一起单身（2018）

I'll join you.
对不起
Sorry.
杰夫 听我说 惊吓能让她宝宝更强大
Jeff, if anything, the scare will make her baby stronger.
我妈怀我的时候
When my mom was pregnant with me,
被落地钟砸了
a grandfather clock fell on her,
所以我现在特别会猜时间
and now I'm really good at guessing the time.
想看看吗
Do you want to see?
以后再说
Maybe later?
我们怎么知道她怀孕了呢
And how were we supposed to know she was pregnant?
她的皮肤也没多好啊
Her skin is not glowing.
现在开始攻击她的皮肤了吗
Now you're insulting her glow?!
没有
No!
你们这两个笨蛋
You guys are acting like Bozos, okay?
塔拉的朋友都是真的大人
And Tara's friends are real adults.
要是他们觉得我也是个小屁孩...
And if they think that I'm a Bozo, too, then...
说不定就会劝塔拉找个更好的
then maybe they tell herthat she can do better than me.
她的确找得到更好的
And she can!
-杰夫 -别这样 朋友
- Jeff. - Come on, dude.
别啊
No.
他在说什么
What's he even talking about?
我是大人啊 我站起或坐下也会哼唧啊
I'm an adult. I make noises when I stand up and sit down.
杰夫真是胡闹
Jeff is being ridiculous.
我们当然会成熟
Of course we can be mature.
不敢相信现在已经... 9点半 对吧
I can't believe it's already... 9:30. Boom.
11点42了
11:42.
就差一点点
Scary close.
好了 非常成熟的早午餐
Okay, this is a grown-ass brunch.
最能让人忘却差点流产的伤痛的
Well, nothing makes people forget about a miscarriage scare
当然就是经典华夫饼啦
like a classy waffle.
你们起来啦
You guys are up.
我们以为你们会"赖床"呢
We figured you were "sleep in" people.
没错 我们赖床到6点
We did sleep in, till 6:00 a.m.
太罪恶了
It was so decadent.
这样... 一起吃华夫饼吧
Well... please join us for waffles.
给你们准备了吃的
There's food you can eat.
看到了吧 左手边有刀叉
As you'll see, there's a knife and fork to your left.
克里斯 你是医药行业的
So, Chris, you're in pharmaceuticals.
没商标的药和品牌药一样吗
Are the generics the same as the name brand?
这个问题很复杂
It's a very complicated question.
我忘了拿龙舌兰
I forgot my agave.
很快回来 你们先聊
Be right back. Hold that thought.
她超喜欢糖浆
She's really into syrup.
我们去吃国际煎饼屋甚至会被赶出来
We can get kicked out of IHOP.
因为在那吃得太多
Just goes to town in there.
吃点零食 免得太紧张
It's just a little something to take the edge off.
你要用薯片夹着橡皮糖吃吗
Were you about to eat a gummi worm - between two potato chips??
只有五岁孩子才喜欢这么吃...
The only people who eat like that arefive-year-olds and...
对哦
Yes!
怎么了 她对你做了什么
What happened? What did she do?
你做什么了 做什么了
What did you do? What did you do?
不是 我想通了
No, no, no, I just figured it out!
什么
What?
宽松的衣服 无酒精饮料
The loose-fitting clothes, the non-alcoholic beverages,
自己带着放了36包布丁的冷藏箱
the 36-packs of pudding she brought in her own cooler?
克里斯 艾丝特怀孕了
Chris, Esther's pregnant.
怪不得啊 你昨天
Okay, that totally makes sense,
你昨天的确有一点点奇怪
because you were acting kind of weird yesterday, a little weird.
-她表现很奇怪 -异常行为
-She was acting weird. -Erratic behavior.
没关系 我原谅你了
It's okay. All is forgiven.
对 我怀孕了
Yes, I am pregnant.
所以我才这个样子
That is why I am this way.
-朋友 艾丝特没有... -告诉任何人
-Guys, Esther's not... - Telling anyone just yet.
打算下次产检后再说
Not until my next semester.
恭喜啊 爸爸
Well, congratulations, Dad?
爸爸
Dad?
不好意思
Sorry.
-有点害喜 -对
- Just morning sickness. - Right.
他当然是孩子父亲
Of course he's the father.
