布莱克书店（2000）

I represent Fran Katzenjammer from flat 2, she's my client,
我是一个很棒的律师 就像电视里面的那种
and I'm a hotshot lawyer like on television.
那么到底出了什么问题呢? - 我的当事人的房♥间变小了
So what's the problem exactly? - My client's room is smaller.
偷空间是犯法的
It's illegal to steal space
根据欧洲立法条例...
under the European Act of Legislation which happens...
在法律程序上
in a court.
她的房♥间自始至终一样的大小 我有测量数据你看不看
Her room's the same as always. I've got the measurements.
不要逃避问题 - 阿?
Don't evade the question. - Eh?
请正面回答问题! - 什么问题?
Just answer the question! - What question?
恩? 哦 抱歉
Hmm? Oh. Sorry.
当房♥间被测量的时候 你在哪里?
Where were you when the rooms were measured?
我在... - 哈 哈 哈! 哦!
I was... - Ha, ha, ha! Oh!
如果事情是这样 那么房♥间在哪里?
So where was the room?
2B号♥房♥间一直都是在那里的 不信你可以自己去看
2B's always been there, you can see for yourself.
没错 不然我把这整栋楼拿去调查
Damn right, before I send this building downtown to the boys in the lab.
我要扣押这面包作为证据
I'm sequestering these as evidence.
我会允许你保持...缄...缄默!
And I'm issuing you with a decree of... sub... ju... dae. Subjudae!
你有权保持缄默 就坐在这里 直到...
You are under a legal subjudae to stay there until...
直到...
Until such time as...
...西蒙说 起立
...Simon says, "Stand up".
你好? - 全体起立 你好
Hello? - All rise. Hello.
我是伯纳 布莱克 布莱克 亨雷 乎伊 律师所的
I am Bernard Black from Black Hingley &... Whoohoey Associates.
您被控告偷盗空间
You're accused of space thievery.
我是来测量房♥间大小的 - 为什么?
I've come to measure the room. - Why?
别在装傻了 小姐
Don't kid around, sister,
你有可能会在电椅上 度过你接下来的20年
you could spend the next 20 years in the electric chair.
但是我没有做错任何事情啊
But I've done nothing wrong.
你怎么能这样呢? 看看你
How could you? Look at you.
你像一朵夏日的花朵 来点法官的面包
You're a summer flower. Here, have a judge's bun.
谢谢 进来吧 看
Thank you. Come in. Look.
我不太明白隔壁的那个女人
I don't understand her next door.
哦 不用管她 她是一个疯婆子
Oh, forget her. She's a mad bitch.
可是我不想事情闹到法♥院♥
But I don't want to have to go to court.
不用担心 我可以当你的代表律师
Don't worry, I'll represent you.
真的 我想要一个更宽敞的地方
Really, I wanted somewhere a bit bigger.
或许 我搬走也可以
Maybe I'll just move.
因为在夏天
Cos in the summer,
我喜欢有光亮 通气点 宽敞点的感觉
I like having a sense of light and airiness and space.
就像乔治亚风格的
You know, like something Georgian.
太不可思议了 你一来感觉地方就大了很多
That's incredible. Since you've been here it seems bigger.
风水跟法律是一♥码♥事
Feng shui is nine-tenths of the law.
你在干什么? - 我在欢喜雀跃阿
What are you doing? - I'm literally jumping for joy.
这将会是最棒的一个夏季了 我爱你
This is gonna be the best summer yet. I love you.
没错 我们可以...
It is! - (Banging)
伯纳 你这个混♥蛋♥!
Bernard, you arsehole! (Muffled expletives)
我会打电♥话♥给你的 好吗? 我要走了 有很多案子要上庭
Er, I'll call, OK? I've got to go. Lengthy trial coming up,
我要去戴律师假发 好吗? 再见
I have to get wig extensions. OK? Bye.
你根本就不知道 多么容易
You have no idea how easy it is
就可以搞到一个女朋友 如果你是我的话 可惜你不是
to get a girlfriend if you're me, which you're not.
84度了! - 放轻松点 我给你带了样礼物回来
It's 84 degrees! - Relax, I got you a present.
最时新的 它能够吸收你的体热
The latest thing. It actually sucks out your body heat
如果你把他灌满热水 并且无时不刻地挂着它
if you fill it with boiling water and wear it all the time.
那么你就会陪我... - 我当别人的男朋友了 现在
And you will stay with me... - I'm a boyfriend now,
我有责任 要体贴安慰人 要拉拉手
I've got duties - sighing and holding hands
还要欲言又止
and not finishing sentences.
所以 你需要自己一个人 跟太阳孤军作战了
You and the sun will have to battle it out alone.
对不起 我给别人买♥♥了这本书 但是他们不喜欢
Excuse me. I bought this for someone and they don't want it.
于是我想能不能够帮我换一下 或许能够退钱
I was wondering if I could change it. Maybe for the money.
沙子 曼尼?
Sand. Manny?
(Munches)
撒丁区（意大利） 南部
Sardinia, south.
斯库索港 那个老修道院旁边的沙滩
Portoscuso. The little beach by the old monastery.
滚出去 - 他妈的
Get out. - Damn.
