, yeah, yeah. OK, see you guys.
嗯 是的 那 改天见
OK. All right. Cheers.
好的 再见
Everything that happens, happens for a reason.
每件事情的发生都自有其原因
Some things are sent to test you.
有些事情是为了考验你
I'm not the sort of bloke who lives in the past, who goes,
我不是那种活在过去的人 一直说着
"Oh, I wish it was still the 1980s,those were the glory days.
"我希望自己活在20世纪80年代 那是最好的时代
I was doing Willow, Return of the Jedi,
当时我在《绝地归来》中扮演Willow
'work was rolling in."
'工作一直找上门"
I'm not like that.
我不是那样的人
I'm going to list all the positives.
我要列出所有积极的一面
I'm not destitute,
我不穷
not a drug addict,
不是瘾君子
not riddled with AIDS.
也没染上艾滋病
And there was a chance of catching that in the '80S,
80年代的时候倒是有机会感染上
from a woman.
从一个女人那里
Right? If I'd caught it from anyone it would have been a woman.
对吧? 要是我染上艾滋 那应该是从一个女人那里
But, to be honest, I wasn't really shagging in the '80s.
但是 说实话 80年代我并没有和人鬼混
In the '90s
90年代
I dipped my wick a few times,
倒是有过那么几次
so watch this space.
所以 看我这身子骨
Plenty more wick dipping to come.
精力还旺盛的很呢
In women. Just want to make that totally clear.
跟女人 这点要说清楚
I'm not a homosexual.
我不是同性恋
So, where are you staying?
那么 你现在住哪?
Just probably a guest house.
可能会去住宾馆吧
You got everything?
东西都带齐了吗?
Yeah. You got your special shampoo?
嗯 你拿上你特制的洗发水了吗?
Yes.
拿了
Don't worry, it's almost cleared up anyway.
别放心吧 我的东西都收拾干净了
So, yeah.
所以
OK, well, bye.
那就这样吧 再见
See you. See you.
再见 再见
Lovely day.
多美好的一天
Do you want to go into the toilet with me?
你愿意和我一起去洗手间吗?
You getting all this? Fuck off!
这一切都是你搞得? 滚开!
Would you be guest of honour at our wedding?
你愿意成我们婚礼的贵宾吗?
Do you believe in aliens?
你相信有外星人吗?
Be grateful the phone doesn't ring. It might be Sting.
祈祷电♥话♥不要响 可能是斯汀打来的
His real name's Gordon!
他的真名是戈登!
You're a disgusting little creature and I want to squash you.
你这个讨人厌的小不点 我想把你压扁
He can't afford a solicitor. I'm his accountant!
他请不起律师 我是他的会计师!
Give me a kiss.
亲我一下
Hmm...
嗯...
She's changed the locks!
她换锁了!
She's changed the back door too.
后门的锁也换了
What were you thinking?
你脑子里想什么呢?
I was thinking, I put over ￡400,000 into this house
我在想 我花了40万英镑买♥♥了这栋房♥子
and, er, the dog, bless it,
呃 可是那条狗 上帝保佑
has contributed very little to the mortgage, yet
压根儿就没还过什么房♥贷
it can come and go as it pleases.
可是它却可以来去自♥由♥
And I thought, I'll have a bit of that.
于是我想 我要跟它学学