对 我... 就是孩子他爸
Right, I'm... definitely the dad,
这真是突然又诡异的消息啊
and it's all totally new and weird to me.
-抱一个 抱一个 -来啊
-Bring it in. Bring it in! -Get in!
庆祝一下
Celebrate.
我超喜欢抱抱
I'm so comfortable hugging!
发生什么事了
What is going on here?
你们是自愿的吗
Is this consensual?
对 对 对 我们在互相多多了解
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're just getting to know each other.
结果发现 我们共同点比想象要多
Turns out, we have a lot more in common than we thought.
我喜欢跟朋友拥抱
I love hugging friends.
我没准你假装怀我的孩子
I did not give you permission to have my fictional baby.
从我们认识起 我什么时候征求过你的同意
Since we've been friends, when have I asked you for permission?
杰夫要我们拿出大人的样子
Look, Jeff asked us to be grown-ups,
什么比怀孩子更像大人呢
and what's more grown up than havin' a baby?
不知道啊 艾丝特
I don't know, Esther,
或许应该提前想好 你不会有孩子
maybe thinking ahead to where you're not gonna have a baby,
因为你根本没怀孕
'cause you're not actually pregnant.
你之后打算怎么办
What's your long-term plan, dude?
我之后打算
My long-term plan is that
再也不见那两个无趣的人
we're never gonna see these dorks again,
就算最糟糕的情况真的碰到
and if we do, worst-case scenario,
我们就说孩子被中国体操训练营偷了
we'll just say that the baby got stolen by one of those Chinese gymnastic camps.
-这种事经常发生 -并没有
-That happens all the time. -No, it doesn't.
-他来了 -神父来啦
- He's behind you! - There's the padre!
艾丝特 你介意让我们两个爸爸说说话吗
Esther, do you mind if we squeeze in some papa talk?
当然不介意 他正好需要指导
I would love that. He really needs guidance.
他一直不知道怎么当个男人 好好教他
He has a hard time relating to men, so have at him.
才不是
That's not true.
让她怀孕真开心
So grateful to have gotten her pregnant.
紧张吗
So, nervous?
我就很紧张
I mean, I know I am.
有什么生产计划
What's your birth plan?
生产计划就是... 生下来再说
The birth plan is that we... we're gonna do it.
我六岁起就有妊振纹了
I've had stretch marks since I was six years old,
不是什么新鲜事
so this is nothing new.
在你知道我怀孕后 我说什么你都笑 真好啊
It's so nice that you laugh at the things I say now that you know I'm pregnant.
朋友们
Guys.
你们在聊什么
What are you talking about?
我们在聊
We were just talking about
下周有日食
how there's gonna be an eclipse next week,
我们正准备出去
and we really want to go outside
看看日食之前太阳是什么样子 好有个标准
and just see what it looks like before to start a baseline.
真希望你也来 但你又不喜欢天文
Wish you could join us, but you hate astrology.
说出来你绝对不信
You won't believe this.
克里斯和班吉去划独木舟了
Chris and Benji just left to go canoeing.
艾丝特和梅根也黏在一起
Esther and Megan are kind of chummy, too.
我不想说自己被孤立 但真有这种感觉
I mean, I'm not trying to feel left out, but I kinda do.
既然只剩我们俩
Well, since it's just the two of us,
那就去小树林做羞羞的事呗
we could go and have sex in the woods.
不好意思 我...
I'm sorry. I mean...
真遗憾你被孤立啊
I'm sorry that you feel left out.
真遗憾 你觉得被冷落了
I'm sorry that you feel left out.
太糟糕了
That's terrible.
那你想不想去呢
But you want to anyway?
-带上软毛毯 -好嘞
-Grab that afghan. -Okay.
多么美妙的下午 各位
What a beautiful afternoon, guys.
克里斯和我在湖上看到了一只潜鸟
Chris and I saw a loon on the lake.
非常高贵的鸟
It is such a noble bird.
你们俩都干了什么
What did you two get up to?
-那个... 我们... -我们就在树林里散了会儿步
- Yeah... we... - We just went for a walk in the woods.
对啊 散了好几次呢
Took a couple walks, actually.
-厉害 -也就 一次吧
-Oh My. -Like, one walk.
冷静