戏里戏外（2011）

那要是我不喜欢这个箱子呢
Well, what if I don't like this box?
别啊 这箱子挺不错的
Ah, come on. It's a nice box.
满箱子钱呢
It's a box full of money.
马特 20秒
Matt, 20 seconds.
你就不能当做是重新定位自我吗
Can't you just look at it as reinventing yourself?
定位成一个更垃圾的我
As a shittier version of me?
10秒回来 大家
We're back in ten, people.
切音乐
Cue music.
-丹妮卡 46分胜点 -没错
- So, Danika, 46 advantages. - Yep.
如果你真的想报复乔纳森
If you really wanna get back at Jonathan,
你可以选择
you've got...
蜂蜜加羽毛
Honey and feathers.
超级恶臭
Hideous stench.
还有 200只活青蛙
And finally, 200 live frogs
随时准备下落
ready to drop.
它们之所以在圣经中作为瘟疫 是有理由的
There's a reason they were a plague in the Bible.
我相信吉尔伯特
I'm sure Gilbert
可以跟我们分享一二
could tell us something about that.
别打扰我
Don't interrupt me.
正到了有趣的时候
It's gettin' to the fun part.
罗得的老婆来现在情况不太妙
It's not looking good for Lot's wife.
圣经人物
或者你也可以给自己买♥♥个奢侈品
Or you could buy a luxury item for yourself.
46个胜点 可以买♥♥到
With 46 advantages, you could get...
床垫和枕头
ooh, mattress and pillows...
一顿牛排晚餐 全套的
A steak dinner with all the fixings.
一个礼拜的电视
TV for a week
或者一次温暖干净的淋浴
or a warm, soapy shower.
那么丹妮卡
So, Danika.
会是什么呢
What's it gonna be?
淋浴
Shower!
我需要洗个澡
I need an answer.
马特 我得选
Matt, I've gotta pick...
淋浴
the shower.
好的 46个胜点
All right, 46 advantages,
给丹妮卡一个温暖干净的淋浴
give Danika a warm, soapy shower.
好 切淋浴
All right, go ahead and cue the shower.
我他妈爱死这个节目了
I love this fucking show.
你好
Hello.
蒂姆 是我 贝佛利
Tim, it's Beverly.
我今天可能来不了了
I'm afraid I can't come in today.
肖恩死了
Sean is dead.
什么 我的天
What? Oh, my God.
是啊 没办法
I know. But what can you do?
老公死了肯定不能来上班了
You can't come to work when your husband's dead.
真的不可能有更好的理由了
There really is no excuse better than that.
肖恩死了
Sean is dead?
-死的透透的 -什么
- As a doornail. - What?
我也不知道什么时候能回来
So, who knows when I'll be back.
各种守寡事宜要办
I've got all kinds of widow-y things to do,
还要应对丧夫的创伤
and then there's the trauma.
不管怎么想
In all likelihood,
你和我都不太可能
you and I will never, ever
再见面了
see each other again.
再见了蒂姆
Good-bye, Tim.
祝节目顺利
Good luck with the show.
早安
Morning.
-怎么了 -没事
- What? - No, nothing.
19页有别的想法吗
Any other thoughts on page 19?
19页 19页 19页 没有吗
19? 19? 19? No?
20页
Page 20.
我真的觉得得把有关船的剧情整个砍掉
I really think we need to cut this whole bit with the boat.
什么 不不 不能这样
What? No! No, you can't do that.
不行的 需要船的剧情
No, you can't--you need the boat bit.
对 我知道你们的初稿里就有这个
Yes, I realize it was in your original draft,
但是亲爱的 有时候得放手
but, darling, sometimes you have to let the words go.
是吗
Do we?
如果把船的剧情砍掉
Look, if--if you cut the bit with the boat,
就全是说明部分了
it's all exposition.
船的剧情是这场戏里唯一好笑的部分
The boat bit's the only funny part of the scene.
我们不能仅仅因为好笑而保留某些东西
Hope we're not keeping things in just because they're funny.
这是喜剧
In... the comedy.
你俩太老派了
Oh, you two are so old-school.
喜剧现在不需要好笑了
Comedies don't have to be funny anymore.
有些大红的喜剧根本一点都不好笑
Some of the biggest comedies aren't even remotely funny.
观众才不需要你们那些小笑话
Audiences don't need your little jokes
那些笑声和幽默感
and your laughs and your humor anymore.
你只需要在30分钟以后结束
You just have to end after 30 minutes.
就行了 你就是一部喜剧了
That's it, bang, you're a comedy.
船的剧情不能砍
We are not cutting the boat bit.
那场戏需要一点古灵精怪
The scene needs the whimsy.
好吧 真可怕
All right, scary.
没必要发这么大火
No need to get fractious.
干脆这样
You know what?
我们午饭后再来决定
We can decide this after lunch.
我们...不 等等
We--no, wait, wait, wait, wait.
有个惊喜给你们
I have a surprise.
我做了拿手的越南面条
I made my famous Vietnamese noodles.
那场仗打的
At least something good
也不是毫无收获
came out of your little war.
我记得你说今天午饭可以出去吃的
I thought you said we could take off for lunch today.
我知道 可后来又得到一些灵感
I know, but then I got inspired.
提醒我谁对花生过敏来着
Now, remind me who's allergic to peanuts?
现在就差
The only thing missing
-窗户上再装上栏杆了
is the bars on the windows.
闻着是挺香的
It does smell delicious.
我真心希望你是在开玩笑
I hope you're joking.
按现在的要求 我们都不需要好笑了
In this new way where we don't have to be funny.
看见了吗 你就跟着感觉走
See? You follow it in the air,
它自然会带你到该去的地方
and then it shows you where it lands.
就像在真球场里打球一样
It's just like playing on a real course.
你知道什么更像真球场吗
You know what's even more like a real course?
-真的球场 -可用这种方式
- A real course. - Yeah, but this way
你可以在世界上任何地方打球
you can play anywhere in the world.
只要在地下室待着就行
As long as you're downstairs in your basement.
那我们现在是在哪
So where are we now?
苏格兰 圣安德鲁斯
Uh, St. Andrews in Scotland.
我兄弟住的地方离那里开车只要十分钟
Oh, my brother actually lives ten minutes from there.
是吗
Oh, yeah?
我们打完球顺道去一下吧
Maybe after the game we can swing by.
你在苏格兰真讨厌
You're kind of an asshole in Scotland.
我靠
Holy shit.
我脑子里想着蒂姆的头
I was picturing Tim's head.
我不知道你为什么还要跟那个混♥蛋♥一起工作
I don't know why you're still workin' with that douchenozzle.
我们没得选 没得选
We have no choice. We don't.
那还是我们的戏 要考虑财务问题
It's still our show. We have a financial stake.
我们不能让他把那部戏彻底毁了
We can't let him destroy it completely.
可你每晚都在那
But you're there, like, every night.
因为那个贱♥人♥没有生活
Because the twat has no life.
是你说为了钱来做这部戏
Look, you're the one who said to go for the money.
所以就别抱怨了
Well, so stop complaining.
我没有在抱怨
I'm not complaining.
-我在打高尔夫 -那就打
- I'm golfing. - So golf.
我还是觉得你们太软弱了
I still think you're wusses.
我的天
Jesus.
又想着蒂姆呢
Tim again?
其实是你
Actually, that was you that time.
来了
Coming.
如果穆♥罕♥默♥德♥不朝山来
So, if Mohammed won't come to the mountain,
那山就朝穆♥罕♥默♥德♥来
the mountain will come to Mohammed.
还带着面包圈