你这个混♥蛋♥! 你这个没信用的贱♥人♥!
You bastard! You nine-sided whore!
我是逼不得以 她打算要搬走!
I had to, she was gonna leave!
我是你的老朋友! 我都睡不了觉了!
I'm your oldest friend! And I can't sleep!
就一个夏季而已 - 算了吧
It's just for the summer. - Forget it.
今晚我要好好睡一觉
I am going to have blissful slumber tonight.
先生 忘了你那夏日小美人吧
Forget your summer bunny.
弗兰 他不肯帮我降温 我能和你一起吗?
Fran, he won't help me in the heat. Can I stay with you?
没有空间!
There's no room!
是的 我知道 但是这是两码事情啊
Yeah, I know. But there's two different kinds.
有不好的石棉 但是也有好的石棉阿
There's bad asbestos and there's nice asbestos.
怎么说 都是对你有影响的阿
Anyway, it grows on you.
好的 别担心 再见!
Yeah, don't worry. Bye!
你好 房♥东先生
Hello, Mr Landlord.
我有个抱怨
I've got a complaint.
哦 是吗? - 没错
Oh, yeah? - Yes.
是我的床
It's my bed.
我一个人睡真是嫌太大了
It's just too damn big for little me.
你的房♥间太小 但是你的床却太大...
Your room's too small, your bed's too big...
听我说...
Look...
我想我们可以解决的...
I think we can work it out...
在...在床上解决
in-in... in the bed.
我不明白
I don't understand.
很简单 注意听
It's very simple. Look -
你在这里 我在这里
You're there, OK, and I'm there.
或者换一下位置 无所谓 太累了
Or the other way around. Don't care. Too tired.
那说白了 你想要给我...
Let me get this straight - you're offering...
你真的要给我...
you are actually offering...
我真的是要投入你的怀抱 是的
I am actually offering you me, yes.
我 是你的 拿去享受吧
Me. Yours. To enjoy.
就像享受美食 或者...
Like an 閏lair or...
动物园里的一天
a day at the zoo.
阿?
Eh?
性! 性♥爱♥... 性!
Sex! Sexy... sex!
哦 愿意为房♥客效劳
Oh! Anything for a tenant!
你得把我的房♥间大小恢复原样
When you put the room back the way it was.
我要把这个也带去吗?
Should I bring this?
嗯
Mmm.
伯纳 你给我买♥♥的降温外套没效果啊 我感觉很暖
Bernard, this thermal jacket you bought me isn't working. I feel quite warm.
相信我 宇航员都是用这些 来保持凉爽的
Trust me, it's what the astronauts use to keep cool.
太空很热吗? - 当然啦!
Is space hot? - Of course it is!
还有什么地方可以长出菠萝呢?
Where else do you think we get pineapples from?
我希望你现在正穿着 热量全无靴子
I hope you're wearing your Heat-B-Gone booties.
你要去哪里? - 外面 我要去求爱
Where are you going? - Out. Courtship calls.
我要给爱丽丝买♥♥巧克力 买♥♥花 买♥♥巧克力花
I'm getting Alice chocolate, flowers, chocolate flowers,
花形巧克力 整整一车的求爱礼物
florets of chocolate, it's a truckload of woo.
已经86度了 不要丢下我一个人啊 会到88度的
It's 86 degrees, you can't leave me, it might hit 88.
我好害怕 伯纳 请不要走
I'm scared, Bernard, please don't go.
哦 88度你就会受不了 怎么又会这样?
Oh, you mustn't get to 88 degrees. Why is that again?
你不会想知道的 - 你说得没错 我不想知道
You don't wanna know. - You're right, I don't.
伯纳 不要走! 伯纳 不要走 不要走!
Bernard, please! Bernard, please, please!
千万不要留下我一个人啊 求你了 伯纳
Please don't leave me. Please, Bernard.
千万千万不要留下我一个人 求你了!
Please don't leave me. Please!
让我来告诉你吧 我来告诉你到了88都会发生什么
I'll tell you! I'll tell you what happens at 88 degrees.
哦! 哦 谢谢你
Oh! Oh, thank you.
哦 谢谢 哦 多谢
Oh, thank you. Oh, thank you.
谢谢你 伯纳 哦 老天保佑你
Thank you, Bernard. Oh, bless you.
谢谢你 伯纳 谢谢你 哦 谢谢你 伯纳
Thank you, Bernard, thank you. Oh, thank you, Bernard.
我忘记我的钱包了 - 什么?
I forgot my wallet. - What?
哦... 别这样! 求你了!
Oh... no! Please!
求你了!
Please!
Aaaah.
房♥间现在很好 隔壁那个疯子 不再来惹事了
No, the flat's great. No more trouble from the mad neighbour.
但解决这件事的那个律师 其实是个神经病
But the lawyer guy who sorted it out, he turns out to be a freak.
你给我送了满屋子的花 我在房♥间里都动不了了
I can't move for all the flowers he's sent.
是的 还有些高档礼物
Yes, and fancy presents.
还有很糟糕 很糟糕的情诗
And awful, awful poems.
听听这个
Listen to this one.
想象一只蜜蜂 你就是它的膝盖
"Think of a bee, you are its knees
你像夏天的微风 洗劫我心灵的酷热