戏里戏外（2011）

With bagels.
有罂粟的吗
Did you get poppy?
没有 山只买♥♥到了芝麻和原味
No, the mountain could only get sesame and plain.
穆♥罕♥默♥德♥很生气
Mm, Mohammed is pissed.
就算在你的厨房♥里
Even in your kitchen,
我对这种对话也感到不太舒服
I'm not comfortable with this conversation.
然后
So...
你怎么样
how are you?
挺好的
Great.
真的
I am.
真的
I am.
真好 你买♥♥了虾葱奶酪
Oh, good, you got the chive cream cheese.
还有半磅烟熏三文鱼
Oh, and there's, uh, half a pound of nova.
不是很喜欢熏鱼
Not really a smoked fish person.
真的
Really?
我还以为你会喜欢
Mm. I just assumed.
-怎么 -就 你是那个
- What? - You know, being...
-什么 -犹太人
- What? - Jewish.
不是吗
No?
你以为我是犹太人
You thought I was Jewish?
因为 你姓兰斯嘛
Well, you know, Rance.
而且又是
And, I don't know,
演艺圈的
show business.
总之我并不是犹太人
Yeah, no, I'm not Jewish.
没必要这种语气啊
Well, you don't have to say it like that.
-我是犹太人 -你是犹太人
- I'm Jewish. - You're Jewish?
也别这种语气 对我是犹太人
Or like that. Yes, I'm Jewish.
我怎么会不知道呢
How did I not know this?
你看着不像犹太人
You don't look Jewish,
我这可是在夸你
and I mean that as a compliment.
你还是别说了
You should probably stop.
-肖恩是犹太人吗 -不是
- Is Sean Jewish? - No.
因为他倒是长得有点像
'Cause he actually looks a little...
-宋飞 -我真的觉得还是
- Seinfeld-y. - I really think we should
美国著名喜剧演员
别再聊长得像不像犹太人这码子事了
move away from the whole "Looks Jewish" Arena.
收到
Gotcha.
-但是 -别说了
- It's just the-- - No.
好吧
Okay.
不要先烤一下吗
Aren't you gonna toast it first?
-不要 -还是说只有犹太人这样
- No. - Or is that just a Semitic thing?
我饿了
I'm hungry.
你已经嗑过药了吗
Are you stoned already?
没 怎么了
No. Why?
还不到9点15呢
It's not even 9:15.
怎么了
What?
我今天又不用去哪
It's not like I have to be somewhere.
我知道这是段比较痛苦的时间 但是
Okay, I realize this is - a difficult time, but--
我没事
I'm fine.
你能不能别说没事了
Will you stop saying you're "Fine"?
你明明就有事
You are not fine.
你连家门都不出
You won't leave your house,
还没吃早饭就磕过药了
you're stoned before breakfast,
而且你看起来
and you look like...
怎么了
What?
我看起来怎么了
I look like what?
你看起来就好像我想象中
You look like what I imagine you'd look like
你如果从来没有离开密歇根的土样
if you'd never left Michigan.
我很抱歉 可你得好好听一听
Look, I'm sorry, but you need to hear it.
你得出门
You have to get out.
你不能每天什么事都不干
You can't just spend every day doing nothing.
-我不是什么都没干 -那你昨天做什么了
- I don't do nothing. - What did you do yesterday?
我起床了
I woke up.
你把起床算成自己做的事
You're counting waking up as something you did?
我起床就不错了
I didn't have to!
我就是觉得你不能让这事打败你
All I'm saying is you can't let this defeat you.
-你得 -什么
- You've got to-- - What?
找份工作
Get a job?
我在这儿已经人人避而远之了
I am poison in this town.
谁知道海伦说了我些什么
God knows what Helen's saying about me.
谁还会给我写推荐信
So who's gonna give me a recommendation?
卡斯特 我都不知道
Castor? I don't even know
他放出来没有
if they've released him yet.
可你花了那么多年来建立人际关系
But all those years of building "Relationships."
肯定会有人能帮你的
Surely someone can help you.
你在电视台那些朋友呢
You had friends at the network.
你开玩笑吗
Are you kidding?
麦拉都把我推掉了
Myra blew me off.
你是不是总这个语气
Have you always said that?
20页还有别的问题吗
Anything else on page 20?
20页 20页
Page 20? Page 20?
看 是电视上的乔伊
Oh, look, it's TV's Joey.
失陪一下
Excuse us.
我一直在给你们打电♥话♥ 你们都不接
I keep calling you guys. You're not picking up.
蒂姆不允许在屋里用电♥话♥
Tim doesn't allow phones in the room.
不允许 天啊你们也太怂了
Allow? Jesus, you're pussies.
每个人的电♥话♥都关机
Actually, with everyone's phone going off,
我们根本不能完成任何工作
we'd never get any work done.
还怂
And we're pussies.
还怂
And we're pussies.
反正吧
Anyway, so...
我拿到今晚麦当娜的票
Uh, I just got tickets for Madonna tonight.
要来吗
Wanna come?
-麦当娜 真的吗 -免费的喔
- Madonna, really? - They're free.
-什么时间 -而且这是她的座位
- What time? - And they're her seats,
所以可能很不错
so they're probably really good.
-谁的座位 -麦当娜啊
- Whose seats? - Madonna's.
你是怎么拿到麦当娜的座位的
How'd you get Madonna's seats?
-她打给我了 -你认识麦当娜
- She called me. - You know Madonna?
我是认识麦当娜 我为什么不能认识麦当娜
Yeah, I know Madonna. Why can't I know Madonna?
-怎么认识的 -认识三十来年了
- How? - For, like, 30 years.
从她还宛如处♥女♥的时候就认识了
Since she was like a virgin.
在工厂认识的
I met her at The Factory.
-什么工厂 -安迪沃霍的工厂
- What Factory? - Andy Warhol's Factory?
由安迪沃霍主持 大量艺术家聚集的地方
你认识安迪沃霍
You knew Andy Warhol?
我为什么不能认识安迪沃霍
Yeah, why can't I know Andy Warhol?
金发女郎乐队介绍的
Blondie introduced us.
美国老牌摇滚乐队
行了行了 别再说了
All right, that-- just--just stop it.
我跟你们说 你们俩
I'm telling you, you guys are
是我认识的最无趣的人
the least interesting people I know.
到底来不来吧
So you wanna come or not?
他才不会放我们走
There's no way he's letting us out.
开始了 怂包 怂包 怂包
Here, pussy, pussy, pussy.
打扰一下 蒂姆
Excuse me, Tim. Hello.
我想问一下今晚
Uh, I was wondering if there was any chance
能不能早点走
of getting out a little early tonight.
-可以 -我们就剩五页了
- Yes. - We've only got, like, five pages left.
当然 应该没问题
Eh, sure enough. Should be able to do it.
要取决于你俩站在那抱怨多久
Depending on how long you two stand out there yammering.
这张脸真欠揍
He's got a face for punching.
你好啊
How you doing?
然后雷吉可以说
And then Reg could say...
"要怎么样才能有人给我个饼干"
"What does a guy have to do to get a cookie around here?"
"该死的饼干" 还是就 "饼干"
"Damn cookie" Or just "Cookie"?
我觉得不需要"该死的"
I don't think you need the "Damn."
"要怎么样才能有人给我个饼干"
"What does a guy have to do to get a cookie around here?"
"才能有人给我个该死的饼干"
"To get a damn cookie around..."
"才能有人给我个饼干"
"To get a cookie..."
我说真的 手指头都抠进桌子了
I swear to God, my fingers are digging into the table.
指甲里现在嵌了木头
There is wood under my nails.